July Bonus: "The Virility Diet"

"Your dick should look like the girl next door!" Just made me cackle so hard

I love Aubrey and Mike's total bafflement at the extremely fucked up peeping tom shit. Men fully think of women as a seperate species of animal that is innately 'sexy' and 'sensual' while men are just, men. Like Mike is like "men are not punished for tight clothing either" well women are sexy and For Men To Look At so this author is not even entertaining the possible cross gender dynamics at play here

Not a question asked, but since the eggplant emotional came up - Eggplants were among the early emojis because emoji's were developed in Japan, and eggplants are a symbol used for New Years celebrations (if you dream about an eggplant, you're supposed to have a good year). We outside of Japan first were confused why there were eggplant emojis before a bunch of other produce - then we started using it to mean 'penis' The joy of language evolution!

“Sexually frustrating day at KFC” absolutely broke me 😆

Came back to this episode today and was just struck with. The skirt measuring with a ruler thing still happened in my public school in like 2015. That shit is SO entrenched.

OMG Aubrey's laughs at Michael's jokes, ahahah.

This was so funny; I walked around a park with my dogs and laughed. Also commented out loud, shook my head and couldn’t help thinking how this lines up with the christofascist discourse of these days, and how the author’s thinking was the same as the content you presented from the Tucker Carlson documentary episode (that I also listened to today- as I work my way backwards through these bonus episodes) 🌼

"men are the real women of our society" lol

No matter how many times I listen to this it always makes me wheeze. 🤣

Listen, I know I am a year late to this party, but I need to know why Aubrey and Mike did not realize that the foreskin not retracting properly causing "incompetence" meant incompetence at the sex, not at the dude's job. Do I just know too many straight people?

I audibly gasped when Aubrey talked about the walking naked to show you're wet/having weight read out loud in gym class/measuring skirt experience of her mom. I had to walk naked from my locker to an open shower, shower, and walk naked back to the teacher to receive a towel and passing grade for the day in gym. Students were weighed, had their body fat percentage tallied, and were told the percentage of each to lose for a passing gym grade IN FRONT OF A MINIMUM OF 60 STUDENTS. All girls were also required to wear clothes that passed the "finger tip test," where your skirt/dress/shorts had to go past your finger tips. Any teacher could request that test at any time. This was my experience in high school in 2010 in Kitsap County.

This episode had me laughing so hard, but I also learned a lot. “no new tabs were opened” 😂

Wow, this might be the funniest episode yet. I can't believe I can learn so much and laugh so heartily simultaneously. 🙏🏽😂

Bonk me! 🤣

Doing a re-listen and had a memory when Aubrey talked about her Mom having to kneel to have her skirt measured. This happened to me in high school in the mid to late 90s! It was a little Canadian private school that’s history was as a “ladies college/ finishing school” but when I was there was just a mediocre, conservative prep school. We girls 100% were made to kneel and our skirts had to touch the floor. Wild.

This episode actually killed me. "A snail IS a neck!"

I was born in 1965 and projecting this episode on my parents’ generation was highly entertaining!

Omg I need way more of these episodes. The bonkers part was amazing

Listening to this a bit late but I finished school in 2017 and we had our skirt lengths measured!

"I hope that part of that is checking your genitals because that's the part we're about to read " - what I mean when I tell people I like to read

I'm a medical cannabis patient and I just wanna say it's not a small thing that Michael can say "it's not for me but I'm pro-legalization" with full conviction. Not that I expected less, you two are great voices to have in the disability rights conversation, but it's still nice to hear someone treat my medicine as medicine (the right one for me may be the wrong one for you and that's okay) instead of demonizing addiction and blowing the whole thing into a huge Drugs Bad panic! Just wanted to express my appreciation. 💖

Going to need a "The bonkers is our butter" t-shirt.

Best 95 cents!

Just listened to this on my way home from work. Pulled off the 405 and came to a stoplight with my windows down right when Aubrey and Mike were shouting about caring for your wholesome dick. Got weird looks from pedestrians. 10/10 would listen again.

I'd love to see s/thing on the obsession with cis-men getting testosterone supplements. Where lies the intersection with the 'crisis of masculinity' ?

Definitely one of my favorite episodes from ya’ll!

This brought me so much joy!

loved this episode! A great companion piece for How to Take 20 Pounds off Your Man (another favorite of mine)

"DON'T START WITH ME, CHERYL! DON'T NAG ME, CHERYL!" made me cackle so hard I frightened my dog

I went to Catholic high school in the 90s and knelt to have my skirt length measured and weighed in gym class. The 90s.

