We invented the dildo 27,000 years before the gun

Have you ever read a social media thread and been like, "I need to illustrate this."?

I had that experience when I read Funkit Toys' series of posts on February 1, 2026. In part, he wrote,

for anyone who may be losing faith in h[u]man progress, remember this: we invented the dildo 27,000 years before the gun.

we invented pornographic art tens of thousands of years before written language. we invented the condom before steel. Bread is older than war. Beer is older than borders. We're better at making good things than bad. We've had more practice.

He pontificates further, but that's the part that lit up my mind specifically. Like, depictions of sex are so looked down upon. It's gross, it's vulgar, it's obscene-- some people even think it ruins one's ability to maintain a healthy relationship and causes literal harm to the brain.

What if we recognized that depicting sex is actually a foundational element of art's history? That pornographic images are tens of thousands of years older than the oh-so-respectable written word? Dildos, an object that exists purely for pleasure and is illegal to sell in multiple US states and countries world-wide, predates the invention of guns- which exists solely to kill- by 27,000 years. Humans created condoms before steel because sex is that important! Sexual art and tools are regulated, denigrated, censored, and forbidden in our modern society, but our ancestors have been making them out of literal rocks and whatever else is at hand since the dawn of fucking time.

Graciously, Funkit Toys granted me permission to adapt his words and the above is image is what I created.

Obviously, this illustration (does it count as a comic?) necessitated research, so research I did!

Frustratingly, I could only find a Reddit post talking specifically about this doggy-style cave painting from Tassili n’Ajjer, Algeria, that they dated to 7000 BCE - 2000 BCE-- oh wait, and now that I've committed that to writing, I've literally just now found this entry from The British Museum that dates this piece to 9,000 years old!

Did you know Tutankhamun used condoms made from oil-soaked linen???

The Hohle Fels phallus was carved out of siltstone and rigorously polished to smoothness 28,000 years ago in Germany.

This shit is fascinating! I kinda wanna do a full Oh Joy Sex Toy comic about this somehow...