Cool! Now onto Season 9 of Talkville!

I love the stats Ryantist!

🎤⚡ I GOT 99 PROBLEMS, BUT SHELBY AIN’T ONE 🐕 Clark Kent’s Official Smallville Season 8 Anthem — CHORUS If destiny’s causing problems, I feel bad for you, son I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one I got meteor freaks, and Doomsday wants me done I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Tess is on my ass, and the League brought a gun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Lois drives me crazy, but damn, she’s still fun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Hit me! VERSE ONE Four weeks since the Fortress dropped on Lex and me He brought in the Orb like an alien house key One push in the console, my powers went down Now I’m breaking rocks in Russia while Lex can’t be found A work-camp bastard thinks he owns my farm-boy ass I’m plotting my escape, but powerless ain’t fast Then Oliver finds me and gets me headed home After one Russian detour I never asked to roam J’onn flies me toward the sun to bring my powers back Burns away his own while fixing my whole stack He lands us on the farm, then collapses in pain Another friend pays the bill for the House of El again Now I take the desk across from Lois Lane New city, new job, same woman in my brain She calls me “Smallville,” steals my coffee for sport Somehow sexual tension counts as newsroom support She teaches me reporting while I quietly stare Then acts like she doesn’t know I’m watching her there Tess takes Lex’s empire with a razor-cut glare His mansion, his company, and billionaire chair She keeps asking questions and digging through my past Lady, I survived seven seasons. You’re moving too fast Bette blows up a bus, and I pull people free First week on the job, normal reporting for me Then Maxima arrives and wraps me in her charms Lois walks in and sees me tangled in her arms The spell breaks the second Lois catches my eye Maxima knows she’s lost me, and Lois says goodbye She glares, walks away, so I chase her down the hall Tell her, “Lois, calm down,” which doesn’t help at all She pokes at my chest, insisting she’s calm Then swears she doesn’t care while her finger drops bombs She claims my love life means exactly jack While repeatedly driving her finger into my chest and back Her mouth says, “Whatever,” but jealousy’s begun I got ninety-nine problems, but Lois ain’t one A psycho jeweler straps us to electric chairs Asks Lois if she loves me while I’m sitting right there She whispers, “Yes,” and my brain leaves the room Then blames the machine like denial’s perfume Jimmy sees the tension, Chloe knows the score Even elevators think we should be doing more Lois says it meant nothing, I pretend that it’s true We’re both full of shit, but what else can we do? Jimmy catches my red-and-blue streak in a shot Starts thinking Clark Kent might be more than he’s not So Oliver wears my colors and performs one fake save Now the city has the hero and headline it craves They call me the Red-Blue Blur all over town I’m building a legend while keeping my head down Got no cape, no tights, and I still cannot fly But at least Metropolis knows there’s a good guy Then Davis shows up with those sorrowful eyes Paramedic by day, while his victims all die Jimmy says he’s dangerous, Chloe says, “You’re wrong” Meanwhile, Davis hums the serial-killer song My Phantom Zone crystal sends Lois and me away Straight into alien hell for an unplanned stay We find Kara trapped where the phantoms all swarm Then Faora wears Lois in one smoking-hot form She’s terrifying, lethal, and sexy as hell Clark Junior’s confused, but responding quite well She finds Davis, calls him “son,” and explains his fate He was custom-built to kill me, which feels pretty great Nothing says destiny like a monster they send With my destruction programmed from beginning to end Brainiac’s living inside Chloe’s head Her IQ keeps rising while her memories drop dead I ask Jor-El to restore every piece Then erase my secret and call that peace Nothing says friendship like Fortress repair Making choices for Chloe when she isn’t aware I tell myself it protects her, then look away Consent freezes solid in the ice that day Then comes the wedding, and Lois looks fine She walks down the stairs and damn near stops time We look each other over like no one else is there Both trying not to notice how long the other one stares She fixes my cufflink and gives me a grin “Make sure this part sticks straight up, then it slides right in” Clark Junior perks up like, “Now that’s a good sign” While I try not to picture what else she could align She hands me Jimmy’s vows, and I read every line She turns like those promises might actually be mine For one perfect second, she thinks they’re my own Then I say, “Jimmy’s vows,” and the whole mood is blown Later we slow-dance, her eyes hit my lips Mine drop down to hers as the whole damn room slips We’re one breath from kissing, the universe cheers Then Lana walks in and derails eight years Before anyone recovers, Doomsday hits the floor Jimmy gets mauled, Chloe’s dragged through the door The cake gets destroyed, the honeymoon’s done I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Then three heroes from the future fly into my barn They know I’ll be Superman, which sets off alarms They’ve got rings, flight, history, while I’m grounded for fun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Hit me! — CHORUS Ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one If you’re having ex problems, I feel bad for you, son Mine came back powered and radioactive for fun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Brainiac’s in Chloe, and the Legion can run They can all fly too, but I still can’t, son I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Hit me! — VERSE TWO Now once upon a time not too long ago My ex walked back in and restarted the show This isn’t an ex in the sense of moving along It’s an ex with a power suit proving