Disagree that this was a bad episode. Found it epic. "I wanted to talk about socialism but I wrote a book about dicks!" 🤌🤌🤌

The skirt measurements gave me flashbacks to the fingertip rule

Anyone know when we're supposed to get the next main feed episode?? Totally understand the hosts needing to take breaks, but I am DYING to know what the Vitamin D truther thing is :P

SEXUALLY FRUSTRATING DAY AT KFC... been there

I truly enjoy episodes like these; just good old fashion dunking on weird and crazy diet books we've never heard of. I would love to hear about more of the books in your collection. Feel free to pick more of these books that are just for fun.

This was so funny 😂😂 please do one on “reverse dieting” which is perpetuated by all these macro coaches out there on how to “cut” and then “stay lean” eating more

I LOVED this episode. 100/10 would recommend.

Yep, graduated from a christian university in 2009 in the states and they measured our shorts and skirts. It couldn’t be any shorter than the width of our school ID above the knee. When my mom went to the same school, women weren’t allowed to wear shorts unless they were playing tennis so people just carried around tennis rackets. 😬

I went to school in the 2000’s/2010’s in australia and we had skirt checks like that

I wish you wouldn’t say that you didn’t achieve anything in this episode. Collective outrage is so healing. I loved listening to this one.

Measure the skirt and if it's too short she gets spanked by the (male) principal. That was my private, Christian school. 😶‍🌫️

I really enjoyed that part of this was just a description of the Ken character in the Barbie movie

Hi! In sex research, impotence is an inability to maintain an erection, whereas incompetence is the inability to ejaculate

My mom graduated in 1975 had horrible stories about gym class - same things you mentioned, plus they were graded on taking showers

LMFAO, thank you, Aubrey & Mike! 🤣🙏💕

I grew up in the 90’s & early aughts & skirt/short ruler measuring was still a thing. I just left my ELEVEN year old daughters middle school orientation meeting & dress code was highly emphasized. Shorts/skirts can’t be more than 5” above the knee (this is at a Texas public school), not sure if they’ll still bust out the ruler or not. Y’all should 100% do a bonus episode on bonkers school dress codes, for example: tank top straps have to be at least 2 fingers width, even in elementary school, because, you know, sexy 8 year olds. 🤢🙄 Mike’s comment about men’s attire unintentionally turning on gay men as a comparison to the claim that women should dress modestly because men are “visual”, (again, I’m in Texas and was raised southern Baptist) was amazing. I totally hadn’t thought about that. I’m 34 and was told last year I shouldn’t wear shorts to teach upper elementary children’s weeknight Bible study, because it might be distracting to the tween boys or male leaders. I shut it down and still wear shorts, but that would have been SUCH a good point to make. Clothing criticism comes up at least once a year though around these parts so I’ll be keeping that gem in my back pocket for next time. Y’all are amazing, my favorite podcast!!! ☺️

I have never laughed so hard listening to a podcast. Don’t become impotent and incompetent

‘A Snail Is A Neck!’ is one of the greats.

Can we get some "Tiny Repeating Machine" merch pls?

Wholesome genitals, I can’t!! 🤣🤣🤣 I really need to stop listening to this podcast in public since I keep ugly laughing and freaking people out

Oh my good the skirt measurement- that happened in my school in ireland in the 1990s 🙈

Weed is an aphrodisiac depending on the terpenes in it! And also me, and Aubrey’s parents had the same sexual education, one day of slippery slope.

Incredible episode! Also, I was made to kneel in the hallway (where everyone could see) so a teacher could measure my skirt, c. 2008. Rural public high school, so maybe that explains it.

"Is that... How heterosexual sex works?” followed by Aubrey's "i don't know" just about killed me. I was ready for them to start asking questions like Dwight and Angela did in that episode of the Office where they were trying to find out how gay sex works 😂.

I laughed so hard - “clean and wholesome genitals”

I can’t stop laughing when Michael says “nudie booth” 😆

So happy we have sex dust now and don't have to worry about our virility issues

In 2009 I also had to do the skirt ruler test in Catholic high school. I got detention and my mom had to bring me pants.

“Vas deferens” literal comedy gold 🤣

I did think this was going to be about monkey balls :)

Omg! The skirt length thing! My mom had to do that. She told me about being at school in the early '60s and if they kneeled on the floor in the morning and their skirts didn't touch the floor they got their knuckles rapped literally.

