Re.Serenity - a rewrite?
Brace yourself... It's another long post. But you'll want to read this. This is important.
The 19th of August, 2020... That was the day I made my first post on Patreon. I had written the first part of Serenity 2 years before that in 2018. Today, we're pretty far removed from the story ideas that were in that first post (when I was describing Serenity in such a cheesy way). Everything changed. The character models, many story elements... Hell, it became something completely different from what I wrote in 2018.
Serenity is special to me. Hidden throughout that story are quotes and ideas that I have experienced personally. From the "mom with cancer and her death" arc, to the tiniest funny moments I've thrown in there. Bullying, embarrassment, feeling ashamed or scared, being judged, wanting to be loved, it's all in there in some form or another. But honestly, Serenity is a jumbled mess of emotions that wasn't well organized during development. I can admit that. I had a short conversation with someone in the Serenity thread on F95 about rewriting Serenity. I had told him I had no intention of doing that. But the more I wrote as I replied to him, the more I began to understand where he was coming from. I can see a rewrite working for the better. There are a lot of things I've wished I could change but got too deep in to do anything about.
Should I rewrite it? Let's talk about the changes that would be made. Let's start with the issue of "no incest". First of all, Camilla would not be the MC's sister. Mom (Karen) would not be a part of Serenity (brought back to life so to speak). None of that happened in my original version of the story. When Mom dies, she's gone and doesn't appear in the story again outside of flashbacks and her initial visit in spirit form to guide him in the beginning. Next, the first scene of the game with Trina. I was a dumbass for writing it the way I did. I was too anxious to put in something 'porn' and did it too soon and at such a wrong time. That whole scene, the way it played out, would be completely different. More the way it should go compared to real life. And speaking of Trina, she should never have gone to Serenity. I did it because people liked her. But she doesn't really belong in Serenity. In a rewrite, she would have more scenes during the 'pre-Serenity' arc. But nothing too lewd.
Part of the issue with Serenity is that there are way too many characters to deal with. You end up not seeing some of them for several updates. I hate that. There are so many that were added and never should have been. And many of the situations around them were resolved WAY too quickly. They should have been drawn out more. The following characters would remain in a rewritten version: Kat, Rin, Jasmine, Lena, Morgan, Trixy, and Camilla are 'main' girls. They are the original 7 'love interests' I intended (before I decided to make Camilla his sister). Lily was added later and was really an afterthought. So she would become an 8th main LI. I would keep her in the rewrite because I love that model (that's the reason I asked Cryoxxx if I could have her for my game). Samantha and Cassie would remain, but only as 'side' girls because they are intended to be part of Camilla's arc. Cinn (the nurse he pulls from one of his 'games') would remain (another side character) but not seen often. Shade and Fade are part of the base story and would remain. They aren't technically part of the harem because they are attached to each side of the magic that Serenity feeds off of.
I would still keep Melody and Celeste's appearances in the story. But they would be limited to very short 'visit' scenes. And I have a few more girls from other games that I want to have 'visit'. Again, those will be special scenes and they will have a lot less to do with Serenity itself. I love crossovers and will do them at various times. If you played the latest episode for Chapter 2 (episode 2), then you met Milanna. She will remain. She was in my original story. She has an important part to play. Although not a main love interest, she is definitely on the table as a love interest. But she won't be part of the harem. Another character that has a similar role would be Marissa (the android). She would remain. Finally, there is Triss. I know she's really cute and all, but she was never meant to be in Serenity either. Her parts would only be in flashbacks/memories from the bullying aspect. Speaking of that, I would also need to flesh out the bullying stuff better because it wasn't as evident what was happening the way I wrote it. Mia would not be part of the story at all. Another character I added on a whim. She's a pretty character but there needs to be more to this than just pretty girls.
