January Bonus: Taste-Testing LA's Weirdest Wellness Brands

I have the Abounding River game! It’s exactly as new agey as you imagine.

I googled cafè gratitude while listening to this and the first thing on their website is a scrolling banner announcing their partnership with the medical medium 💀💀💀

Did not love the gulping in the pressed segment. You could say I’m “pressed”

Cackling at what Michael thinks colostrum is. And that he's still willing to drink it 😂

Noooo I was not ready for the urine Somalia. Lolololol

Colostrum is NOT womb juice!! 😅 It's the very first milk from a mammal, it is deep yellow, full of fat and nutrients. Sometimes it's used in toothpaste.

there was a cafe gratitude in santa cruz that closed maybe two years ago! they had a lot of drama and tried to separate from the LA brand before eventually closing

I would feel extremely weird if someone said to me "you are luscious" especially if it's because I just ordered breakfast

Absolutely laughed so hard at all of this while I prepped chicken quesadillas and ate chips and street corn dip 😂

New headline related to this episode: https://ew.com/ellen-pompeo-says-she-held-by-airport-tsa-over-erewhon-sunflower-seeds-11747133 What is the deal with their sunflower seeds??

Avocado smoothie with chocolate condensed milk is my favourite after school treat growing up. The absolute best! It cost the equivalent of 1 dollar at most 🤤

Take Aubrey’s view of affirmations.

Absurd

lol thinking of Mike and Aubrey when I read an article yesterday about a Cafe Erewhon being "overrun with vermin"

'Malk' just sounds like someone trying to say the word 'milk' with their mouth full of milk

1) Colostrum is the first milk produced by a nursing mammal, which contains antibodies important for her new baby. Though marketing it as a superfood for adult animals of a different species is probably a gimmick. 2) The placenta is an organ grown by pregnant placental mammals which passes nutrients to the developing fetus. There isn’t such a thing as “extra placenta,” as it’s an organ, not a substance. Every fetus gets one, or, in the case of identical twins, shares one with their wombmate.

The chlorophyll fun fact is super interesting to me. I spent 9 months in France and one of the most common chewing gums there was standard mint but included chlorophyll. I’d been wondering about that for a while!

Auto play turned this on the car stereo and my 6 year old declared “oh it’s the podcast where they say the f word!”

I described Cafe Gratitude to my wife and she nearly cringed out of her skin. I must go there and spectate, but with a friend.

I think Cafe gratitude might turn me into a homicidal maniac.

Ok re listening to this for like the third time. Aubrey's breathless laugh during the malk talk does me in! I honestly think my favorite episodes are the ones where they are taste testing stuff. It's so damn funny every single time!

“Look, I’m erect at EVERYONE’S funeral.” 🤣🤣🤣

Anyone else have trouble playing this episode?

I cried laughing at this epi many times! It was chaos and I love you both so much. Thank you for bringing the joy in a time when we all desperately need it ♥️

I’m so thankful you guys try these things so that I don’t have to. ♥️🤣

we need a ray peat episode so bad 😭

The intro made me laugh out loud at work as I used to be regular at cafe gratitude as a vegan high schooler in San Diego

Colostrum is bewb juice tho, not womb?

I just know my dishes hate to see me coming when Aubrey and Michael get on the mic

Last time we were in LA we stopped into an Erewhon. Because of the kind of person I am, I was just overwhelmed with the "thing-ness" of all the things. I found myself wanting things just because of the packaging. Does this item actually "do" anything? Don't care! I just loved the little jars and the design. I didn't actually BUY anything, because I don't need 7 slices of dried mango in a glass jar for a zillion dollars, but everything was so fucking cunning I couldn't stand it.

I listened to the second half of this while cycling home from work. I failed to stay composed and probably looked menacing to drivers.

I googled Cafe Gratitude, and they’re running a promotion with THE MEDICAL MEDIUM!!! The guy from celery juice!!

This was so silly and fun! I laughed out loud several times. I hope you didn’t vom, Aubrey! (And if you did, rest assured it was not in vain)

You know those "if you could invite 10 people, alive or dead, for dinner, who would you invite?" things? I just want Michael and Aubrey. Alive.

About 20 years ago I was in a play and got to kiss the guy in it, and we were both smokers--we got the clorettes gum--dark green and like chicklets. It did work pretty well, but on the other hand I was just excited that I got to kiss a hot guy and he had to act like he thought I was hot too!

The chlorophyll trend comes and goes. I remember my mother taking chlorophyll tablets to “remove body odor and bad breath” in the 1970s.