Michael: my husband had the same issue with weed. He can't use it for the exact same reason. It also increases paranoia, but the depression is the main thing.

Literally how dare you I had a mouthful of food when you started in with "splint for your penis" and I nearly choked to death just now 🤣😭

I finally joined yesterday and 0 regrets. Just now, I laughed so violently that I was genuinely afraid I would pisss myself. Why? Two words: 👏 Nature's 👏Roofies👏 I fucking love this show 🤣

this was such a perfect episode. i was having a bad night and needed a maintenance phase ep but wanted something lighter than the main feed- decided to hop into the patreon feed and damn this was such a fun time. completely made my night. thanks y’all ♥️

Re: old timey sex ed, my mum is 63 and did sex ed in the 70s. She had a super woke fresh grad high school teacher for sex ed, and he told them that if they WERE having gay sex, to use plenty of lube bc if they had abrasions down there the doctor would tell the cops bc sodomy was illegal, this is all she remembers from sex ed

Fellas, is it gay to get a boner in the strip club?

babes can we talk about lizzo

"A snail is either 0% neck or 100% neck"

To answer Mike's question "is that how heterosexual sex works?" my answer is a firm no. No to puppeteering. That is totally deranged.

At least as of my high school years in the late aughts, skirt measuring and weighing kids in gym class in front of everyone was definitely still happening 🙃

I'm am gobsmacked that Micheal is surprised that weed is an aphrodisiac. Me and my partners all swear by it. We get super horned up, uninhibited and it feel sooooooo good

Mike saying ‘bonk me’ without a trace of irony nearly killed me.

Hey Aubrey and Michael - just saying I would LOVE to listen to the 45mins of cut NGO drama from your JFK JR part 2 EP, if you wondered 💕

in my secondary school (high school?) in england, we had the length of our skirt checked! shortest it could be was max 2 fingers side ways above our knees. i was tall, so my skirt was always ‘too short’! this was only 2009 by the way.

Loved this episode!

I am proud(??) to say that I got 3/3 right on the "IS THIS AN APHRODISIAC LISTED IN THIS BOOK" quiz

This episode slayed but I guess I'm the only one whom it chafed when Michael was making such a big deal about how straight sex is gross and/or weird, confusing, don't want to know about it. Like isn't that the exact thing we want people to *not* say about gay sex? Can't we just let people have the sex they like and stop being weird about it or making it the butt of jokes as some kind of personality extension. 🙃

Graduated in 2015 and they didn’t measure our clothes, you just got sent home if any teacher decided you were too “distracting. First day of summer in like grade 10, 100 girls got straight up sent home due to short length. This was at a publicly funded Canadian High school They did the kneeling thing last year at another public school and the students were so cool that they protested

Me finding out it’s not normal to get horny from weed 👀🥹

My high school made girls kneel and would measure their skirts!!! I graduated in 2017

the “sensation deadening” sex position is deranged

As others have said … I had the ruler experience in the late 2010s at my christian high school … I was once brought into the secretary’s office during the initial “leggings panic” … she told me my dress was too short and leggings didn’t count as pants. I’d been wearing that outfit for six months already 🙄.

When I used to work at a sex shop, the sheer number of men who'd come in wanting a pill to make their wives horny was staggering. Every time, I had to tell them, "If that existed, you wouldn't have to ask about it at the sex shop. It would be huge news. You wouldn't be able to escape the marketing." Then, I'd try to gently talk to them about taking their time, buildup, creating a nice atmosphere, incorporating a vibrator... most of them didn't want to hear it.

Loving this episode. Makes me want you to do a dive on the Barbie movie.

I was listening to this on the way to work and, without thinking, hit play in my office and I just realized when Michael yelled "SEXUAL COCK RING???" that maybe I shouldn't? haha

maybe they mean incompetent in bed??

Listening to these two talking about straight sex is one of the funniest episodes to date, full marks.

Oh, let me tell you…they are STILL measuring the length of girls shorts and the width of their shoulder straps. My daughter’s school staged a huge walk-out after this happened to a bunch of girls, and managed to get national media coverage! That principal got fired and now we have a gender neutral dress code.