Basically, what we would end up with is a Serenity that is much more focused on our main girls. A lot more time spent getting to know each one and more time spent before actually entering Serenity itself. The main girls won't be so quick to 'accept' other girls coming into their fold and will speak their minds about it. More time with Kat, Trina, and Triss at the beginning. More fleshed out drama situations that won't be resolved too quickly. Better graphics as we replace those earlier scenes. I would pretty much start fresh and use the same character cards. Development would be slightly quicker since I already have most of the base scenes created. But I wouldn't reuse old renders because I changed things up a lot. I'd want everything to match up. The graphics would be work, but the hard work is in the writing. And I've already written some test scenes to see if I will like how it flows. I do. But the question is... Would you all be onboard? If I stopped working on Serenity Chapter 2 right now. If I started working on Re.Serenity in between Last Human updates... Would you be onboard for that? Does any of this sound exciting? Doing this would grant a few of the wishes I've seen from reviewers and other commenters. The biggest being that Camilla would no longer be off limits - she would actually become part of the harem. I've regretted making her the sister for a long time now. This would be my chance to correct that. And put in the story ideas I've wished I could put in for a while now.
Please comment your thoughts below. I'll make this a poll also for those who don't have anything to comment but want to express an interest in this idea (or not). The options are:
I stop working on Serenity Chapter 2 and immediately begin work on Re.Serenity (uh, that's just the working name I'm going with - I'm open to ideas).
Forget the rewrite and just continue Serenity Chapter 2.
The outcome of this vote is NOT going to direct my decision. I simply want to get an idea of how many of you would like the idea. I may do this no matter how this vote goes because what I have in mind would make it so much better than before. Then again, if like 90% of people hate the idea of a rewrite, then I don't know. So, let's hear what you have to say.
Comments (50)
Just finished serenity my first ever play through... I immediately joined as a patron because I absolutely loved the game, the story, the girls, all of it I'm about to start chapter 2. I can see alot of doubt in your work in this post and I just wanted to say it's perfect as it is! You've got my patronage as long as I can give it!!!
Thanks so much for the words and the support!
N2TheFire I beg you to Please leave the game the way it is. you will also find a lot of people afraid you will want to keep making rewrites like your friend Glacerose has with Sylphine, as soon as you start wanting to make rewrites you could find yourself keeping wanting to change things instead of advancing the games . P.S. I hope he get's well soon and can go back to the game, no rewrite, just continuing with the game story that he has already developed. N2TheFire nothing is perfect in this world, we love your game just the way it is, yes it's different, but that's a difference of styles that we love. We may not have any choice's on what the M.C. can do unlike other VN games, as in us choosing path's, but your stories on your games are far deeper then most other games and you have done a wonderful job in the making of them. If you want Camilla to have a love interest, have her join the crew in last human, even as someone turning up now and then. he was a only child, no sister. the point is we love your games the way they are, please don't get stuck in the rewrite loop.
I'm guessing you missed my latest post from this morning LOL Not doing the rewrite (at least not now). https://www.patreon.com/posts/77728082
What you have created is serenity. you shouldn't re-write it. it will cease to be the game I and others fell in love with. It will not be this beautiful game we have here and now. I get that you hate to wait for adding updates for characters that haven't seen any in some time, believe me that is fine. This game is very special, it does not need to be re-written, because if you do it will no longer be the game I am interested in. This was my first avn believe it or not, so for me it means a great deal. I have said this to other people in the past who wanted to re-write / re-do their game...it will cease to be the beautiful mess of a game you made, please don't you dare re-write this game. I love it just the way it is, and I am than happy to wait for updates to certain characters. I like karen and camilla and they should be in the game, without the game becomes souless in my opinion. when I thought she was going to disappear and we never saw her again, my little bit of insecurity made me really sad to the point of tears, when at the white candle moment? when she is handing it to the mc, and he instantly rewrites her back into existence. This game is perfect the way you have written in, and to change it, I promise you, it will never be the same never be serenity. It's obvious it took on a life of it's own, and you should go with that. You have a lot of fans of serenity, and changing it, rewriting is the complete wrong thing to do, we love the game as it currently is!! Just take your time with serenity, don't try to rush it, work on last human, take a little time out if you feel like it's getting too much, we will understand. There is no such thing as perfect. If your striving to better your art, then your already doing it in last human and i am sure you will keep doing it. serenity is a very special game for a lot of people, and it doesn't need make overs or re-writing, because what you have created is from your heart..never change that.
