👑🎵🦄Life's Survival Guide Toolkit 💌 - The End of an Era (Taylor Style lol)
I have re-written this post about 8 times now over the last month and a bit... But I can't keep quiet anymore, and although we all come from different walks of life and so many diverse backgrounds across the world, someone may need this like I did 💖
✨Direct Apple Playlist🧚🏼♀️ (otherwise here's a list in the pics so you can go search for the songs if you can't access it on your device. 62 songs, 3 hours and 20min of music to make you feel better when you're down from me to you. Read the words, feel the music, and know you will be ok. Good things take time, there's no overnight fix unfortunately.)
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I have always been a little weird/different/strange/too sensitive/too open/too honest/too "immature"/too dramatic. I have been called many things: a liar, a slut, a failure, the biggest disappointment of my mom's life a few times, unreliable... the nice list goes on.
But I am none of those things.
I am strong, I am not scared to admit when I have made a mistake, and I am not scared to try again (and again and again and again) until one day we get it right. Life is not a competition and I don't understand why we make it one. We all have very different ideas of what happiness looks like, and this harsh world with all it's people struggling with battles you could never understand or know about seem to take their pain out on each other. Not sure why, but healing hurts and so some people are too afraid of their own pain, so it is easier to inflict pain on others, unintentionally or not. Most of the time it isn't personal actually, and I'd like to believe most people don't mean it in their hearts, they're just catching the next wave.
Here's the secret: You don't have to get stuck in the cycle. You really don't.
I wanted to hide from the world when The Sims Resource decided I was no longer for them. They offered for me to stay a Featured Artist - unpaid, but maybe one day again in the future I can get compensated . I declined. I know my worth. And I don't agree with this deal at all after nearly 9 years working for them. I'll probably get into trouble again for speaking my mind here but please note, I have not been a Featured Artist on TSR since September 10 2025, although they kept my badge. I have screenshots of every interaction and sadly in today's day and age, it looks like you need them to back yourself in scenarios like this. I wasn't trying to cause trouble, but saying you pay all your top artists and slashing their pay DRASTICALLY (to unlivable amounts for most) or completely and still taking subs goes against my values as a human. There's a human behind what you see there, who has made sacrifices you will never know about. That's why I posted my earnings from Patreon, because I want everyone to know that you do actually make a difference when supporting on Patreon (even as a free member!). Not all artists are in the same financial boat. And making Sims content is fucking difficult actually. So no, I will not spend days on one outfit and struggle to feed my pets or buy electricity to run my PC at the end of the month or gas in winter so I can draw when it's cold. I think it's very fair to politely bow out in that case and take my long list of skills elsewhere. But the whole thing was handled unkindly. Business is business though... Same for me though. It does not make me any less grateful for this journey and what TSR HAS done for me up until September 2025. I'm sorry that I choose to live authentically. You can be grateful and hurt simultaneously.
Sun Please Book: When I was 28 (I'm 32 now), I was in a mental health hospital for a bipolar breakdown. I needed hope, so I wrote a list of goals. I could only re-color stuff at the time and had never even opened Blender. I was a submitter on TSR and Featured Artist was a big dream that felt ridiculous considering I had never made my own mesh before. Less than a year later, they made me a Featured Artist. Why? Cos I wrote it down? No. Because I put in the work once I had written it down and decided that sounds like a great plan. I went out of my way in my personal life to make it happen (almost to a fault at times actually). I quit my sales career that I hated this year, dedicated my life to the arts in the darkest nights, sold my car, froze through winter to make it work, won a competition to Gamescom Asia (that just passed this weekend) and life was flying. I was MORE than happy to make these sacrifices. I loved it.
But unexpected things happen, and them letting me go was unexpected to me. So my heart broke into a million pieces. I have spent the last 6 weeks trying to piece it back together. And I even made the decision to not go to Gamescom Asia this weekend, although it was such a special ticket, that could've taken me into gaming elsewhere in the world. I knew it was time to stop pushing and take care of myself. I don't regret not going. I was not emotionally ok for that long trip. When one door closes and all, you may not see the next open one. I still don't know what I am going to do for money now (unemployment in South Africa is at 35.9% for women - 33% overall - so just getting a job isn't such a simple task), but I know I will make a plan. I always do. I really only wanted to tell the story so that you can know that if you put your whole life into something, you can make it happen. And it's ok to admit you need time to yourself to heal from something. No matter what other people think, because they aren't in your head, living your life with your unique personality and unique struggles. GO GO GO isn't always the best way forward if you want to have a solid future. And sometimes letting something (or someone) go, as much as it hurts, can be good for you later on. Make your future-self proud. What one person sees as failure, can be your freedom to a new, more aligned future for your own happiness.