A "famous doctor" that no one has ever heard of! 😆

similar skirt measuring thing about the thickness of spaghetti straps on girls tanktops was common when i was in school in Ontario well into the 2000s. The rule for us was a "two finger rule" where if the straps were less than two fingers wide it wasn't appropriate and "distracting" for boys which just lead to teachers physically touching female students to measure. Gross!!

If the school skirt length checks in the 60s were a shock to Michael, this might blow his mind… I experienced the same thing in high school in the late 90s. One teacher had a card 2 inches wide and if she thought your skirt looked too short she’d make you kneel down right there in the corridor so she could check it wasn’t more that 2 inches above the knee.

“A book you’ve never heard of sucks” lol

The Bad is our Bread, the Bonkers is our Butter. SO GOOD!

Incompetence: this made sense to me - I understand it as him basically saying of a person who is, generally speaking, generally incompetent. Like: “Maintain your dick so that it works right and so people don’t think you’re a fuckup cause that’s a red flag.” But also I read a comment (that I then couldn’t;t find again!) explaining it could also be outdated medical term as in dysfunctional which imo sounds more likely but less fun :p

We had to make sure our shorts were "fingertip length". My mom said that when my uncle went to high school in the '70s, the boys had to swim in the nude during gymtime swim class...

Trying not to choke on my food during lunch at work as I'm holding in my laugh.

High school class of 2018, we only had sex ed for 1 semester (actually health class, so sex ed was one unit of one semester), we were taught abstinence only thanks to the great state of arizona 🫡 I remember 13 year old me walking away and saying “I’m NEVER gonna have sex!” 😭😭

Mike is always so eager in the beginning to say stuff like “wow! This sounds so great and unproblematic!” 😂😂 Do you listen to this show my dude???

We had our skirts measured!!! I was high school class of 2008!!!!!

I'm 24 (class of 2016) and went to a pretty standard public school and I was skirt measured until like 11th grade and we still were weighed like, in front of the whole class in gym class.

“We came in with low expectations and we did not exceed them” I goddamn wheezed

after we were done swimming in middle school we would have to line up naked to turn in our school issued bathing suit (which no one would have wanted to steal). It felt so wrong back in the 90s, and I was fat so I was already completely uncomfortable, but everyone was so bothered by it. Thanks for stirring up this memory, lol!

I'd love for you guys to do an episode on Kevin Trudeau. My grandparents got really into his book "natural cures they don't want you to know about". I think it definitely radicalized them a bit and looking back it very much led them down the wellness to radicalized right pipeline. He also wrote a weight loss book too.

Im 41 (class of 2000) and i was skirt-measured in high school!

"eating a balance of fat and carbs and protein" Am I the only one who immediately thought "and eating pussy??" 🤣

What pervert is out collecting a woodcock’s semen so that his wife will be aroused

Never have I felt more asexual than listening to that. Great episode!

I mean clearly “neck of a snail” should’ve been the d!ck emoji

When I was at school... Ten years ago or so, we were also made to drop to our knees to prove our skirts were long enough. It was absolutely humiliating and I still feel horrible about it. It was a Jewish school so this was also done under the guise of ensuring we were dressed modestly but a male teacher telling us to kneel felt so gross.

A google search indicates that the term “sexual incompetence” does seem to be a thing. A few bonkers examples, but generally just a catch-all for “not able to have sex, for whatever reason”.

Y'all, PLEASE make a Sexually Frustrating Day At KFC t-shirt

The "incompetence" might be incompetence in the bedroom due to the foreskin being distracting if it's too tight or something?

Oh, god, I remember the ruler thing happening to one of my classmates at a Church of Christ high school in 2002 because it was one of the rules in the fucking dress code.

Rubies and pearls dropping from your lips, "a sexual cock ring", "men are the real women". Gorgeous. Also, hey, does anybody else feel like the making teenage girls kneel to be measured thing is coming from a gross place? It sure as fuck feels gross. Whether or not it would be explicitly sexual for, fuckin, whomever, it's objectifying, it's insisting on submission and it's measuring 'purity'. My brother in Christ, deal with the groomer in thine own eye before yelling about the drag brunch in thy neighbor's.

One of my favorite things is when Aubrey sings her sentence. "🎶 I am sending you a quote 🎶" It is always delightful

I actually agree about “stubble trouble” although I would never call it that 😂

My dad was in high school in the 60s and his gym class was all boys and they had swim naked, the 60s man

As someone who went to a Catholic school, it’s so funny to hear you guys talk about kneeling down to check skirt lengths like it’s in the past. That definitely happened to me in 2014.

