Hey, friends.

So, let’s start with the most delightful: I feel absolutely fantastic… if by “fantastic” you mean apathy and anxiety devouring me like an old couch. Went to my therapist, who decided to add another instrument to my symphonic orchestra of pills — Xanax. Curious to see what the final melody will sound like.

Secondly, a few days ago, I decided my life needed a bit more adrenaline and choррed off a piece of my finger. Not a сut, not a little «oops», an actual сhop. Seems the ficus I was trying to propagate had a vendetta. Sadly, I couldn’t find the finger, neither could the doctor, so no reattachment. Went to the ER, got it bandaged, and life continued to showcase its exquisite sense of humor.

The next day, I got sick. High fever, 38.5°C (101.3°F), throat on fire, runny nose, cough… full immersion in the classic “world vs me” experience. This morning I even managed to faint due to weakness, naturally.

The bright side: my friend offered me a small side gig — helping with videos for his brand. $500 a month. I can slowly start paying off debts. Breathing feels a little easier, almost as if life granted me a sarcastic little sigh.

Another plus: I finally got a jaw splint (this is definitely the last one)

Deadlock, meet movement. A small victory in the grand war with reality.

Overall, I continue my noble struggle with life. This year is like a marathon through a swamp, where every step screams, “it can’t get worse”… and then, surprise: “oh, yes, it can.” I know others might have it worse, but fortunately for me, I experience my own emotions, not anyone else’s

I try not to despair. I hold on. Don’t know where I find the energy, but apparently, there’s a hidden comedic superhero inside me that I haven’t fully discovered yet

PS: Unfortunately I can't attach a photo of my finger, Onlyfans won't let me through it for ethical reasons. 🩸