Well, hello again, anxious internet. We mееt once more.

I woke up at 8 AM today and… the very first thing I did was cry.

Sometimes I feel like when God was creating me, he accidentally tipped over a giant bucket of emotions and dumped it all on me.

A full-on emotional tsunami.

I feel everything way too much.

Joy, sadness, panic, inspiration, anger, softness — all of them go straight to max volume, like in the cartoon «Inside Out» if each emotion had a personal stereo dial and no self-control.

So when I feel bad… it’s really bad.

Like, existential crisis bad.

And those are the moments I’m truly afraid of, because sometimes they spiral into that dark, very real place of “I just don’t want to exist.”

Every time I go through this kind of emotional reset, it’s like a mini-apocalypse.

And, as always the universe makes sure that when it rains, it pours. Problems start coming from every direction.

Or maybe I just only see the bad when I’m already down. My brain puts on this disaster vision filter „only bad please”

And let’s not forget: I’m a woman. Which means like clockwork, every month… those days come.

The ones we don’t talk about, for fear of summoning demons.

I hate everything during those days.

Every noise irritates me. Every person. Every post. Even my coffee pisses me off.

I’m constantly hungry.

My face looks like a chessboard made of breakouts.

I feel 10kg heavier and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.

My stomach hurts, my chest hurts, and so does my soul…

And with all that „baggage” on this beautiful June morning, of course I do the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t do, I grab my phone the second I open my eyes…

Did I do my morning routine? No. Coffee? No. Breakfast? Nope.

Phone? Hell yes.

And what do I see first?

A sad, depressing statistic of reel and feedback about my yesterday work.

The one I poured my ехhausted soul into.

Then come the painting order issues.

Then work problems.

Then tax news — which adds +100 to my already anxious mind.

Then I realize I’m out of bread. No breakfast the way I wanted.

And that, my friends, is the final straw.

“Just bread?” you may ask.

No. It’s the last drop. And the cup overflows. And I cry. All morning.

All I wanted was to disappear into the forest where no one would ever find me or ask me how I’m doing.

It’s a horrible, heavy feeling.

But then… I went to the gym.

Did a headstand.

And somehow… it helped.

Maybe all the sadness just drained out through the top of my head with blооd 🥲