Any episode where Aubrey shouts “NO NO NO MICHAEL!” is automatically a win 🤣

I would like to make Aubrey saying "JAM-ba Juice" my text notification

Belle Gibson continues to fail to pay fine https://www.smh.com.au/national/slap-on-the-wrist-belle-gibson-whistleblower-slams-cancer-conwoman-over-unpaid-fines-20250211-p5lbbv.html

i’m obsessed with you guys drinking gross expensive potions and i’m curious about your thoughts on SunLife Organics. easily the best smoothie i’ve ever had (i dream of it) but it was $18 and run by a christian crystal woowoo group

Wouldn’t it be cool if we just ate and drank fruits and vegetables in ways that taste good and didn’t make crazy claims? Like I would be all in for a juice/smoothie spot that just said, “Yummy smoothies and juices with fresh ingredients!”

Okay idek if there is enough here to warrant an episode but I am SO curious about Him/Hers and their marketing that’s so insidiously trying to play it off like they “get it” .. esp after there was a really crazy one that played during the Super Bowl.. also have heard whispers they donated a lot to trump not sure that’s substantiated but there seems to be a lot going on there?? Maybe not an episodes worth but just putting it out there 🫡🫡

A Vacaville cameo was the last thing I was expecting here

Best taste test EVER. I can't stop laughing.

Hey! I used to do Landmark. I learned how to recognize when I'm going on too many tangents. I don't stop, but at least I know.

Ok but surely at Cafe Gratitude if you order the “I am enough” for example the server should say “you are enough” when bringing your dish. Wouldn’t make it any less weird though.

Unrelated (to the ep but not generally) but is anyone else excited for Apple Cider Vinegar on Netflix! Might have to revisit the Belle Gibson eps soon

Colostrum as a health food makes me very sad for the baby cows 😢

Hear me out: MP/ IBCK crossover episode on the Landmark Forum OR a deeper dive on MP of Landmark/One Taste/Cafe Gratitude on the main feed. They are some of the original griftiest grifters. I have literally fielded recruitment attempts from them in my youth! 🙏🏼 I am... Hopeful 😉

Aubrey: "So animal rights activists bombed--" Me: !! Aubrey: "--their yelp reviews" Me: ..

As a new mom, I’m dying at Michael explaining colostrum

PS: I was just re-listening to the 2021 Grifties and Michael said then he was researching a full length episode on Noom and … just checking in on that :)

WOOMB juice

Just listened to Blue Zone episode and the mention of the Seventh Day Adventists made me laugh due to what wasn't said. SDAs don't just eat more vegetables, they are literally vegetarians, don't drink alcohol and have a fitness part of their faith. They don't show up in Saturday sports because Saturday is their Sabbath. They do a lot more than diet.

I just listened to the episode on “blue zones”. Is there any evidence to suggest that the stress of not knowing where you’re going to live or where your next meal is going to come from for yourself and family would have an effect on life expectancy?

*dr now

What are your thoughts on drugs now

I love ALL the episodes, but this one had the full spectrum of Aubrey's laugh types, each of which is more delightful than the next and makes me smile every time I hear one.

Bonus Episode request - Interval Weight Loss - there's a guy a Sydney Uni promoting something called Interval Weight Loss - the idea is that you lose weight for 1 month, then stay at that weight for a month, and then do another month of weight loss etc. His name is Dr Nick Fuller.

That was Amazebowls!

Michael’s thoughts on what colostrum is 😂

I have this weird urge to make a smoothie now. I've never made one in my life.

Oh sad. I can't upload images... just dropping a line to let you know the "Hap-penis is an inside job" made me immediately assume the person who wrote that headline runs in Buddhist circles. There is a book called 'Happiness is an Inside Job' by Sylvia Boorstein. She is affiliate with the Insight Meditation folks, so very white, very affluent convert Buddhists.

This is highly entertaining but GOOD GRIEF people will buy some ridiculous shit! Thanks, Aubrey & Michael, for putting yourselves through this for us.

I cannot tell you how much I loved this episode—you two bring me so much joy 😊

Aubrey should be eligible for financial compensation for having to say “stay harder for longer”

The fact Michael doesn’t know what colostrum is come on bro 😂

This was the laugh I needed, thank you

I continue to be very grateful for the two of you.

I have never laughed this hard at an episode. I needed this today. Thank you.

When I first moved to LA I lived in Silverlake and I am SO glad I was nowhere near the Erewhon because I would have just thrown stuff at people

This is what I needed to detach myself from the impending daily doom anxiety.

The syringe is giving the substance, traumatic.

I am sick and grumpy and this episode made me smile and laugh. Thank you!

Hello dear Mike and Aubrey! Thank you for a hilarious taste test episode. Please, PLEASE post more episodes. I know you’re tired and I fully support work life balance and I don’t in any way mean to detract from your efforts to adopt a more reasonable production schedule. BUT WE NEED YOU. And main feed listeners need you. ♥️

If y’all want me to break that pun all the way down for you, let me know.

Also, by the way, I will slap you with a fistful of money if you open Cafe Ingrate.