"Like a cock ring?? Like sexual cockrings???" Michael never not demanding answers!!!!

New bonus episode idea, someone explains straights to both of the hosts and they scream in abject horror for ten hours

Omg. You taking about sex ed. I was taught abstinence only. They made the boys put duck tape on their arms and rip it off and pass it to the next person and told them to rip it off. They said every time you have sex is like the duck tape. It gets worse every time. My friend went to another school with the same teaching. They had everyone rip a petal off and give it to the next person who also had to rip a petal off and pass it on. Then she said they were all given gum to chew and pass it to the next person. That was our sex ed. Abstinence only!

Omg I am Michael Hobbes when it comes to weed!!! Is it for me? No, absolutely not. Messes me right up and it smells gross 🤮 Will I die on the hill that it should be legal and we should let everyone still in prison for its possession out? Yes, yes I will.

After hearing the sex techniques recommended in this book, I imagine you both must be strait now

Sex Ed has been a big discussion in Australia recently. A book called "Welcome to Sex" for teens was recently published and conservatives lost their minds! It's awesome I bought a copy for my kids (there's a few books in the serious including Welcome to consent) but I honestly think thr fact it describes non hetro sex, gender identity etc is what scared some people the most. Like how dare we discuss the complete range of human experience with kids!?

Freshman year, Catholic high school, !962 (God, I’m old!) We all had to kneel around the edge of the classroom to make sure our plaid uniform skirts touched the floor. Sister Mary Himmler doing a cold-eyed inspection. I finally convinced my Dad we couldn’t afford the tuition costs.

Weed also makes me depressed! It reminded me of how they always said it would in dare, and I’m one of the few it does 🤣 Weirdly, it’s only sativa. Indica just makes me sleep, which can be pretty handy actually.

Ok, I get to be That Person: I suspect chicken was listed as an aphrodisiac because it used to be a super fancy, really high effort meal. My grandfather talked about how you'd go to the butcher/farmer and they'd frickin' kill the chicken for you, but you'd be responsible for plucking it and everything else. A ton of work for not a lot of food. Chicken used to be rich people food until factory processing, reliable refrigeration both at home and during transport, etc. made it more accessible. So, compared to today, it would be like "is truffle an aphrodisiac" or "is caviar an aphrodisiac". If you're eating it, you're probably doing well and feeling good in a lot of ways already.

The vas deferens reference made for the vastly superior tagline. I think telling a hilariously bad tagline immediately before helped to elevate it.

"buff little elbows" is going to become an intrusive thought I already know it

In 2007 in Kansas, I had to shower naked in 7th grade after we did our swimming unit. We had to be naked otherwise the teacher wouldn't give you a towel to dry off with.

Michael: PUPPETEERING Me: *trying not to spray the lemonade I was drinking all over the bus*

Made it to 44:40 and... in my middle school gym class in Western Washington in the early 1990s, we had to wait in the open girls' locker room shower until the entire class was in the shower and got at least one part of their body wet before we could put our street clothes back on. It was so asinine - you could stick your hand in the water, but you had to stand there naked with your classmates until the gym teacher handed out tiny, scratchy towels and said you could go back to your locker to dress. It was AWFUL. I credit my terrible middle school PE experience (which also included the presidential fitness test) for at least partially effing up my own relationship with joyful movement in my body for the rest of my life.

This just reminded me that my fifth grade sex ed class/The Talk was given to my class by the superintendent of schools? He drew a *circle* on the chalkboard and said "That's a vagina, that's where the penis goes."

It ALWAYS boils down to misogyny

Similar to countering diet rhetoric, may I also say that dunking doesn’t always need to be NUTRITIOUS. I could listen to you two talk about snail necks (or maybe lack there of?) all day!

havent made it all the way through the ep yet, but wanted to say i appreciate how aubrey specifies cis men when only cis men are being talked about. im always worried ill have to turn stuff like this off, even if its kinda goofy and fun

Chiming in that I had my skirt measured in high school—2003-2007 specifically. I went to catholic school in western Oregon!

Well this is an amazing co-release with the Barbie movie! “Men are the *real* women of our society!” [edited to add yet more evidence]

"A snail is a neck" I laughed way too much at this

Dude I was in high school in 2005 and still had to kneel and have my skirt measured.

Me 11 minutes into this episode: seems like an alright guy. Probably a nazi.

