I started writing a pet-play erotica but it immediately turned into a borderline horror story. It’s not very sexy, it’s quite depressing and sad so far so when the actual sex part gets written it’s probably going to be really disturbing. I kinda realise that a lot of the sexual stuff I write of draw flirts with horror or unpleasantness, and that’s me actively trying to write nice stuff; I suppose this is yet another expression of my sexual trauma, even my fantasies have been corrupted. Worst part is that I don’t even enjoy it like that particularly, though maybe it’s ignorant of me to assume other people who create make things that they enjoy, maybe were all just suffering and pushing out painful expressions of our damaged inner psyche, looking back at our creations and feeling both proud and disgusted by what we toiled for.

Is it normal to watch a bee enter a flower and feel ashamed? Hide that shame with a giggle? The flower certainly seems designed to attract the bee, but flower is about as able to change that about itself as it is to stop the bee from slipping inside it and drinking its nectar. Could a bee ever know if the flower was revolted by it’s own state of being? Would that knowledge change the taste of the nectar?

Would it care?

Here’s my bum! LOVE YOU XOXO