85. Team Building

A/N: Hello. You may have noticed there wasn't an AYEH chapter this week. I might post a longer explanation later, but the basics are just that there are only a few chapters left in the entire story, and AYEH has been very stubborn about them. The story is seriously fighting me tooth and nail, as often happens to me when books near their end. I think the only book that hasn't made me miserable finishing it is Bioshifter, but maybe that was just because I was too busy making myself cry. Who knows. Basically, at this point I need to bite the bullet and just say that AYEH will be out when it's out. This week I got about halfway through writing the chapter, and this upcoming week I'll be busy moving, so expect it a bit over a week from now. Or don't! But hopefully another week of work should be enough. Ugh.

Oh yeah, MGMH. Um. There's a chapter! Content warning for suicidal ideation. Aaaand we have two transformation themes. Here they are in order:
https://youtu.be/vRJXqfCwixQ
https://youtu.be/v6aN04YAH4U

Enjoy the chapter!

"Gʟᴇᴀᴍ Bʟᴀᴅᴇ!"

"Sᴛᴀʀʟɪɢʜᴛ Cᴀɴɴᴏɴ."

"Buff us up, girls!" I order. "[M ɪ ʀ ʀ ᴏ ʀ F ᴏ ʀ ᴄ ᴇ]"

Amaterasu starts off with her usual weapon buff, and Castalia wastes no time blasting us with a terrifying love-beam, but I'm ready for it. I have, unfortunately, been required to optimize several different shielding spells for specifically anti-Castalia purposes, so when Castalia's beam hits my giant, glittering shield, it holds fast. It even starts to reflect it back.

"Hmm," Castalia says. "No."

…And my initial confidence is wiped away in an instant. Castalia's beam twists, an additional magic circle blooming behind it and launching a thinner, more concentrated beam through the center of the first one. It slams into and through my barrier, shattering it entirely and barely giving me enough time to tackle Thea out of the way. The pure white floors of the Preserver base melt away in an instant, as does a solid chunk of the stone underneath it.

"I-I thought you said you were holding back!" I yelp.

"I said I would not be piercing the Earth's mantle," Castalia corrects. "It will be rather obvious if I break that promise. Sᴛᴀʀʟɪɢʜᴛ Sᴘʟɪᴛᴛᴇʀ."

Six thin, sustained beams bloom around her and fire at us, once again forcing me into a wild dodge. Amaterasu rushes forward to keep up the pressure, but Anath leaps in to intercept her. Incarnate blades clash against sharp, crystalline growths, a flash of orange and yellow brightening the room.

"Lɪɢʜᴛᴡᴇɪɢʜᴛ! Sᴜᴘᴇʀɪᴏʀ Fʀᴇᴇᴅᴏᴍ!" Thea casts on me, my own mass and the air around me suddenly dropping their physics-prescribed limitations on my movement. 

"¡Fᴜᴇʀᴢᴀ Aʀᴅɪᴇɴᴛᴇ!" Aurora follows up, causing my fists and feet to catch on fire, the flames somehow adding force to my every movement. In an instant, my movement calculations update for the changes, and I leap forward toward Castalia, thrusters firing. 

Castalia's Starlight Splitter converges on me, leaving glowing trails on the floor as the beams close in. I optimize my standard shielding and go in for the punch, but Castalia just weaves out of the way and still scours over eight percent out of my shielding with a passing swipe of her beams. 

"[M ᴇ ɢ ᴀ B ᴜ s ᴛ ᴇ ʀ]"

I launch off a shot as she dodges, aimed to perfectly intercept her movements, and this time we're far too close together for her to just move out of the way. I can tell it's going to hit… but Castalia just narrows her eyes at it and my primary attack spell stops dead in midair. The energy within vibrates with violence, but Castalia unravels the magic with nothing but raw willpower, turning it into little more than motes of yellow light.

"Luna," Castalia chides me. "Be serious."

"Wh—I am serious!" I insist. "You're just way too strong!"

"Then why are you holding back?" Castalia asks. "Your magic doesn't even want to hurt me."

"I… of course I don't want to hurt you! I like you!"

"So? Those are two different things," Castalia says. "Sᴛᴀʀʟɪɢʜᴛ Cᴀɴɴᴏɴ."

Oh, shit. 

"Assᴀᴜʟᴛ Aʀᴍᴏʀ! Fᴏʀᴄᴇ Cᴀᴘᴀᴄɪᴛᴏʀ!" Thea calls out, her spells protecting me as I fail to leap out of the way, but they aren't even going to last a second against one of Castalia's attacks. But Thea isn't my only backup!

