2am and I cannot sleep which is entirely my own fault so you are dealing with me tonight

okay. story time. I got into one of those comment section wars under a random video — people arguing whether squirting is even real or just good editing and girls faking it on cue. and I sat there reading it for like forty minutes, getting genuinely mad on behalf of a topic I had ZERO personal experience with. smart, I know >_<

and then my brain did the thing where it goes "well. we have the equipment, don't we" and that was it. decision made. I propped my phone up "just in case", told myself I'd just see what happens and definitely stop early

I did not stop early >.<

I don't even know how to describe it properly. one second I'm focused, next second my whole body just.. overrides me. like someone else took the wheel for ten seconds and handed it back with zero explanation. I literally said "what" out loud. TO MYSELF. IN MY EMPTY ROOM

the video is completely uncut so you'll hear it. you can pinpoint the exact frame where my brain disconnects, it's kind of embarrassing honestly. the pics are from right after — hair everywhere, face flushed, that post-what-just-happened stare. I did not fix anything for the camera, what you see is the crime scene exactly how I found it 🫠

also I did the whole thing on the bathroom mat because that seemed smart at the time. it was not smart. I was hand-washing a bath mat at 1am like a Victorian maid while questioning my life choices. my body has been keeping this hidden from me for YEARS and said nothing. we're fighting

P.S. the move paperwork is still eating me alive, I owe you guys a proper posting week once the embassy stops bullying me 🥲