New & exciting things on the way!

Henlo, it me.

First of all, sorry I've been gone. This last couple months have been a fuck of a bummer. I went through a nasty breakup, a lot of stuff that I made and was preparing to release I had to scrap because of involvement of others that I no longer felt comfortable sharing. It's been a hell of a time online. But I am still here and I'd like to think that I'm stronger than ever. Which basically just means I think I've figured some stuff out and I'd love to tell you about some of that.

Big news first, I think I'm going to move back into doing video essays. I feel like partially why I stopped doing things like that was a combination of depression, discontent and discouragement. I've been in a very stagnant and unfulfilling place for most of the year but I'm committed to ending that cycle and getting back to a healthy, happy life. A big part of that has meant shifting around the way that I think about and do things, as well as getting rid of toxicity that was hurting me greatly. Now that it's over, we can look forward to a brighter future. 

I used to have fun doing this. It stopped at some point and I'm planning on getting back to that more than anything. 

So I'm gonna kinda re-find my stride and make some weird and goofy shit again. I think that's what all of you pledged for, along with sorta...my vulnerability and I'm going to be giving you that as well. I'm very much rebuilding and rebranding myself and I hope you are all as here for it as I am to actually do it. 

Starting with my self image. This is what I look like now.

I'm really proud of myself. It's nearly been a year since I started my transition and I've come really far. I've been through a lot in that time and I let a lot of people take advantage of and hurt me in ways that I thought I couldn't possibly recover from but...I look at this picture and I see a strong woman that's overcome a lot and that makes me feel like such things are possible. I have a lot of caring people in my life as well that have helped me a lot and given me so much guidance. It's been wonderful to know people like Sarah Zedig and Emily Lynch and my partner Azrael. These people have given me so much clarity and support and I love them so much for that. 

So here's what I'm doing next:

-People have been asking forever if I plan on doing a podcast. Welp I'm doing one. It's a spooky podcast with Azrael as well as other guests about weird spooky shint and we're getting everything in motion to begin recording this week. I can't wait for you all to hear it.

-Because of that recent Scary Stories movie, I've been enjoying those books again so I thought it would be fun to read and provide commentary on a few choice stories from those in video form. So expect that in the next week or so.

-I'm getting back to video essays but I'm going to be avoiding new and relevant things. I've never really cared for what was popular but what's popular typically brings in the $$$. I live very modestly and I struggle a lot financially. I don't talk about that a lot but I do, so the temptation to give in and make videos on popular things as fast as I can is something that is killing me. I gotta get back to what makes me, me. Expect that soon, with a few changes and bells and whistles.

-I'm gonna start writing a lot more here. I feel like there's been this growing distance between my audience and me and it has a lot to do with y'all just...not knowing me all that well and maybe feeling alienated. Y'all are important to me and I'd like our relationship to be closer to some level of understanding. I want y'all to know who you are supporting and I want to feel like those that support me really understand me. That's something that is going to become crucial in the coming months. 

I'm really stoked to make these adjustments and I hope this comes as really good news to you. I love you all and I hope the coming months really show you that I'm the strong person I feel like I am/can be. I want to be that person. 

May <3