"¡Cᴏʀᴀᴢᴏ́ɴ Lʟᴀᴍᴇᴀɴᴛᴇ!" Aurora incants, unleashing a burst of flame at Castalia that forces her to abandon the attack. Aurora follows up by thrusting her fists forward, sending in the floating orbs that act as her incarnate weapons to continue harassing our target.

Meanwhile, the clash between Anath and Amaterasu continues. Anath, predictably, is looking like she's having the time of her life, exchanging blow after blow with her usual manic grin. It used to really spook me when she smiled like that, especially given how unpredictable and dangerous she could be when she was having a manic episode. Now, though, I'm kind of happy to see her regaining a bit of her old self so soon after the sobbing mess we found her in. 

What I don't expect, however, is to see Amaterasu winning. The wolf girl is just faster, more precise, and more focused, scoring hit after hit as the two exchange blows. I suppose Amaterasu has always been a hard worker, and someone prone to pushing her limits. I wouldn't be surprised if her orange magic mainly manifested in her own desire to improve and get stronger. Besides, no matter how happy Anath seems right now, I know she must be scared to death about Fulgora.

"Thea, back up Anath!" I call out. "Aurora, let's get Castalia!"

"Okay, last one!" Thea agrees. "Gʀᴇᴀᴛᴇʀ Gɪғᴛ ᴏғ Tᴇʀʀᴏʀ!"

Ahhh, that one's my favorite. The extra buffer of temporary energy makes everything I do so much easier.

"That's your cue," Castalia says.

"Huh?" I ask.

"Your cue to transform," Castalia explains. "If you honestly think you can face me without your incarnate form, I will be worried."

"But my incarnate form is—"

"Sᴛᴀʀʟɪɢʜᴛ Cᴀɴɴᴏɴ."

Wagh, Jesus! I leap out of the way as Castalia carves another gouge into the training room floor. She still clips me, stealing an even larger chunk out of my power reserves.

"It's not energy efficient," Castalia notes. "But do you think taking repeated attacks from me is? You must learn."

"I was going to say my incarnate form isn't kid-friendly!" I protest. My nibblies are only barely covered by the weird chains! 

"Dios mío, just transform already!" Aurora snaps at me. "She's gonna destroy the whole base at this rate!"

I glance toward Thea, who is helping put Amaterasu on the back foot with her Quad Seeker Swarm spell. I've always loved how her magic has such an unapologetic mix of classic fantasy spells and straight-up sci-fi. She's a witch who casts magic that blows you up with drones. It's awesome. She's awesome.

My incarnate form hurts her. I hurt her, because of what I am, and that hurts me. But I can't leave her. That would hurt her even more. I just don't know what to do. Should I even be trying to win here? What if my date with Castalia makes her jealous?

"I-If you're waiting for my permission, Luna, I'm gonna be mad!" Thea insists, noticing my stare. "If you can't beat Castalia, you definitely can't beat Melpomene!"

…Right. Of course. Let's not lose sight of our goals, here. Goals we all share, Thea included.

"Fine," I agree. "Fᴏʀ Yᴏᴜ, Aɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ."

I wouldn't call the process of assuming my incarnate form familiar, exactly, but there's something strangely nostalgic about it even though I've only done so twice before. It's the qualia, I realize. The way it feels and hears and smells. It's not making me nostalgic for the other times I've used my incarnate form. It's making me nostalgic for the wind on my face, for air in my lungs, and even the scent of burnt plastic that permeates this battle-torn room. My incarnate form is a fusion of metallic and organic, a chrome finish on a woman's skin rather than plating designed to simply ape a woman's appearance. I am still as synthetic as I was before, but without anything my robotic body was missing from my soul's prior stint as a living being. This body can feel all the pleasures and pains that my other body can't. It truly is so very close to my perfect self.

But the chains still tie me down.

"Eɴʀᴀᴘᴛᴜʀᴇᴅ Wᴇᴀᴘᴏɴ Uɴsʜᴇᴀᴛʜᴇᴅ Mᴜʀᴀᴍᴀsᴀ!"

"Better. Now remember to be thankful," Castalia instructs. "Aʙʀᴇᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ: Dɪᴠɪɴᴇ Sᴛᴀʀʟɪɢʜᴛ Cᴀɴɴᴏɴ."

Abre—!? Wait, hold on, already!? 

"Mɪʀʀᴏʀ Fᴏʀᴄᴇ!" I incant again, and the difference between my pre- and post-incarnate casting of the spell is night and day. 

A giant translucent shield covers our entire side of the battlefield, taking Castalia's attack head-on. I can feel the way the two spells fight to assert their version of reality, the way they erode each other away and work to reinforce my shield in real time, shoring up weaknesses and pressing strengths until I've absorbed so much of Castalia's Abreaction that I can take most of that energy and turn it right back around. 

