Behind the Scenes + Film
My most expensive video thus far is “How Femboys Won the Vietnam War”. The Producer (me) insisted that we shoot on digital for several reasons. The first being: it’s a YouTube video. The second being: I am wearing a dress and saying UwU. The third being: I forgot what he said here. I was too busy thinking about how pretty I felt in that dress. Also: how good it felt killing Viet Cong.
The Director (me) insisted we shoot on film for creative reasons. 16mm film, Kodak 250D. The grit of the Tactical Femboy’s story could only be communicated in this manner. To do less would be homophobic. Possibly. It’s, quite frankly, unclear if the Tactical Femboy is actually homosexual or if he does this out of a sense of duty. Regardless, he’s a patriot and this video should cost no less than $10,000 to produce.
The Producer, who had begun to suspect the Director was not mentally-well, decided to get a restored Super 8 Camera. Super 8, being a film stock intended for drunk dads in the 70s, was then and remains even now the most inexpensive way to shoot motion picture film.
I love film. I love contrast. Visual. Thematic. Tonal. Don’t care. If a book or movie is constantly contrasting something, it will obsess me. Unfortunately, my favorite example of this is Kanye West’s music. The contrast of Life of Pablo is a fixation of mine. A more respectable example of contrast would be Slaughterhouse Five. However, fuck Kurt Vonnegut, he made me realize that history happens to people and not action figures. Asshole.
The abyssal blacks and divine whites of film obsess me. When you get everything in focus and expose properly? You will make the mundane otherworldly.
You didn’t do anything. I am not bragging. It is far harder to get everything in focus and expose than I’d like! It’s just that if you meet the moment on the moment's terms, it suddenly becomes beautiful.
One of these is a random sunset at some shitshow Quality Inn. Somewhere in Tennessee. My life is still in tubs in my car. I went to Graceland the day after I took that photo, it was the only detour I made. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the roll developed where I captured Elvis’ grave. It was resplendent with marble and devoted disciples. He didn’t notice.
I am not famous, of course, but this is the little fame I get. Not complaining, attention is genuinely the worst part of this. We all get a little now, I think. For better or worse.
I told my best friend on the phone that Elvis was the Patron Saint of fame, but I don’t know what miracles he did. My friend responded, “He made it possible for girls to cum.” Thank you, Elvis.
My dream is to make a YouTube video filmed in 16mm one day. I have a few ideas, mostly horror. I always thought there was going to be a point where I could slow down, burn money on weird shit, and truly find fulfillment. The ability to spend as long as I want on videos.
I realize now that moment will never come. Because it’s perfect. There is no such thing. Everything is compromised by reality. We need to meet reality on its own terms if we ever hope to make anything.
I am going to film a YouTube video in 16mm. Well, after the IRS is off my ass. I hope within 6 months I’ll be able to do something properly stupid. For now, I spiritually need to spill my guts everywhere. I financially need to talk about Doom: The Dark Ages (which I am looking forward to playing, after the current video is done). This moment is, perhaps, a little too far from perfect. My own fault, and I’ve learned many lessons.
I promise I’m not spending too much money on this stuff, particularly if you compare it to what I was spending slowly killing myself.
I leave you with the thumbnail for the next video. A double-exposure of my friend’s arm and the ocean which I cleaned up a bit in GIMP. Thanks for your money, but I hope we both agree that Adobe can get fucked.
I know I'm still not good, at the moment. I couldn't be happier with this one, though.
Thanks for your support,
DJ PC
Comments (26)
Awesome photos, I really like the industrial one
It’s nice to be able to watch a content creator I truly respect navigate dark times while I’m trying to do that myself. I have much to say and no capacity (and possibly not much time to) say it. The world’s ending and my soul is constipated. Anyway thanks, Gamer.
Glad to see you’ve changed shots for shots in film
Whats wrong with adobe? Been meaning to get into it for a while
Its issues are well known, but the biggest offender is locking everything behind a subscription that you think you pay monthly, but you actually pay the yearly amount, so there's a cancellation fee. They nickel and dime artists, and although their software is by and large excellent, their hostile behaviour towards their customer lends them much warranted criticism.
