Brittany Carney

I have of sorts an upskirt video from when I was randomly steering a kayak. Would you like to see it, aye or nay? I’ll send it via message ⚓️

Here are my legs wet in a kayak on a lake #wet #lake

On this day in 1942, Michael Chrichton, who wrote a little independent project called Jurassic Park, was born.

Peak from a Mystery Chamber

Can I compel you with the curvature and form of a comedian’s ass and thighs? A query for the court

In 1933, on October 17th, Albert Einstein arrived at Princeton, NJ. On October 17, 2026, I took some photos and videos of my ass in a foggy shower.

Direct message me for custom stuff my dears :) In a splendid mood for cute meals and natural wine in this Oregon air

On this day in 1793 Marie Antoinette was brought to gallows, setting in motion the next phase of the French Revolution, also my hotel shower has a mirror

On this day in history, The French Duke of Normandy CONQUERED Harold of Saxony, thus scoring victory in the Battle of Hastings!

As long as it’s not with one of Big Bird’s tail feathers!

On this day in 1635, Roger Williams of Massachusetts Bay Colony got in trouble for lauding the separation of church and state. This led to the founding of Rhode Island! What he didn’t realize is that my ass is a nice one to bite 🍑

POV you’re my ceiling fan plus a bonus to spark your imagination

And what think the townsfolk of underboob? Yea or nay

Today is a monumental day! It is when, in 1066, THE William the Conqueror entered Normandy, and is also when, in 2026, I’m dropping some hazy casual upskirt! Gd bless Saxony.

🦋Something more contact oriented, should it please the court!

POV you’re my ceiling fan 🍈

POV you’re the ghost in my bathroom mirror in the ass of night

Ancestrally speaking 🇯🇵 x ✊🏽 I am quite comfortable in a crouch/squat

Hydrating like a dang Wildebeest

Spooky season is upon us; nigh

On this day in 1620, the freaking MAYFLOWER left Plymouth, England, to set out for the New World. I love Early American history, and to honor that will be posting several times today and taking requests. Also here are my nips, should they please thee.

SHISH KEBAB

POV you’re one of the recessed lights on my kitchen ceiling

POV you’re my microwave I’m beneath you about to clean up the stove and cast iron pan after making a yogurt and onion koji-marinated chicken (7/10)

On yesterday in history, 1901 anarchist Leon Czolgosz offed President McKinley in Buffalo, New York. I once got ghosted by an anarchist, actually. He didn’t believe in government…or texting back ✌🏽

On August 30, 1999, East Timor voted for and gained independence from Indonesia, through a United Nations Referendum. To celebrate, I took some up skirt shots in a comedy venue bathroom.

🤠🎶🍈🍈🤍

POV you’re the sun // pretend you’re 10,000 grains of sand in that you’re up in my ass!

Do you like these cucky sweet peppers? Do you like grass-fed beef?

On August 21st, 1959, Hawaii became the 50th American State. I earned my undergraduate degree in Hawaii and often think of it as a place that feels so fundamentally different — for beautiful, cultural, and ancestral reasons — front the rest of the U.S. A hui ho 🤙🏽

Here’s what it’s like to do standup comedy

🐘It’s ADHD summer🐘

On today, August 19, in 1590, John White returned to the Roanoke Colony to realize its people had vanished, sparking The Long Ass American Mystery

Brief Dispatch from the Ministry of Side Boob

Tonight I had plans to watch Odyssey but then the universe shifted in a different direction — what is a side quest if not ultimate fitting?

uniqlo capers on a sweaty day

Perfect to enhance the flavor

Sometimes I think about how Bubba Gump Shrimp Co comes from a specific film and that embodies a cursed yet sort of sweet slice of capitalism

Tonight I lit a gorgeous pumpkin ginger candle from Apotheke and while wildly premature it made me quite excited for autumn

I am auditioning to play an anthropomorphic cat

On this day in 1914, in the aftermath of Ferdinand’s assassination, Austria-Hungary declared independence war on Serbia. This action was the catalyst for WW1. Or was Ferdinand’s off-ing the catalyst?

On this day in 1953, Fidel Castro attacked forces in Cuba, leading to the overthrow of Bastiste — a new and proletariat dawn

Yesterday I jerked off a ballpoint pen

I did not realize that Puerto Rico (ceased from Spain in 1898) is specifically an archipelago. It contains 78 municipalities.

Redbone, the rock band, formed in LA in 1969 (nice!)

On this day in 1892, Haile Selassie I was born. He would become Emperor of Ethiopia from 1939 to 1974 (dang!) from 1916 to 1939, he was Regent Plenipotentiary of Ethiopia, under Empress Zewditu. Selassie would become an important face behind the Reggae movement, symbolizing Rastafarian Zionism, cite

A Tuesday can look like anything

On this day in history, Apollo 11 landed on the moon. The year was 1969 (nice!).

On this day in 1203, Roman Catholic crusaders imitated the Siege of Constantinople