The amount of times I said 'EW' out loud while helplessly giggling during the Hap-penis section

Cafe Gratitude has been my Roman Empire, too, Aubrey! There was one in Santa Cruz where I live and I refused to go because I refused to go along their bullshit. It closed after 13 years in business in October ‘23. And I agree with Michael, I would much rather have people be cringe and super positive than cruel. Just not for me…

This was hilarious!

As a dog owner i have to say that the syringe DOES look almost identical to the big plastic syringe that one of my dog’s supplements (canikur) comes in lmao

I needed this episode today!

Michael we names our pet rat Hobbes after you

Y'all are a national treasure. "I am suing" is the best signoff zinger Michael's ever done.

🤣🤣🤣

The part about the pee smelling tester made me think of the Nora Ephron essay about vaginal sprays. . .there was a testers for those, too. It's called "Dealing with the, uh, Problem" I think.

Listening to this episode made me smile more in one hour than I have in the last week. Genuinely... Thank you for bringing some joy.

I needed all the snippets from the Hap-Penis post to be read by Alex Mofat in his “guy who just bought a boat” SNL character.

I live in such a milk based culture I’ve eaten colostrum many times in my life. There is a desert in Finland that is traditionally made either from colostrum or a mix of regular milk and eggs, basically baked farmer’s cheese. At some point my aunt had so much extra colostrum from her granddaughter’s farm she used it in casseroles instead of regular cream. I have known a couple of farmers with cows throughout my life and generally either gotten or bought the colostrum straight from them. Even though baby cows drink most of it, there seems to often be a few liters extra. It doesn’t surprise me that its a health fad, since it is ofc very nutritious and also because it’s rare and hard to get, so you can sell it for more. I do think transportoiting, storing and selling it in large quantities is potentially risky in similar ways than any unpasteurized milk is — in my cousin’s farm they usually just freeze it for personal use and to give away, which is not as safe as getting it to the milk processing plant to be pasteurized and packaged in a sterile environment. But because the quantities are small and you get it so infrequently, processing it in a plant makes no financial sense. And it coagulates in heat like eggs, so idk if it can be pasteurized. TL;DR would not buy it from the store but would buy from a farmer I trust.

Also, gosh, won't share details to be respectful, but have definitely had time in the Cafe Gratitude world.

So wonderful, and appreciated in these times. Y'all are great. Thanks for doing what you do.

I laughed so hard I peed my pants.

Yikes! I can't believe you guys tried all of those at once! You must have had wild poops that day 😳😱

Oh my god, I laughed so hard. You both are amazing! Thank you, thank you!

It's great the Mike doesn't want to be mean to the workers at the cursed affirmation cafe. How. Ever. Any affirmation that is not silent self- affirmation is a human rights violation. If it is not violent ablism, it is damn close. Do Not try to insert this kind of bullshit into my mental health and sensory issues. Go quietly. Anyway, as an devoted from-the-start MP fan, thanks for the info and the especially good laughs.

Omg Michael that is NOT what colostrum is 😂😂 Colostrum has nothing to do with the placenta…it’s the first nutrient dense milk that the body makes right after birth. Lasts for about 2-4 days in humans and then turns to the “regular” white/watery milk. I have heard of people drinking human colostrum and like NO. YOU ARE NOT A BABY, eat like an adult 😂

So that was a fuckin riot.

I went to a couple different locations of Café Gratitude before it closed! Stoked that you’re mentioning it!

BTW that “pool water” taste you got from that one drink was likely due to the aloe vera. I remember buying an entire gallon at Trader Joe’s back in the day (for what reason I do not recall). I could barely get it down and dumped the majority of it down the sink. Truly vile.

For the curious, here’s a recipe that’s a great dupe for the Hailey Bieber Smoothie. I’m vegan so I sub 1/2 scoop of vanilla protein powder for the vanilla collagen. The key to this smoothie is the Zuma Valley coconut cream. I buy it in the freezer packs. Makes everything more exciting! https://www.yummymummykitchen.com/2023/08/hailey-bieber-erewhon-strawberry-skin-smoothie.html

Just a heads up: some people have very bad reactions to magnesium! I took it as a tester before a red eye flight and I threw up the whole next day. My doctor says that just happens to some people 🤷🏻‍♀️. So be careful out there!

I would love to see a pic of Michael and Aubrey together, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen.

"I am suing" at the end had me cackle 🤣🤣🤣love u guys!!

Too many memories of spending most of my salary on fancy food when living in LA 😆

Aubrey's wheeze laughing is worth every damn dime I pay for this subscription... 😂😂😂😍❤️

It’s been a loonnngg time since a podcast had me laughing so hard, I’m crying! In these dark, dark days, I needed this- thank you!!

i grew up in the back of a health food store & i’d fully memory holed the chlorophyll era until this episode. i feel like it overlapped with a big wave of bluegreen algae & brown liquid iron supplements, so the whole vibe of “health” was very swampy in my experience circa y2k. chlorophyll was def the best of that bunch taste-wise to me at the time, & i at least liked the idea that i was photosynthesizing even if it didn’t make much sense.

