Sooooo, I just saw a fun (in good faith) post that says, "Men do not understand why and how women find them attractive"... So, women, and anyone attracted to men, what do you find attractive in them?

I love when guys don’t take themselves too seriously. Being able to laugh and giggle together about silly things is really important to me. I love it when guys are really passionate about something and not afraid to “geek out” about it. The gym bro ‘I’m too cool for everyone’ vibe is a real turn off for me. Physically…honestly connection in common interests or music is more important than what someone looks like. Beyond that, I tend to prefer leaner guys (think runner, soccer player, swimmer build). If a guy lifts so much he loses all mobility in his shoulders or the muscles are more for show, less practical, that’s a turn off too.

Speaking for myself and sharing with the class, it seems that it's definitely emotional intelligence and the maturity that comes with it. Without emotional intelligence, you're left with someone who lacks empathy, which can lead to a slippery slope of issues. It sounds weird, but someone who is simply "content" is attractive. It generally means they have found peace with themselves, don't have to be constantly searching for something to fill a void, and they typically have their own passions and aspirations that don't rely on someone else to fill them. As far as physical attraction, I think it goes hand in hand with those qualities. I can see beauty in just about anyone, even more so if you have those qualities; but in that same vein, I could find you absolutely disgusting if you are just a shit person to your core.

Physically, men who are somewhat to very androgynous and “soft.” Nothing against muscular folks, it’s just not something that matters to me. I generally lean towards clean-shaven, but there are definitely exceptions. This has only ever come up with celebrities for me, but a good singing voice will majorly drive up my attraction. Now to go beyond physical attraction into “I want a relationship with this person,” I’m attracted to the same qualities in all genders - and my bar is high. I’d rather be single than settle. The first thing to pull me in is usually their ability to make me laugh. They also have to be a nerd of some kind, basically all of my interests/hobbies are nerdy, we gotta be able to do something together 😂 Kindness is a big deal, I have zero tolerance for people who put others down. We’ve got to be pretty closely aligned morally/politically - if there’s even a hint of “all lives matter” it’s a wrap lol. It also means a lot to me when someone is on my side and will stand up for me - even against my own negative self-talk. Not “ride or die,” because obviously I’m not always right, just in general.

Cute smile! Sometimes that’s all that matters. But pretty eyes with long eyelashes is also peaaak. Personality wise the consideration and effort to treat people with kindness, not just their partner and the people they love but strangers too. Nothing is more of a turn off than someone being a dick to strangers for no reason. Being funny and witty is also a huge requirement for me, if a guy cannot make me giggle what’s the point?

Sam Reid and Jacob Anderson 😂 But honestly I find kindness, open mindedness, respect, curiosity, sense of humour, intelligence, being comfortable in themselves (even if they're a bit awkward/shy/anxious etc) and a laid back attitude attractive. He needs to give me space and respect my independence. And I do like a guy who has a sense of style and takes cares of himself / puts effort into how he looks. Oh and he'd have to be interested in the arts - music, gigs, films, books, theatre etc. I feel like Sam and Jacob are perfect examples! And Jamie Bower. Things that would immediately turn me off - huge ego, racism, sexism, homophobia, any sort of disregard or disrespect towards animals and nature, taking themselves way too seriously and looking down on others

Hey guys. So I personally haven't had a positive relationship before. So I am only speaking on what I would have liked in those relationships. Being able to see different viewpoints. I'm not saying a fence sitter or someone wishy washy with their beliefs. But being able to listen to people's lived experiences and have enough critical thinking skills to be able make a decision on where they stand. I guess this in itself requires specific traits I'd look for in my person. So... Kindness Empathy Not being swayed by herd mentality The ability to do their own research Unbiasedness Willing to learn Passionate for humankind I think those traits would make a really balanced human and I can honestly leave out any other traits. I used to think loyalty was one. Then I realised that loyalty can come at the expense of your own beliefs, people you love and morality. So yes, loyal to a degree. But again if you have the traits as above, you'd be loyal to yourself and your own values in life anyway. Looks wise, at my age .. don't matter. Someone clean 😂😂😂

I'm a cis bi woman and for me it's: secure in himself, respects women (not only the ones he's attracted to or related to), rejects machismo as an expression of masculinity. Also: a fat ass

A man has to have interest in me; I want him to be curious about my interests and opinion. I am bisexual and physically there isn't that big of a difference to me.🤷‍♀️

Honestly it varies. It truly js different for each man. Some purely phsyical appreciation. I see men like that more as art piece though to taken in rather then have anything with. On a deeper level, I feel a significantly greater urge of attraction based on how we can talk together. Not just flirting but how comfortable we really are. When we talk, when we do stuff in silenece, do we have a simple understansing between us. That ease of interaction is SO attractive. It breeds desire for me.