Thank you Neko-Chan, those are very sweet words. :)
I've come into this game kind of late and like it very much, but I think you should do whatever you feel would be best for the story arc. To me, the sexual part of the game is secondary, and if you feel a rewrite would improve the story, then I think you should do it
Well thats just sad, i just joined in on the bandwagon and got thru the story where Camilla was 1st introduced. This sounds like a big problem (A) you got existing fanbase/reader/patrons(old guards) already (and probably many more to follow) they may be okay with it but some may feel that they want to distinguish themselves from the newcomers (B) other might want it to stay unchanged. This feels like the same thing with every other situation, for example Final Fantasy XIV
There is nothing sad about a creator wanting to improve his art. The "A" and "B" sides you bring up is basically saying some will be happy about it, others won't. But we are at that point right now. Every game out there has people that like it and people that don't. No matter what we as developers choose to do, we will never make everyone happy and I'm not trying to do that. I'm trying to get the art out there and present it the way I want it to be presented. As this was my first ever game to make, I think I have the right to go back and fix it or redo it. And comparing my little first-time VN to something like FFXIV is unfair. They had no excuse for screwing up that game in the beginning. I mean come on, FF??? They've been around WAY longer than I have.
I like the large amount of girls in the story, and the fact that all conflicts were solved relatively quickly made sense to me in the setting. Camilla being romanceable is a huge plus though. Why make it a rewrite instead of an alternate timeline where events happen differently and characters aren't the exact same?
An alternate timeline won't work because it would still be considered incest by patreon... it is the same character in the same game. Besides, the whole point of the rewrite is not just to make Camilla a love interest (that was simply an example of one change I mentioned). There is a lot of backstory to her in my original version where she was never related to the MC.
I will support either way you want to go. If you wanted to make getting to Serenity a prequal even, that could work. That said, even Chapter 2 would need a rewrite I think as well. Would it not? Either way you want to go, I am here for the sexy Nekos. Oh, and the story. :)
That is why I would stop developing Ch2 if I started working on the rewrite.
I don't hate the idea of a rewrite and I like some of the intended changes, but I am already invested in the current version. Also will there be a unintended impact with Last Human because of the crossover?
no impact on LH at all, even with the current crossover (other than Mom's appearance in that game).
I agree with both Jobu and Fredmir, doing the rewrite will take time and will be hard work, but in the end as the creator you have to ask yourself if you feel satisfied with your work. after all we are just readers and its your book, your story. I think both ideas have their merit, but I personally vote rewrite, I'll explain why: When I first played, I sped through most of part 1 in a single sitting, I thought the same that the problems were just resolved way too quickly and it made the story feel hollow. I still enjoyed my time but there was that voice in the back of my mind telling me that the next issue for the MC wont matter because it will be resolved nearly instantly. TL;DR Do what makes you happy as the Creator, if you know in your heart to Rewrite, do it. If you think you can leave it as is then do that.
I voted rewrite, but I wouldn't mind either way, I'll keep supporting. The part that sold me is > I've regretted making her the sister for a long time now. don't keep doing something you have regrets on, it'll keep bothering you. I love your renders and your story anyway, but I'm always more invested when there is more depth in the ladies, so having more interactions with a little bit less characters sounds better to me than keeping the ones you said were added "on a whim".
Do what makes you happy and satisfied as the creator. I think most of us will be happy either way.
regardless of if the poll fails I think you should do most of what you said in the post that fits in with the current story going forward that way if you ever want to revisit doing a rewrite or just end up doing it as a side project/ have writing block you dont have more ground to retread later. looking forward to whatever comes next you never dissapoint.
It isn't possible to do any of that going forward because it won't accomplish what I need to. It would look bad removing characters and changing things up now. Rewriting would put things back in perspective without doing some weird shit like "it was all a dream and this is what really happened". I can't just "unmake" Camilla being MC's sister. Would have to start over to fix that. Anyway, there is a lot more to it than just what you see on the surface. You would understand better if you got to see the first update for the rewritten version of the game.
For the love of everything good, don't go the 'rewrite' route! I really don't want to see your work end up like Sylphine or WVM, where updates aren't seen for a year or more (if at all). Leave it as is and focus on LH.