On King of the Hill S1, Peggy has to teach sex ex and learned to say « penis » out loud and starts with « happiness » then dropping the « hap ». I’d like to think it’s a deep KOTH reference, but I fear it is not!

I am sure people have already commented on the colostrum, but just in case... colostrum is the pre-milk breast milk expressed in the first couple of days after the baby is born. It has nothing to do with the placenta, and is quite important to early infant health (a lot of passive immunity). As I am not a newborn calf, I do not (and nor does anyone else) need cow colostrum.

Reishwaganda 😂

The idea that “if some of a supplement is good, then more must be better” is the basis for our oft-repeated pharmacy assessment that “patient has very expensive pee.” Your body can only metabolize a certain amount of any product at a time and the rest is usually excreted out so you’re literally pissing away your money (and possibly compromising your kidney function.) Worse yet are the fat-soluble supplements that can build up to toxic levels in your body. So all this nonsense about the ‘health benefits’ taking x-times more than the dietary guidelines is not only bullshit, but can be dangerous.

Both of your openings were 💯! (I did finish the episode and went back to relisten)

I took a bite of my breakfast sandwich just as Michael said how the man smelled in Trader Joe’s. Aubrey, I too wretched! Lol Thanks for laughs today.

Michael saying, “Grift me” and all I want now is merch with “Grift Me Daddy” on it!

THANKSSSS for this most hilarious, most “after dark” bonus episode! As a person dealing with lotsa mystery medical nonsense, big hugs to Michael (but they’re just regular virtual hugs, they’re not magic or imbued with anything—calm down). Unrelated: because I never see Michael’s face but have been listening for years, my brain has now married Mike’s voice to Christian Siriano’s likeness, another “miniature homosexual gentleman.” Come on, brain, let’s untangle this gorgeous gay knot, please!

Wait wait wait why did you not flag that Café Gratitude has a collaboration menu with MEDICAL MEDIUM? The crossover that nobody asked for! One of the specials is called ‘I am Trustworthy’ which seems like very wishful thinking on their part… 😅

There’s a newish restaurant here in Utah that sounds like it might be a knockoff of cafe gratitude and I never realized until now! (This a very on-brand thing for Utah to do. )

The Abounding River game is on ebay!

"Steve, you're the piss boy now"

You guys are honestly the best. I could listen to the two of you talk about anything.

I am erect for everyone's funeral. 🤣

I am suing 🤣

I have a very suggestible gag reflex. My cat’s entire body does that xenomorph peristalsis? I leave the room. If someone in a movie even makes the “uh oh!” gaggy face, I react. Fake blood and gore, no problem. But off-screen vomit vocalizations, and the echoey splash in the toilet? Hell no. So this episode was hard, but all worth it.

this is what I imagine socal is ....go with god y'all cos I cant

That’s so interesting.. becuz as someone who’s been a variety of weights “I am enough” was always the affirmation I allowed. When I was 70-240lbs on a 5ft frame, being not enough was always something I was afraid of. I’m never big or small enough and both at once to the point where my nightmares are things changing

Dude re: vital proteins being an ingredient in that smoothie, when you buy vital proteins collagen peptides and unscrew the lid, there’s a seal with a warning saying something like “READ THIS: By opening and using this product, you agree to be bound by our Terms and Conditions, fully set forth at vitalproteins.com/tc, which include a mandatory arbitration agreement. If you do not agree to be bound , please return this product immediately.” !!! UNHINGED. They have a prop65 warning aka may have lead in products

“I am suing” was the best outro

I needed this laugh today thank you

I lived in San Francisco near cafe gratitude during its heyday and demise 2006-2013. I ate there often the first few years cuz the food was delicious. Obvs cringey vibes and the staff was not genuinely happy. Even cringier was the offshoot VEGAN MEXICAN restaurant Gracias Madre slapped in the center of the gentrifying Mission (Latino) neighborhood, owned by the same cult members. Beyond!

Honestly, I think the colostrum bros would make for an absolutely wild episode cause I've heard tale of fitness guys who will actually contact pregnant women/milk banks for their colostrum instead of just using like cow colostrum.

That smoothie better come with a reusable cup if I'm forking over $24 for it.

Unlike Michael I love all drinks especially dumb bitch juices despite knowing better. This episode has me hooting and hollering with laughter thanks so much!