I'm attracted to a man that has a sharp wit, able to navigate complex situations and  possesses a quiet self-assurance and not constantly trying to impress others. He definitely has to be helpful, caring and empathetic toward others, including animals. He has ambition and a zest for life. He has the ability to regulate his emotions and not fly off the handle, even when challenged or feels his ego is threatened. He respects boundaries, is supportive and provides a sense of emotional safety for me and knows when to say he is sorry. He shows genuine appreciation and understands non-sexual physical affection. When it comes to sex he takes the time to learn from his partner as well as teach his partner. During sex, nothing is more hotter to me than a man who craves genuine connection and understands the visible signs of their partner's pleasure through sounds, facial expressions, and body language which brings joy and satisfaction to their partner.

Physically, I'm attracted to big, burly guys. Viking lumberjack types. Needs to have a bit of padding. But physical attraction only goes so far. They also need to be kind and be able to make me smile. Bonus points for making me laugh. Women, on the other hand, pretty much just have to exist for me to be attracted to them. 😅

In a man? Ummm maybe like a 6ft4 well spoken dark chocolate Nigerian man with a full beard...bald headed, calls me everyday🫠🫠..great at painting idk im shy...call me for more 😉😉😉😉 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦💁🏿‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Intelligence and humor. Both are equally important.

Do we want an answer about physical characteristics or a boring answer? 😏

I find it really attractive when a man is curious and interested. Like, wants to know about mine and other people’s inner worlds and interests. So many men talk only about themselves or barely talk at all, and don’t ask questions and inquire about other people. It’s one of the most significant differences I’ve seen between men and women when dating, as a bi woman.

Kindness and gentleness -including toward animals. Humor - I make him laugh, he makes me laugh, and we laugh at the same things, Curiosity and openness to learning, as opposed to the too-frequent masculine trait of having to pretend they already know everything. Listening. Willingness to be silly. Willingness to be vulnerable and shed tears when the tears want to come. Readily expressing appreciation, and noticing if something needs doing, and jumping in to help. Lack of aggression or quick anger such as road rage. Physically I am not that picky. The person inside changes perception of the person outside. Any height, build, hair etc can be sexy if the guy underneath is attracting me. Just be clean and kempt. The rest is negotiable.

I’m not a conventionally good looking guy by any means. But as some of you can tell by some of my comments, I’m very passionate about a lot of stuff (history, travel, the world, politics, stories). When my wife and I met she said she was attracted to the way I spoke about things, like how passionate I was for the topics and hobbies I enjoyed.

I’ve always been drawn to men who are smarter than I am (a high bar 😎 ), have exceptional verbal skills and wit, and are emotionally unavailable on some level. (I know how fucked up that is.) I’ve been deeply in love with a fighter pilot who taught me scuba diving, and with a writer and musician who was also a a chemist and the most brilliant human I’ve ever met. He could make me laugh until I couldn’t breathe, and he was desperately sad. He had an insatiable curiosity about the world: history and botany and theology and astronomy and physics and biology. He loved animals. The least attractive men are incurious, unaware, apolitical, lack a sense of the ironic, and are unkind to animals. They can fuck right off, even if they are physically perfect.

I’m mostly attracted to women, but what attracts me to the men who I am drawn to is mostly the same qualities that I find attractive in any human: their ability to be vulnerable and honest, their competency and confidence, an ever-present sense of curiosity and interest, actively using their intellect and creativity, their default setting is kindness, and most of all, someone who is always engaging in personal growth. As far as physical traits I’m attracted to, it’s still pretty much the same in men and women lol: nice hands, beautiful skin, striking bone structure, an interesting nose, a voice I find pleasing, and the way they move (🎶 cue the Beatles 😆). Mind you, this ISN’T a checklist where all things must be present LOL, I’m just listing off everything I notice and appreciate 😌

I’m gonna get canceled for saying “the wang” aren’t I?

