Ramble: Disney's CGI Tinkerbell Film Series

As a kid I briefly played the online MMO tie in to this series on recommendation from a friend. I say briefly because it was even simpler and more limited than Club Penguin. Didn’t even realize there was a movie or book series attached lol. I remember making a couple accounts in the Animal and Light fairy guilds.

I remember loving the third movie so much as a kid that I made my own version of the “fairy field guide” lol

As a kid I HATED the Tinker Bell movies because i was OBSESSED with the books. All the characters and the world building is so much more complex. In the books the pixie dust tree is extinct, so the fairies grind up the feathers of a magical bird they call Mother Dove. Vidia was actually banished from fairy society because of animal cruelty that she committed against their sacred dove. Fairies would announce their ‘talent’ at the time of their birth, and contribute to society doing what they loved. Also every talent has some sort of magical ability to some extent. Tinker bell could shrink or enlarge metal.

I'm working my way backward through the rambles (well, everything really) and they stand enough on their own that I always *forget* I'm working backwards and I get surprised when things pop up like at the end of this one where she says she has been to the Galactic Starcruiser and will be doing a video about that but she'll probably do the Evermore vid first... :) Also, not having high hopes for the live action Barbie movie that "has... been in development hell for a long time" (although for all I know maybe she ended up not liking that, I don't recall hearing her opinion on this site, she probably had opinions about it on Twitter). Final thought, I laughed every time she referred to Tink as being "in a lame guild that sucks"

To let you know, in the books, they are set post Peter Pan and Tinker Bell has some trauma from it and had to work on herself.

The Great Fairy Rescue was actually always my favorite growing up due to the fact that it featured a British little girl obsessed with fairies. My grandma was British. She LOVED fairies and would send my sister and I the Tinkerbell movies on DVD as they came out. When she visited, we'd make fairy houses. So, as a 6-year-old, it was wild seeing this depicted in the movie.

Does anyone else remember the fact that in the books, there are such things as like, "polishing-talent" fairies? They just polish silver all day. That is their talent. The implication is wild.

Kinda refreshing actually to have a kids movie where there’s not really any lesson, it’s just a cool world and interesting things happen (secret of the wings)

Loved this ramble and it inspired me to watch the four Tinker Bell movies plus the NeverBeast and Pirate Fairy movies. My take on the first movie is that talent is a hardwired ability that a fairy has upon arrival. Because physical appearance does not correlate with talent, the initial discernment is necessary. Note that fairies arrive fully formed and have no parents, childhood or formal schooling. Training appears to be on the job. Tink wanted to go to the mainland but was denied as tinkers were not needed... so she simply pursued the loophole of switching talents... but failed as she did not actually have those talents. Her arc was to learn teamwork. Fairies are individuals and not defined by their talent. They help one another and look out for/defend one another. Even Vidia does that (eventually). Also, I thought it was cool that in the Pirate Fairy, Zarina used Pixie Dust Magic to switch the talents of the other fairies. Tink was turned into a water fairy and was finally able to do some water fairy stuff.

watching this post barbie movie makes the last couple mins so funny omg

Honestly, hearing about John Lasseter's treatment of the original cut of Tinker Bell is... actually pissing me off more than anything lol maybe it's just colored by everything else we know about him now but if he was watching a cut developed enough to actually have a verdict on, then that's months of not years of work, and he just threw it all away and insulted them for making it? I don't care how bad it was, that is no way to treat your animators, you don't get to just stomp all over their work and insult it, and I know for a fact that at Disney there have absolutely been instances when your animators made quite a bit of progress on something and you had to walk up to them and say 'guys, this isnt working, I know you're really far ahead in the production of this part but it needs to be changed', sometimes about specific scenes, sometimes about whole movies, and you can to that respectfully, that is part of the process. It's nice to care about making a good movie but you know what matters more? Caring about your animators and workers. They're much likelier to make a good movie if you don't make them feel horribly demoralized and discouraged. But also what else can you expect from 3D animators, if there's anything I know about people who work in 3D it's that they just kind of lack any human respect for other animators or the hard work and don't know how to give this kind of criticism in a humane way.

That last movie reminds me of 'The Iron Giant' too. I never liked that movie but it sounds *exactly* like how I remembr that movie going, even the ending.

I'm amazed that you do not have costume fairy wings.

