Discombobulated (& life drawings)
So I'm low-key stressing and I know I don't need to be, but... I yam what I yam.
I need to learn how to cook. I need to learn how to drive (confidently).
I need to make a schedule.
Every time Matt and I come back to visit his family, I think I'm gunna use this time to, like... completely sort out my life. Or something.
I'll be in a completely different environment from home, a completely different schedule from my routine... of course this will be the perfect opportunity to jolt me out of my mental complacency and force me to recon with my life options. I could make so much progress on my future if I could escape the constraints of my current life for a bit.
But, here I am.
We're at the tail-end of our two week stay and all I have to show for myself are slightly tighter-fitting shorty-shorts from all the home cooked meals and exotic British store bought desserts (Oh, Mr. Kipling's Cherry Bakewells, you absolutely lived up to and exceeded my memories of opulence).
Here is the actual list in its actual order of priority that I wrote before boarding the plane out to England:
Download good brushes (for Clip Studio Paint/Photoshop, since I'm just using the factory-installed ones like a fuckin' rube).
Look up therapists.
Make an illustration portfolio (as in, make brand new illustrations specifically for a portfolio, which I haven't done in over a decade).
Write a Patreon post about seeing my friend Lucy Knisley again after many, many years apart.
Look up recipes (in my continuing effort to learn how to cook).
Summarize what happened from May - August for my tracker-journal-calendar-thing because I totally fell behind on doing so on a monthly basis.
✓ Make character sheets for my first fictional story (about magical princess bullies [It's Lady Lovely Locks fanfiction]). ✓
Write to the woman who hosted me for a semester when I studied abroad in France in 2005.
Draw on postcards for friends back home.
Write some Oh Joy Sex Toy scripts.
Mind you, it's not like I thought I was gunna tackle all of that. I just wanted a list at the ready to turn to during the down moments, so I'd have tasks locked and loaded for me. As the ✓s denote, I did make varying degrees of progress on a couple of my goals! Literally, a couple. Two. (Which is twice as much as none! Wait, or is it? Isn't 2 X 0 still 0?)
I also need to get my estrogen dose adjusted (menopause symptoms came roaring back to life recently), re-commit to a workout routine, get back on board with eating food that actually powers me and makes me feel good instead of the eating habits I slid into over the last several months, figure out if insurance will help cover the cost of repairing my bike after it was vandalized/robbed, and... Christ. I'm sure there's more. There's always more. I haven't even talked about the Space Camp book stuff that's (sort of) going on.
Ah, well.
It's bedtime here (after noon in Portland).
I'll catch you up on it all later (unless I don't, which is entirely possible), and leave you with the rest of these miscellaneous sketches I collected in my sketchbook over the last couple months:
Have you done anything nice this summer? Any trips? Any things that made you smile?
(Mr. Kipling's Cherry Bakewells make me smile.)
--Erika
Comments (21)
I almost did…too much? Lots of fun things but when I list them out altogether it’s kinda like “Jeezus no wonder I’m tired.” I’m not used to being out and about with such frequency. But I did celebrate multiple friends’ Significant Bdays and successfully made them feel special and cared for by playing the role of Vibe Bringer. Making my friends happy makes me smile. I also “re-met” my ex from 20 years ago and whatever was still clenched in me finally relaxed and now we’re close and good friends, which feels really nice. That made me happier than I expected it would, but it’s very nice. Good stuff! Just…busy stuff. But definitely Happy Stuff. Reading your posts helps me remember to Not Forget the Happy Stuff <3
Todo lists aren't lists of things to accomplish, they're menus of things you can do if/when you feel like it so you don't forget. You're doing great.
My summer has been canning tomatoes and dehydrating bell peppers and fermenting sauerkraut (you can see videos on my Tiktok @stayathomesteader)
Gencon made me smile. Fake Gencon (the navy rescheduled my goblin’s leave for unclear reasons) was also nice. I just started with a new prescriber and I’d like to see about changing things up. I feel like my executive function is really bad, but it might just be chronic pain stopping me from doing things? But I have great friends and plenty of robot to build.
Dude, this summer has been a drag for everyone I have talked to. Minor emergencies everywhere, some major ones, too much heat, projects not getting done… All this just to say it's not just you. This is not a unique failing. The best you can do is the best you can do, wherever you happen to be.
That was my summer last year, so sorry to hear yours went that way.
Have you read Salt Fat Acid Heat? It's a great book for how to think about cooking, rather than just recipes. (But it does have a bunch of recipes)
I have not! I know it exists and I should add it to my reading list 😅 Thank you for the recommendation!
We built a catio, and it's lovely, and at least two of the cats love it (o:
I’d love to see a photo!!
Love your sketches! Good luck with the estrogen. I saw a lot of family this Summer, and now that I'm back on solitary track again, I make lists like yours and try not to stress.
❤️❤️❤️
* I drove a 20' Uhaul (for my son's apartment-move) without destroying anything. * I visited the Cowtown Rodeo (located in DEEP South Jersey). It was an *experience*. * I am close to mastering a recipe for spinach pasta with lemon & za'atar that is very tasty.
A 20’ U-Haul!! Holy cow! Hats off to you!
I went on a 4000 km road trip to visit a bunch of family with my partner. Went chasing waterfalls. Didn’t stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to
I got a new trash bin this week to go in my house. It's semi-circular around the top, so it tucks in better against the wall, and it matches my colour scheme better. And that may be the most ridiculously boring-adult thing to be happy about that, but darn it, it's a nice bin!
Dude, I am legit excited for your new, improved trash bins 🙌
I needed to look up what a bakewell is and gosh, these are cute 🥰 I made hallongrottor today, which is a swedish soft shortbread cookie with raspberry jam filling. I was having them nearly every day when I went to Sweden earlier this summer and the ones I made ended up tasting like the real thing. That made me very happy today. 🍓 (Also why is there no raspberry emoji?)
That sounds like exactly the kind of cookie I love 🤤
I am so like this, with the list making, and the schedule designing, and the grand plans of "if I just do THIS then all will magically be SORTED!" And, yeah. But we did get a week away (to Prague! First time!) and I have been writing steadily (which I never take for granted after the Big Desert Year of Writer's Block) and the weather's been quite good -- and hardly a single mosquito this summer! 🤗
Prague! Wow!! And congrats on evading mosquitos, those fuckers can give me welts 😩