YKS The Mag #23

Well, Jeffrey Toobin got fired for whacking off at work. And I guess that’s wrong to do now?!?! Just because he was at work, and in a group with other people who didn’t want to see him whack off. Ok….great new standard you have there. So I guess now anyone who wants to whack off at work will have to either A) not whack off or B) wait to whack off. Is that really what you want? Is that the precedent we want to set? Keep in mind 2020 has been crazy for everyone. So before you pick up that first stone, think to yourself….have I ever pulled myself out under the desk and closed the laptop lid a little bit so that while I was pulling my pud I wouldn’t get distracted by my coworkers doing work during the work day, and then the camera was still on because I didn’t leave the call or turn the computer off or anything like that, and they saw me doing it, and I guess it maybe wasn’t the first time I did some weird fucked up shit? And they all saw me jacking off and I had to go “Ahhh!!!” in the middle of the whole thing and get fired for being a nasty guy?

Do some serious reflection on this. But word to the wise: you might not like what you find (it’s a bunch of freak journalists saying what you did was cool). Ok, Kickstarter time!

Update on an old kickstarter

Bed Block - From Episode 165  - Had $194 ended with $3,659

• Made goal on May 31, 2019

It’s funny how hard a time we had describing this incredible simple device. In fact, it is just literally a simple machine, isn’t it? I think I learned that on Battlebots.

Other products on the market disappoint for a variety of reasons. Most are flimsy metal and bend or fall easily. They have screws, moving parts, and complicated assemblies. They tend to be expensive, ineffective, and frustrating, and it would hurt like hell if you happened to kick the bars above or next to your feet. That is the last thing you need when you are trying to show a little love to your tootsies. The Bed Block's simple foam design requires no assembly, includes a washable cover, and alleviates all of the fail points above--all while coming in at half the cost of the terrifying looking metal devices.

No idea what this guy is talking about. Flimsy metal in the bed? To pull your sheets up? I wouldn’t buy the bed block for $30 but I’d toss him a 5 spot to see some of his rigs before he invented the wedge pillow. Rube Goldberg Sheet Set Up (27:04)

MÄNNKITCHEN Pepper Cannon: The Pepper Mill for Pepper Lovers - $251k of $10k

Speed:  At up to 10x the output of top-rated pepper mills, the Pepper cannon produces extravagant quantities of fresh ground pepper.

You may briefly think "That's too much pepper" when you first use your new Pepper Cannon.  Don't be alarmed, this is normal.

Simply decrease the coarseness until the output is merely excessive, pepper your eggs with 1/2 crank instead of 5 cranks, and with your extra time cure cancer and give your partner proper lovin'.

A few people got upset with me for saying that in a lot of circumstances there is no discernible difference between preground and freshly ground black pepper, indicating that this was a failure on my part to either cook well enough or distinguish flavors competently, or whatever. I’m done arguing with guys who think they can figure out what region of Italy the tomatoes were grown in just by smelling the Prego jar. You wanna live that weird ass delusion that’s your problem. But just fyi you’re a hypocrite if you don’t buy this $200 pepper grinder. Oh, you just have your whole life to spend grinding pepper I guess. Because you definitely wouldn’t be using the ground stuff in the bottle. It has chemicals in it! Yucky! 8 hours of sleep, 8 of work, 8 of pepper grinding. It’s so important to me I have to have it! Lol get real. Buy this shit chump!!!

Rot In Hell! - $2305 of $30k

Not all these portraits are hits but honestly for some political card thing they’re not half bad. I remember this style being really popular around the War on Terror (which iirc is done now, can’t check on mobile) with the deck of cards showing the Most Wanted Bad Guys. I wonder if they ever saw those. Did Bin Laden see that he was an Ace and puff his chest out a little bit? Was one of the lesser guys pissed off that he was the 8 of diamonds and did a bunch more terror to prove he should have been higher up? Did they play solitaire with that shit? I want to know!! We do have Bin Laden’s hard drives, and I don’t think the cards are on there, but maybe they are. I just googled it actually and a documentary called Bin Laden’s Hard Drives just came out this year. God damn that is a nightmare. Everyone on the planet just pouring through your computer files and internet history. Sheesh. That is like the worst thing that can happen to a guy. Except for, I guess, the other stuff that happened.

Make Everyone Great Again - $1143 of $1003

• Our team believes the world has stayed silent long enough and its time to voice out and do something as if we really want it to be over.

• We believe our designs are catchy and direct, for those who wish to make a different, to simply put them on and make the world a better place.

• " while scientifically speaking,  putting on a mask may or may not be able to block the virus completely, the designs shall work as a media that reminds us to do -  the least positive impact we can spread  - while on daily basis   " said Bella Anderson - co founder of the speakhumanity

I think I’ll always find the unabashedly half-assed projects funny. The more they put into the actors and green screen and terrible unedited copy and bizarre photoshops, the better. And such a good time to hit on the fake MAGA hat trend. Even Trump is sick of the fuckin things. He’s wearing Off-White shit now.