You briefly mentioned the Barbie movie near the end. Did you watch it? Curious about your thoughts.

My theory about The Great Fairy Rescue is that they made it about snow specifically to test the mechanics of animating snow ahead of the more important Frozen. Since Tinkerbell would just be a direct to DVD movie for small kids whose story didn't matter they just wrote one with snow, because it also wouldn't matter if the snow effects weren't as sophisticated.

It’s interesting that you say about the discontinued doll line because I distinctly remember having a Rani doll and the regular Disney fairies dolls

got whiplash rewatching this in August 2023 and hearing you talk about the barbie film!

Honestly, it would have been a better plot for Tinkerbell’s wing to break and for her to fix it with a prosthetic, instead of magic. Introduces prosthetics into the universe (I’m sure there’s interesting stuff they could be used for) and good representation for little kids who have prosthetics or disability aids!

The whole plot of the third movie, where a duo of main characters visit a young girl and her scientist father, and the scientist father has to do some ill-defined "important science" in order to keep his science license, is basically the same as the most disturbing plot beat of Full Metal Alchemist. Luckily, the endings diverged.

I discovered the Tinker Bell movies as a 20-something and I genuinely like them and the Pixie Hollow world lol...I even played the Pixie Hollow mmorpg... I also hope for a Disney Fairy revival via Disney+. I think that due to the trendiness of "cottagecore" and the like, they could have some wider audience age appeal...or at least be culturally interesting. Imagine a Disney branded fairy house craft/design line lol.

the different fairy guilds wearing different colors paved the way for divergent

This video caused me to remember the emotional trauma of the fairy who had to CUT OFF HER WINGS to save mother dove in the books. The books were oddly intense, I remember being flippant towards the movies because they were "too cute" haha

I remember these movies quite fondly. They kept changing the voice actresses between movies which was a bit annoying at times. But I really liked that there were boy fairies (well sparrow men). There are never boy fairies. I’m glad one was mentioned, but I get why Jenny skipped the other two comic reliefs.

as a former little british girl i 1000% had a fairy phase and i loved these movies! as you noted i did always wish i was one of the fairies not the daughter of an etymologist who met a fairy one time

What if the Tinkerbell movie about a fifth season just had the plot of NK Jemison's Fifth Season, it would be a turn no one would see coming

Feel very called out by "most little british girls probably have a fairy phase". I definitely had a fairy phase as a little british girl

“The programming guild… because Tinkerbell invents the computer.” Lmao this might be my new favorite video. The books were such a comfort as a kid — I LOVED Rani. Also their big laundry room? Fascinating

My 5 year old niece is obsessed with peter pan so obviously she has also watched the tinkerbell movies, she was telling me that tinkerbell's sister is an ice fairy so I said 'oh is tinkerbell an ice fairy too?' and she gave me a WITHERING look and said 'no, she's a tinker' and I have never been so ashamed. So thank you for making this video so I can finally stop saying stupid things about this franchise!!!

I was so certain that the third tinker bell movie just ripped off the secret world of Arrietty that I looked it up, but no! They actually both came out two weeks apart from eachother. It turns out that they're both based off the same book from the 1950's and they both happened to adapt it at the same time! Weird!

you speculating about how the canceled seventh movie could have had dark fairies after mentioning ginnifer goodwin's part on once upon a time earlier in the video sent me back to the days of season 6 of that show, dubious thanks for that.

I always thought it was odd that the tinker bell in her own movies was so much like barbie- overall competent with a few struggles that are overcome by the end. Like, where’s the jealous obsessive fairy who is just dumb enough to be caught by very dumb pirates? Who never seems to hang out with other fairies and thinks a preteen boy is the funniest person in the world??? They are so different they might as well have made her a different fairy altogether…

Please make a video on the Fantastic Beasts movie!! If you see it it'll save a lot from us from having to see it ourselves and giving money to JK Rowling. Also I just love your videos on those movies, you're really good at pointing out all the incredibly strange aspects of them in such a compelling way! 100% would rather watch a Jenny Fantastic Beasts video than the actual movie itself.

I wish you wouldn’t go see the fantastic beasts movie just cos every dollar in jkr’s pocket funds hate against trans people but I understand the whims of the algorithm. I just hope it doesn’t encourage more people to see it. Let the whole miserable hpverse die.

