42

42.

42. 42. 42. 42. 42. 42. 42.

Today I am 42!

42.

Today was the best fucking day. Not because it's my birthday (although I definitely made a point of informing everyone within shouting distance of that fact), but because it was the best set of events and people all coming together at just the right moments and oh my fucking god I just feel so fucking loved and in love in return?

And I ate my body weight in desserts.

In the morning, Matt took me out to Petite Provence for breakfast (risotto cakes). This is my Special Occasion restaurant that I always pick whenever we've got a fancy-ish reason to eat out. And I always get the risotto cakes. Always.

Then we swung by the studio, which had procured not just a chocolate birthday cake (my favorite!!!!!) but also cherry pie (my favorite!!!!!) and another pie flavor (apple? I dunno, I didn't look closely once it was clear it wasn't cherry) for those of my studiomates with a palette too limited to appreciate the rich reward of chocolate and cherry (my favorites!!!!!). And then we just fuckin' hung out! For hours! Shooting the shit! Eating desserts! (There were more desserts. I brought over macaroons from Petite Provence and Terri brought in a box of assorted Japanese treats) We reminisced about The Old Days of the comics industry, way, way back in the early '00s. The comic cons, the online dramas (so, so tame by today's standards), the early days of the studio itself.

And then we were off to get boba tea with my gay furries. There's a gaggle of gay furries who have moved into my neighborhood over the last several years, completely independently from each other, and it's kind of the best??? Like, it's just so, so good for the heart to have good friends your age who are within walking distance. We have dinners at each other's houses, have movie nights, recommend books, and talk in-depth about the good, good weirdo sex shit that we are all immersed in, in our respective pervert subcultures. It's everything you want in a friendship :')

Of course, I missed my faraway friends! Their absences are always felt, especially on special days like today. But overall? Dang, man. My heart is full to bursting. I'm a lucky bitch.

42.

I started posting my comics online when I was about 14-ish. Matt and I met when I was 21. At 25 I joined the studio. At 29, Matt and I launched Oh Joy Sex Toy.

12 years of working on OJST in one form or another: about a quarter of my life.

17 years as a member of my studio, my community, my extended family. (I don't know what kind of measuring unit expresses 17/42 best)

21 years with Matt, my best friend, my love: exactly half of my life.

28 years of producing comics for an audience: over half of my life.

I finished out the evening picking raspberries in my backyard. I picked until the sun went down. I took a few deeply unflattering self-portraits which I'm not posting here because it's my birthday and I want to feel pretty, but I actually do sort of (kind of) like those unattractive shots as well. They emphasize the changes in my body that make me self-conscious: the way my face and arm meat is re-arranging itself in my post-menopausal, middle-age body. What a gift, though. What a gift to live to this point. What a gift to live long enough that my body is transforming again. I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful to be living long enough to show my age in my body.

I'm grateful to be so loved by so many different people over four- four!- decades of my life!

I'm grateful to love so many people with my whole fucking heart.

What a gift!

What a gift.

What a gift to be 42.