Project B - Demo
This is the Demo I've been working on for the last few months. If you'd like, you're welcome to give it a try. It's only a few scenes. Maybe a total of thirty minutes. Let me know what you think!
Comments (37)
Short and sweet... I'm interested, but I'll wait till we have more meat on the bone to offer suggestions.
Pretty decent demo. I like the story line and know you will do it justice. I really hope you pursue it!
So one thing I hope is that Carter doesn't overshadow Bee. In that his trauma and his arc takes away from Bee's. MCs in AVNs often become a bit more invisible and take a backseat to the stories of those (the LIs) around them. I hope it unequivocally feels like Bee's story, and not Carter's through Bee's eyes. It doesn't mean I can't or won't enjoy it otherwise. The new Myrabelle model looked really good. Music choices so far seem good. Something I don't think gets mentioned enough in your work and others. I've caught myself humming tunes from Bliss while playing other AVNs when things get steamy. lol So I think you do good in your song selection in building a tone and character for the AVN with the music. I look forward to experiencing the whole thing in Project B as it comes to completion. Anyways, I like Bee so far, wish she had more confidence and didn't misunderstand Carter, but I get it. Her journey has to start somewhere. Carter looks a bit like Metro Man from Megamind, which almost immediately made him endearing to me. I still love the way you just get into it with your AVNs. By that I mean there isn't just a barrage of backstory and character bios before characters are doing anything. All in all, I'm in. Others might take more convincing in a demo extending out to Bee getting somebody for Carter, but I like your catalog and what I've seen so far that I trust I will enjoy it.
Thank you, Spawn of Apathy! I haven't even put too much thought into Carter's story yet. Bee has been my focus. Trust me, she'll definitely be the highlight of the story. I'm glad you like the new Myrabelle. I think she looks great too. I didn't dislike her fantasy appearance, but it did clash with the rest of my stories. I do take considerable time to pick out a soundtrack. I'd agree, it's worth it. I've always found jumping in to be the best way to tell a story, though I understand when people want to exposition dump in the beginning so the reader isn't going in completely blind. You don't want to give away too much right away though. Learning about the characters should be a journey, and it should be rewarding to get bits of information. Thank you for your support! I hope I get time to work on Bee more this year, but I'm definitely focused on finishing Over the Moon. I wish I could clone myself!
I just finished running through Project B... I must admit, her back story brought tears to my eyes. Her self-worth is so damaged it is hard to comprehend and imagining what her life must have been like before Carter came on scene. Hopefully, you will proceed with the production of this project because it appears to have a lot of heart. Maybe Bee and Carter can help heal each other? At any rate, full speed ahead Mr. Chriatian!
My eyes welled up a few times while writing Bee's demo. I know where she ends up later. There's a sweet woe seeing not just her, but her potential. I can do a lot with this story. I'm excited to write more of it. Thank you for the kind words, AjR! I sincerely appreciate it. I'll keep everyone updated with any progress regarding the project. More to come!
Just had some time and played the demo, thanks a lot for asking us for feedback. I'm sorry to hear that the Penny Game didn't work out, I must have missed that info before, I absolutely loved the little of her Game that we got. I know what you mean by Mary Sue, but being more capable than an average human doesn't mean she is good at everything, she was physically very capable, but I felt that through her backstory she had issues with emotions and clearly issues with authority, but you have the numbers to prove that it didn't work I guess. makes me sad, out of all the great games you made so far, that one I liked the most, it resonated with me. As for Bee, loved the Demo, strong Character building from the Start, def. want to see more. Only thing I would ask you to be careful is the "grooming" thing. If it's framed as leading someone to what they want/need, that's great, but if it's framed as robbing someone of their Agency, I would find that problematic...like Allison Mack problematic, if you know that story. I'll trust you'll make the right call and I can't wait to see Penny again <3
Yes, you get it. Penny had weaknesses that people were apparently too daft to catch onto. And I wasn't given enough time to showcase what made her so powerful. It was supposed to be a big reveal later on in the story. It was an extremely frustrating experience to see all the negative responses to Penny's game because she's my favorite character to work with. I adore Penny. Project B should be a spiritual successor in a way to Penny's game. It'll have a lot of similar tones and feeling to it, but without starting with the main character being indomitable. We'll see Bee's journey from meek, powerless girl to a strong, confident woman. But under the mentorship of Lance. His influence will shape her, and he's a slimeball. So we should see something unique come from that relationship. I guarantee it'll be an interesting story if nothing else. The cuckqueaning will be very similar to Leah bringing Avalon into her relationship with Byron in the What If episode of Avalon. It'll be similar to Bliss bringing Nixie into her relationship with Chester. There's plenty of examples of me already doing the cuckquean flavor. I'm really happy to hear you liked Penny's game. That means more to me than you can know. Thank you, Troik. I appreciated this feedback a lot.