"Hʏᴘᴇʀsᴘᴀᴄᴇ," Castalia casts, teleporting away from my attack instead of taking it head-on. I hold back a wince as my retaliation blasts another hole in the training room, but I don't have time to care much about that because I need to dodge before Castalia kicks me in the face.

I barely lean out of the way, sending in my incarnate weapon—my cool little laser-sword drones—to force her back, several energy blasts following her as she retreats. They try to chase her, but the chains tying them to me yank painfully tight, and I have to cancel the pursuit, ending only with a sweeping beam attack that Castalia casts a silent shield to block.

"Better," she concedes.

"Don't patronize me!" I snap.

"Don't let your target distract your emotions in combat," Castalia chides.

Right. Right! Thankful, thankful, gotta be thankful. My energy reserves are dropping like a stone, so I need something to be happy about stat. It shouldn't be hard, right? My life is looking pretty great, honestly! Sure, I'm stressed about the Fulgora-freeing operation coming up, but once that's over with, we're in pretty good shape. All the people I care about will be safe. Well, except maybe for Castalia's chronic illness, but we'll figure that out too! And then she and Thea and I will all get an apartment together, and we'll go to college because Thea will love college, like oh my god. It'll be perfect for her! She's been wishing she could have gone to school more for a while, so she definitely won't waste the opportunity. I'm… not sure if Thea actually has any legal identification or not, but I'm sure we can figure out a way to get her some. 

It'll be so good to see Thea happy! She'll probably be able to make plenty of friends, especially if she joins like, a robotics program or something. Getting her together with people who share her interests should be the best way to help her feel more comfortable around others. And I'll have to make sure she keeps eating well, of course! I should maybe do a nutrition plan. Her body might be unique, but the basic principles should still apply, right? Ooh, there's so much to do! She just needs help with so much stuff, but she deserves help, so—wagh!?

Anath suddenly shouts a quick apology and breaks off from her fight with Amaterasu, jumping at me. I double-check if there's an attack I need to dodge or something, but the only thing coming at me is her. I pull away, but she manages to grab me anyway, specifically wrapping one hand around the giant chain link fused with my torso. She winces, like the touch burned her, but she grips it as hard as she can and then shakes me. 

It might be the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I can't help it; I scream. It feels like someone tore a broken arm out of a cast and twisted it. Like a wound that was healing over just got dug into with a knife, peeling off the scab in hot, bloody chunks. I flail and thrash at Anath, firing my incarnate weapons at her, but she doesn't even dodge. The shots pierce through her stomach, shoulder, and tail, but she still gives me a couple more agonizing shakes before letting go.

Her hand is burned. The fur on her palm is ash.

"Quit acting stupid," Anath says. 

"You're saying that to me!? What the hell is wrong with you, Anath!?" I shout. 

The mock battle has officially stopped. Training sessions generally aren't supposed to make one of the participants scream like I did. Everyone is just staring at us now, though Amaterasu is crouched like she's trying to decide if she should leap at us and stab Anath in the back. I'm pissed enough that I'm not sure I'd stop her if she tried… but objectively, I know Anath didn't do this because she's betraying us.

I just have no earthly idea what she is trying to do.

"That part of your soul is wrong," Anath says, pointing at the giant chain link in my chest.

"I know that!" I growl at her. "You didn't have to shake me! That hurt like hell!"

Anath shrugs, delaying her answer as she licks her injured palm a few times.

"It was doing something bad to you," she says. "And it's stuck in there really tight. So I shook it loose a little."

Shook it loose…? 

"Did you just yank around the obedience commands piercing my soul?" I ask. "Is that how incarnate forms work!? I thought these chains were metaphorical!"

"They are," Castalia confirms, floating down to the two of us. "But with a proper application of magic, they could act as a strong object of focus to help cast directly on your soul."

"Want me to rip 'em out?" Anath asks.

Yes? No? 

"I'm pretty sure that would kill me," I say, no longer entirely sure if that's true. It felt like it was true, I seriously thought I was gonna die. I still have to say no either way, though. Clearly, the chains aren't that loose, and I'm a little mad about that all of a sudden.

"Yeah, it was pretty tight in there," Anath says. "I guess your soul was growing around it, or something? Like if somebody stabs you with a mechanical pencil and some graphite breaks off inside and you never dig it out so the skin heals around it."

Well that's disturbingly specific but okay I guess.

"Please do not attempt any more blunt-force surgery on my soul," I request.

"Then quit letting your soul be stupid!" Anath accuses, pointing a finger at me. "You weren't even thinking about the fight! It's not good training if you don't pay attention!"

Of course I was thinking about the fight! Or… well, I can multitask anyway. I'm good at that. Right?

I sigh. It's an odd sensation. I've been faking them for so long now it feels odd to have actual air in actual lungs, as robotic as they may be. My incarnate form is weird. 