me wrong Lana takes Prometheus, gets powers like mine Starts rooftop jumping like it’s finally her time We kiss, we relapse, old habits return Every lesson I learned gets tossed in to burn Then Lex plants a bomb with a kryptonite core She absorbs every fragment to save us once more Now touching her body makes my organs cave in Nothing says closure like radioactive skin We try one last kiss, I collapse to the floor Love hurts, but kryptonite pores hurt more She walks away crying while the violins swell I don’t search for Blue K or a cure, but maybe it’s just as well No lab investigation, no Fortress campaign Just “Goodbye forever” and melodramatic pain Months chasing Lana, then one radioactive run I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Then Linda Lake returns with my face in the news I tell Lois the truth and give her all of the clues She stands by my side when the headlines attack Then the whole city turns, and there’s no turning back The cops raid the farmhouse, the public goes mad Apparently revealing myself was strategically bad So I use the Legion ring and rewind the day Lois forgets my secret, and the truth fades away She offers me coffee and says she’ll wait at the café I text her a work excuse, then hide half a block away I watch from the sidewalk across from her seat Then walk from the woman I’m aching to meet I regret it at once because that’s my routine Emotionally constipated Kryptonian machine The year is ’09, and my cover’s still raw In my rearview mirror is Mercer playing law I could tell her the truth or keep playing it poor So I smile like a farm boy and walk out the door I ain’t trying to let Tess search my life She collects secret files like Oliver collects knives So I sit at my desk and keep my posture polite While she watches me harder than Lois in tights Tess says, “Clark, do you know what I’m watching you for?” “Because I’m tall and from Kansas? Should I guess some more?” “You vanish every time trouble comes through the door.” “Am I under arrest, or are we flirting some more?” “Employee files, passport, step into my car Were you in the Arctic when Lex dropped off radar?” “You carry a secret. I can tell by your face.” “My papers are legal, and you’re invading my space.” “Well, do you mind if I search your barn a little bit?” “My loft is private, so you don’t touch my shit.” “I heard there’s a drawer with a mysterious ring.” “You need a warrant before you touch a damn thing.” “Aren’t you sharp as a crystal? Some kind of alien or something? Somebody super-important or something?” “I haven’t got a Pulitzer, but I report a little bit Even Lois knows you can’t illegally search my barn shit.” “We’ll see how smart you are when the airplane goes down.” Tess sets her trap while we’re high above ground She watches my face as the jet starts to dive Waiting to see how Clark Kent keeps us alive The engines start dying, Tess blacks out inside I grab her and jump from the LuthorCorp ride The jet hits the desert and explodes when it lands While I carry Miss Mercer unconscious in my hands I tell her we “sort of fell” when she asks how we lived While Tess already knows exactly what I did She staged the whole crash to expose what I hide This woman needs therapy and a safer plane ride She’s got cameras in hallways, trackers in cars Files on every hero and maps of the stars She’s got an Orb in the mansion whispering doom A glowing alien grapefruit redecorating the room She thinks it chose her because destiny called It picked her because Lex left her emotionally mauled Tess knows I’m hiding something, won’t leave it alone Keeps poking my secrets like a dog with a bone She thinks she’s playing chess, thinks I’m easy to stun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one “We’ll see how smart you are when Doomsday comes.” “I’m not your alien Jesus. This search is done.” Hit me! — CHORUS Ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one If you’re having boss problems, I feel bad for you, son Tess crashed a whole plane just to see what I’d done I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one She’s got an evil Orb and thinks she’s the chosen one I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Hit me! — VERSE THREE Then Zatanna hexes me, makes the hero disappear Now I’m “just a reporter” with no super-career Chloe wears Lois’s face and drags me to the roof Then swings a pipe at my head to knock loose the truth I snap the roof-door handle, blame shoddy repair She lists all my powers while I blankly stare No speed, no strength, no alien surprise Just deadlines, sensible shoes, and denial in my eyes Chloe wears Lois’s body and catches my stare Apparently my puppy-dog eyes are *everywhere* She sees how I watch Lois and knows what it means My heart picked Lane while my brain stayed between When the hex finally breaks, Chloe’s face comes back But Lois left her rules at the center of my stack I pull out the frame, trying hard to play cool She sees all the feeling behind every rule She calls me sentimental, I dodge with some flair Then say there’s one Lois and no one compares I can call it a keepsake and act like it’s cool But I framed all her rules. Who am I trying to fool? Then Lois plays Stiletto in leather and heels Invents a superhero to land an interview deal She calls for the Blur, but reporter me arrives One look through her mask, and the whole disguise dies “You could wear a bag, and I’d still know it’s you.” Her bargain-bin accent doesn’t help the debut I lecture her firmly, though my eyes disagree Because those boots are committing felonies against me She wants the Blur’s story, the ultimate prize But Clark Junior’s focused considerably below her eyes She says every hero needs somebody to hear While I’m standing beside her, painfully near Bruno’s counterfeit cash has green K in the stack Drops me to my knees while his thugs attack Lois crashes through glass with impressive nerve Then helps save me and Jimmy like the hero she