1965 is a strange and scary place, even for those of us who lived through it. It’s worth revisiting it in reviews like this, just to be reminded of the zeitgeist.

I know there are other people chiming in that this is not a thing of the past, but I was in high school in 2012 and we got weighed in gym class IN FRONT OF THE CLASS and had our BMI calculated and read out IN FRONT OF THE CLASS. I don’t think the teacher was legally allowed to dock points for kids with high BMIs, but she gave kids with “healthy” BMIs extra credit 🫠

I’m sorry - but as a person with severe allergies - does Michael know what an allergy even is? What he’s describing is a somewhat common side effect of cannabis use…

This was such a wild ride one if your best. I am crying in horror and laughter. ❤️

“Autobiographical as hell” dude for real I’m so disappointed we don’t know more about the author, I bet his life story is WILD

aubrey gordon: better suited to care for a horse than a husband. i said it.

I am a young millennial and they weighed us during gym like once a year. Super uncomfortable and confusing for a elementary schooler…

“Incompetent Foreskins” sounds like the name of shitty southern California punk band from the mid 80’s.

My 2000 sex ed class in rural west Texas never mentioned birth control of any sort, but did say bathing regularly could counter STDs. Also, absolutely had our skirts/shorts measured and weren’t allowed to wear tank tops.

Re: measuring skirts. This was still happening in ~2005 at my school in Mississippi. It’s wild to hear you guys talk about stuff that seems crazy and really old but actually I experienced ~20 years.

“Sexually frustrated day at kfc” new merch 👀

I think we know why no records of this author exist #arrest #incarceration

Oysters may not be an aphrodisiac, but I absolutely get a rush after eating about half a dozen.

Theory: "impotent and incompetent" could be saying it will make you/your dick bad at sex??

"Your dick should look like the girl next door" is maybe the best thing I've ever heard

"A snail doesn't even have a fuckin neck, a snail IS a neck!!!" I had to pause the podcast there because I was laughing too hard to hear 🤣

Also, everything about this episode just made my life.

I have to walk a very fine line with weed, because if I have 2mg of THC, I have time distortion that is absolutely insane, but 1mg is just a nice ooooh that can then lead to sexy times. (this is absolutely a family thing, my little brother got high once and thought he hallucinated someone)

I was sent home in 1999 when I'd grown an inch and the skirt I'd worn two weeks prior was now too short. My parents weren't available (landline days) and neither were my emergency contacts, so they dug into MY COUSIN'S contacts and called my estranged soon-to-be-ex uncle to take me home to change. Fortunately he was very cool about it but seriously, they went to SO MUCH EFFORT to remedy what was clearly a major character flaw (growing) in their prized National Merit scholar.

A snail is a neck!

I’m 35 and I also was weighed in gym class and had my skirt (and shorts!) length measured at school thru 8th grade

I wonder what the author would have to say about breastfeeding in public??? Should they be arrested too?? Epic episode 💗💗 thank you 💗💗

So many excellent quotes and delightful Aubrey laughter. And Michael cringing at stratights' sex. This is exactly the pick me up I needed on a Monday morning! One of my favorite things about Maintenance Phase is the incredibly low bar for joining the patreon, even so, I hope this episode does post to the main feed cause the folks who want to join the patreon but can't for whatever reason probably need this hilariousness!

Another brilliant episode with historical importance! Who knew there was a Virility Diet! 😁

I have celiac disease and literally have to do what Aubrey said, people usually think I’m a snob who’s trying to be skinny or something. I’m like “I’d eat croissants every day if they wouldn’t give me intestinal tumors, I promise!”

This was hilarious!

I have the same reaction to raw weed! If it's cooked and made into baked goods or gummies I'm fine, but smoking flower makes me feel like nothing will ever be alright again.

"A famous doctor's advice" if you have to put that on the cover then maybe he's not that famous?

Mike learns about straight people is consistently my favorite kind of episode in every one of his podcasts 😂

We were in high school in the mid aughts to 2010s and it still took an infertility diagnosis and all the learning that comes along with it for us to go oh wait I didn’t know that worked like that!

Ok, the puppeteering line really got me 🤣🤣🤣

I'm still thinking about the horse line. Is he implying that some women would prefer to have sex with a stallion? Is that just a misogynistic thing about saggy vaginas? So many things I need to ask this man but only after I've seen his arrest record - twenty counts of a boner in public, minimum.