Nooooo colostrum is not extra placenta AAA aaaaaaa!!!!! Hahahah it's the pre-milk produced by mammals before the milk "comes in" hahahaha

Omg pls don’t judge LA by theses crazy places, there are normal ppl here!😆😆❤️❤️

my psychiatrist was for my first 2 years as her patient OBSESSED with recommending bee pollen for my pmdd, it always felt so much like a sponsored product. I told her I tried it and it didn't work so she would stop recommending it to me. It's really expensive, I had already gone the supplements route with no results. my psych meds work well though smh

Canadian ER nurse here: There are studies looking at the corilation between magnesium and muscles - specifically the heart, it's becoming increasingly common to check the Mg levels of patients with heart palpitations, and have added it to the regime of IV medications we give complex patients

I could listen to this type of content from you guys for hours! I'm a (non-diet) dietitian and the magnesium topic comes up a lot with clients - basically we discuss that the evidence is mixed, but can be worth a try for sleep and anxiety (similar things could be said for so many supplements! On a related note, DSHEA would be such a great MP topic...Marion Nestle's book Food Politics also has a great chapter on it). Anyway, just today after listening to this last night, a client brought up magnesium and I felt like I had Mike's voice in my head summarizing the literature :)

I love Aubrey's laugh! It's so musical and joyful. Thanks for another fun episode!

Fun fact, colostrum IS actually extremely healthful and important to humans…when we are 1-2 days old & it is human colostrum. 😆

The taste tests had me laughing so hard that I slowed way down walking to my office, doubled-over. Really appreciate y'all's dedication. 🤣

Lmao colostrum is also cow milk. It’s just the milk that comes in right after birth that eventually turns to regular milk. Humans make it too, it’s also called “liquid gold”

Random non episode comment. You guys got a shout out on behind the bastards Oprah episodes! 😂 Also love these episodes.

I love these taste test episodes. Very hilariously, I *was* breastfeeding while listening to this episode and did a double-take at colostrum being placenta or "womb juice" (amniotic fluid?) rather than milk. I totally know that is not one of the things researched (I mean, what an endless series of rabbit holes for every ingredient in one of these foods), but it totally caught me off guard. Granted, there is no good reason for an adult human to drink colostrum but it's no surprise at all that someone would market it as such.

IT SHOULD BE HAP-PENIS COMES FROM WITHIN

shouldn’t at least one of the Happenis smoothies be made out of green m&m’s?

I gotta say, relistening did in fact make the opening joke funnier 😂🩷

This is so funny and at the same time I had to completely turn the volume down at times due to mouth noises. I know I am complaining about mouth noises on a taste test episode ,you don't have to tell me lol. Just maybe...lean away from the mic (or the Mike)

“I’m erect at everyone’s funeral!” My coffee fully came out my nose - no, not mushroom coffee.

I really needed the laughs today. Thank you for always delivering. I also need to know how many emails Mike got about colostrum so please follow up.

"I'm erect at EVERYONE'S funeral," is my major takeaway from this episode

I thought at least one explanation for aphrodisiacs was that they were vitamin rich foods in a time when nutrition was not on people’s minds or food was more scarce. But as I type that out, I realize that that’s probably a lie too 😂🤣

Yay my suggestion, kreation, was done! Their smoothie bowls are rly so good but their products and wellness BS are insane. My mom and I also went to cafe gratitude and had a good laugh

“Speaking of boner- I feel like I just drank one.” Is this my favourite episode???

Thank you for the laughs! So needed in these dark times.

I just started and Mike's chair dialogue is cracking me up I love it SO much

Omg you guys must have spent the afternoon in the bathroom! Awful!

I'm not sure what the situation is in the US. In Australia there's been a few cases of B6 toxicity, it's often added to other supplements, including magnesium. https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/i-couldn-t-walk-gp-s-personal-story-of-vitamin-b6

Cafe Graditude should have a chlorophyll item called I am Photosynthesizing

They locked someone in a room, made them smell a bunch of pee, and then concluded that chlorophyll didn't work? Please tell me that poor person got hazard pay

DYING because I didn’t realize cafe gratitude still exists!! Went there 20 years ago in NorCal and loved their raw lemon meringue pie but hated the vibe 😂

So stoked on the perfumetok mention. Aubrey if you ever want to chat scents………lmk

On magnesium—I’ve always understood it as if you are deficient in magnesium you can have issues like anxiety and sleep problems (and muscle cramps) so taking supplements can help in that situation, but if you are not deficient taking extra magnesium doesn’t do much. So the doctor should probably have said *try* taking magnesium and see if it helps.

I use the same syringe to give my cats meds when they have diarrhea, not lying.