serves A bullet flies toward her, so I take the shot Even half-dead and poisoned, I give all that I’ve got Later I call as the Blur, my voice low in the night She answers the phone booth, and my whole chest gets tight She softens her voice, and the barriers fall Now emotional foreplay comes disguised as a call She trusts the Red-Blue Blur with the things she won’t say While Clark sits across from her every damn day She opens her heart while I hide behind one I got ninety-nine problems, but Lois ain’t one Meanwhile, Davis learns he was sent here with me A genetic apocalypse tied to my destiny Built to kill the Traveler, programmed to destroy But wrapped in the face of a sad paramedic boy Chloe hides Davis below the Talon floor Thinking she can stop him from killing anymore Jimmy calls him a monster till his face turns blue Everyone says he’s crazy, but Jimmy knows it’s true Then Chloe runs off with Davis Bloome To keep his inner Beast from becoming my doom Oliver killed Lex, and now murder’s his road Then calls me too human for rejecting his code Meanwhile, Tess’s own team comes apart at the seams Parasite steals my powers and exposes her schemes Livewire winds up murdered, Plastique switches sides Tess builds a human chessboard, then acts surprised Rokk swoops in because everybody can fly Says Doomsday kills me, and tomorrow I die He hands me a ring, says, “Send him our way.” I say, “I won’t dump this beast on your century today.” Why send him ahead and pretend it’s resolved When there’s still a human trapped who might be absolved? I write Metropolis a letter saying hope will go on While Lois sits nearby, and I don’t tell her I’m gone I call as the Blur, tell her destiny’s near She says, “I thought you were invincible,” her voice full of fear She asks me to meet her at midnight alone Phone-booth foreplay through a modified phone Meanwhile, Oliver starts his murder campaign Bart and Dinah join him like they misplaced their brains They lure me outside, shoot green in my spine Then say it’s for my good, so I guess that’s fine That’s not a team, that’s a felony crew Matching leather, no trust, and no goddamn clue They kidnap Chloe, strap Davis down tight Then use Black K to split off the beast that night The monster tears loose before they finish the task Their brilliant murder plan falls apart in a flash The one man who can fight him lies poisoned for fun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Meanwhile, Tess and Lois turn the bullpen to war Trading punches, breaking glass, and wrecking the floor Lois grabs my ring as the fight hits its height One touch and she vanishes clean out of sight She touches my jewelry, gets launched through time and space Soon she’s inspecting my family jewels face-to-face One touch of my ring, and through history she runs I got ninety-nine problems, but Lois ain’t one Jimmy finds me poisoned, pulls green from my back Sees my skin start healing and connects every fact I tell him the truth, and he finally can see Every impossible thing he’d been right about me He was right about Davis, right about the Blur And right that my heart had already chosen her Since Season 6, Jimmy called it from the start While I kept Lois hidden in the blind spot of my heart I reach the phone booth at midnight, ready to call But the future stole Lois, so I meet no one at all Unlike “Infamous,” I finally come through But she touched my ring and vanished from view Doomsday hits downtown and sends me through a wall For the ultimate monster, the fight’s pretty small The budget says, “Wrap it,” so beneath town we go I drive him underground while the tunnels all blow Jimmy takes Chloe to the home that he bought They reconcile, kiss, and untangle the knot Then Davis hears Chloe never loved him that way And murders Jimmy because rejection ruins his day No beast takes control, no alien command Just an entitled asshole with a pipe in his hand Jimmy saves Chloe, then dies in her hands An ordinary hero who makes his last stand Then the priest says “Henry,” like that fixes the crime The writers change his name at burial time His brother gets his camera, career, and name Welcome to the Olsens’ inheritance game Oliver cries one tear, Chloe’s world comes undone I stand far from the grave like I’m guilty of one Then I search every street, every building, every zone Can’t find Lois anywhere and say I’ve got no home I decide being human’s the reason I fail Love is my weakness, attachment’s the jail “Clark Kent is dead,” then I fade when I’m done I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Then the Orb burns Zod’s symbol deep in the ground A naked stranger rises and starts looking around Jimmy’s dead, Lois is gone, and my soul’s on the run Season 8 is over, I’m depressed, and nobody had fun Hit me! — BRIDGE Shelby never shot me with kryptonite Shelby never joined Oliver’s murder night Shelby never let Brainiac hijack his brain Never made me relive radioactive Lana pain Shelby never crashed a LuthorCorp plane Never woke up wearing the face of Lois Lane Shelby never triggered my Phantom Zone crystal bling Or got time-blasted while touching my ring Shelby never brought Doomsday into my lane Never built an Injustice League for personal gain He eats, sleeps, stretches, lies in the sun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one — FINAL CHORUS Ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Doomsday wants murder, and Zod has just begun Tess has an Orb, Oliver’s got a gun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Jimmy died a hero, Davis died a bum Lois touched my ring, and through time she was flung Clark Kent says he’s dead, but Season 9’s begun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one If your destiny’s causing problems, I feel bad for you, son My ex turned green, and my true love got spun I got ninety-nine problems, but Shelby ain’t one Hit me! — OUTRO You’re crazy for this one, Jor-El. It’s your boy... The Red-Blue Blur. ⚡🐕 —

