Rough Chapter

I love Thana. More of her please

Absolutely love this!!!

Oh wow, there goes my work day 🤣 This is so, so good! I'm invested!!!

Oh wow, I became so absorbed in this that I forgot it was a chapter only. So sad it ended without all the answers to the questions that built up as I read

It is amazing

I loved reading every second of this❤️ you are an amazing writer.

Absolutely incredible read! I can’t wait for more of anything from you!

I absolutely love this. ❤️

Still hoping for the next chapter to be released eventually ^,..,^

Wow. That's awesome, intense stuff.

I’ll be waiting with bated breath for the next instalment/release of this book. It’ll be another page-turner.

Love this!!!

This was an excellent, engaging, and intriguing opening to what I'm sure will be a phenomenal book. Well done. Also, I'm now obsessed with a story that only has the first chapter released, and it's not cool!

❤️❤️❤️. I need this book in my life.

This is Fantastic!! I cannot tell you how long it's been since I read anything so engrossing. I was so immersed in this world that when I finished I had lost all track of time and place. Thank you for an absolute delight. I look forward to buying a First Edition. ❤

This HAS to be a book if it's not yet!!! 😍

So damn good I’ve got chills. I NEED this book the very second you’ve published. The moments with rags were sweet but not overly so and really served well as a glimpse of Thana’s humanity and showed how far she’d been pushed from it to survive too. Beautifully done.

Amazing

Can’t wait to get to read the book. Very well written.

totaly just wow

I LOVE it!! The story griped me from the word go!

You did such a good job painting the setting I feel like I can smell it. It made my stomach queasy. But I’m really invested in Thana and what will happen to her.

Well I’m definitely hooked!

Hi. I am a literary agent with Talcott Notch and a huge fan. If your plans include a publishing deal, I would love to talk about your goals. Please feel free to email me at acollins@talcottnotch.net If nothing else, I would be happy to help you explore your many options.

That was compelling … I need a whole series of this please!!

I need this book. I love it.

Compelling, it sucks us in and immerses into Thana's world seamlessly. Can't wait for more!!

This is good. Have you considered putting it on Vella?

I need more of this! I've been in a reading slump and made the mistake of reading this.... now I'm even more in a slump because all I want to read is more of Thana's story!!!!! Absolutely incredible!

This is good. I do proof reading and editing for people for free. I’m attempting to start my own online editing business someday. Please let me know if you ever want editing, beta reading, or proofreading services.

So good. Non-writer's observation: you write to all the senses - makes for an intimate, personal narrative even if its gory.

Absolutely incredible!

Yes!

I loved it. I would love to read more.

I like the tone and feeling. I want to know more about these people. It is a very strong start

SO GOOD the world building is written is a way that really keeps your attention, which can be really hard to do!! i really hope you post more ahhh

I would love to read more of this. It’s so good

You definitely have talent!

Wow.... I am in awe. Your writing style is so compelling. I have been so drawn in that I lamented the chapter ending. I desperately need more of this story. I love the toying with her name and her clinging to the name the miners gave her. I can't wait to hear more of her story. Brilliant work!

This is fantastic! I hope you continue as I would love to see what happens with Thana next. ❤️

I knew it was going to be good, I just didn’t know I was going to read through it so fast!! Can’t wait to see where you go with it!!

More, please.

awesome work please continue

The dialogue in Hells Bells was more than enough to convince me you've got more talent than you think. This chapter nailed it. This is solid work. Keep it up.

Please finish this book. I am already invested and to know what happens in the saga of Thana!

Im invested now....

I read sci fi, fantasy and historical novels voraciously. I am looking forward to buying your work for years to come. You so obviously know how to tell a tale worth reading!

I usually don’t read but this was so good that I can’t wait for the rest. Seriously great job.

I very much look forward to being able to purchase this when you finish the book. Excellent writing. Really grabbed my attention from the beginning. Thank you for sharing.

this is absolutely stunning. i’m sure patreon comments can get overwhelming, and nothing helps the imposter syndrome, but i’m being utterly objective when i say that this is serious quality writing. it’s clear you have a fully realized world you’re building, but the natural way you handle exposition lets us discover it piece by piece. the main character is captivating, and her story feels like an important one. i truly can’t wait to see this published one day, and i hope to see more updates soon!

