WREK :: TRANSMISSION - INTERCEPTED LOG

---++BOSS BLAKGRABZ LOG++---

Dis humongous ol’ Wrek just comes POP, right smack inta orbit.

An’ I sez to meself - 'Dat’s gotta be stuffed full o’ guns, gubbinz, an’ loot wot belongs to me'. I know itz mine coz I seen it first!

Every git knows da name o’ da best an’ biggest Boss dere is - BOSS BLAKGRAB!

Dat’s me, see? Ain’t no one bigger, meaner, or more kunnin’. I got da toughest mob o’ ladz dis side o’ da planet, so I told da ladz - 'Get in dere, smash wot needs smashin’, an’ drag out all dat loot!'

So I cram da first batch o’ ladz inta a rokkit an’ fling ’em at da wrek. But I get nowt but complaints - 'boss, dere’s claws!' 'boss, dere’s slithery wotsitz!' 'boss, dere’s teefy fings!'. Slithery wotsitz don’t matter! LOOT matters!. But instead o’ lootin’, dey just goes all runnin away on me.

So I fling a whole buncha more ladz up there - ordered ’em to beat sense inta da missing gitz an’ grab da loot. Dey find da first lot ’cos dey start bleatin about dem 'aving too many arms, and right after dat dey just scarpered off.

I’m gettin’ sick o’ it, so I figger I’ll send even more ladz up to thrash some sense inta da first lot and da second lot, but da ladz says dey don’t wanna go. I tell ’em I’m da boss and dat dey gotta do wot I say - instead they shove me in a rokkit and send ME up by meself!

Well, dem ladz ain’t got a clue what’s comin’! I’m takin’ all da loot meself, then I’m gettin’ off dis rusty hulk an’ beatin’ da green outta every last one o’ ’em. Ain’t seen any o’ da boyz I sent up yet. Bet they’s hidin’, knowin’ dey’s in for a proper clobberin from da Boss - an’ dat’s coz dey is.

Teamed up with some other gitz here. Funny lot, but dey know how ta fight proper. And dey got da right number o’ arms - counted ’em meself, two each.

We’z gonna smash. We’z gonna loot.

Den we’z gettin’ the hell off dis WREK...

-MM