Checkered Bikini

The FBI is interviewing for an agent position, and has narrowed it down to 3 candidates. The hiring manager hands the first candidate a gun and says "Inside of here is your husband, you must shoot him to get the job." The woman refuses to kill her husband so the manager says "The gun was full of blanks, but we need someone who follows orders. Please leave." The next candidate is given the gun with the same instructions. He takes the gun and goes into the room, but comes out a few moments later. "I can't kill my wife." The manager says "The gun was full of blanks, but we need someone who follows orders. Please leave." The third candidate is given the gun, and the manager says "Inside is your husband, go in and kill him and you have the position." She goes in and for a while it is quiet. After a few minutes there is lots of shouting, and banging noises, and finally silence once more. She comes back out and the manager asks how it went. "Well, the gun wouldn't fire so I had to use the chair!"

Ms Alien I would love to tell you some jokes. But my jokes are for 18+. And although I know none of the words I said would be new. I'm going to pass.

How do you get a country girl’s attention? ... ... ... A tractor.

Just go binge watch a show

Up at heaven's pearly gates, St. Peter was getting bored with his day to day, so he started asking everyone who showed up to tell him about how they died. One day, a man showed up and after being asked, sighed and answered. "It has not been a good morning. I got fired from my job as soon as I arrived, so back through traffic I go to get home. When I get there, I find my wife naked and in a panic, and I realize all my fears of her cheating on me are true. I was already angry, and I figure this guy is still around so I grab my bat and start looking for him. I can't find him anywhere, until finally I look out to my balcony and see a guy holding onto the railing by his fingertips. I storm out there and start beating on his hands, but he only fell a few floors and landed in some bushes. I'm still PISSED at this guy, so I go back inside, pull the refrigerator off the wall, out to the balcony, and push it over the railing onto the guy. All that adrenaline and anger were too much for me though, and I had a heart attack." St. Peter gives a low whistle of appreciation for the story and waves the guy through. As he's shaking his head in dismay, a second man walks up to him and is given the same prompt. "My morning started late because my alarm didn't go off. Normally I go for a jog but I only had time to do some kalistenics on my balcony before I had to leave. I must have still been sleepy, because I tripped over my own feet and tumbled over the railing! I'm flailing around as I fall, and I barely manage to grab onto the railing a few floors below me. I thought I was fine, then this crazy guy comes out and smashes my hands with a bat! I fell again, but thankfully landed in bush. I tried to catch my breath and figure out what happened, then a freaking refrigerator tips off the balcony and lands straight on me." Eyes wide in surprise and trying not to laugh at the coincidence, St. Peter ushers the man through the gates. Already pleased at the new policy making his day more interesting, he spots a third man approaching him and asks him the same question. "Alright, so picture this. I'm hiding, naked, in a refrigerator."

I was wondering why that baseball was getting bigger and bigger … the it hit me. What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden? An artificial Swedener! I used to be addicted to doing the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around!

Take a break 😁 we all deserve one! Hope your week gets better! You know what they say, "when life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic. "

Sorry your week has been the suck! Q: What do you get when you cross algebra class with prom? A: The quadratic formal.

We appreciate the time you take to post on here. Next week will come and it will be better.