The weirdest thing about the dad of that British little girl is that if he was a regular biologist, he could already just show them his drawings, and discribe the encounter. It's so weird how he threw away those drawings! I think it's maybe because he has a bad reputation and no credibility as a scientist. Maybe he's a conartist and he need to win the trust of "the investers". Sketchy (or I guess not anymore) guy..

Just as I decide to take a tasteful, grown-up sip from this maple syrup bottle, Jenny says 'syrupy' when I swear she's never said that before.

Jenny PLEASE cover the new fantastic beasts movie, your crimes of grindlewald vid is one of my faves and it made me scream when you said you were considering it

"Tinkerbell and the Unknown Season" by NK Jemisin lmaooo

Also in regards to the first Tinkerbell movie, it would have been so much cuter if she created her talent through her ingenuity and they named it the Tinker Talent after her. I alway thought it was kind of weird that she was named after the talent already. Like "your name is GroceryClerkStar, welcome to the Grocery Clerk Talent".

I’d be interested in a deep dive comparing the fairy lore of these movies to that of OUaT. Does anybody know, if anyone has done this?

all I remember about the first movie is that there was a cute tinker boy fairy with glasses and I wanted tinkerbell to date him instead of the jesse mccartney fairy

I would have sworn that I hadn't seen any of these films, but those summaries of the first two sound so familiar I guess I must have watched them.... but when? why?

My first grown-up job was working on a video game tie-in for the Tinkerbell universe, and I watched all the movies that were out at the time for "research". It is such a trip to hear someone talk about these artifacts that were weirdly important to me once but I haven't thought about in over a decade.

I used to LOVE these movies(I was obsessed in general with magical/mythical creatures), and based on what I remember there was a deleted/scrapped scene in the movie with the dad where he sees a fairy as a little boy, maybe bc he’s already obsessed like his daughter and was looking for them? I don’t totally remember idk, maybe that has something to do with his butterfly obsession

jenny i need you to know that the actress that plays tinkerbell in once upon a time is also the star of the christmas prince films 😶

i was really attached to the fairies books as a kid (and even owned a bunch of those dolls) and so i was kind of against watching the tinker bell movies when they first came out. the thing i really enjoyed when i was younger that the books were each about a different fairy with a different personality and a lot of them i remember having a really wistful and soft tone, maybe pretty somber at times. it's definitely why my favorite disney fairies movie to this day is the neverbeast one

Randomly remembering Vydia's voice actress on a podcast listing out her roles. "I'm in the Tinkerbell movies, I play the bitch fairy."

I loved the books as a kid so much. Honestly superior to the movies. I had all the tie in art books that gave the lore and I had those slightly wall-eyed dolls you mentioned. Might still somewhere.

the way I perked up when you mentioned Miraculous Ladybug for 5 seconds lol

If Tinkerbell doesn't like being a tinker in the way that other tinkers function but she still has a talent for making things, maybe there could be a middle path, like she discovers that she loves making things but she wants to make things out of different types of materials that the other fairies aren't using. For example, instead of working with wood or metal or whatever the other fairies use, she could work with textiles and plant fibers. So, she could be doing what she's meant to do, but she's happier because she's doing it in her own way, and that makes it fulfilling. Maybe she could then start a new branch of the tinker guild that didn't exist before.

Just some clarification on the books: they replaced the *vast* majority of the book characters. The main character was Prilla, not Tinkerbell (who was actually characterized as kind of a bitch); Prilla had to find her talent (she was a clapping fairy!). Vidia was in the books, she got to stay. But otherwise they're all different. The biggest transgression, imo, was Rani. Rani was a water fairy who *literally sacrificed her wings*. Homegirl cut them off to help save the fairies. That scene was so, so impactful to me as a child and I'm still mad they removed her from the movies. Anyway the Gail Carson Levine books really are worth a read if you have the time. The art is super super beautiful and imho they do the world and characters a lot more justice than the movies.

I don't even like Disney but for some reason your retrospectives seem like vital information to me

Omg a feather falls down the screen at 1:59.... or was it a fairy?!?!?!?!?!?!