I have no intention of going the way of those games, believe me. And updates would still happen as they do now. Work on LH, then work on Serenity, back and forth. It's just that the work on Serenity would become the rewrite work. And there would be brand new content you didn't see before, plus a story with a lot more depth than what I did. Remember that Serenity was my first try at this. I made a lot of mistakes. A rewrite would be the best way to fix most of it. I know most of you don't see them as mistakes, but I do. Either way, I appreciate your feedback. But never worry about me not updating for a year like that. Never happen.
Well either way is good. I do like the story, but there is a lot going on and not enough time with the girls already present. I do believe he needs a guide like Karen, but it does not have to be his mom. It could have been a somewhat same aged woman, for instance another older dream writer or some spirit that was friends with his mom. Someone who he could connect with, even on a more intimate level. Camilla could have been another dream writer in learning, that fell for his charms for instance, thus removing the whole family aspect. As for triss, it makes sense that he would help her and bring her into his world, after learning it all. but it would have made more sense if triss became/evolved into Morgan. So some evil aspects, but also some good. Having Trina in the game is not bad either, again bringing part of his old life into his new world. But girls there should be a part of his harem or just a brief moment of story and fun, all of them. So if there are some you're not comfortable with like the incest stuff, then really no point in having them there at all, for folks will just ask why they are not included.
we can't vote here firey we always enjoyed everything about your stories and games so with this vote we just think you should do what you like we would be happy either way <3
I just love you guys. Really.
I can see a rewrite using the formula. you mentioned. But I would wait for CH 2 to be done. I for one like the way the story went with the exception of Kat. She almost seems to me to have been somewhat forgotten. Maybe because there are so many girls. The other thing I wonder is, how that would possibly change CH 2.
You just said it right there yourself. There are so many girls. There was more focus put on side characters than the ones that are really supposed to be the main characters. Kat has basically only been there to dress up girls. This is the kind of thing that makes me want to do the rewrite. The original story I wrote would really have worked out much better. Chapter 2 so far has focused on side girls mostly. Some of which wouldn't be in the rewrite. So yeah, it would change too. That's why if I did this, I would stop working on Chapter 2 for now.
I am in full support of doing the rewrite with one condition: the original stays up somewhere, atleast for subscribers, even after release of the rewrite. I don't hate Serenity Chapter 1 as it is, and I don't want to see it disappear into the Memory Hole, while I also agree that it could be improved in an effort to address some of the biggest criticisms. Also, regardless of how the progress goes regarding this rewrite, keep us updated on it. Bad news is better than no news regarding these types of things.
Nothing would happen to the original. Not at all. In fact, I'd probably still redo the first scene in it, as well as day 5 like I had planned.
I like the story as it is, with the mother being brought back to life. And I like incest (as fantasy only) so would like to see maybe an occasional scene with Camilla with that theme.
Remember that incest in these games can limit where they can be sold/distributed. Without any sort of incest this could be sold on Steam and make more money
Oh and still leave us access to the original version so we have something to play while we wait
the original version would of course remain available to everyone.
I dont really mind either way (I voted rewrite though), I enjoy Serenity as it is but this is your creation and you have the right to do as you wish. You do have some interesting ideas for the re-write that I would look forward too. The only thing I dont like is the idea of having to wait for the main story to continue whilst you re-write...but that is on me...I would rather you restart than get annoyed with whats already done and give up on it. Oh and if you do rewrite I want a head/ear scritch orgasm scene with one of the girls :P
I would say, finish chapter 2 then go for the rewrite if that's what you really want to do. That way you can finish some of the open arcs. Also nothing was said of Morgana. There is also the possibility of making it a whole new story using the current characters but with changes.
It seems a good idea on the surface. The thing is... if I finish ch2 THEN do a rewrite... it would be 2024 before I got to that point. Not only that, but the rewrite pretty much nullifies a lot of what has happened in ch2 so far (other than the Milanna and Fereldan stuff).