I absolutely love the rough draft. Granted it may need some Grammer editing but since this is my third time reading it... I think I'm hooked... Ps I never re read books if they don't hold my interest in the first chapter so VERY good job!!!

Forgot it was only a chapter, got to the end and was acutely frustrated there wasn’t more to read! Honestly, it’s already better than a quite a lot of stuff on KU. You are a Very Good Author. Please keep writing. (I volunteer as tribute to be a beta reader. Please?)

Well now I’m hooked

This is great I would love to read more of this story. You have started to develop great characters and their background and story lines.

I’ve been trying to read this for three days and every time I sat down to read it, I was interrupted. It was SO worth the wait. You’ve got me hooked and I’m so excited to read more and learn more about Thana.

i finally got a chance to read it, and omg it’s amazing, can’t wait for more

Your rough draft reads better than so many of the published books I've read. Really hope you end up with a book deal one day soon because this story deserves one.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us!!! 💙💙🔥🔥🔥 I would definitely buy this!!! Keep being amazing girl!!! Lots of ❤️

I agree with the general opinion. You are doing well for a first draft. I’ve done a number of chapter by chapter full book critiques for writers working on first novels. You should finish this story if you have a solid plot for it. Yes, it reads like a first draft but better than a lot that I’ve seen. I really like the way you developed her character. Very tasty. Thanks for the opportunity to read.

Halfway through page one I knew I would have bought it immediately if it were a book in a store. It was so captivating that at the end I tried scrolling down three times before I realized there wasn’t any more - I thought my phone froze! lol It’s been a while since I’ve been so thoroughly captured by a story. 100% will buy for myself and my friends when it’s finished!!

Was very good especially for a rough draft would love to buy the book when ever it’s ready

Damn... I want to know what's going to happen and I want her to slaughter ALL of them. This is so good.

More please!!!

The only thing I can say is that I want more story because I need to know what happens next now

The flow and tone of the entire chapter is great! Each pause adds just the right amount of suspense as well. I can’t wait to read more and buy it whenever it gets published! The only thing I would fix is the proportions of the dragon that was described sounds off.

Wow! You do have a way with words. It gives me a feeling of Robert E Howard and Edgar Rice Burroughs (no, not the Tarzan series). I want to know more about the dragons (sky sharks?). Please do not give up on this. Thank you for sharing.

I've been a book nut my whole life and I'm also muddling my way through trying to write a book for the first time, so based on my personal experience, I can say with absolute certainty that your first sentence is gold. A+++ hook, like damn. The little hairs on my arms stood up, it was great :D. I also love the cadence and feel of your writing, you have a really good voice as an author. Once it's edited, I think this'll be the kind of book where I forget I'm reading and just exist inside the book for a while. I will happily and immediately buy this book when you're done with it :)

Very captivating and engaging. Definitely leaves me wanting to read more! Keep up the great work!

My only complaint is no chap 2. This is a strong beginning!

That is so captivating, very well written imo. Can't wait for more 👀

Intriguing, not my usual type of book,

I’m already hooked! Love the descriptive style. I definitely can’t wait to read more!

Commenting as I'm reading: That HOOK! That's a great first line. Some good turns of phrase here. Pigs flying out of the Overseer's ass. Fantastic. This is good. This is really good. You've got SOLID bones here. Thana is fleshed out enough that you already care about her, and I hit the end and wanted the rest of her story. Keep on going. I want to see how it ends.

Definitely fantastic! Honestly, one of the best first drafts I have read. Grabs the attention and gives just enough to keep you hooked and wanting to keep reading. Such a unique style of writing that I haven't read before, I can't wait to see more! Keep it up!

More please

This is a really good start. I can't wait to read more!

WOW! I hope you share more, I am hooked!

As someone who has literally thousands of books in my collection. If this is what you call a rough draft, I am eagerly anticipating the finished product. We, as your patreons, obviously like your style, however this is something else. I would even dare to say your paragraphs are pieces of art. By far and away the best first draft I have ever read.

WOAH! Grabbed my attention right from the start, slowly building on who Thana is and the hints that the word/name "Thana" has some important hidden meaning to her that she daren't share. A-1 'rough draft'!!

This is amazing i love ur descriptive writing style i can like jump right into the story keep it up love it

This is great—captured my attention and held it and makes me want to read more!