I got some garden furniture. Wow, I bet you can’t believe the high impact and trilling nature of my life right now; I hope none of you have had stress related reactions to this insanely wild update to my life. You know, I was just outside and I thought “this is nice but it would be nicer if I had a place to sit” and then I ordered the cheapest outside sofa I could find off the internet, very exciting stuff. Then I ordered a couple of bikinis! I realised that I have never owned a bikini that I can remember… Which isn’t saying much as I don’t remember much at all of anything from the last 5 years and everything before that I’d rather not recall, anyway, now I have two! And I thought what better time to wear a bikini than in a garden. Then I wore clothes over it because I am shy and the sky is a fucking pervert probably. I was eventually seduced, slowly convinced to remove layers so that the sun could kiss my delicate skin all over. The Sun lay me down, exposed and vulnerable, “It’s okay, I’m wearing protection” I thought, but the subtle grin on the suns face as he spread me open told me he knew factor 50 wasn’t enough; too late to do anything about it, I accepted a brutal sunbathing session that left my poor skin fucked raw, the flimsy protection splitting open instantly around the metaphorical, monster cock representing the suns intense radiation. Fully bred with UVA and UVB radiation, I knew a sunburn baby would soon be born into my care. I made a little comic to help you understand. ANYWAY I LOVE YOU BYEEE XOXO