Can't wait for season 9 to start. This is one of my top favourite seasons of the show

Tom has to pick it up if he wants to catch Rosey in the "Ryan's Favorite Scene" race before the series is over!

Thanks Ryan for the results. I was pretty good in my choices !

Hold up - could I post a creative thing in this comment section that I wrote for season 8, but didn't get it done in time for the last Talk Ville episode post?

Thanks so much for this! I forgot a lot of the answers I picked lol but I think I mostly got runner ups except for getting best exorcism, best fight riot girl, and best holy sh*t moment, I think that was it lol. Love the data! And yeah Instinct was definitely the “least best” (thanks Dan-El for this phrase lol) episode in my opinion. See ya soon for S9!

Thanks! This was fun!! 🤩 looking forward to S9!!! A few weeks away!!!

Thanks for the results! I can’t wait for you all to start season 9!!!! It’s definitely my favorite season!!!!

Nice!! I did pretty good this time. So glad Serinda got best guest!! She is awesome!! Bring on season 9!! Might be my favorite season!!

That was so much fun, excited for season 9 now 😀💕

Can't wait for season 9, so glad Michael enjoyed watching season 8 I know you're gonna enjoy the next Michael more darker in most episodes this time around which i know is your jam

This is so much fun to review every season!

Thanks Ryan for the results. It was fun for my first time

Thanks for doing this! Enjoyable!

I think most of the ones I voted for won. I think Michael pretty much has favorite scene wrapped up. I'm surprised Michael's rose count isn't higher. He seemed to be enjoying S8. Must've been the episode he gave 2 bombs.

Thanks Ryan for sharing the results and the stats! 7 of the ones I voted for won. Yay me? 😅 🎉 Looking forward to season 9. ❤️💙💛

Thank you very much for these detaied and clearly presented results ! I look forward to seeing everyone again for season 9 ❤️ !

Great job all

Aww! Thank you for sharing. You are so thoughtful.

Thank you guys for continuing to do the podcast!! I've had a ruff year and as ridiculous as it sounds listening to this podcast has been really good for my mental health. Love you guys!!

Awesome S8! I’m already thinking that it’s almost over, 2 seasons left 🥺! I’m gonna miss it god!!

Awesome!

Thank you for putting this together Ryan! Looking forward to season 9!! Let’s gooooooo!!!

So interesting to see the % splits between winner and runner up.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I am looking forward to Season 9 of the podcast. So many interesting moments from season 8.

Fun! Excited for the new season. Should be a good one for the pod! ♥️🌹

Awesome!!!! Thanks Ryantist Glad this Season got a lot of love🎇🌹🌹🌹Thanks for 🚢 CruzeVille 2, And Thanks for the heads up there and Your going to Enjoy Season 9 (S) vs (Z) 🔥🤘

I’m curious. You think they’d be mad if they found out i started watching smallville by shoplifting a few seasons from Walmart as a kid? 😬😅 I’ve gone back and purchased new copies over the years lol

Fascinating data! Thanks for the share. 😊

Thank you for this!! I will admit I did bad with favorite scenes this season😭. Hopefully I’ll do better for season 9!! Can’t wait to watch 😊💜