"You're right," I admit. "Sorry. I'm still getting a handle on everything. And to that end… I only have a couple more minutes before I'll need to drop out of incarnate form, so let's resume, okay?"

"Are you sure, Luna?" Thea asks me.

I almost say yes by sheer instinct, but my soul twinges with lingering pain and it seems only reasonable to reconsider that. Am I like… structurally damaged? But like, in a spiritual way? Diagnostics say… no. Only minor damage, and nothing that should cause an issue during a strenuous but controlled training session. But that's not the only thing Thea is asking, is it? I need to be honest with her, and to do that I need to be more honest with myself.

"No, but it should be safe, and I really need to shoot Castalia in the face, or else I won't get to go on the coolest date ever," I tell her.

Thea rolls her eyes.

"…Yeah, okay, you seem fine," she says.

"Okay then, everybody ready?" Aurora asks. "Three, two, one… resume!"

"Mᴀɢɴɪғʏ Sʜᴏᴛ!" I cast immediately.

"Gʟɪᴍᴍᴇʀɪɴɢ Bᴜʟᴡᴀʀᴋ," Castalia counters, my attack shattering against her barrier. "Sᴛᴀʀʟɪɢʜᴛ Cᴀɴɴᴏɴ."

Focus, Luna. Focus. You are a combat machine. You are a weapon. You are a tool, and this is your purpose. Feel that purpose, and use your love to fuel it.

"Hʏᴘᴇʀsᴘᴀᴄᴇ!"

"Hʏᴘᴇʀsᴘᴀᴄᴇ."

Castalia and I cast the teleport spell at exactly the same time, so I wait. Through my will and my strength, I hold the spell in place, watching the flow of magic as my perception of time slows to a near-standstill. There. That's the spot she'll appear. I finalize my coordinates, and the moment she moves, I appear right behind her.

"Mᴇɢᴀ Bᴜsᴛᴇʀ!" I cast, launching a spell she couldn't possibly have predicted, from a direction she can't see coming, at point-blank range.

She dodges it anyway, because she's Castalia. It's beautiful, just like everything she does. By the time I finish speaking the words, she's already ducking underneath the firing line, twisting to lock her one good eye onto me. Magic gathers within her, and I already know I'm the one who is about to get punished for this. I know I'm strong. I fought Castalia to a standstill, after all. But I can't let myself forget… that was only after Melpomene almost killed her. I'm still not on her level. Not quite.

But that's okay. I know better than to underestimate Castalia.

Castalia dodges, but my shot still lands true on my real target: Amaterasu. The wolf girl squawks in pain as my attack knocks her over, and Anath immediately turns to stare at me with a betrayed look. Heh. I smile back. Sorry I interrupted your duel, Anath, but I need you here. You're the only one who might be fast enough, and now you have a clear shot at Castalia's back.

"Sᴛᴀʀʟɪɢʜᴛ Cᴀɴɴᴏɴ!"

Yeah, this is going to hurt. It's just the distraction Anath needs, though, and she takes the opportunity perfectly.

"Pᴀssɪᴏɴ Sᴛᴇᴘ!" Anath casts, leaping toward Castalia and me like a rocket. She's so fast that I can barely track her, and Castalia's too busy obliterating my ass with Starlight Cannon to cast Glimmering Bulwark. I put up my shields to weather the blow as best I can, and Anath's claws come for Castalia's back.

And then, they stop inches from their target. Anath freezes in the air. Castalia caught her with telekinesis. Without even looking.

It is at this point that the Starlight Cannon engulfs me, which is bad. There's not much I can do about it. Thea is next to take her shot.

"Dɪsʀᴜᴘᴛᴏʀ Cᴀɴɴᴏɴ!" she casts, a beam attack of her own launching toward Castalia. It's intercepted before it can land with Anath's own body. 

Anath yelps in pain, but it's far from enough to get that battle maniac to give up. 

"Gʀᴀsᴘ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Cʟᴀᴡ!" she casts, a powerful gravitational force trying to pull Castalia into the ground, but Castalia just doesn't fall, straining against the spell with her own powers of flight.

I'm a little busy getting blasted away, but Thea recognizes the opportunity.

"Gʀᴀsᴘ ᴛʜᴇ Eɴᴅ!" she casts, magical portals appearing below Castalia and summoning a swarm of black tentacles that reach up, wrap around Castalia, and yank her the rest of the way to the ground.

"Not around the kids, Thea!" I shout, hitting a wall.

"What!?" Thea yelps, not having any idea what the hell I'm on about but still picking up on the fact that it's dirty. She knows me so well.

Getting blasted by a death laser is no excuse to miss a joke, after all. I boost myself out of the crater I ended up in, my power reserves blinking low, and prepare myself for one final punch.

