0OO0O0O0 SPOOKY!

Happy Friday people!!! Your weekly reminder, GHOSTS IS REAL! This one is intense. This listener shares her extremely intimate experience with her friend's step father shortly after he committed suicide..

"7 years ago when I was 15 my best friends step father committed suicide. I had only met him once and exchanged quick greetings and even now I can’t really remember what he looks like. It had been a few weeks, maybe a month or 2 after he passed when my best friend and I were at a sleepover with several of our other friends.  Her Step Dads name was Nathan and all of a sudden I felt him walk into the room. At first I didn’t really understand what was happening, I felt like he was inside me, as weird as that sounds, I felt like I was him. He/I went on to the balcony for some space, because I was confused and overwhelmed and didn’t want the other girls to see me acting strange. I was crying, hyperventilating, and shaking on the balcony and I vividly remember him facing me holding my shoulders shaking me saying ‘do it Nathan, fucking do it you pussy’ repeatedly and aggressively. In that moment I realized I was reliving his last moments with him. Nobody had told me how he did it but he showed me in these moments. I was him, sitting in his car in the garage, revving the engine as I yelled back and forth with myself, talking myself in and out of it. (Do it, don’t do it, do it etc.) I was there feeling what he felt, his pain as he committed, and intense doesn’t even begin to describe it. He asked me to go downstairs and write. So I asked my friend if I could use her room. When I sat down to write, I was him. I was crying but they weren’t my tears. I was writing but it wasn’t my words. Before I knew it I had written several pages, the whole time Nathan was my internal dialogue, he was writing the letter. As soon as it was over I heard him say, ‘Don’t show Bronte’, his step daughter. Suddenly, he was gone. I was really confused and didn’t know what to do with the letter or the experience that I just had. Before he left he told me and showed me how hard it was for him to see his children, Bronte and her Mum suffering over his death. He was still there and he was still in so much pain. He hated himself for what he did and how he made his loved ones feel from his passing. He was still suffering. He showed me that suicide doesn’t take away the pain. He still felt it even after passing. I went back upstairs and asked Bronte if she’d talk to me for a second and I said, ‘I don’t know how to tell you this, Bronte, but Nathan was just here and he wanted to tell me it’s not your fault.’ She broke down and said she had felt that he was still around and told me that the last time they spoke before he passed, she had said some things she wished she hadn’t. I hugged her and we cried and cried and cried. I lost contact with Bronte over the years, but I still have the letter, because I believe one day I am meant to give it to her. I spent a long time wondering why me? Why did that happen? What was I meant to learn? I realized years later that he came to me not only for Bronte but also for myself. I had made several attempts in my life in the 18 months prior and I think Nathan was trying to show me that it won’t take my pain away, suicide isn’t the answer and never will be. Although I still have suicidal thoughts occasionally I know that that experience changed my course; I never again tried to take my own life and I don’t think I ever will. I never heard from Nathan again and I hope he’s found a way to soften his pain, but I’m very grateful to have had the experience."