They do a whole dark fairy plot line in Once Upon a Time where the Black Fairy steals children and uses them as child slaves in the 6th season

A minor question but is Disney on Ice still a thing? I used to go every year but I'm old enough for that to include Mickey and Friends ice-dancing to current #1 radio hit Walk Like an Egyptian (which I didn't realize at the time wasn't a Disney song)

I didn't think I had seen any of the Tinkerbell movies, but after this video memories surfaced of at least 2. Thanks for this great Patreon video ☺️

Okay, so today I learned that fairycore is a thing.

I saw Fantastic Beasts at the weekend, and if you do a video covering it, that will literally be An Event for me and my partner haha. We'll make some nice food, open some wine. It's one of the worst films I have ever seen, but in that way where it's been living rent-free in my head for 2 days, and I cannot stop thinking about it.

if i’m not mistaken i think “tinker bell and the unknown season” was meant to be about her meeting peter pan for the first time and them going on their first adventures, but i saw this a while ago and i can’t find anything else about it. if that was true, i would’ve loved to see where they went with it

Does anyone know if there’s been an update on the state of the Barbie video in the last couple of months? ❤️

question the fairy government should be the takeaway from every film generally

It’s really weird to me how much of the movie’s messages are about conforming to the status quo and learning to live in the system that exists, because the first Disney fairies book that Kickstarted this whole franchise was the complete opposite. The first book by Gail Carson Levine is about a new fairy named Prilla, who arrives without knowing what her talent is (in the books every fairy just inherently knows and states their talent when they arrive rather than the weird choosing ceremony thing) and the other fairies don’t know what to do with her, because their society is very built around everyone having a set place and following unspoken rules. Prilla is obviously Neurodivergent coded. She stims by doing cartwheels and she often has trouble staying focused, and she has trouble reading the other fairies social cues. She has a talent, and she actively practices it from the moment she arrives, but the other fairies are too concerned with making her fit in one of the preexisting talent groups that they don’t actually listen to her or see what she’s doing. Over the course of the first book, she ends up using her unique talent to save pixie hollow, and the other fairies actively change their system to better accommodate her differences. They realize how harmful their exclusion was and allow her to be an honorary member of all the talents so she won’t feel isolated as the only fairy of her talent. The main takeaway from Prilla’s story for me isn’t that she needed to accept the way things were in fairy society and conform to their rules, but rather that the other fairies needed to change their system because Prilla is just as valuable as a person as the other fairies are and deserves to be accommodated and treated with love. Idk if I communicated that well, but it’s weird to see a somewhat similar premise with the first movie, it with such a different message underlying the story.

On further reflection yeah, Galactic Starcruiser is kind of a perfect successor to Evermore. "And that's my analysis of this weird park whose value hinges on audience interacting with their world and characters and story. Maybe it would turn out better if they had the world's biggest entertainment conglomerate behind them, right? Right? Well...."

the way your tinkerhair bun is wiggling like jello every time you move your head, I can't stop laughing

Jenny's English accent is amazing.

Looking forward to a potential Fantastic Beasts video, Mads Mikkelsen is such a great casting choice for Grindelwald and it pains me it’s undermined by this confused mess of a franchise. Very eager to see the results and hear your thoughts!

The first Tinkerbell movie felt like the first act of any teen dystopia novel, only Tinkerbell never goes full Katniss Everdeen or Whoever From Divergent and tears down the rigid caste system. The little British girl should have decided Tinkerbell's name was "Fixit Ding" and stuck with it. I admit my every thought about the nature of these movies was shaken the second she mentioned post-Thor Tom Hiddleston was a cast member. And not just him! How stacked were these casts? Honestly the one good thing that could come out of Fantastic B3asts is a new Jenny video unpacking it, I am distinctly curious whether they actually explain The Secrets of Dumbledore or if they'll just get skimmed over like The Crimes of Grindlewald did last time. But not deeply curious enough to, like, go to a theatre and watch it.

In the beautiful Gail Carson Levine fairy books, it is a “post-Peter” Tinkerbell. Those books are, in my opinion, stunning, but I think they’re probably a bit dark and “uncinematic” to be adapted into movies. They’re quick reads though!

I would love to see a video on the awful new Fantastic Beasts movie!! Though given all the harm JK Rowling has done, I feel it may be appropriate to make a donation to a trans-related charity like you did for the Spider video? Just to offest the cost of giving her more money. Idk I'm just one trans woman, I know there are a lot of different opinions on how to best engage with HP in an ethical way.

haha I think in the Art of Ralph Breaks The Internet book (or a Making Of or something) VERY specifically point out that the lore of those is that they are specifically the INTERNET versions of the princesses, the ones from buzzfeed lists or that get turned into "what would the Disney Princesses look like as SALT SHAKERS" you would find on Deviant Art.