"She means me!" Aurora calls out, slamming her fists together as her orbs crash into Castalia from both sides.

It's a completely clean hit. The incarnate weapons slam into her chest and back. Castalia makes a cute little 'oof' noise. It's over. We hit her.

I skid to a stop in front of my tentacle-tied girlfriend and give her a light tap on the cheek with my fist, just to make myself feel better.

"Pow," I say.

"Good work," Castalia nods.

"I-I am so very sorry, Castalia-san!" Amaterasu shouts, bowing deeply. "This loss is my fault."

"No," Castalia disagrees. "It was mine. Luna took advantage of the fact that I have grown unused to fighting with a team. I am the one who failed to properly occupy my opponents and allowed the tables to turn against you."

Amaterasu is about to protest when a sudden burst of yellow magic in the middle of the room distracts us all from the conversation. A familiar Preserver has appeared… and it is unfortunately not the one any of us were hoping for.

"What happened in here!?" Uma'gabo demands. "Has there been an invasion?"

"No," Castalia answers. "We were just training."

"We received the base destruction alarm because you were training!?"

Castalia blinks.

"Yes," she confirms.

"That… that is completely inappropriate!" Uma'gabo says. "Training should not result in such excessive destruction of property!"

As much as I hate to admit it, they sort of have a point. Half the training room is molten… whatever substance the training room is made of. 'Excessive' may not be an entirely inaccurate descriptor for the situation. Not that I intend to admit it to Uma'gabo, of course.

"Why is it our fault that your training room can't stand up to the kind of forces we actually have to train for?" I ask. "We need to be ready to fight against things that can do this kind of damage!"

"You do?" Uma'gabo asks.

Oh my god? Oh my god oh my god. I was expecting all sorts of idiotic responses, but that one easily takes the cake!

"Yes, we do!" I insist. "You realize how destructive kaiju are, right? You get that they've destroyed cities before? Entire cities! What kind of force did you think that required?"

"O-obviously we understand the threat a kaiju poses! Uma'tama has acknowledged our capabilities and placed us in charge of the entire western half of the state! But we… this kind of destruction… the repairs are not planned for!"

The western half of the state? Oh, that's hilarious. Uma'tama has gotten good at bullshitting. Ninety percent of Colorado's population is in the eastern half. That means well over ninety percent of convergences happen here, since major population centers are abnormally likely to have them. This is an assignment that gets Uma'gabo relatively out of the way, while still making them feel like they're taking equal responsibility compared to Uma'tama. I respect it.

"Sounds like that's a logistical planning issue on your end, then," I say. "Fortunately, we're in the eastern half of the state right now, so Uma'tama will have to be the one to deal with it. It's not your job, right?"

"Well… that's true," Uma'gabo agrees. "Okay, bye."

And then they vanish.

"…I don't like them," Aurora huffs.

"Yeah, Uma'tama's way better," I agree. "Hopefully they'll be more understanding about the obliteration of the training room."

"It certainly explains why Castalia-san usually only gives advice," Amaterasu sighs, glancing around. "Should we be inhaling this? Are there… fumes?"

"I'm not detecting anything toxic, so all you wimpy organics should be okay," I assure her. "More importantly… are we going to be continuing the training with the room like this?"

"It would be better if we had a liminal space," Amaterasu sighs. "I think a better question is whether or not it would be safe to do so. Luna-san, you have power issues regarding incarnate form training, yes?"

"…I do," I admit. "I've been working on emotional control, but I just haven't had a ton of time to practice yet. I've only been an Earth Guardian for a few days."

"I should also save my strength," Castalia admits. "There is always a chance that our enemy will attack today."

"Plus, we have our space date tonight!" I say excitedly.

"Aurora hit me," Castalia says. "You did not."

Wh—no! No, that's not fair!

"B-but… pow!" I whimper despondently, raising my fist.

"I am teasing you," Castalia says. "Hee. Hee."

Oh my god did she just say 'hee hee' in place of laughing? That's so cute that's so cute that's so cute.

"You almost gave me a heart attack!" I accuse. "I have one of those right now! Sort of!"

"Yes. Your expression was very fun. I like when you have expressions." Castalia says.

Awww… yeah, having a face that works is nice, I'll admit.

"Speaking of, unfortunately, I should change back," I say, dropping out of incarnate form. "I'm all the way back down to like, twenty-five percent already."

"Oh," Castalia says. "That's bad."

"Yeah, but I suspect I'll be getting it all back pretty fast tonight," I smirk. "And if an emergency happens, we hopefully have another LCI or two…?"

I direct that last question at Amaterasu, who nods in confirmation.

"I have them if you need them, Luna-san."

"Perfect. Thank you, Amako," I say. "I assume we're not allowed to use them for training?"