Karen feels important and losing her and Camila as family def puts him in an different place it seems like and his fathers arc is real different without the Camila aspect. It doesn't feel as natural she would come to your side if she was just a random girl who worked for your dad or was his dark disciple Maybe. Unless she is not gonna be that this time. The main thing is does it really make the game you want to make or is outside pressure a factor. If it's the former. Then get it all very down and do it, but If it's that latter than I'd vote no. I've voted no in the poll as I think it's ok as is and moving forward is more important. But you'll have to decide why you feel strongly about doing it.
In the original version of my story (written in 2018), Camilla was not MC's sister. And the battle between father and son was a bit different but still have a similar outcome. The rewrite would still follow basically the same pattern, perhaps some details will be different of course.
I voted for skipping because I've seen other games do rewrites and it seems a year goes by and we saw some changes to the story we already experienced but nothing felt new so, we weren't getting that satisfied feeling of truly new content and moving the story forward. I do think the update sounds good, just not worth the delay. I don't suppose a "Dallas-type" scene where the entire chapter was just a dream and updated as a flashback would do it for you?
Lol I wonder how many are young enough not to realize what you mean by that.
This one is a tough call, and I plan to mull it over for a day or two before tossing in my vote honestly. On the one hand, you have a story people have gotten to know pretty well, on the other, if you feel that you really want to rewrite it, start from scratch, getting it back to what you initially envisioned, how could that be seen as wrong? It would take a while to build it up to where you have the current, but it also lets you build things at the pace you feel would be easier, and resolve things better. Also means people having to get used to new versions of the same characters, and not seeing some of the same ones continue on, such as me missing Trina, but if it means that the story is truer to your vision of it, I'm not against it.
Trina should never have been in Serenity. The spell Karen used forbids it. I wrote around that because people liked her. I should never have done that. In a rewrite, the 'pre-Serenity' part of the story would be quite a bit longer with more time spent with Trina, Triss, and actually a few other characters no one knew in the current version. And also a better interaction with Kat with more development of that relationship.
I'm a bit ambivalent about choosing. If you do a rewrite where Camilla is not his sister, it really changes the whole dynamic with his father's story. With Karen not a part of Serenity, he loses a real source of comfort to sustain him. Flashbacks are not the same. Personally, I did not find anything confusing in the game as it now stands. On the other hand, I can see how you would prefer to have Serenity develop in the way you now envision it. I would not have strong feelings with you making either decision, but I have a slight preference for you leaving things the way that they are.
it isn't about it being confusing as it is now. It's about it not being what I originally intended. Camilla's story would change, yes. But mainly the "sister" or "daughter" dynamic. The story is 'close to' what I originally wrote for her. But there is a lot missing because of her being MC's sister. A lot of things don't happen. If those things happened, it makes the story a lot better. More engaging. The battle between MC and Camilla was supposed to be a bit longer. He is supposed to save her from Demitre, not the other way around. Like I said, I think if most people knew what was really intended, all of you would be like "Damn man, why did you change it?" LOL.
you have to have no regrets... so whatever route leads to that...that is my vote.
I think it could work but I'm going to refrain from voting because I do not feel strongly one way or the other. My thoughts are mixed. Like with Camilla, without the taboo factor of her being the sister it kind of looses a lot of appeal (imo). Without the taboo then she is just another character in the pile. I will say that I always thought that her being ignored in the original was a massive missed opportunity. I do like the idea of melody and the other girl being taken out. Plus Trina would be fine if she never came to serenity. She was always kind of a irrelevant character that added nothing to the story other than sexy fox chick. With Karen not being revived I assume someone else would take over as the mc's guide and teacher? That would be fine. Never cared one way or another for her personally. I am 50/50 about it. There are definitely things that could be improved and I would love to see more serenity content because serenity is why I am here not lh but I also think some of the changes would have the opposite effect. Mainly Camilla being just another generic love interest. Either way works.
There is nothing generic about Camilla. I wouldn't dare write her as just another generic love interest. Give me some credit here LOL. Trust me when I say that in the rewritten version, she'll actually be a much better character. More a part of the MC's life than she is as a sister. ;)
I agree don’t get me wrong I love the way it is now but I wouldn’t be opposed to a rewrite of it so I’m fine with either way you choose to go fire
There is always room for improvement and revising story's. It sounds exciting
Sounds like an interesting reboot.