Common Experiences After a Late Diagnosis

The hope or lack there of is the reason why people embrace it or avoid it, for themselves, their spouses and kids.

It is a journey. When it comes to family disclosure, they have a mourning process too. I was diagnosed at 43. My childhood could have been different, my adulthood could have been different. My parenthood and life as a spouse. I could have had a relationship with myself instead of compensating for my “character flaws”, which were actually executive dysfunction. It was maddening to think about what could’ve been. Like Tarzan learning that is actually not like the primates who were his family. He always knew he was different and Cala wanted to accept him and love him as one of their own. But he couldn’t be one of their own. He was different and it was time to quit hiding the difference and make use of the differences and also still respect the family who raised him. I was lamenting the existence that I didn’t get to experience. Until I realized that I also get to remember what the rest of life looked like. Being retired with my spouse where I expected I would spend the bulk of everyday feeling inadequate and therefore bowing the knee is not the future I see now. The “potential” that my teachers saw in school is something that I could actually bring to reality now that I can learn what support I need. I can learn that because I get to understand myself from the inside out. Instead of looking at the outside world to see what I am supposed to be like, I can learn who I am and help that person grow to be themselves. The journey of learning that I can trust my own perceptions, care for my needs, and have my own opinions is both hard and rewarding.

I was literally just diagnosed last week at age 34, and I feel a whole mixture of things! Mostly 'well, yeah, we all knew it at this point!' as I have a wonderful, supportive group of pretty much all neurodivergent friends who have joked/gently said for years now that I am.... Also neurodivergent. But a part of me also feels like 'ok, so now I know it's not just me, but that means it might be harder to work more with myself, as it's not just me?' I don't know if that makes any sense! Basically I have spent my entire life trying to build routines, habits, and systems to 'do life better' and struggling constantly. It is really tiring, and I have got to a point where I now can try it with the knowledge I have and more tools/resources, but that means more trying and testing and figuring out what works, and that sounds exhausting, having been doing that my whole life but just without the ADHD knowledge. For the past year or so I have been more closely following ADHD content and reading/watching things to try to help me work better with my brain, but it's a journey...