"Correct," Amaterasu nods. "Emergencies only."

"Well I'd like to keep training," Aurora says. "I can't just stand around and do nothing while we wait!"

"Shouldn't you have homework to do, or something?" I ask.

"I get all of that done before I leave school," Aurora dismisses.

"Damn, okay, fair enough," I concede.

"I'll train with you!" Anath says cheerfully. "And Amaterasu will help too, right?"

"I should be supervising you, if nothing else," Amaterasu huffs.

"Aww, you had fun in our fight though, right? Right?" Anath asks, bouncing up and down a little.

Amaterasu snorts.

"It would have been more fun if you had not required so much help," she says. "It seems I've raised the gap in strength between us even more since the last time we fought."

"Wh—hey! No fair! Fulgy did most of the work that time!" Anath protests, the fur on her tail sticking out every which-way as she tenses up.

"You were using your Catharsis. I did not even need to," Amaterasu argues. 

"Grrr… fine, then! Let's see if you really are that much better!" Anath says. "Let's go! Let's fight! Come on, come on!"

"Let me at least heal you, first," Aurora sighs. "Hey! Why are you dodging!?"

"Swoosh!" Anath explains clearly.

"Thaaat's our cue to leave," I sigh, turning to Thea. "Shall we?"

"Actually, I was going to stay and train too, if that's alright," Thea says. "I'm… not very practiced at fighting. It's been so long, I feel like I need to start again from the basics. I can act as a ranged attacker or as a support, so…"

"Very well, we will practice," Amaterasu nods.

"See ya, then," I say. "What do you want to do, Castalia?"

"I am going to take a nap. You should practice emotional control more," Castalia says. "That is by far the area of training you require the most, so stay here and train. I will see you tonight."

Oh. Well. Poo. I suppose she's got a point.

"Yes ma'am," I sigh. "I'll charge up as best I can."

As it turns out, that isn't very hard today. Excitement qualifies mainly as orange magic rather than yellow, but the transfer rate is pretty solid, and I'm feeling enough of it that my reserves are already ticking up at a steady pace. But that's not really training, is it? Sure, sometimes I just so happen to be feeling the right emotions at the right time, but being an Earth Guardian means being able to feel your chosen emotion on demand. And for happiness in particular, that has always been hard for me.

I have a history of severe depression. The idea that it's even possible to just choose to be happy is almost offensive to me. To be completely blunt, if it was that easy, I wouldn't have gotten so close to killing myself so many times. But saying something like that out loud around Castalia? The girl so happy she could destroy a small country with her joy? A person who has maintained that happiness and cultivated it through tragedy after unspeakable tragedy? Through loneliness, isolation, and her own ever-encroaching death? In the face of that, I have to start to consider if there's some genuine merit to the idea. I'd be stupid not to.

And… y'know, it's not like I don't get it. Emotions are intrinsically subjective. They influence one's mindset, but are created in response to one's mindset in a cyclical loop. So much of where they come from is simply how a person sees the world, and so much of how a person sees the world comes from how they feel. This is part of what makes meat brains so awful, and… well, okay, my robot brain isn't actually better because it's just an emulated meat brain, but I was complaining about this when I was alive too, so I still get to point it out.

Anyway, my point is, I know it's possible, but it still feels hopeless. If depression gives you more depression, then I've been shooting myself in the foot for so long there's no way I could possibly walk. At least, that's how I saw things before, anyway. Now I have a lot of good things in my life—or more accurately, a lot of good people—and with a little bit of help, I might figure out a good way to get that loop going in earnest, turning joy into more joy ad infinitum.

To get there, though, I can't rely on everyone else to fix my mood for me. I have to figure out how to help it along. It's my brain, after all.

I'm not entirely sure what to do other than just bask in the joy of how far I've come, but it seems as good a place to start as any.

- - -

"Woah! You have games here!?" Veritas calls out all of a sudden. "They're so old!"

"What?" Melpomene asks. "Oh. Yes. Those are Anath's. I suppose she… left them behind."

"This is so cool! Can I play them?"

"…Sure, dear," Melpomene says. "Go ahead."

"This is so cool! We get hot food and video games and we get to go exploring weird ruins…"

Veritas trails off, and shortly afterwards I start to hear the digital beeps and boops of an old game playing. Melpomene just stands around, watching vacantly. I'm still in her arms. She's supposed to be taking me back to my wheelchair, but I guess I won't complain about the delay. 

Our Dark World outing was much more exciting for everyone else than it was for me. Even though I can tell what's around me a lot better out in the miasma, I still can't see anything, and I have a lot of trouble recognizing what it is I'm feeling as a result. Essentially, there wasn't a whole lot for us to do. I'm not really sure why they brought us, but I'm glad they did.

