Therapy Deep Dive: Single & Ready to Mingle

Dating in my 20s has been an experience to say the least, but this deep dive encourages me to keep dating smart to prevent loving stupid. I'm excited to add this book to my shelves! 🩷

OMG I just lost my virginity! That is, I have finally (been on Patreon since September 22) gotten a book Jono recommended! Weee! I am finishing my current audiobook (Terry Pratchett's the Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents)

Arizona represent! *Waves tiny San Manuel flag* I'm happily taken but there's no reason not to keep learning. Good video!

Thank you for the video, it hit homes since just recently found myself alone after a 11 + years relations. Deffinetly not ready to Mingle, but helped me get through some of the mourning stages. Love you guys!

Happy Arizona statehood! I am going to rewatch before I leave any thoughts about the rest so I don't stick my foot in my mouth

Thanks for the overview. It's helpful to hear a lot of conclusions that I've come to on my own as I inch closer to 40 with over a decade single and no real desire to seek a relationship anymore. The ability to be honest with myself now about how much my parents marriage dynamic influenced how I behaved in my own relationships has been upsetting, but solidifies my decision to stay single since I know I'm not ready to be a good partner to anyone.

As a polyamorous person, gotta help with the knowledge here. Not all throuples are closed throuples. It's actually more common for healthy, organically formed triads not to be closed. The throuples that are more often closed are the ones that were formed by what's known as unicorn hunting. This is widely considered an unethical form of Polyamory. Unicorn hunting is when a previously established couple goes hunting for a third. The reasons why this is considered unethical are numerous but I will explaina few. 1. The unicorn is expected to be attracted exactly the same amount to both members of the couple. When this does not end up being the case, which is often, there ends up being jealousy and resentment. You can't expect a person to fall exactly the same amount of in love with two completely different people at the exact same time. 2. Because the couple hasn't done any research or put much thought into what being polyamorous would actually mean, they haven't done any of the emotional work most people do before they enter polyamorous relationships. Most of this being working on and understanding insecurities, understanding where your jealousy stems from and how to treat those things to help you stop feeling jealous. Also a big one that gets ignored is couple's privilege. Basically this is when the only emotions that are tended to matter are those of the initial couple, leaving the third in a bad place if everything isn't hunky dory. 3. Most polyamorous people do not date as couples. It's generally considered a red flag, because if you can't de-couple enough to date separately, it shows you haven't done the necessary emotional work. So the most common closed triads are the unhealthy ones, because organically formed triads often have other partners besides just their triad. That was a lot but I hope that helps!

"And then, of course, you have people who come from negligent or abusive backgrounds. Something very important to know is that just because somebody comes from a hard upbringing, does NOT mean that they are going to be a bad partner. In fact, some of the very best partners come from rough upbringings because they know what it is like to feel alone, or feel mistreated, and they have deliberately chosen to be different, and to learn how to be different, and to apply that until they develop different habits from how they were raised." Nail. On. The. Head. Right. Here. Made me tear up at work. Thank you so much for acknowledging that. As someone who will be eventually be dating again, but not actively looking either, this video is a great summary of the book. I strongly recommend everyone, even people who are in relationships, to read it.