I've just subscribed because I'm interested in the theme of this story, and I think both it and female protagonists that have any agency are very underrepresented (I say that as a male), but I don't think the demo does a particularly good job of showcasing that. Hopefully it will develop in future updates.
Thank you for the support, Gaz! So this story is Bee's hero's journey. She's at the lowest point of her story in the demo. From here, she'll be mentored under Lance while he takes on a paternal role in her life. She'll also gain friends and meet new acquaintances through her story. Through the story, she'll gain confidence, strength, competence, and wisdom. We'll also have three paths for her to take which will influence how she responds to difficult situations. I'll elaborate on that in the future. If you've played any of my prevous games, especially Penny for Your Thoughts, this story will very much be the same tone and feel. I appreciate your confidence in this project. If you have any more questions, feel free to join my Discord. The link on my About Page on Patreon.
I would be interested to see where it goes. I really did not like the way it started (the story not Myrabelle. I would like to see more with Myrabelle in it. Maybe a second episode to continue what you started with the first. ) But that has something to do with my aversion to the darker side of humanity and not do to it being a bad story. It didn’t stay there and became more in line with what I am comfortable with. I am wondering what other female lead story’s you had that have been shot down. I have loved everything you have put out, including the short for Myrabelle, Penny for Your Thoughts (would love more of this one), and The Time Collector. I found all of them intriguing and though I believe that the Time Collector was made to be a thing that Petal was watching in her story.
This story would be very much in line with Penny for Your Thoughts in a lot of ways, and since it takes place several months after PfYT we'd get to see where everyone ended up. This would be a return to form for me. I'm confident you'd like the story if you enjoyed Penny's game. I kind of regret not doing more with Penny's game, but I think the main issue was that I made her a Mary Sue. People just didn't like that she was so strong and indomitable. Bee would have a proper hero's journey, which I believe would make her more interesting. Not to mention she'd have a proper romance with a male character, which I think it something people wanted to see more of with Penny's game. Basically everything I failed with in Penny's game, I would rectify here. Thanks for the support, Joseph!
its looks like an extention or adjunct to the "Penny for your Thoughts" story line.......i like it......:)
It's definitely a return to form for me. A Petal Among Thorns was always just supposed to be a little side project. This story would be more in line with building the world that I created with Avalon. I'm glad you like it, Michael. Thank you for supporting me.
My two cents worth, Introduction: ============= 1) Myrabelle is smokin', as always, and this outfit is rockin-it! 2) I don't have an issues with female lead character as long as it's NOT all about every guy forcing her to be a slut. Artwork: ======== 1) Art work in general is fantastic. 2) Bee appears to be a bit younger than 18, even considering nutrition and homelessness, but that seems to be a norm in some of these games. Just the first time I've noticed it in your games. Technical: ========== 1) "Click on the xx" If this is not going to be a click to find a clue, scavenger hunt or something like that they are just distracting. I'm no opposed to that in a game, lots us it for Easter-egg/bonus-image kinds of things but those are generally obfuscated. I’m not opposed, there just needs to be a reason for it. I know it's probably just beta stuff and testing capabilities but, opinion given just in case. Continuity: =========== This section is very subjective and I am not trying to change your content just pointing out things that don't "flow" for me. AND ... it could all be resolved later in the story. 1) It's a really nice place for someone who is worried about $20 worth of beer. On the other hand, if it's meant to be a running joke between Evans and Guy that would make more sense. I guess the lines just didn't seem right once you showed the "place" It's too nice for someone worried about an extra mouth and beer money. Conclusion: =========== Excellent work as expected!
Bee does look young when she's covered in dirt. At the end when she's in the hospital room, she looks more the age I meant for her to be. It was weird how young she looked in the beginning, I agree. I didn't design her that way. She'll look even older when she starts wearing makeup. The objects to click seem to have annoyed everyone. I'm going to go back and change that stuff. It's supposed to break up the repetitiveness of just clicking through slides, but didn't quite work out. Evans and Guy are supposed to have a friendship together. Guy was just pulling his chain. I can amend that to be more obvious if I make a proper game though. This is great feedback. I sincerely appreciate it. Thank you, Ray. I'll probably make a Frequently Asked Questions post with a poll when I'm ready to find out if people want me to put this into production. I appreciate your support!
** spoilers ** I'm probably a bad one to comment as I quite enjoy fem protag stories. I can sort of see where you're going with this and I think it could be interesting... my only suggestion would be a bit more time, a bit more fleshing out, before she decides on becoming a full-time coochie facilitator, though you probably intend that if you move past the "proof of concept" stage. In the meantime, Bee's model is great... the male MC is on the mark. Not sure about the missing leg... Not too much into Crash-like scenes ;-) Some bad PTSD and surface scaring would be enough for me, but it's your story. Do make the male character's name changeable though... "Guy", make me think of some pompous french guy that always looks like he smells bad cheese. Overall, though, not sure if you have a winner on the level of the Petal-Rose stories, but it's different and I think it's very much worth pursuing.