I don't like being alone.

We're never alone.

…I don't like being alone with you, Fulgora.

Yeah, I knew what you meant.

"…Whatcha thinkin' about?" I ask out loud, if only to get out of my own head.

"I don't really know what Nanaya is up to," Melpomene says. "She ran off again, as soon as we got back. I'm worried about her. She hasn't been talking to me much."

"Aren't you like, in charge?" I ask.

Melpomene lets out a small, humorless laugh.

"In charge of you, perhaps," she says. "But not her. She's made that very clear."

"I don't really think you're in charge of me either," I say. "You made me, sure, but that's different."

"I 'made' you?" Melpomene asks.

"Pretty much, yeah," I confirm. "You know, by stranding Fulgora in the Dark World and refusing to let her out until she joined you? You only brought us water like, once a month. That was really messed up. I was so thirsty!"

Melpomene snorts.

"What, did you just expect me to let you out so you could shoot more lightning at Thea?" she huffs. "Of course I wanted you to join us. You belong with us, darling. You've become so beautiful like this."

Beautiful? I'm a goddamn fish.

"I'll have to take your word for it, since I don't even know what I look like," I dismiss. "My point is, I don't think you're in charge. Fulgora doesn't either."

Melpomene is quiet for a while, staring off in Veritas' general direction.

"Well… maybe I shouldn't be," she says at last. "Nanaya has always been more… organized. I just wish she'd tell me what she was doing. She's just been so distant lately."

My muscles tense as Fulgora forcibly crawls her way out of my subconscious, turning our head towards Melpomene as she puts in only just enough effort to hurt her.

"Surely you don't think she actually loves you, right?" Fulgora asks.

I take control back right afterwards, letting my head loll back again as I smack my hands over my mouth in embarrassment. Thankfully Mel doesn't seem too offended. She actually almost seems… relieved? 

"No," she says. "We were just… letting off stress with each other. I know what real love is like, and it's not that."

Again, the conversation trails off. I'm not really sure what to say, but eventually, Melpomene shakes her head and starts it back up on her own.

"Ha! Look at me, getting all melancholic again. Here I thought I was past that, now. If Nanaya happens to have a plan, we can at the very least trust that it will be hitting the enemy where it hurts, yes? Obviously, the Dark Rebellion stands together."

"Well, I can't stand at all," I say.

"Oh, um! Yes, perhaps that was an unwise choice of words, but the sentiment…"

"I'm kidding!" I giggle. "I'm with you. It was nice to feel the sun for a while, but you light the way for me better than it can."

"Er… what?" Melpomene asks.

"We told you, didn't we?" I ask. "We can see better around you. Or feel better, or whatever. We're only totally blind when you aren't nearby. You're like… a substitute miasma, or something."

"Right. Of course," Melpomene says. "It's funny you should mention light. Your antennae… thing. Your lure? It was glowing quite brightly while we were out in the dark. It's been the same pale teal glow as your crystals for the longest time, but it changed to a bright orange while we were out there today."

"That's my color!" I exclaim excitedly. "Take that, FulgoraaAAH! Sorry, sorry…"

My fingers clench on their own, digging their claws into my side.

Shut up. Don't talk to me. Don't talk about me.

Sorry!

I said shut up. Just leave me alone.

I can't help but be scared, which makes me even more scared because Fulgora doesn't like it when I'm scared. What's she going to do to me, what's she going to do…? I wait in terror for a while, but no further abuse comes. She's just… quiet. Come to think of it, she's let me be in control a lot today.

That's your job, isn't it? Just forget about me. We live in the same head, right? Maybe if you forget about me, I'll just stop existing altogether. Then we can both get what we want.

Oh, there she is. You know, it's a little hard to forget you when you keep hurting us.

It's a little hard to stop hurting you when you keep reminding me to.

That's not… that's not fair. That's not fair! It's not my fault that we're like this!

I know. It's mine, right? So are you gonna forgive me, too? Don't even think about it.

Of course I don't forgive you!

Good.

"Hey! Darling, hey. Are you alright?" Melpomene asks, shaking me slightly. "You're panicking."

"S-sorry, sorry, I…"

Don't.

"…I'm okay," I lie. "Don't worry about it."

"You clearly aren't okay," Melpomene protests.

"It's fine, really," I insist. "It's not your fault."

She grips me a bit tighter as I say that. This time, it's her own breathing that gets faster. Why?

"You know that too, don't you?" I ask. "I mean, you were the one to remind us that. Sure, you might have been the one to stab Minerva, but that doesn't matter. When an Earth Guardian dies, it's not the fault of the monsters. It's the fault of the survivors. Right?"