Album: (Here's a link to my old label's page if you're curious. Click me. And my YouTube page you can find here for a music video or two). You see, I used to be a singer here in South Africa, under the name Cazz. Since 15/16, and it went well. As well as it could in my country really. I had many incredible experiences but it takes money to make stuff happen and Covid came around and I was tired of spending, but also needed a creative outlet in lockdown - hence Sims stuff became more of a priority. I was tired of wearing the mask of the entertainer. I was tired of posting my life on social media, and I needed a break. I worked non-stop from 15 to 27 to make it work. Grammy's anyone? Haha, no, that's too much too. *Bows down to Taylor Swift.
But when I was little, I had a dream to be a star. So I did what I could to make it work. I'm not scared of putting myself out there. Opportunities do NOT come to your door. You have to put in hours and hours and think strategically if you truly want something. I am not lucky, I am a go-getter. My life's motto is "If you do not ask, you shall not receive." And that even applies to waiting at a restaurant and getting annoyed with your waiter. Just be kind, get up and go ask politely. Smile and treat everyone as if they're the human they are behind their job title. It's not that hard. Everyone just wants to be seen. Your location, "superiority", demographic, sexuality, life choices etc. are not supposed to hinder you. We all have to work together. Stop this divide and choose kindness 🧚🏼♀️
Rising Strong by Brene Brown: I see you. If you feel alone, so did I. We can get through anything. And this was stuff I wanted to say before all this horrible news and uncertainty with EA being bought. So, due to my own morals, I probably would've stopped creating regardless. I can't support a game that is now being controlled by people who's values don't align with mine. No hate on the topic, just my personal views that I will always stand by, which is that all humans should be treated equally. That's all I will say on the topic because I know a lot of you are hurting and feeling it. So I am sending hugs and a playlist, and my own story of knowing when to Rise Strong. And if you need a book, this is one a boss gave me once when I changed jobs, and I highly recommend it so far (I have just started it and it's already helpful). I'm sure her Ted Talk would be just as effective if you aren't a reader. I haven't watched it yet cos I'm a book first kinda gal.
So... I have made MULTIPLE fuck ups myself over and over in my life haha. I am BEYOND far from perfect. I have made dumb decisions and hurt people I love. And I'm just a human so I probably will again. But here's a few things you can do that have been tried and tested by me.
List of free things you can do to feel better:
Clean your space (even just your desk. Doesn't need to be the whole house in one go. I'm going room by room right now). But re-organising and clearing space allows your head to think clearer - I tried to fight it but they don't lie about that one haha.
Random suggestion I did: Not the typical cupboard clean of old clothes. Try the option of "do I like this?", "does this make me feel fat or uncomfortable?", "is this REALLY my style or am I being polite cos it was a gift?", "one day I will be skinny again and fit into it", "there are people with less than me, I can't throw this out, it's in good condition" etc. Well, then make a bag of old and damaged, and make a second bag of good condition that you can donate to someone more in need. If it's just sitting there and you never wear it or it makes you sad, or if you have bad memories attached... Get rid of it. Sell it, or give it away. Someone will love it. It doesn't have to be your reminder if you're already not feeling good enough about yourself.
Put pen to paper. If you're not a journal-ly type of person, that's ok too. You don't even need to be creative. Just get your emotions out in a constructive manner. You can draw (badly is really fine), or write down everything that makes you angry and then burn it if you're scared someone sees it. It's kind of therapeutic regardless of how you do it. Just get it out. Keeping things in is what makes us angry out of nowhere.
Give yourself a social media break. I went on and off Instagram etc. for the last few years, it does wonders when you're stuck in a comparison cycle. People don't post their shitty days - don't forget that. A lot is edited, or AI or just the best moments. I kind of like people not knowing my peace. Who am I trying to impress anyway? (Side note: I won't be posting here again, so you can follow me on IG to see what I do next, it's a self-made kids game. @cazztregurtha. But I like to stay private mostly. That happy girl you see there tried to kill herself 3 times since the first post. Just as an example. Not in the last 2 years though. But the thoughts creep in occasionally - it's a constant battle. And that's ok too.)