Most men seems to think it's a lie when women say they like a funny man, but it's truth. A LOT of women view sharing a moment of intense laughter together as an emotionally intimate moment. In general, women also love when a man has a particular skill or hobby that he is passionate about and wants to share that with her (NOT 'perform' it for her). I'm sure they exist, but I've never once heard any woman outside of fiction claim she loves muscular men. That's something popular with men and they often seem to assume women share that proclivity.

I really admire expertise in something... shows an ability to commit, shows passion, and lets me know you have a life outside the superficial. Bonus is expertise in something that is not their job and is sharable. Ex: Nick offerman's woodworking -- he's funny? duh. Good actor? Totally! Already an expert in one area - and talk about range after The Last of Us (his choice in roles let's you know he's open). His adorable laugh is endearing and then I found out he makes amazing wood furniture that he often gifts (kindness and thoughtful). That's the dream. haha Side note -- just watched him in Margos Got Money Troubles....Five stars. That man and a baby....*melting*

Being funny, kind and not afraid to care about things and people I hate this whole non chalant thing especially when it’s clear they’re aren’t actually non chalant they just don’t want to seem like they care which is strange to me and can hold an intelectual conversation

I was attracted to my bf the moment he snapped at a bully in public for fat shaming a woman at his brother's gym. When I found out he can hold a conversation and is silly, that just made him more attractive. His personality is opposite of mine, so he's really good at keeping me from acting rashly when I'm in heightened anxiety states - he is really mellow and positive. It is difficult to find a SO that can maintain composure with someone having C-PTSD flares. Plus he is good to my mom.

I’m attracted to masculinity - Hands are a big deal to me. As are deep voices and body hair. The rest I can take or leave.

The Spark: Nothing is more attractive to me than a man who meets (or challenges) me intellectually. Stimulating discourse is such a turn on. But most important is a man that makes me feel emotionally and physically safe, which requires emotional IQ, compassion, and kindness. When I say physically safe, I don't mean a man who can protect me in a fight -- more that I am safe with him, my body is safe with him. Sense of humor is always a plus. I could care less about gifts and emotional intimacy is far more important to me than physical intimacy (and I generally don't want the latter without the former.) I have to say, I prefer women. I just feel safer with a woman & they're so soft. 🥰

I asked my wife and the bar is in hell, bro. She said being able to reciprocate conversation, having a gentle aura and being curious, since it's usually a prerequisite to intelligence. For a less obvious, possibly very slightly controversial one she said "caring the right amount about physical appearance.". Sounds obvious but so many people fall outside of the baseline these days, whether it be people barely caring at all or looksmaxxer types who care way, way too much.

I also love a man who is unshakable. they don't get thrown off by chaos or pressure. They stay composed, reliable, and consistent even when things get messy. ✔️

#gayhere open mindedness!!!! cares about others!!!! woke!!!! doesn’t view cishet white men as superior!!!! the bar is so low 😭 (but also if they’re just jamie bower)

As a bisexual nonbinary person who is attracted to men, I'd say men who are kind and conscious of the world around them are very attractive to me. Having an open sense of humor is also a plus. I wouldn't say I have a type when it comes to men but there's also something that really draws me in to Mexican men, their voices and their laughs are like music to my ears. There's something so magnetic about them, they make me feel at home in a very special way. Bonus points if they're also an emo like me lmao I luv them Mexican emo dudes

Good looks along with great character and humor

Tom Holland. Umbrella.

When a man can make me GIGGLE. Like with a silly joke or well timed one liner. I love a funny guy. I think fluffy hair is very attractive. A nice singing voice or even just generally a nice speaking voice is attractive. Passion! I love when a guy has a hobby/topic he’s passionate about. Like if you could talk to me for 10, 20, 30+ minutes about something you love, I’m ALLL EARSSSS (and heart eyes)

Good sense of humor! Thoughtfulness, generosity, humility, but the humor is most important lol, gotta have plenty of joy and laughter 😂 edit: integrity is crucial lol

Emotional intelligence. That's hands down the thing that attracts me the most to someone. This includes being comfortable with being wrong, being communicative, and being able to read the room. Everything physical is secondary to me.

Definitely integrity, devotion, and kindness. Someone who truly cares about people around them, has respect for their partner, and is sincere is very attractive. I also think humor is an underrated trait that makes people very attractive. When I think of a man I’m attracted to, I think of someone who I can talk to forever about so many different topics, who respects me and other people, and who can make me laugh.

I love a considerate man. Like please consider me!😂