The Man Who Got Hacked…
I attempt to log in.
Doesn’t work.
Huh?
Try again.
No luck.
Ok?
I contact Google.
They tell me I’m using the account right now.
…
Oh you’re not?
Well then you sir, have been hacked.
I politely say “thank you so much” and hang up.
Darkness creeps in through the corners of my eyes and I feel the blood in my body start to form a paste. My entire head starts to inflate until my cranium is now 3 times the size it once was. I quickly go and stand in the garden, naked, and let out an almighty shriek. Every bird within a 5 mile radius collapses and my gills begin to flutter. The bones in my rib start to protrude from my body to create a xylophone.
A xylobone, if you will.
…
I must play.
I immediately snap my index fingers off and begin tapping on my xylobone as the euphoria encases my body like royal icing over sponge cake. I look up at the clouds and I see it.
A giant Google logo descends through the grey. Parting the clouds as it does so, letting the light finally shine upon my visage.
…
…
Turns out I’d actually spent about an hour, solid, just looking up at the sky. Didn’t blink once. World record achieved. Eyes fucked.
In all seriousness, no long trip away, unfortunately. To be honest I haven’t even been as far as the barbers since I thought I’d lost access to everything, I’ve just been going hard on daddy duties to keep my mind off it. Took my kids to their first cinema experience to see the new Mario film and we dressed as the characters, shit was cute. Went hard on the gardening. Bought a fire pit and destroyed a lot of wood to sacrifice to it. Oh and I also set up a new recording system for the laptop which should allow me to go live on YouTube!
Fortunately for you guys too, I still recorded some stuff in the interim! I was salty I couldn’t upload anything so hopefully that doesn’t show too much on camera even if I do mention it a lot lol, but I’ll be uploading those when I’m up. I learnt I got access back about an hour ago and they were supposed to let me know before midnight… it’s now almost 5am 😭
Goodnight from me!
Comments (32)
I know I only dropped a lil silly comment, but in all seriousness - sending you lots of love, brother. An invasion of privacy never feels good, no matter what level. But, it’s just stuff. I’m sure the time you got to spend with your family was way more fulfilling. Regardless, we’re all here to support you my dude!! I hope you’re in a better space 🫶
Damn dude.....happy you're ok! Sorry you had to go through some crap, and yeah MFA for sure! Looking forward to more posts! Been too damn long! 😁
great to hear that you've got everything back! i hope the time with your kids was restful (even if the gmail thing was stressful)
I need someone to adapt this story into a short anime film 😂 but for real, aside from losing your grip on this plane of existence for a moment, i’m glad you’re okay lmao. And glad to hear your family is doing well!
I am delighted that you dressed up for Mario and have been leaning heavy on the daddy stuff- those kids are such good reminders of perspective, I know personally! And I'm super sorry about your email, but when will you ever have a chance to play a xylobone again?!!
I love your choice of words. They definitely drew a vivid mental image. Also: your description of blind rage was not only relatable, but palpable as well. 👌 If you ever wrote a book of violent short stories I'd definitely buy it!
... Who am I kidding? I'd buy anything you'd write. 😎✍️
So glad you’re ok and you got your account back!!
My gosh that sucks!!! So glad you've got access back though but that is so frustrating to be hacked 😒 Love how you spent your time on daddy duties creating precious memories❤️ I really enjoyed reading your write up ie xylobone😆👏
I'm glad you got your account back, I was worried to be honest, you've never went this long without uploading...
The visual of you standing in the garden staring at the sky not blinking was soooo frigging clear. You do that in videos. Honestly these hackers and scammers are the scum of the earth. However. Very clever
Well that’s the most poetic rant I ever heard. What a complete nightmare. The garden fire pit and cinema sound like a good distraction. We were starting to really worry about you. I didn’t know how I would begin to fix that mess. So glad you sorted it.
How is your lawn doing?
Love the visuals, thanks! 🤦🏻♀️ Glad you and the fam are good. How was the movie? Recommend or nah? Sorry, I can’t match the eloquence in which you wrote! 😏
Have a well earned rest man, I’m glad everything turned out ok in the end and you got to spend time with huge fam. You deserved it.
It’s ok Teddy we don’t mind if you disappear for a bit, it wasn’t that long. But damn that was stressful for you, I’m glad you have access again now. However the trip to the cinema sounds adorable. Not only their first time going, but dressing up as Mario characters! That’s some amazing childhood memories for them. So what was their verdict on seeing Mario on a giant screen?
Drop it like it’s hot
Glad your okay brev
Better hear that xylobone on your next track or I will feel lied to.
Damn so glad you got it back bro!!! Love your little tangent in the middle there lol 😂
Also the Mario movie was the first movie I took my kids to too haha
This was incredible to read lol
It was Cliff Queefs who hacked you…I just know it!
If you are looking for the #1 suspect on who hacked you my money is on Fuh 😂
He’s the #1 fan but can’t admit it
Glad you got your account back bro! Damn that really sucks! I'm really looking forward to the reactions you recorded, I hope that's not too insensitive of me to say right away but hey that's what we are here for no? but nonetheless really happy you're ok 😅
I jumped to every awful conclusion imaginable, but not one part of me thought… maybe he’s hacked? 😅Glad to have you back Mr. Grey 🧸
Sorry to hear that, dude. I was actually just wondering today why i hadn't had a patreon notification from you in a minute. Glad you got to have some family time. Hope you get it all sorted out
Glad to have you back! 🎉
You need to set up that MFA bro! I know it’s an inconvenience but better than the alternative. Glad you were able to get your account back!
That is so shit my man, I'm glad you could use the time well and spend it with the fam. Have a well earned rest mate!
Brother, I’m just glad you’re okay!! I was starting to worry!!!