I agree with "Guy" :)
I guess I don't entirely understand this premise? Well I mean I get it but like, I don't get how it will be engaging going forward if that makes sense. It's hard to relate to it, even if you're thinking of yourself as Guy. Mostly because of his disability. I say all that but I've never been disappointed in anything you've done before so I'll definitely keep going if you decide to make more chapters. This wasn't disappointing either. I may not be able to relate but the story and characters so far are at least interesting as far as a demo goes.
Bit short to give proper feedback. On first glance I dislike the low self-esteem Bee has of herself and automatically assumes it's because she's a street rat that Carter won't have sex with her. I understand it's to have a basis for the Cuckqueaning, but still... Having said that, I'm not a fan of cucking in general. I would have less issues with it if Bee herself gets to experience some sexy times with Carter. On the subject of Carter, the Knight in Shining Armor role and the Brochure look... meh... I wouldn't be surprised if the absent roommate is another save-the-girl project of his. What I don't get is the need for the clicking of objects... Aside from the above, I'm curious to see where it goes, there's too few female protagonist games out there, so that's a plus even though the first impression does make it feel a bit like the plot of The Roommate.
I think that you have a winning formula. I'm 100% on board with a female protagonist. AVNs need more positive female leads in my opinion. What's more, I like Bee. I'm already invested in seeing her grow. Like Carter, I want to her to find the purpose and love that she deserves. And I look forward to seeing her learn to love and accept herself. Or at least I hope that for her. I'm holding Myrabelle to her word that Bee's journey will see her "becoming a stronger, more independent and capable young woman" I'll reserve judgment on Lance until I know more about him. Seems like an unorthodox mentor to say the least. But I could see that being entertaining and could be downright heartwarming if taken that direction. Avalon making an appearance? Yes please! That was a great cast of characters and any returns there are more then welcome. My only reservation would be that cuckoldry has never been a flavor that I've been into or enjoyed in the past (No shame to anyone who's into it). That said, Cuckqueaning is an almost altogether new concept for me. Moreover, from what I can see and from what's been explained, and based on context within the narrative, I'm tentatively intrigued. If it's not already clear, I really hope that this project gets the green light for future development. Also, as a side bar, I'd like to say that the more I see of Myrabelle's new look, the more I like it.
Wow, that's excellent feedback. Things are looking mostly positive so far. The reception is mixed on the female protag, but everything else seems overwhelmingly positive. I'm growing confident that people will like this game. Thanks, GrayFox!
I like it quite a bit. I think the resistance to a female MC that you mentioned may be due to the desire of your male followers and supporters is that they like to play games where they can identify with the MC. I also agree with DeadMan's post.
I already had a game fail that was from a female perspective, so that's where my reservation comes from. It may have been that she was too much of a Mary Sue though. Thanks for your feedback.
This was very interesting and has promise. I think something needs to happen for him to clear up the misunderstanding of him not wanting sex from her to help her self esteem. I understand she has a goal and lance could be part of it. Just keep her a strong MC and don't go the usual route of her ending up corrupted and used as to many do.
I don't really do the female corruption thing. It's supposed to be about Bee and her hero's journey.
It looks promising, I like the idea. I've thoroughly enjoyed your other work and I've played through more than once. Especially Petal and Ghost. I expect Project B to have the same quality renders, animations, and compelling story. I hope you get the support you need to keep this going...sorry about Penny.
Thank you, Richard. Reception is looking mostly positive so far.
I like it, but I don't think I would want to watch her low self esteem continually spiral lower. That would be too depressing.Maybe if they eventually "save" each other it could be a good direction in my opinion.
Thank you, Paul. I appreciate your feedback.
I'm on it. It's starting well, except for a couple of discontinuities. Onwards!
Lance as a mentor! ...to a woman? Anyway, apart from the discontinuities and the Lance issue, this plot has promise.
Just saw the demo released. :)
Just packed up my laptop and stuck it in the car. Leaving tomorrow morning for a 3 day drive home. Oh well. I'll give it a look-see in a few days and get back to you. BTW, Petal and Bliss have been keeping me company on my trip. Don't know how you write such engaging characters. I laugh, I get teary eyed, and they make me think. Thanks for all of your hard work!
And thank you for the high praise! I look forward to hearing what you think of Project B. Stay safe on your journey home.
Dammit, about to go to sleep for work tomorrow. I'll set a reminder to grab this and give it a spin tomorrow 😎👍 Thanks Lockheart!
Let me know what you think. Thanks, Mangetsu!