YKS The Mag #17
Hail and well-met fellow reader, it’s time to do the YKS Newsletter. Steel yourself for battle with some of the stankiest weirdos and least clever crooks the darkest corners of the web have to offer. That’s just for fun you don’t have to do any of that. You can just read this and have a good time. No presh.
Hey remember this one?
Inventors have been trying to make glasses more portable for centuries, whether it’s the obsolete monocle, the unattractive string around the neck, or folding glasses in cumbersome cases. The problem is, no one has been able to pull this off without sacrificing style or function.
Until now.
Is this part true? I’ve never really thought about it, the portability of glasses. I guess one reason for that is that when they’re on your head they’re essentially as portable as anything could possibly be. You simply do not get much more portable than being worn by me while I’m walking around. Coming soon: a more portable shirt….you can take it off and shove it up your ass.
EyeWris features a revolutionary, patented, bistable bridge technology which allows the frames to spring open and snap shut, so it fits comfortably and securely around your wrist.
Did this MF just say bistable?!?! I’m not looking that shit up. I assume it means it has snap-bracelet technology. That’s incredible. I would expect to pay upwards of $.25, or maybe $.50 for this to come out of a small plastic egg at the grocery store. But you’re telling me I could get them for only $125 if I act right now? And actually, not right now because you canceled the project? Alright well fine.
I got some new glasses this month and it was a huge pain in the ass. Normally I use one of the sites that will send you glasses for cheap enough that you won’t lose your mind if you sit on them, but this year was the first year I had vision insurance and I figured I’d use it on a “nicer” pair. I already paid the damn premiums so I might as well get a discount on some overpriced frames.
Of course, the cheap website where I normally get my (actually pretty durable) frames doesn’t take insurance, so I had to go to one of the big boys. I ended up at a website owned by the ubiquitous manufacturing group known as Luxotica, which is not technically a monopoly according to Snopes. Snopes seems like a good site but I heard it’s owned by George Soros so hell I don’t know. Just joking, relax.
Anyway the glasses website sucks shit. They wouldn’t take my expired prescription so I had to go get a new one (it didn’t change), 3 times in a row the little button you have to click to use your insurance flipped off during checkout (why would I want it off, the fuckin things are $200 without it), the customer service keeps banker’s hours on island time, and they sent me a size small which made my face look like I was being sucked through an airlock. I finally got the right pair this week, though, and promptly sat on them, bending the spindly arm almost all the way around. Fuck these things! They’re portable enough!
I wish I could put gifs on here so you could see this fuckin thing spinning around in space.
It is not only symbolizing to give a helpful hand to the black community, but also aiming to fight back and to combat this issue together. It is time to take an active step to convert this ridiculous situation. That’s why we use a fist to represent how affirmative and determination we are.
We aims to sketch the impressive slogan “BLACK LIVES MATTER” in the middle of the sculpture to remind people the spirit of this sports.
Presumably there are lots of scam artists and grifters in America raking in cash off of progressive, inclusive, even revolutionary memorabilia and tchotchkes. That’s no more legitimate than this, really, especially considering whatever most people sell outside of cute little Etsy shops will be made in Asia anyway. It’s a global economy! And if people anywhere are gonna get it, it’s the people of Hong Kong.
That being said, I will not be purchasing a hollow plastic display fist for $90 at this time.
Ohhh it’s the Pin Lads! They’re back. They are back and they are making more pins. No problems there...pins are basically art, and art is hard to criticize if you’re a real dumb guy such as myself. I can barely draw a damn straight line! And you want me on here talking about chiaroscuro and so forth? Don’t press your luck.
I don’t know who the Pin Lads are, but the familiar tone they take with me at the start of the campaign copy makes me believe that I really want to.
We're PIN LADS and we still make stuff! (●´ω｀●)
We're back again with another Kickstarter campaign. A Simple one. One to remind everyone to JUST FUCKING VOTE. The JUST FUCKING VOTE pin is a solid 1 inch Hard Enamel pin that will potentially come in two (2) designs. We're planning to have these shipped to backers by early November, in time for the 2020 election. Wear the pin with pride and to remind onlookers to JUST FUCKING VOTE.
I think the little guy he made there is the “uwu” guy, which, near as I can tell, is something you say if you want to gross out a grown up person. Works on me anyway. Clicking around on the page a little bit reveals that Pin Lads is actually just one guy who lives in Brooklyn, and his other pins have been meme-related. So naturally he’s moved on to the latest meme: voting.