I for one can't think of a better way to spend my money
My phone has sabotaged two attempts at adding my supportive and poetic sarcasm infused musings. This has furthered my mental spiral hurling my already deteriorating psyche into lovecraftian existentialism but the racist overtones are replaced with the cartoon villain fascism our dystopian reality has been subsumed into. I'll be soon staring into the void with you, peach my friend, so know you're not alone when it glares back. 🫶🐌
Did you know that perfect is the enemy of good enough?
Where the fuck do I buy that mug?
I do like to start my day with some free range lunacy
Posts like this truly make me feel like a rich patron during the Renaissance funding some mentally ill artist. Keep up the good work cobbler!
Adobe can get bent yeah
The more insane Cobbler becomes the better he is at making stuff.
Photo 7 made me realize how good wood paneled appliances look.
Your photographic style look as deranged as you seem to be. Not to say I do not like it, far from it. Hell, I love taking picture with my shitty kid camera with integrated thermal printer, the result is always... interesting. Dump Gimp and use Krita, it's free (it's also hassle free) & open source.
Appreciate the open source recommendation. Open source is one of the key players in thus game of having a future some of us are trying to alert the rest of us to.
You use GIMP? That explains everything
better bring up doom eternal in 16 mm
Can I give you one unsolicited advice that comes from my Balkan background? I heard yes, right? Keep pushing, when life kicks you around one just needs to keep pushing on, and don’t expect things to be better, be content when things get to be different. Just push on and expect nothing.
Awesome writeup, thank you.
Adobe can take a running leap off a short pier, preferably at low tide, to be dashed upon the rocks. Otherwise, do whatever the fuck you want, obviously I'd prefer more videos, ask anyone who had half a tub of icecream, similar reaction, but if you want to make art-art, cool. Like I'd like some updates about how it's going or something to tide us over, but it's negotiable.
I'll add my little idea. People are dying, rural community, they've had the water tested, the airs as clean as it can be, but people are dying, quickly, painfully, no wounds. People want explainations, they look to science, but science fails them, they look to religion, that too fails them, and so they have the supernatural. Shit gets weird quick, the community splits along three lines, the old gods chosen for worship. All the while they still have the internet, still have phones and all, they still work their day jobs, but instead of Sunday mass, it's a Roman esque goat sacrifice and fortune telling from the guts. People are STILL dying. At THIS point a drone shot pulls back from the town, upstream in this slight valley, several miles away, a sprawling industrial plant, maybe a refinery. An old valve cannot handle the pressure, so they use a burn stack to relieve that pressure, cheaper than replacing the valve, at least it will be for another 2 years. Same sort of chemical as was present in the Bhopal incident. Like Soviet or Imperial Japanese doctors dealing with the effects of radiation poisoning, but lacking the knowledge of WHAT is actually happening, of course the rural doctor can't determine the root cause of death. It's only a little at a time, and it quickly goes with the wind. It is one of the most lethal chemicals we have ever created as a species, takes an EXTREMELY little amount to kill someone. People keep dying, nothing is working for them. Those who can leave, have, everyone else is stuck, caught in debt, caught in ideology, just plain caught. 3 years later, only 6 residents remain, still caught up in debts or ideology. Of the 3000 odd residents, 400 left debt free, 700 left leaving the debts, in trouble with the law, the rest, spare 6, are all dead. No federal intervention, no investigation, nothing. Just another ghost town among dozens dotting America. More of a thriller, suspense horror, some existential stuff, some banality of evil stuff. I'll never have the chance to use that idea. Cannibalise it for parts, if you feel inclined.
The musings of my insane philosopher are my favorite thing to wake up to at 2 am for a flight. ❤️
Keep on keeping on amigo. Hope you're doing well. The photos look really nice btw. FOSS software like GIMP will always be better. Especially since corpos like Adobe cant stop themselves from enshitifying their software if they think they can milk more money out of people with it.
If you want a really great Vietnam book, I can't recommend "The Short Timers" by Gustav Halford enough. It was one of the two books that Kubrick leaned on for Full Metal Jacket, but I think it's even better than the movie (if such a thing is possible). I don't know what's being contrasted in it, except for maybe reality against humanity. It's so good.
The husband constantly sings praises for Achilles in Vietnam as well if you, the peach himself, or any other soul has a hankering for additional novels of philosophical nature and contexts in historical warfare.