YKS The Mag Issue #6

Folks, its time to once again be doing the thing I love to be doing. That’s right, its time for me to write the YKS Newsletter! You know folks, people come up to me and they say, mike sir we love you you’re the greatest and the things you’ve done for this country have been phenomenal and we appreciate very much the work you do. And many people are crying, with the tears and everything its something like you wouldn't believe. They're going ohh mike you need a break ohh mike you work too hard.” and that’s so terrific and we love it. But the work needs doing. There’s simply no doubt about that. 

Imagine a world with no YKS.. waking up on Monday morning and just staring at the ground. Completely ignorant of the latest board games.. having to look them up yourself. Ahh too scary. Like Steven Kings and the Twilight Zone had a damn baby. Plus, I’d have no job and I’d have to do something else. Nightmare. 

This week on the show we had (drumroll please) A bunch of bull shit! 

Shots & Lagers: The Drinking Board Game

Its wild to think about going to a party right now with the way things are. You’re like buhh? What do you mean? You know what I mean, don’t play games on my page. I’m not in the damn mood. I’m trying to remember what my last party was and I think it was the one where my friends and i got drunk and played 64 and put a bunch of pee in our friends freezer. That was pretty funny. It was in a container so it’s not gross. Anyway, we played beer pong and that was fine. Probably wouldn’t be doing a lot of partying now with the way things are (Don’t even!) or maybe I’m just saying that because I drank a lot yesterday and I feel like pureed dog shit. 

I don’t mind this one, gang. This may be controversial, but I think its fine to play games with your friends! (ed: twitch.tv/gooffkings -jf) 

One thing we missed, though, was this guy’s other campaign for a Breakfast drone. That’s pretty funny. I mean I know it’ll probably be this way in the future but being Some Guy and trying to do it via kickstarter is a little silly. 

“Imagine this scenario: You get out of bed in the morning, brush your teeth and get ready for the day. You check your phone to notice a timer counting back from 5 minutes letting you know your breakfast is on it's way. When the timer is up, you go outside to see your hot breakfast waiting for you!”

Checking the prep to plate time for “a egg” which I can only assume to be an hours or possibly days-long process.

Anyway whatever. I wonder why drone delivery hasn’t taken off already. I know about the FAA regs and whatnot but you’d think Bezos could grease some palms so we can get our treats into our fat little hands faster than ever. Remember when his shit got hacked and all his horny texts came out and everyone had to think about that little bald headed dodo bird gripping his meat and saying stuff like this:

“I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon.”

I love you, alive girl.

I love you, alive girl.

I love you, ALIVE girl.

I love you, ALIVE GIRL.

I LOVE YOU, alive girl.

I LOVE YOU ALIVE GIRL I LOVE YOU ALIVE GIRL I LOVE YOU ALIVE GIRL NOT DEAD ALIVE.

Pretty good. Absolute freak. Rich people are not human. I think once you get enough money a chemical reaction takes place and your brain starts rotting. Enough people telling you how smart you are and your shit starts going psycho. But you still have this busted ass setup for some reason: 

Absolute trash. What kind of gaming could you possibly even do on that thing. Bro, get a desk please! Your back is gonna be fucked!

The Covu Mask: The Evolution of air Filtration

First off FUCK COVID 19… Sorry not sorry! I reckon I’ve been cooped up here for months now as I’m “Lucky” enough to “work” from “home”. I don’t exactly remember the last time I’ve gone into a place of business (aside from a few gas station runs --hey a guys gotta eat!). I’m trying to do the right thing (Spike Lee) by ordering shit online, staying away from people and minding my own fuckin' business. The only downside to this is you’re putting other people in danger while they’re doing your shopping and shit. It’s lose-lose but what am I gonna do, not buy stuff? C’mon. You know what I miss about going out places is getting the small piece of hard bread at panera bread. You go in and get a sandwich and they’re like how about a small piece of relatively hard bread to go with your meal? More places should do this! Why the fuck not! Anyway, you gotta balance out the guilt of endangering other people by tipping massively or you're an asshole. 

Maybe it’s just me but there really is no way to live day to day without ever-present thoughts of guilt, shame and self-loathing. Unless you’re these egregious fucks. I dunno. Actually that’s unfair. I don’t mean to shit on the guy (the show is called your kickstarter sucks, cmon) The guy in the video is very soft spoken and seems compassionate. Actually you know what? Who the hell cares fuck this guy. Fuck you too. Just playing.

Just wear the normal mask that everyone says is fine and wash your hands. You think its bad being called a liberal pussy by 30 IQ maga chuds now just wait til you’re walking around Publix with a damn snorkel on. They're gonna fry your ass up.

Toadi: Autonomous Lawn Robot Powered by A.I.

Being a renter, I have no place to store a lawn mower. Kind of fucked up you move into a place and they’re like hey you gotta mow the lawn it looks like shit and you’re looking around for a lawnmower and they’re like oh yeah you gotta buy one yourself. It’s ridiculous. Someone should mow the damn thing for me, and they do! I pay some guy like 50 bucks and wham. Its done. I’d love to mow it my own self but operating a lawn mower?  I don’t have the schooling for that, so I leave it to the pros (some guy and his brother). I did get my big stupid ass outside and weed the mulch. These mother fuckers didn’t put down the plastic sheeting before they mulched so its fuckin weed city. Hey Weed City, sounds nice when can I move there just playing. There’s gonna be some jokes in these so try and keep up, k? 

I’d actually probably use the dumb fuckin robot lawnmower if I had a place to store it but if it’s anything like my robot vacuum im gonna be doing the work of moving shit out of its way and rescuing it when it gets stuck under something. How the FUCK is it the perfect size to go under the goddamn TV stand and get stuck there! Running around catching shit as it falls and moving cords. Just grab the regular ass vacuum and get it over with. 

Slice N Fun

Here’s a nice piece of shit. This is another one of those joints that isn’t aggressively bad and probably helpful, as I said on the show, if you’ve a disability or something (yeah thats right.. Im an ally) If you’ve listened to the show (and why would you!) you know I love a kitchen gadget. I could spend all day in the Bed Bath and Beyond walking around touching all the shit. Something about a gadget speaks to the lizard part of my brain. Buying stuff feels good! And if you’re buying something you’ve convinced yourself you need (because its helpful or improves your life) it feels like you’re tossing your fat little brain a nice “treat”. Here ya go haha. Personally, I have spent my entire life trying to be happy and constantly plugging all the holes of my leaky ship with Things. Maybe if I get this thing, or do this thing I won't be depressed, but you’re essentially just playing whack a mole and driving everyone in your life insane with your constant attempts to fix everything. That situation is certainly not tenable or conducive to one's mental health. But what do I know, I’m just some asshole!

Another shitty thing about this (aside from the name. That's a shitty ass name) is the size! Its tiny as shit. You need a big cutting board to spread your shit out on. 

Just take your narrow ass over to the Bed Bath and get a damn wooden cutting board and call it a day brother. And don’t put it in the fuckin' dishwasher! It’s gonna get all warped and fucked up! 

Well this is too long and I need to go do other stuff (this is a lie) so I’m gonna wrap it up. Thanks for reading it and if you didn’t read it : Fuck you!

Also from this episode:

Canadamon: Canadian Culture Monsters

EyeWris Reading Glasses