Life has changed.
I have no idea when i will be able to create again. My whole life has changed, i can't leave the house alone, i can't walk properly, i can't talk properly at any given moment. The tics i am having are severe and come in big massive waves, i am having seizures everyday Seizures where i am awake and aware of my surroundings (functional seizures). I have nerve pain, i have doubled and blurred vision at any time of day. I close my eye involuntarily. The are all symptoms of something called Functional Neurological Disorder. I have to come off my ADHD medication before i get referred to a neurologist, it will all take a long time and if i still have this condition by then i may need many therapies, speech, physio and mental. I am so sorry everyone. Feel free to leave Patreon, i don't know how long it will be dead for. Everyone who has made album requests in the past and are waiting for their reaction video... i honestly have no idea what to say. I feel like i'm going to have to find a way to pay you all back some how ... i am truly at a loss. I can't belieev this has happened to me... just as i have been doing so well, eating well, gym, no drinking, happier in myself, love for myself... i can't even go to the gym anymore.... i am heartbroken. Everyday is torture and a danger to myself. I am so sorry.
Comments (10)
Fern, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this :( I agree with what everyone else has said, 1) please please do not feel bad. You are human and these things happen. 2) I cannot even imagine how scary this is, but like Nick said, I promise that these things can improve! that doesn’t change how terrifying or exhausting it is, though :( and 3) i will be staying on as a patreon regardless! We will be here if/ when you are ready to come back ❤️
I also just wanted to echo what Taylor said, FND absolutely can get better!! I know it will take a while to get a final diagnosis but just wanted to offer some reassurance if it is FND
Hi Fern, I know this is scary, neurological and nerve issues are like being sucked into a vortex. As someone who has been through it myself and witnessed it in family members, please know that it will end. I know it doesn't feel that way, but I assure it will. Glad to see you're taking care of yourself, sending you all the love in the world ❤️
this is really reassuring <3 thank you so very much. I keep getting so scared it will be this bad forever. leave me with a couple tics who cares? but it is all so intense . i feel like i'm dying but my brain is still alive. I will get through this, i am determined. xx
Please fern, never be sorry. You could not have ever anticipated or prevented such a startling and sudden shift in your life. I am so sorry fern. I will not be cancelling my membership. I don’t care if you never made a piece of content again if it meant you finally were able to have goddamn peace and stability. You work hard for yourself, and you have gotten so far in your self care. I am shocked and so full of immediate sorrow to read this post. I cannot fathom such an illness coming on so quickly. I wish I could do absolutely anything to help you.
🥹🥹 my heart! xx honestly thank you so much .. it means so much, thank you for being such a long time supporter too. xxx
Oh my God Fern, I’m so sorry. I’ve actually been worrying about you a little bit, even though I don’t know you obviously, but I hate that this time I was right to worry. I really hope you can get all this figured out soon, not because I miss the content, which I do but that hardly matters, but for you, because this doesn’t seem like any way to live. I’m so so sorry, and I’ll try and stay on Patreon for as long as I can. Sending lots of love your way.
Oh bless you sweetheart xxx i appreciate you so much , thank you ever so much. I really hope that with the right treatment i can go into remission but again i don't want to look to far ahead .. taking each day as it comes .. each horrible day ... i feel like my world has collapsed .... and it has tbh ! but i always rise and hopefully will have a lust for life like never before. x
It’s ok, take your time. I don’t mind leaving my subscription going if it helps you out. I hope you get to feeling better. We’ll be here when you’re ready ❤️
That is so kind 🩷 thank you … I going and out of having hope and losing hope but I am keeping strong as I can xx I have to take each day as it comes right now and need to try stop worrying about the rest of my life. X