Also hilarious to hear my hometown - Vacaville - mentioned. For future reference it’s pronounced Vacaville like the Spanish pronunciation of the word “Vaca” for cow - bc it’s literally Cow Town California! Most ppl not from there pronounce it how you did though

This episode was great! Worth noting colostrum is from the mammary glands - not the womb! Pregnant people sometimes have colostrum leaking before birth but it’s the first milk for babies, cows and humans alike, and it’s incredibly nutritious! It’s very golden and sticky & the best possible nutrition for a newborn :) the hormones from the placenta help create colostrum so I guess womb juice isn’t too far off 😅 It’s actually fascinating stuff to read about! Colostrum and mammal milk are pretty amazing.

Didn’t Jason Mraz part own cafe gratitude at one point?

I just went to check out the Cafe gratitude menu and there's a Medical Medium collab menu?!? Maintenance Phase inception!!

Haha I know those big liquid syringes because it was a Goth Club thing in the 2010's to serve them with blood red or bright blue (zydrate) cocktails! So cute and tacky

What a joy. My favorite MP content. Thank you Mike and Aubrey.

Chlorophyll nostalgia! Clorets was introduced in 1951 (discontinued in 2015). Clorets contained Actizol, a proprietary ingredient containing chlorophyll, which was claimed to act as an effective way eliminate mouth odor. It was a popular gum all through my teen years.

I’ll never forget never going to Cafe Gratitude in SF. Once I heard about the cults and the sayings it was a no for me!

Audrey's "I am aroused" sent me🤣

“3… 2… 1… sheep!” Made me laugh SO hard and I’m going to find as many places to use that as possible. 🐑

WHEN DOES THE MP SPARKLE PENIS MERCH DROP???

This is the very first time I have ever heard of Cafe Gratitude and I now pledge that before I go to my grave, I will burn every single one of them to the ground. How utterly insufferable.

OMG I just had a hilarious memory which is that there was a vegan restaurant in San Francisco called Ananda Fuara. I ate lunch there one day and the lady at the table next to mine asked her waiter for a hug. He refused and then goes “do you still want to eat here?” and she sighed and goes “yeah. I mean, it’s no Gratitude, but I’m a hungry vegan.”

Gotta say, I appreciate that Mike has said, "We live in hell," in all episodes since November. Definitely feeling that.

If I could bottle Michael’s giggles and Aubrey’s full-throated laughter, I’d never be blue again. Thank you both so much.

“I’m erect at everyone’s funeral.” 😂💀

This is a truly vintage episode! Thank you so much for making this dark January so much funnier than it has any right to be!!

The "ha-penis" reminded me of the episode of King of the Hill where Peggy has to teach sex ed and can't say "penis" so she has to practice saying "happiness" and progressively increasing the emphasis. 😂

All of the affirmations on the Cafe Gratitude menu are joyous or aspirational except for “I am humble,” which is the only one that’s not white-people food (it's Indian curry). Just incredible. https://cafegratitude.com/pages/cafe-gratitude-menus

Listening to Mike and Aubrey come up with ways to describe how that mushroom coffee tasted like literal shit was *almost* funny enough to make up for Mike not bothering to google colostrum and saying it somehow came out of a cow's vagina instead of mammary glands. Although that was kind of funny too I guess. I thought that LA was such a health oriented place before I moved here. I was shocked to find out that the two most popular food groups for most Angelenos are doughnuts and In N Out. If anyone else is in the LA area, I hope you're okay (also Aubrey's mom!). We were close to the Eaton fire and were very lucky to still have a home to come back to. Sending love to our battered community.

bitches eatin’ pudding

Colostrum is not placenta. Come on Michael.

Maybe someone already made this comment, but on behalf of anyone who has chestfed a baby, colostrum has nothing to do with placentas (hilarious as the phrase “womb juice” may be), it’s the milk produced by mammals, including humans, immediately before and after the birth of their baby (from the chest/mammary glands before the milk comes in). It is an absolutely amazing substance that protects a newborn’s immune system in its early days of life. And as far as I know, there’s zero fucking reason anyone who’s NOT a newborn mammal should be consuming it, unless you’re milking your own cows I suppose? (in which case it’s probably just a benign thing to drink?)

So many podcasts try to be funny and AREN’T, but this one and IBCK actually make me laugh so much that it’s dangerous to work out while listening. You’re the GOATS. I AM AROUSED

lol. Mike - “I’m more of a solids person”

That last affirmation made me literally laugh out loud. Thank you for this episode - so much fun for your listeners!

So jealous that you all have never heard the "Happiness is an inside job" platitude.

Cafe Gratitude reminds me of the mandatory positivity that managers use to emotionally bully their employees. De-fund the Chipper Police!

I feel like we can sum up 2025 already with Mike's question: "Why not rat milk?"

The pee-smelling room was Steve’s idea.

Michael & Aubrey: taste-testing horrifying things For Science Me: laughing so hard in the doctor’s waiting room that I may possibly have pulled an additional muscle

Actual fun fact: my team is involved in a study using L- citriline on pediatric cardiopulmonary bypass patients to increase NO production. But to be fair, ours is mixed by pharmacy and isn’t just a shit ton of watermelon

Anyone else use Podcast Addict and didn't get the download in their feed? This happened to me last month, too...