Make a playlist. I used to have one called "Sad shit 1", that I could have a good cry to haha. My boyfriend still laughs at me for this one cos there was never a Sad Shit 2. But I need to feel stuff sometimes, so it helps... But then change the playlist. Don't sit in the sadness. Use mine. If you hate my style of songs, make one that makes you want to get up. I have another one called "Badass Bitch" if I need motivation haha. I listen to this specific playlist here that I posted "💖" every morning for some motivation and as I write this. But I am very much a music feelings person. Once again, each to their own.
Cut out anyone who makes you feel "less-than" or keeps making toxic choices. Guys, this one is NOT EASY!!!!! I'm gonna be real with you. I have cut out my own mom, best friends and been divorced twice. At some point you need to start choosing yourself. Forgive them and forgive yourself, and then move forward. I now have a partner of two years who just picked me a baby sunflower this weekend on the side of the road when he went to cycle and carefully somehow cycled home with it in tact cos he knew it would make me smile. It's not hard, and does not require money to make someone feel special. Diamonds are not a girl's best friend. That's a lie. Feeling safe is. And your gut is normally right.
There's a cool app I started using called Shmoody. For people like me. You have to pay for full access, I can't right now and it still helps. Just be smart about it. It really is an every day little progress. You can't rush healing anyway.
Phone a friend/Play with a pet if you feel like you can't talk to anyone. It's ok. You have got this. Once the toxic people are gone, your heart has space to invite positivity. Being alone is scary, but if you focus on yourself, you'll stop making decisions that are bad for your life and your future. Once the noise is gone, your brain will have to decide what it actually likes itself. That's a tough one actually, hence the journaling idea.
Cook yourself something healthy. Yes, for some sad reason fast food is cheaper but your body and brain need nutrients to think properly. I know, I know, pizza is also my favourite thing. But I realised it was never about weight gain or being skinny. It's about your brain needing stuff to work best. There's plenty apps to ask or even free ChatGPT could probably give you a recipe of healthier stuff in your fridge if you gave it the list. I don't need a nap in the afternoon anymore. And I will be having pizza this week, do not fear haha. A whole one. My body's healthy weight is around 70kgs and I am only 165cms. So my BMI says otherwise, but I do still want to enjoy life thank you very much haha. It's just about more healthy choices than not. That's all you need to do. Ignore the scale and see how you feel internally. Some people thrive on less and some on more. It's irrelevant. My gorgeous and successful step mom is 20kgs less than me and taller. It really doesn't matter, that's what works for her. I'm tired of everyone trying to fit in the same mould. Your lifestyle, financial situation and medical reasons are your own. You don't need to fit society's perfection standards. That's all nonsense anyway.
Sleep schedule. I am guilty of this. I get inspired and will go for two nights without sleep. Then be depressed a few days later and wonder why like a dumbass haha. Yes, Caroline, you are tired because kids have bed times for a reason and that reason does not disappear when you're an adult.
Have you looked at nature lately? It's pretty beautiful. Here's an unedited pic of a butterfly I appreciated this weekend. If you look up from your phone, you'd be surprised at the world around you.
Write down your goals. Big silly ones that make you feel embarassed, and small achievable ones for your immediate future. From "Eat breakfast every day", to "I want a Grammy". Doesn't matter, just start.
Start a basic To-Do List. You do NOT have to conquer the world or rise up TODAY. There's no rush. Self-care, like playing a game is allowed to be on this list. In fact, it should.
Move your body. It does not have to be gym. I don't like to gym. I take my dog for walks and I dance to this playlist in private in my living room. And I am a TERRIBLE dancer haha. But it does not matter, it feels good.
Most importantly, don't quit. If you wanna quit, go to bed and try again tomorrow. We're living longer, there's no ticking clock. You only have yourself to prove wrong. You can. You really, really can. Tomorrow is always another day. I've been doing these little things for 6 weeks. I'm sorry that the world can be harsh and that there is war, and unfairness and anger and hate. You will be ok, I promise. The world needs your light. Even if you don't see it right now. ✨
These things may seem small. But the lie is in needing to do it all, all at once. That's not sustainable. Ask me. And if money is not an issue, chat to a therapist, get some meds, get your health checked. These all add up in the long run.
But hey, I am no hero, no teacher, no psychologist, just some girl in South Africa that struggles with suicidal thoughts. So, what do I know? 😜 Well, I know this list has worked for me before, and it's currently working again. So, if you have no hope left, try the list (you're allowed to swear at me in your head when you're not having fun, it's ok haha), and only once you've tried it all are you allowed to give up. Oh, and that includes your own list, so no giving up mmmkay! Ever. You got this. 💪🏼
Stand Tall. Face the Sun.
So much love is being sent your way, I don't care that I don't know you. 💌
Cazz
XXX