A terrible thing to do
On Monday I posted the following grisly document to Bad Machinery dot com:
While on the one hand this is a page of absolutely tremendous jokes and fun, it is also a page containing a significant number of stories that I recently swept into the bin. And a few that the passing of time make less and less likely to happen. For the benefit of the kind of person that this sort of information drives up the wall, I thought it might be interesting to talk about them briefly. So you can sleep tonight.
As I think I have written here before, the question isn't whether I can finish a project - i can write my way through anything at this point - it's whether John the writer should commit John the artist to it.
None of these stories have been scripted, let alone pages drawn. But all have significant pages of notes, bits of dialogue, some have completed breakdowns.
BAD MACHINERY: THE CASE OF THE GO-KART CONSPIRACY
This story has been around in various forms for seven or eight years. After the Bad Machinery reunion in Solver, I dug it out again to see if it would work. It was immense fun to draw Shauna, Claire, Lottie and Blossom back together as band (a reunion to play a festival upon invitation), and to work out a new mystery for the original six to solve. But it would have been really long, a year of work to draw at least. I wasn't that enthusiastic about it. A bit of a trap.
DESTROY HISTORY: PUDDING LANE
Shelley's Great Fire of London story was briefly considered but it involved an astonishing amount of research. The outfits, and the necessity to draw endless conflagrations. This one was never a runner.
GREAT BRITISH BUMP OFF: HOLD EM OR FOLD EM
It's three and a half years since Dark Horse asked me to write a new GBBO series (the second just took a year to come out after we finished it, which is why it still seems quite contemporary), so I am not sitting by the phone waiting for the call. The third book would have centred around origami, and uncovered the mystery of Linton's hidden and secret girlfriend (she's not Japanese, she doesn't even like origami). The climax of the story is one of the best and most stupid ideas I have ever had.
IT'S THE NINETIES, GET USED TO IT
I've had a few looks at the pilot I drew in 2024 since it ran. There are several issues' worth of ideas for it, but I never quite worked out the central mystery. It's a classic Lost, the whole thing is a MacGuffin, it's a sandbox to play in first and a mystery second. No matter what I decide actually happened, it won't be good enough for everyone. Or perhaps anyone!
ROUND & ROUND & ROUND
This was a long-mooted roller derby story for Lottie, Mildred and Blossom. It was quite close to going ahead but I couldn't drum up much enthusiasm for, how to put this the roller derby element of the story. No side to lovers of the sport, I just didn't feel any personal connection to it. It was a demented tale, even without the roller derby. In its earliest form it was about a 5-a-side football tournament involving vampires.
SOLVER 19 aka HOWL OWL HOWL
This was a story where, in the absence of Lottie (who is deeply involved with roller derby), new lovers Claire and Glenn have to rescue failing football club "Sheffield Sheffield" (sic). I couldn't seem to write it without it involving a lot business meetings, huge groups of people (endless crowd scenes!) and complex stadium architecture. Which is a shame because Claire and Glenn's club-saving ideas were very zen and beautiful. So I just posted them to the actual beleaguered Sheffield Wednesday FC and within weeks they had been rescued.
Solver in its current form has now concluded. It did the job it had to do. Volume 1 got Lottie out of her slump, volume 2 resolved the old Wicked Things cliffhanger and gave Claire and Glenn a little time to shine. I've said all I have to say about Sheffield.
That is not to say that it will not return... in a new and worrying incarnation.
STEEPLE
If Steeple on Webtoon had properly gone gangbusters, there was a chance of a revival, and obviously I have ideas about what would follow that horrible "final" issue. There are actually two versions of that - one which is a full Solver crossover (ludicrous and unmanageable) and one that isn't - continuity Steeple if you like. The latter was the more likely, though Lottie would have been tapped remotely to help free Mrs Clovis (or not - who knows!) regardless. Steeple on Webtoon has not gone gangbusters yet. Everyone I speak to about it loves Steeple. I'm sorry it ended that rather downbeat way. But something being good doesn't necessarily mean having to make more of it.
WORSHIPFUL COMPANY OF SOLVERS
This is to Solver as Savage Sword of Susan is to Giant Days. It's exactly what you'd expect. Ephemeral. The pilot issue breakdown did have Dean Thompson as a sort of puffed-up knight, that was the best bit of it.
SAVAGE SWORD OF SUSAN
Could Savage Sword of Susan return? Again, I'm not sure I'd want to draw it - I'd like to see someone with the skills to pay the bills really pay off the sword and sorcery part of it. I threw everything at the first one (not to mention, three issues of Conan Groban) and it was a stretch. But I could write 50 issues of this. It virtually writes itself!
WEREWOLF & SON
Werewolf and Son is very popular with my nearest and dearest. It's exactly what you'd think it would be, the Brian from Steeple spinoff. But while it's a good idea, I'm not sure it's a comic I'd want to draw myself, it needs a certain amount of "oomph" if you know what I mean. Max Sarin really wants to draw it. Here's Max's werewolf (sans son). It will remain a beautiful dream.
So there you are. Rest easy, friend. Your pal Johnny writes a lot of rubbish down in his notebook. He doesn't mean any harm.
