The past couple of days have been really tough. I’ve been in this weird apathetic state…

I don’t feel like working, painting, or even getting out of bed. I don’t like myself, everything irritates me, and my mood is as grey and cold as the weather outside.

It’s probably because I’ve been inconsistent with my antidepressants, missing doses here and there.

Please don’t make the same mistake I did 🥲

Yesterday, I went to bed at 5 PM and didn’t wake up until 11 the next morning. I feel heavy, sluggish, like I’m moving through molasses. But I’m trying to push myself to do at least something , to not completely fall apart. I really don’t want this to be a depressive episode.

Not now. Please.

I’m hoping it’s just a temporary slump maybe from the medication, maybe the weather, maybe hormones.

Anything but depression, please.

Many of you have been asking for updates on my jaw. Well — still waiting. The clinic hasn’t called me yet to schedule the diagnostic scan.

It’s $1000, so yeah, I’m not too excited about that call. 🫠

Just kidding. Kind of.

When the joke about taking out a loan to fix your teeth stops being a joke, lol.

The only bright spot right now is that I got two new art commissions, and I’m really grateful for that. I just wish I could enjoy it more fully. Everything feels dulled by this state I’m in.

I painted two new black holes and even recorded a video tutorial. I just haven’t been able to sit down and edit it yet. I keep putting it off and then getting mad at myself for doing that. It’s a horrible cycle.

But I’m trying. I go to the gym, I read, I work, I try to eat well and get some sleep. This isn’t a “pity post.” This is just me real, vulnerable, sometimes broken, but still moving forward.

Thank you for being here with me. 💛