DOGMASTERS OF THE WASTELAND

I try not to write games about current events. It's a cheap trick, you have to rush it, and it doesn't work - once current events move on your game passes its sell-by date and starts smelling funny.

THAT SAID.

I caught the news about XL Bullies last month - to those not in the know, this is a special kind of American Bulldog that is specifically bred to be a single, lunatic muscle powered by anger, horsemeat and a hormonal cocktail that would kill the average human in seconds. These dogs have been banned in the UK given their propensity towards violence and, let's be honest here, classism.

I wanted to write a game about pet breeding taken to its illogical conclusion: dogs the size of caravans used like war elephants.

I've also been playing around with a Dark Future Brexit setting for a while, where the UK falls in upon itself following the break from the EU, and it seemed like an excellent place to put absolutely massive dogs. So here we are.

Because I'm allergic to making topical games, I have removed all mentions of XL Bullies and the like from the text, and I think it reads better for it. But it's about that. You get me?

Eagle-eyed readers will clock that this is two pages, rather than one - I couldn't fit a picture of the dog on a single page, and I really felt like this ought to have a picture the dog on it, so I decided to stretch my legs.

I hope you have fun with it! And I'm glad to be able to finally use my Blackpool Cult of Illuminations gag. Had that one knocking around since before the pandemic.

Much love,

• Grant

  P.S. PHYSICAL BACKERS. It's all happening. I'm good for it. You'll get 'em. Never you worry. Gimme a couple of weeks and we'll be ready to rock.