Oh my gosh I’m so cranky today, thank goodness you posted something so wonderful 😭🙏🎉

So uh, I live in Kansas City, we have a Café Gratitude here (I've been once or twice), and this is literally the first time I'm realizing it's like, An LA Thing™ and not just the one vegan restaurant that everyone in KC knows about

Screaming with laughter at the end. Well done!

You beat me to it! … honestly I was a bit afraid this place was selling human colostrum at first. But anyway 1000% not womb juice 🤣

The zinger at the end made my day 😂

That is NOT what colostrum is 🤣🤣

I don’t know that I need my pee to smell good— ya know? Literally flushed down the terlit

You two are my favorite parasocial relationship on the internet🫶

Since The Simpsons has already been covered, I'll say that the HapPENIS thing reminded me of an episode of King of the Hill where Peggy is going to be teaching sex ed (I think) and has to work herself up to saying penis by saying Happiness with increasing emphasis on the end of the word. More millennial pop culture for you!

Is the four point scale tofu, peeled banana, unpeeled banana, and cucumber?

My mother told me she was having luck using magnesium for sleep, and I said I'd check it out, so she bought me a huge bottle of pills and then a huge bottle of a liquid version for good measure (and then later, she decided it didn't work as well as she thought) . I'm not sure what actual benefit in getting, but I try to remember to take it, just cuz I don't want my mom's money to be wasted.

Puns 👏 should 👏 be 👏 bidirectional 👏 Replacing one word with another isn't a pun. Slant pun.

Coming out this year, my new perfume Pure Basement 😂😂

Wow thank you for this magical pallet cleanser

Ok but I’ve been feeling a little sad these past couple days and it would be fun to order an “I am Glorious” with a “I am Magnificent” on the side.

Lemon cheesecake on freshly cut grass 😂😂

Absolutely floored to hear that this tiktok is based on a specific establishment: https://www.tiktok.com/@ghosthoney/video/6924460214494186758

Oh. My. God. Cafe gratitude!!!! It's my roman empire too. The strangest cult there was. To this day, "I am grateful" Is something I think about when ordering drinks. Smh. Thank you for your service.

And I'm not saying drink it from other animals! It mostly doesn't do any good. But it's most certainly not womb juice

Oh dear that is not at all what colostrum is it's the first super nutrient and antibody dense milk usually produced only in the first day or two after birth

Oregano oil always sounds like it's gonna be good and it is awwwwful 🤣 Oregano is in all my food but that oil is evil somehow. I admittedly really like the stupid ginger lemonade stuff from pressed though.

Omg, we went to Cafe Gratitude a couple of times in the early days. It was a Lot™ even for Berkeley - we called it Cafe Attitude. 😆

Mike: I am uncaffeinated 🤨😂

Lol Cafe Gratitude! Haha one of my most nightmarish dining situations. No thanks.

This was a classic, and some much-needed humor this week. Thank you for that. ❤️

Ugh I had blocked the time I went to Cafe Gratitude from my memory. Ordering by affirmation was sooo cringy. It reminds me of the restaurant scene in Brazil where the waiter would only accept the order if they said the number in french

I am suing 😂😂😂

“I am mid 🙂‍↕️” had me DYING

For what it's worth, colostrum is what comes out of a human breast for the day or so after giving birth. It's extremely nutritious...for newborn human babies. No idea what kind of colostrum Ehrewon is peddling but I'm with you on its bullshittiness.

The one and only time I went to Cafe Gratitude, not only did we have to order the items by their insufferable affirmation names, but before the server would bring the check each of us had to say something we were grateful for. I was thinking to myself, so if I refuse, does that mean I don’t have to pay? Anyway, I thought the food wasn’t very good. Because they use nuts to recreate any animal-based ingredients like cream or cheese, you walk out of there having consumed pounds of nuts. Would not recommend, personally

Places that misspell words (like Kreation Kafe) are like nails on a chalkboard to me. I feel like they’re either trying to be cute (it’s not cute) or they’re intentionally misspelling it because they neither create anything nor is it an actual cafe. It’s the MALK of business naming.

Omg I am laughing out loud listening to this at the gym. I nearly got squished while doing a lunge 😂😂

dear wonderful people! i just listened to your episode about forks over knives and thought "the china study" would definitely be mentioned. have you ever heard of it? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_China_Study i would LOVE to find out, if there is anything to it. and by find out it mean listen to you talk about it :D cheers from germany, anna (and i am off to listen to the new bonus episode now!)