Your comment about Periwinkle's conical hair makes me wonder what you think of Pearl's character design from Steven Universe LOL. Also, I'm kind of motivated to finally watch that Neverbeast movie. I've seen the other films multiple times, even the one about the fairy Olympics, but somehow missed the final movie.

This much Jenny content in a month sure is a treat!! Thank you very much

Someday you should do a tier list

I really like how Aragog is looking straight at the camera with his big eyes. It makes it feel like he's your co-host! I can imagine him nodding along knowingly to you describing the "hide a secret pet" plot thread of the last film.

Off topic but I wouldn't be opposed to having older ramble videos released on Youtube. Whenever I name Jenny as a youtuber that I follow the number 1 response is that the channel is dead / "She doesn't make videos anymore" Having old rambles pop up might entice the general youtube audience to come to Patreon.

Cameo by Tinkerbell @ 1:59

“Once upon a time” is my sleeper cell code word.

I couldn't even watch the video before excitedly making this comment- My aunt Barbie was involved in the creation of the fairy world and characters! I don't remember many details because it's been a long time since we've talked about it, but I straight up could not focus until I got that off my chest.

I feel like it would've been fully justifiable to just count the vlogs as the bonus video for this month. You're too good to us

Your lipstick is really gorgeous, what is it if you don’t mind me asking?

i was really into the original lineup of fairies and and when they changed over to the new lineup I was so mad. My favorite was the blond water fairy Rani (i was blonde and loved water lol). I hated Silvermist, I thought she was a pretender and would never be as good as Rani lolololol

I agree about the first film: very bleak implications. Telling kids they should accept authority, even if they don't like what's happening and it doesn't feel right seems a bit irresponsible too, especially in young children's programming.

Oh, and as a side note for anyone who may remember runDisney also had the Tinkerbell half marathon weekend for a few years. I ran the inaugural one in 2014 where you get a special pink coast to coast medal for running princess and tink and the fairy meet and greets had them in their winter clothes because it was January and cold for CA.

My daughters were 4 and 2 with the first Tinkerbell movie and dear god, we watched it so many times! I remember when it first came out there was so much uproar about Tinkerbell actually speaking! I imagine all those people are now on distwitter. My sister was a WDW CP at the time as cast as a “friend” of Tinkerbell and there were some people who would wait in line just to give attitude to the performers who didn’t sound like bell chimes. As a parent having to watch my kids’ favorite movies over and over (AND OVER) it’s nice when there are options of the same type of movie but different. SIX Tinkerbell movies is a banquet for a parent’s mental state because they all are pretty much the same level of okay. When we were in the Cinderella phase I watched the first movie a million times, the second one once (it really is terrible) and the third a dozen times (it was tolerable to eh fine). Thanks for all the videos this month, Jenny!

i remember really liking the books as a little socially awkward 3rd grade boy. obviously im sure they dont hold up, but they were fun and age approriate!

I think I have to watch that butterfly one.

Yeah, as a kid you don't want to be the human sidekick of the My Little Ponies, ThunderCats, or Transformers, you want to BE a pony, an anthro cat-person, a robot, etc. Plus then you have the fun of designing an OC for that world.

Ok, I have an unrelated question- if I realize that I have a topic to suggest for the May ramble... Is it still possible to pledge for the tier and send the topic now or do I need to wait for the June ramble? Also, I'm in the middle of listening to the ramble but I really like the intro when you explained the whole system with Disney that prompted the Tinkerbell franchise- it's really fascinating. I love it when people actually talk about the history behind media before while/before/after they give their opinion on it.

Great vid! I feel like doing an entire video series about fairies is just inherently queer baiting. If Tink isn't a sassy bi girl,I'll eat my favorite hat.

I only ever watched the first ! We bought it for my little sister. I was a young teen at the time, but I still remember liking it a lot.