We’re not one of the politics shows so I guess I won’t get on the voting hobbyhorse. But as a guy living in Tennessee, this memeification of the whole process just does not hit for me. I don’t need to see a little Ron Swanson/Lin Manuel Miranda routine to understand that shit sucks and many people believe that the situation can be improved by the democratic process. I took a social studies class. I know what the hell is going on. I get it, motherfucker! Shut the hell up! You go vote in Ohio or Michigan or whatever if you love it so damn much. Not reading your damn pins anymore. Pin Lads should’ve stuck to gamer shit.
Funny Scripture Verse T-Shirts With The Wrong Graphic
The art they did for Bernie on this one is pretty cool. I get that it’s supposed to make him look like a weirdo, but they whiffed. He looks like he’s talking shit. And talking shit rules. Plus, if you look up the scripture, it’s even cooler.
23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.
He sicced some bears on their asses for calling him bald! Now, in the context of the story, there’s something about becoming a king and saving the land and all that shit, which is basically what every guy wanted to do back then because they hadn’t invented Fortnite and sloppy toppy yet. So that’s fairly boring. But getting pissed off enough that you ask God to do something about it….and then he does! Insane. I feel like God really fell off with a lot of our various helpdesk requests. Need to see his Jira logs.
The t-shirt guy’s politics are sort of confusing, trending toward bad. But I think he could have hit a home run with the bear mauling quote. Some of this bible stuff is pretty good. Maybe I’ll read it. Sike.
[F is for Flush] — The world's #1 WORST coffee table book
Here’s some of the first page of this novelty book.
Adult — when you use a $10 gift card to buy an oven mitt from Kohl’s.
Boobs — oh they’re real, buddy.
Cell — do NOT mess with the Mitochondria.
Destiny — how I came to spend the last 6 hours at Golden Corral.
Essay — 5 paragraphs and a WHOLE lot of bullshit.
Fraternity — nice Bean Boots, bro.
Graffiti — yup, that’s a penis.
Hipsters — is this steak vegan?
Interview — 60-90 minutes of wet handshakes and fake laughs.
Jerk — both a Caribbean seasoning and anyone named Anthony.
Kale — no.
Lobster — God knows you can’t afford market price.
I think the bolded ones are the funnier ones maybe? Not sure. But, aside from weirdly humping his dog, cranking out a few dozen C- jokes, and asking people to pay to illustrate the book, this project seems a little bit off.
[fuck! I just looked at this guy’s profile on LinkedIn while logged into the YKS account. So now he’s gonna search for YKS and see us gently ribbing his goofy book idea. Goddammit. I don’t need this shit in my life. Oh yeah and don’t forget to add us on LinkedIn.]
Here’s the website he works for, which is apparently from the same Earth we inhabit, and which features the coolest and best Kickstarter campaigns. Here’s what they wrote about the Glamos, a projector that purports to create a touchscreen on any surface.
Ok, this is some Star Wars sh*t right here.
Glamos uses the same LiDAR technology found in SELF-DRIVING CARS to create virtual touchscreens.
Meaning you can ditch your clunky TV remote once and for all.
Rapid-rotate sensors capture mid-air motion, bringing your devices to LIFE in all-new interactive ways.
It’s supremely cool tech that you won’t find anywhere, but HERE.
P.S. Go for the Glamos Pro, outfitted with Bluetooth technology.
(For just 20 bucks extra, it’s worth it.)
I don’t remember what we said about it (on the bonus episode corresponding to episode 145, released around April 22 or so) but I assume it was something like “this is garbage we don’t need and probably won’t work or ship.” Well there are about 300 comments from people asking for refunds since the thing didn’t ship, but in all fairness we don’t know whether or not it doesn’t work yet.
Interestingly, the ProductHype page hasn’t been updated with any of the shipping concerns shared by Glamos in a recent update. Probably because it would put a damper on the sales of the shitty little piece of shit, which ProductHype gets a cut of! That’s because ProductHype is owned by Enventys Partners, a crowdfunding marketing, product design, and ecommerce firm that has developed its own revenue share platform called Go2.Fund. Go2.Fund is the url shortener of choice for all the links on ProductHype and, presumably, the HypeSquad newsletter run by the guy making this dumbass book. Affiliate links are nothing new of course, but damn! They didn’t even disclose the shit!
Anyway this guy’s book sucks and he’s doing something weird with it to generate $9000 in pledges in one day and almost nothing on the other days but I don’t care what it is because his whole shit sucks so bad that it would bum me out to completely know about it.
Here is where I am at mentally right now!!!
Hey who is this guy, John Podesta?!
And with that timely joke we have reached the end of another YKS Newsletter. Thanks for reading it and supporting the show. I hope you enjoyed watching me go Dateline NBC on that guy’s ass up there and maybe we will get another freak in here next week. Who knows. See ya then.
Comments (1)
Black life matters cancelled. Super sad