REMOTELY - Remote Meeting Cards - $2887 of $5741

This one makes my eyes glaze over when I read it. There’s just too much work-language in it to keep my attention. Sometimes when I’m telling my kids about constellations or times tables or the size of the Pacific Ocean or whatever nanny state liberal crapola I’m brainwashing them with that day, I can see that they’re floating out into that space in their brain and I gotta snap ‘em back. Sometimes I don’t, though, because that way it gets over faster and I don’t have to think about rhombuses anymore. This campaign puts me in that brain space. So I may not be totally correct on this but I believe the concept is tripartite.

Working from a distance isn’t always ideal, and it’s easy to feel disconnected and unheard. With this deck of visual communication prompts you can easily hold a card up to your webcam during a remote meeting to communicate all kinds of things. Need to step away for a moment? Can’t hear who’s speaking? Want to send a ghost hug to a co-worker? Remote Meeting Cards have got you covered with a fun, disruption-free way of communicating in the moment.

The first one is REMOTELY, a deck of cards with little messages on them that you can hold up during a Zoom meeting. For instance, you can hold up “Sorry To Hear That” when your co-worker says their mom is in the hospital with COVID. Then they can see you waving around, stop what they’re saying, click the mouse a few times, lean into the screen, scrunch up their nose, and say “Ok. Uhh yeah. Anyway.” So that’s good.

One of our clients said she wished that we had a rude version of the card deck so that she could communicate what she was really thinking during meetings. This led to a fun brainstorm where I asked people what they wish they could say during meetings. The responses flooded in. People shared things like: "this meeting could have been an e-mail", I've heard of zoom fatigue, but you're giving me a zoom coma", "keep talking, I'm diagnosing you", nice face, please turn off your camera", "listen with your eyes" and much more. This was the beginning of the OUTSPOKEN card deck!

The next one, OUTSPOKEN, is like REMOTELY, but a little bit sassier. These are cards you might use if you’re a prick but would like to have plausible deniability for your prick-like actions. So you could hold up the one that says “I wish I could mute you,” causing the same scenario as above, except now you’re both oblivious and rude. I don’t think that’s any cuter in text form but maybe in some jobs it is.

Energized is great to include in any type of online session. Energizers are a great way to keep your team or participants engaged, high spirited and to have some fun while also being productive. These cards are great to introduce new team members, get to know colleagues better, help make people feel comfortable, keep participants focused, strengthen team dynamic and boost creative thinking.

Finally, ENERGIZED is a deck of the stupid crap you have to do with your co-workers to indoctrinate you into the culture of team-building and pseudo-family necessary to obfuscate the true conditions of the management-labor relationship. And it’ fun!

Sip: An all natural herbal coffee alternative - $561 of $4k

Sip is for the over 8 million people who are looking for a delicious, rich, full-bodied, organic, vegan-friendly, gluten-free, alternative to coffee with no acidity or bitterness. It’s made from just 3 simple ingredients - organic dandelion, organic chicory, and organic carob- all health-promoting foods respected throughout the world

With these awesome ingredients, it features both the health benefits of dandelion root and the rich, full-bodied flavor, smoothness, and texture of real coffee.

I think I would take this one back if I could, but it was a weird week for projects and we had to have 6 because of an arbitrary decision we spent .00001 seconds making like 4 years ago. So the slightly unusual beverage concept for people with autoimmune disease had to get the chop.

In fairness to us -- and not to the innocent, presumably nice people trying to make a coffee-alternative I would probably enjoy drinking -- I don’t want to drink a fuckin’ dandelion. I don’t even want em in my yard! Grind up some of this damn crab grass you wanna drink the lawn so much. Not that our show has any effect on these things one way or the other but I do feel kinda bad about this one. Maybe I’ll toss ‘em $25 or so for a bag of the stuff. Not really. I’m not going to do that but it would be nice.

First ever Leggings with built-in Bootay Bands - $1 of $281k

There are lots of different ways to do exercise. I used to not exercise at all, and now I do. I think I probably resisted exercising for so long because I didn’t know how to do it, and nobody ever told me how. I can remember being in the weight room when I wrestled in high school, and just kind of walking around aimlessly hoping someone would show me how to do something. Where did all these kids get familiar with free weights? How does everyone know how to do military press? I’m like 120lbs and I have one hair on my chest. What the fuck. I think I did the leg press a couple times and peaced out. I also lost a lot of matches.

Anyway I’ve kind of learned a little bit about exercise now, and I know what works for me. I also know that everyone’s body is different, so getting all het up about people not doing the same workouts as me is some dumb guy shit that makes people hate exercise. I don’t, for instance, use booty bands -- although I respect the folks that do! Rock on!!!! I still think you are going to want to be able to take them off some times? I didn’t get the dumbbells soldered to my hands for similar reasons. I need to, like, wipe my ass dude.

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Incredibly funny to talk this much shit and then fall on your face though.

Alright that’s it. Thank you bye bye