small vent post! Please disregard if you don't want me to get to personal !!

Today I'm taking some time to continue sorting through my day to day schedule and personal expectations of what I feel I need to do. I think I've always been like 2 or 3 steps behind in a lot of my work which always makes me get kinda down in the dumps.

I want to do my best for all of you but too often I find myself unable to keep up with all the things I agree to and plan and a lot of that comes down to me feeling a lot of financial stress. I hate how often the projects I'm involved in end up really breaking bank but I also don't want to stop doing all the big scale events that we do. I also am pretty confident that I'm able to accomplish A LOT of the stuff we do on a very small budget in comparison to a lot of other groups ( but that's mainly due to how much stuff I end up making from scratch myself.... which eats my time and causes things to end up behind again )

I've spent the last year really starting to solve my personal problems and relationships with people. From establishing really healthy friendships and finally breaking off connections I felt were mentally harming to both me and the other party, I feel like I'm really starting to grow and get my life together in ways I didn't even realize before was a mess.. but just like cleaning a room, the more I clean, the more I see how much I've neglected this whole time and honestly it's been a tad overwhelming. I want to be a good role model for you all, not just a funny girl or a nice voiced asmrtist like.

I dunno, I feel like as someone who you've all chosen to support it's my responsibility to repay that kindness in due kind and that goes beyond just, oh heres a video, here's a stream you know? I want to be someone that inspires you to be happy, be better to yourself and your surroundings, to grow as a person and everytime I sit back and have a day like today where I look at my mess of responsibilities I have to wonder if I'm holding up to what I promised I'd do for all of you

That's not to say I think everything I've done is bad, this just sounds more depressing then I intend it haha. I'm very proud of everything we've done. Here, all the angel stuff, the part time job and the tea company. All the events and concerts like. It's all great and I'm very proud, but I want to be more organized and in control of what I do

I want to be a creator you can all be really proud of supporting.

Thank you for reading this haha, I'm having a really rough day but I'm confident I can solve all of my current nightmares and get things back on track <3

ps. the nsfw video is going to be out later today. Definitely going to get some whiplash from seeing this heartfelt post and then that but IS THERE ANYTHING MORE ME THAT THAT??