That skirt/short thing was in my high school dress code in the late 90s. Kneel on the floor and your shorts had to be within 5 inches of the floor. It was gender inclusive insanity but the girls were the ones who had to deal with in practice. I can remember the demo that an Assistant Principal did at a orientation or something. He was so proud of this solution because it was the first year shorts were in the dress code at all. Le sigh…

"A snail IS a neck" is the best thing I've ever heard on this podcast.

The skirt measuring in school is still happening in some place. Your skirt can’t be shorter than the end of you fingertips. My niece also had her tank top width frequently measured by a male vice principal. Because oh my heavens, shoulders can distract boys into boners.

also this guy can get outta town because if I know one thing in this life it’s that fat guys fuck. Get OUT of here with that nonsense dawg.

Not Aubrey’s parents getting more sex Ed than me, a 23 year old

Maybe you barely met your expectations, but you way exceeded my laugh expectations (which are pretty darn high!)

Weed can trigger arousal for me. My best guess it has to do with the sometimes heightened tactile awareness I feel.

took me 19 minutes into the episode to realize the title was NOT “the virginity diet”

Oh God an episode on sex ed would be amazing. My mother was given absolutely NO information about her body or sex and the way that informed how she taught her kids was based extensively on that

It's probably not a weed allergy but a paradoxical reaction or an intolerance. We don't really know why paradoxical reactions happen in medicine, but it's probably just a "people being built different" thing. Intolerance happens when your body produces a "non-standard" amount of enzyme necessary to metabolize a chemical and can cause really serious problems. (Non-standard being a lacking of or greater than amount from the wild-type expectant range.) For example, lactose intolerance causes stomach issues because the person cannot digest milk. They lack the lactase enzyme in their gut. However, a lactose allergy would cause the person to break out into hives or possibly go into anaphylaxis. This is a hiccup with the immune system, not the digestive system. The distinction is necessary because an allergy can be treated, but an intolerance cannot be. (Intolerance is more or less the same as being poisoned.) Sometimes a person will have a serious allergy to penicillin, but a severe infection only treatable with penicillin. In this case, they can give the patient penicillin and prednisone or antihistamines at the same time. Although, the patient will be miserable during treatment, it is better than death. However, there is no cure for drug intolerance at this time. You either change the amount of drug taken or cannot take it at all. If a drug makes you sick beyond the usual side-effects, it's worth checking out genetic testing for enzymes. Usually a cytochrome-P panel. This is most commonly caught with unusual reactions to SSRIs and non-opioid analgesics like tramadol.

Michael is on to something with his weed and depression. My son's therapist and psychiatrist both have patients whose psychosis was triggered by weed. It makes me think some people may just have some reason their mental health is triggered by it. For me, even high quality weed that's supposed to be calming makes me anxious to the point of paranoia.

This is a really hilarious episode and while it could be argued it lacks nutrition, it lit up my brain with enough dopamine to make a researcher mistake it for cocaine addiction lol Had a real ab workout laughing at this episode, gotta say.

This ep came out on my birthday! What a great gift. Thanks M&A :P

Oh no no new merch: “the bad is our bread, the bonkers is our butter”

New merch: “Even a man is seldom perfect”

You two aren't giving yourself enough credit when it comes to the entertainment factor of your show!

I need you all to know that oysters do work as an aphrodisiac IF you’re a sea anemone. In the lab where I work, part of the time-tested protocol for getting the sea anemones to spawn is feeding them oyster. (This is mostly because it has high nutrient density, and the other key part of the protocol is taking them from the dark area where we keep them and putting them in light.)

Loved this episode, hilarious. Just a note on incompetence, in a medical context it’s used about a body part which doesn’t function as it should. Back in the early 2000s when I was training as a midwife in London, lecturers referred to “cervical incompetence” which was a patronising and arrogant term from the medical patriarchy which was discouraged. I now work in admin in a hospital and frequently see in old case notes where doctors have described various things as incompetent, like blood flow to a leg or something. I believe the use of the term is discouraged these days, quite rightly, but have to admit in the context of this book, the idea of an incompetent penis is very amusing in a completely childish way.

Ha ha the finger splinting "puppeteering" convo was hilarious, "is this how hertero people have sex?" "I have no fucking idea!"

Finally, someone willing to blame the women!

ex uncle on why he was cheating on my aunt: the way you look, who would want to fuck you? after she gave birth to three children in less than two years with no twins involved...

I can say weed makes me very horny lol. I have my best orgasms after getting high