Her power surges and I bask in it, appreciating the way it flows through the castle and lets me feel more of my surroundings. I don't know if I've ever felt this much magic come from one person before, not even Castalia. All this strength… it feels so safe. It's not even just her primary emotion, either. Blue and green mix in with the purple, seeming to escalate more and more as I start to relax.

"Exactly," Melpomene whispers. "That's absolutely right. But still…"

"But nothing," I dismiss with a huff. "Now, I don't really mind being carried by you, but weren't you going to take me back to my wheelchair?"

"You don't…" Melpomene starts. "No. Actually, no. If you don't mind, then I'm taking you with me a little longer. You need a name."

She starts walking, and I grip onto her in surprise as she adjusts my weight in her arms.

"Woah! A name?" I gulp. "I dunno… unless our transformation stone has changed color, I'm not sure I can actually use it."

"Well I have an easy solution to that," Melpomene insists firmly. "Nanaya insisted that she had a use for it, but I wasn't going to just let her squirrel it away in that coat of hers. I'd never see the damn thing again if I did."

"What is it?" I ask. "Wait! That's right! You stole Veritas and Aurora's transformation stones! Or, well, the robot did." 

"Correct. And while Nanaya has Veritas' old stone—"

"Oogh, don't tell Veritas that," I comment.

Melpomene snorts.

"I wasn't planning on it. As I was saying, while Nanaya has Veritas' old stone, I have Aurora's. It should be quite compatible with you. I can only imagine she'd want you to have it regardless."

"Aurora is a sweetie," I sigh. "I hope we don't have to fight her."

"I doubt she's so powerful that we can't get away with simply restraining her," Melpomene says. "Perhaps she'll even join us in the Dark World! It would be nice to have your whole team back together, wouldn't it?"

"Maybe… I'd feel bad about making Aurora miss school, though," I say. "She's so smart, I forget she's younger than me sometimes. Or… well, Minerva used to, anyway. They were about the same height, so it was easier to confuse."

"A precocious little one, is she?" Melpomene hums. "It would indeed be a shame for such talent to go to waste. Ah, here we are."

She pushes open a door with her tail and walks us inside, dropping me off on a huge bed that smells just like her. Ah, this must be her room! I suppose the door was probably closed when Fulgora was exploring. I hear the sounds of her rummaging around through a messy-seeming desk before she finally procures what I can tell is indeed a transformation stone. They just have that weight to them, it's unmistakable. 

"Here," Melpomene says. "Try this."

Two stones, huh? Fulgora and Minerva shared one just fine, but she doesn't seem too keen on sharing anymore. I'm not sure if this will even work, but… well. It's not like I don't know how. Even if I've technically never transformed like this before, I have memories of doing it thousands of times. Taking the feeling in my chest and pushing it through my hands into this little gemstone, the words come to me naturally.

"Iғ Yᴏᴜ'ʟʟ Lᴇᴛ Mᴇ," I incant.

The change drapes over me like familiar clothes straight out of the dryer. Fulgora and Minerva both preferred their incarnate forms to their human body when they could help it, but Fulgora's most recent transformation was nothing short of horrifying. I still remember her reaching her claws inside our skull just to scrape at me. I hope desperately that I won't end up with a body like that.

Overall, though, not much seems to change. I feel stronger, my magic ready at a whim. My power surges, but I remain largely as I was before, as best I can tell. Obviously, I can't really look myself in the mirror and actually have a solid idea of what I'm like, but I don't feel like I've gained or lost any body parts or whatever. Which is fine by me! I'll take it!

Now for the important part. The transformation stone can read my soul, can't it? So it should know the answer.

Who am I?

"Gʀᴀsᴘɪɴɢ Cʜᴀᴍᴘɪᴏɴ Bᴏᴜɴᴅ Aɴᴛɪᴘʜᴇʀᴀ," I declare, and my question is answered.

"Oh, god," Melpomene says softly.

"What?" I ask. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Melpomene says immediately. "It's… it's lovely to meet you, Antiphera."

Hehe. That's right. 'Antiphera.' My name is Antiphera! I can't help but grin.

So it's true, then. You're not her. You were never her.

Oh, right. My grin falls. Come on, Fulgora. You knew this. I was trying to tell you since the start!

We can't come back, then. No matter how much of her we remember, that part of us is gone for good. When we're hurt that badly, there's something in our souls that goes away and never recovers.

I… I guess so? It's how death usually works, isn't it?

It's just good to know. Don't die, Antiphera.

H-huh!? Wait, why are you saying that all of a sudden? What do you mean?

My heart beats like crazy, but Fulgora doesn't answer. My head has nothing but blissful silence of the kind I often remember wishing for. Of course, my questions to her were largely performative. She doesn't need to answer. We're different people, but we're also the same person. She can't hide her thoughts from me.

I'm just too scared to ever voice them.