Comments (38)
Not many people know that Esther De Groot first showed up in Tales to Astonish 13 when Lee and Kirby were stilling doing the monster of the month books.
Mark Gruenwald was able to keep track of all of this continuity too.
You leave me dank with antici... . . . . . ...pation. (RIP Tim Curry and sorry for all the periods.)
These are all wonderful possibilities. None of it looks like rubbish to me. Don't insult one of my favorite writers like that.
tbh although these all sounds like huge fun in different ways, we've got this far by trusting your judgement on what you can or can't / do or don't want to do, and it's been a wonderful ride. I like the idea that these all could have existed but didn't for one good reason or another, and that what you're doing instead is going to be excellent stuff that we will massively enjoy.
Good to know that a gleaming, hairless Super Derek remains in the offing.
Too bad, there are more than a few of these I'd REALLY like to see. But, alas, if it's not meant to be...
Sometimes the hints and blurbs are enough. I always saw these as glimpses into an alternate publishing universe rather than something you would ever produce.
Of the many tempting morsels on that "upcoming" page, I was most attracted to the rollerderby one. I have little to no interest in the sport, but tossing Lottie into that milieu seems like it would make a beautiful mess of things.
But what about Minitel Quest?
Minitel Quest is a vital and vibrant story
I love all these ideas, and was particularly take with both the Go-Kart Conspiracy (I just love the Babs Mc-Shinery (IIRC) kids together as more-but-not-really grown up versions; and more ITNGUTI because I found that geniunely intriguing, but I absolutely understand that if there's not a satisfying foundation and ending to it then it's not a good idea to pursue. I look forward as always to seeing what does come next!
I'm here for every single one of these, which ever you decide to do! Epic looking Brian in werewolf form from Max Sarin!!
It does make me slightly wistful to hear of these fun ideas that won't get to be realised (or at least the ones where the barrier is financial, anyway), even if I know that if they were made, it would just be something else that wasn't. But I will hold out hope that you'll get to use the Hold Em or Fold Em ending concept for something eventually, and that you'll get another opportunity to work with Max Sarin sooner rather than later!
Bobby Problems is Brian's son? I'd love to read that, and Max's wolfy boy looks amazing. A fuller ending to 'Steeple' is what I would most want , but of course I'll be here for wherever the spirit takes you.
One of the reasons I particularly like this idea is Bobby's apparent complete dismissal of anything paranormal or supernatural. And his father's a werewolf AND a warlock!
You're still one of the best to ever do it John
Cheers Mark!
You know, "Dumbing of Age" has a fair chunk of its (US college-age) female cast on an evening Roller-Derby team. Cross-over/challenge match? Takleford goes to Bloomington (which for that crew, may as well be Mars).
It would only work if everyone was willing to overlook any timeline discrepancies between the two series. Which I would imagine the writers would happily do, but I shudder to think how some of the readers might react.
Considering that my aging memory of what you've actually published is getting sketchy these summaries are as good as real to me now. I can already see the panels from Go-Kart Conspiracy in my mind and once that becomes confused with a memory then it will have happened.
I quite like the idea that there are stories we won't see but still get a sense of the shape of them from the edges of the hole they leave behind. When absolutely everything in the tank ends up on the page it can start feeling a bit thin.
It's really cool to hear these insights, even if it's the last we hear of these story lines
Much like Lost, it sounds like ITNGUTI would benefit from having Damon Lindelof be there to force you to come up with an answer for "what's in the hatch" before you include a hatch...metaphorically
Damon Lindelof is one of several TV writers who was mentored by his Lost collaborator, Carlton Cuse. My favourite Carlton Cuse fact is that Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air is named after him.
Wow, just realized it’s “Dark Horse”, I’ve been calling it Derek Horse all these years. Sadder but wiser, &c.
Derek House?
Foreshadowing, your sign of quality literature.
I’ve been enjoying steeple on WEBTOON and there seems to be an engaged readership appreciating the work. Even though it hasn’t gone as you say, gang busters, i hope you feel it has brought in some new readers
I never read it on Webroon because it's permanently in my "I'm going to buy this on Comixology (I refuse to call it Kindle) when I have the spare money" ...and then I never do
I love the Sarin werewolf drawing! (I presume it is meant to be Brian, transformed)
I will simply note that, in this post, you have not ruled out doing Robert Cop Classic. 😉
Well, Robert Cop Classic simply reprints the original hypothetical material...
This is an impressive cavalcade of great ideas, most of which I'd be delighted to read. But that goes for pretty much everything you write, so I'm not heartbroken that these didn't make the cut. Except for SSoS, that's a favorite...
The fact that I have a physical copy of Savage Sword of Susan that I can hold in my hands is one of my great joys. It shall be an heirloom of my House.
Solver and/or Steeple have been a consistent factor in your output for almost seven years now, so I’m interested in seeing whatever comes next. Are there any other artists that you’d want to work with again if given the opportunity?
Obviously I'd love to work with Lissa Treiman or Max again. I always want to work with Warwick Johnson Cadwell but I'm not sure we'll ever get ourselves organised. We've managed one page together in 16 years. I don't have a long list of great artists I want to work with because collaboration is so complex. It has to be a good match and that goes beyond just admiring someone's art.
We'll be here for whatever you do decide to do next!