Look into medical testing history. Smelling and tasting urine has a long history. People even used to ship crates of it on boats to get sampled

As a former LLL leader colostrum is not in fact "extra" placenta. It's the substance made in mammals that nurse their young before the actual milk comes in. It's awful that they take that from baby cows. It's also incredibly important. So I know y'all are being funny but it's not a waste product. It doesn't just have some extra white blood cells. You literally investigate nonsense for hours or days and then randomly throw out phrases like that.

I thought I was psychic cause so much of this episode sounds familiar and it's cause a lot of what you went over was from exactly one year ago when you did an erawhan review! Including the giggles over MALK

Thank you for all the sorely needed laughs.

Honestly, after the revolution I will let the rich keep their nasty drinks.

GOD THE PEE SMELLING GUY!!! I work in healthcare and specifically a long term care facility, I clean old people poop and pee for a living so I feel for this researcher.

I cannot stop giggling. Thank you. This is the laugh I needed this week.

WHAT, Cafe Gratitude is associated with FLAX clothing, srsly??? Okay, then I totally get the level of affirmation-speak here.

"It smells like when I used to jog past the zoo". 😂😂😂

I looked up the Cafe Gratitude menu and discovered that they are doing a collab with… the Medical Medium. Color me surprised.

Me, a grown ass adult, hysterically laughing every time one of you said boner. This is exactly what I needed this week. Thank you.

Y'all, be careful with mushroom coffee. My wife tried to fully switch to mushroom coffee a couple years ago and it caused her some pretty severe GI issues. Beware.

Not Mike not knowing that colostrum is from early milk production and not womb.. placenta…. something 😂

episode please🙏... the aphrodisiac cookbook https://www.intercourses.com/

LOL Michael getting wrecked on something that isn't pronunciation for once

Best outro line ever!!

OMG, the end! I laughed so hard. :D

I take magnesium for the purpose of relieving muscle cramps (specifically really painful monthly muscle cramps), which in general is a thing, I think, but it helping in my case specifically may just be a strong placebo. I don't care, though, this is bad enough that I'm willing to just do this fairly harmless thing to not feel like shit, and for now it works.

You two brighten these dark days 💕

Needed this joyful laughter today, thank you!!!

Not even far in, but boy oh boy, this Café Gratitude stuff is making me irrationally angry.

Oh, please do an episode about colostrum. Armra brand ads are everywhere...and confession: it's in my cabinet right now because I tried it and it's been the most effective thing in calming down my psoriasis in 20 years. But I don't actually understand why...

I listened to this to cheer me up while I'm sick, but "Luigi Mangione's dirty briefs" took me out and it hurts to laugh. So now my affirmation is also I Am Suing

I am EXHILARATED! Yay for taste test bonus episode!

Landmark Forum has featured on number of podcasts about cults

3, 2, 1 Sheep!!!

Hearing you both giggling uncontrollably is the only natural medicine I will ever swear by 💕

THE GENESIS HAS BLAST PROCESSING

When I saw it was a taste test I knew I would laugh out loud. I was not disappointed.

My favourite thing about these episodes is the sounds of you guys wandering off or puttering around in the background while prepping the food (or messing with a chair in this case). Always makes me laugh and as such I will not scold Mike for getting colostrum so wrong 😆(you’ve already heard it from enough folks anyhow I think)

I have been to Cafe Gratitude several times when I lived in Berkeley, CA. I moved to New Zealand 17 yrs ago and I had no idea it was still around or that it was a chain. Other than the affirmations and the awkward question of the day, I remember they had these long communal tables and they would intentionally seat you next to strangers! Also it was 100% 'raw' food back then. Cold brew coffee and sprouted 'bread' and everything.

I am not American and didn't know what café gratitude was. Googled it before turning on the episode and the first thing I see is a smoothie-collab with the medical medium! Hahaha

*pushes glasses up* Ackkkktually, the rat milk gag and the “malk” gag are different Simpsons jokes. P.S. I’m so sorry that I’m like this…

So amazed by your commitment to never record in person together 😂😂

"sparkle penis is an inside job" - the plot of twilight I think, idk I didn't read the books

That's... not at all what colostrum is.

Calling colostrum "waste product" triggered me to hell just now, just had a baby and had to collect for weeks because of gestational diabetes 😭 Love the episode tho!

Wrong glands, Michael!!! "Colostrum (from Latin, of unknown origin) is the first form of milk produced by the mammary glands of humans and other mammals immediately following delivery of the newborn.[1] Animal colostrum may be called beestings, the traditional word from Old English dialects.[2] Most species will begin to generate colostrum just prior to giving birth. Colostrum contains antibodies to protect the newborn against disease and infection..."

Miiiike, that is not what colostrum is 😆 its actually really cool. Not that humans should fuckin drink it though hahaha

That syringe is wild! ETA: I can't believe you didn't order anything from Cafe Gratitude's MEDICAL MEDIUM COLLAB MENU.

YAY