I wonder if what was going on in these films is that they were supposed to beta test or workshop whatever technically complex 3d visual effects that disney was developing for their upcoming major feature. Secret of wings was snow/ice for Frozen, Pirate movie was water for Moana, Neverbeast was fur effects for Zootopia. Just a guess.

i don't remember the movies very well but i loveddddd the online game and books as a kid! i remember fawn was my favorite and when i went to disneyland i really wanted to meet her but she wasn't there and i met terrence instead LOL. i doubt he was the only one there but i remember him bc the cast member who played him was really sweet and engaged shoutout to that guy

Additionally, in terms of their legacy, I used to work at the now defunct Disney English and a lot of our schools had a Pixie Hollow themed classroom.

From your description the "Neverbeast" movie also makes me think of The Iron Giant. The Disney direct-to-video sequels were largely trash, but I give The Lion King 2 some credit, especially since it has like... the darkest villain song I've ever heard in a movie for kids. It has a lot of weirdly dark moments.

This video brought back memories I forgot I had! I was really into the pixie hollow books when I was a kid, and I also vaguely remember watching the first three movies. I really loved the unique art-style of the books and they all had very cute little stories about each of the other fairies that are also in the movies (though the Tinkerbell books were definitely the worst ones, so I really wish the movies had focused more on the other fairies past their generic archetypes). As a kid I would borrow all the fairy books my local library had to read over and over again. Great ramble suggestion!

I can't believe I didn't notice that shield right behind you until the last ten minutes. Also saying StarCruiser is "very similar" to Evermore is such a cold burn, love it. Also, dang. Meet and greet Vidia's outfit is fire!

I loved these movies as a kid. The first film has a song by selena gomez in it and at the time I was OBSESSED, although I'm sure it doesn't hold up well haha. Thanks for the video!

Even before Wreck-It Ralph, the princesses interacted somewhat in Kingdom Hearts.

I had a lot of mini obsessions as a kid, like most children but this one probably lasted the longest after like, princesses and Harry Potter. I know my mom was really nice about most of the things I liked but she really couldn't stand these movies or the books and I remember very vividly all of the books having just massive typos and I feel like one of them was just missing an entire page to the point that the book was unreadable because it was like the exposition page. The entire series is really hit or miss honestly but paired with Barbie Mariposa this had such a huge impact on my childhood fairy obsession.

Jenny's British accent is so good :D

I thought the decision to make this a backdoor women-in-STEM series was inspired, honestly. A decision so good it seemed like the kind of thing you'd have suggested they should have done, if they'd done something else instead that had sucked.

We are eating well this week patrons

Man this is just really making me miss the pixie hollow game. I used all my allowance to buy the premium membership and had all these cool outfits, and they would do online events that lined up with the movie releases so special games and items you could collect to go with the plot of the movie it was so good!

It almost sounds like someone was trying to invoke an indigenous flair with embracing your people’s traditions and ceremonies (with the first movie). Though, that breaks down quite a lot when you frame it as modern employment.

I love the direction they took tinkerbell (i.e. away from her character in Peter Pan) and watching Legend of the Neverbeast with my kids was probably the first time I cried at a movie in like 20 years, haha...I'm so happy this was chosen as a topic!

I did read all the fairy books as a kid, and funnily enough, the story about a fairy not knowing what their talent is a thing from the very first book, "Fairy Dust and the Quest for the Egg", which is bizarrely incredibly good (mostly I think it's the fact it's written by Gail Carson Levine)

Vidia hated Tinkerbell because Tink had the brightest talent signal (when she picked up the hammer) and vidia formerly had the brightest talent signal. She essentially “beat her.”Having a bright light means your affinity for said talent is super strong. I think they were going for a “don’t be ashamed in what you’re drawn too” kind of message, but it wasn’t very clear all the time in the top-down governance.

Tulkubell oof

really sounds like one of the tests to identify the next Dalai Lama

before I read the title I thought Jenny was in Anastasia grey cosplay

The hair looks really cute!

another video 👀 time to increase my patronage!

I got one of those Pixie Hollow books for christmas as a kid and i loved it so much! There were huge beautiful detailed paintings of their world that i would look at for hours and the book basically described how their world works and who lives there. Very whimsical and honestly i would love to look through that book again next time i visit my parents' house :)

Just have to say I LOVE the Tinkerbell look. I will be clapping to keep it alive.

PATRONS STAY WINNING THIS WEEK

we are blessed in the lords month of April 2022 🙏🏻

this is the most exciting day of my life