764 - The Schlapp’s Exorcist (9/5/23)

“She’s a regular American????”

Yeah i think “oafishness” is a gentler way of saying hetero men generally just don’t really care about the hobbies and stress relievers that their hetero women partners and family members take part in. It’s just laziness and disregard for others

I'm sure no one will see this but to this day one of my favorite Biden moments was when he was asked how many genders there are and he said, "At least 3". That was good shit

Matt's peaking all over the place, more ways than one

Lots of mispronunciations and malapropisms in this one, but Matt's "Silicone Valley" shouldn't be overlooked.

Matt so on point this ep especially the bit about the phantom limb of agrarianism haunting so many suburban lawns 😂

the pick-me WWII British officer in The Bridge On the River Kwai.. I'm glad he got got

As someone with Crohn’s I think the opening ‘Sharts on a Plane’ story is my greatest fear in life.

I once had a cat I was transporting break out of it's carrier after being stuck in it for 10 hours. I managed to catch it while the plane was taking off but then the cat deflated on my lap like a beach ball full of urine. I feel pooping guy's shame. I can still see the shock and horror on the faces of my fellow travelers when the smell hit their noses.

Does anyone have the link for the article about men killing gardens plz?

I just feel like not everyone is matching my level of coolness and it’s making things less cool.

imagine my thrill on seeing this article from nobody other than Adrian Chiles today. Chapo has successfully woven dreams into reality again https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/sep/07/i-have-created-a-monster-can-nothing-save-me-from-the-tomato-plant-from-hell

I'm sorry but a NATO partition of Israel would be so fucking sick

Matt firing on all cylinders

There is a Margaritaville in Medford, Oregon. In case you ever want to meet a Medford man.

Rod and Todd (Rundgren)

And we used to sleep on the beach here, sleep overnight. They don't do that anymore. Things changed, you see. They don't sleep anymore on the beach...

I’m I the only one who has heard the “warrior in a garden” saying?

I love any book or movie having to do with exorcisms, but a lot of them are truly bad. Kind of hit a home run early with The Exorcist. But the popes exorcist is pretty fun.

I'm assuming most of the NATO freaks are completely cynical and will have returned to not knowing what Ukraine is by the time the bill comes, but there are for sure some true believers and I wonder what sort of ideological mutants are going to be made of them when Ukraine's dire post-war reality hits.

I'm glad they left Chris's gimp suit mouth zipper open so he can contribute to the show. With his voice.

I work in lawn care and landscaping and the amount of care that goes into rich peoples lawns is insane. The worst part is having to be nice when they come out and complain about every little thing

Matt throwing nothing but gas this ep

here in brooklyn with no AC. if this episode doesn’t actually make me stay nice and cool i’ll be pissed

The brown rain in Spain stayed mainly on the plane

No gardener worth his or her salt has not killed many, many plants. It's inevitable. As this writer says: "there is only one secret to a green thumb: perseverance (and a whole lot of dead plants)." https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jul/28/killing-plants-is-a-gardeners-rite-of-passage

I enjoy the clipping mic. Lo-fi Matt to chill and get startled by when he yells

The most infuriating thing about that plant editorial? It wasn't even her tree!! It's her dad's tree. She doesn't even live there.

Some of those that work forces Also like dipping sauces

To be fair to plant lady, in my teens someone cut down a tree onto our power lines and the surge broke all our electronics (insurance didn't replace them) and over 20 years later I'd still have that guy waterboarded to de*th if I could

matt's audio is clipping

I have listened to some truly heinous and deeply offensive writing on this show, but let me tell you this: I stopped listening to the article about men killing plants almost instantly. I'm going to be upset for days over the fraction I did hear. I'm ending this comment now, before I make a credible death threat against the author.

Someone probably already said this but “the shits in Spain stay mainly on the plane”

The Twitter/YouTube/whatever context has precedent from the late 1990s: the Third Voice browser plugin. The difference is everyone reacted to it. Whereas the Powers That Be say we need these explainers on tweets because we're all too stupid to get the tweets without them, the Internet rose up against Third Voice as digital vandalism, even though the plugin only let you make and read comments on content as opposed to content itself.

The concept of a group solving a market inefficiency by going around regulations to perform unsanctioned exorcisms has been proposed before, it was called the Ghostbusters

Brown eye to Barca

Gonna just post this here for people who actually care about what's going on in one of the biggest national tragedies to occur in decades: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQ70c6pERe4&ab_channel=TheGrayzone

i have a friend who gets paid pretty good to take a couple weeks each year to set up a burning man camp for rich people, work the kitchen, tear down at the end etc. luckily he opted to not do it this year but yeah the rich people going absolutely do not do any work

I think grass lawns shouldn't be allowed where they can't naturally exist without sprinklers and shit but most people don't have to water their lawns, they're just part of the land. That's the case for us, at least

Matt’s on fire this ep

the hot snakes on a plane line got me good

I'm reminded of Irish comedian Michael Redmond's famous opening joke - after standing still for 2 minutes not saying anything: "A lot of people say to me, 'Get out of my garden'."

Here you go for plane of shit https://nypost.com/2023/09/05/delta-plane-with-explosive-diarrhea-trail-appears-on-video/

I wish I still had my Jimmy Buffett branded surfboard shaped vape, it's probably worth a fortune now.

When you think about the economic cost of an international flight, the CO2 emitted, and the butterfly effect of lives and plans rerouted... That's one hell of a powerful shit. Sometimes a boat gets stuck. Sometimes you shit all over an airplane. The modern global economy is just so complicated, I can barely understand. We dug aluminum and nickel out of the ground, refined it with thousands of degrees, hardened it to perform in a jet turbine. The most advanced avionics and combined decades of crew experience. A global network of flight controllers, GPS tracking, and thousands of engineers to get that plane in the air. But all it takes to ground that motherfucker is a bit of food poisoning.

Brace is our #1 ebola poster

I would posit that Fehlinger is some weird obverse Hitler, where instead of drawing maps of Greater Germany he wants to break down any federation into its smallest parts

"The Dope's Exorcist" was right there

any time I see a garden I just stomp around singing my flower stomping song (highway to hell)

Let’s roll (of TP)

has anyone on this show ever eaten a fig off of a tree?

this audio is what we all deserve

Can you guys please fix the mics. Please. It's all I want is to be able to listen to this shit without at least one of the three Chapos clipping constantly.

The original UN partition of Palestine made Jerusalem an international city. Speculation on X posits that Gunther wants to isolate Gaza.

40:00 as a brit, i also just assumed this article was written by a brit. we are a strange people

Love that I'll be hearing Trump's voice going "Sleep, sleep, sleep. That's all she wants to do." As I go to bed every night for the rest of my life

Y'all gotta do a dedicated Cop City episode-the recent RICO indictments are batshit

That is a very interesting quote. It means that it is better to be prepared for the worst than to be caught off guard by it. It also implies that peace is preferable to war, but one should not be naive or complacent about the possibility of violence. The origin of this quote is uncertain, but some sources suggest that it is a Chinese proverb or a saying from the Chinese or Japanese martial arts. Others attribute it to Sun Tzu, the author of The Art of War, or Bruce Lee, the famous martial artist and actor. However, there is no definitive evidence for any of these claims¹². The quote has been used in various contexts and media, such as books, movies, podcasts, and blogs. Some examples are: - In the book The Warrior Ethos by Steven Pressfield, the author uses the quote to illustrate the difference between a warrior and a civilian, and how the former can cultivate peace and harmony in his life. - In the movie The Accountant, the protagonist's father tells him the quote as a lesson on how to survive in a hostile world. - In the podcast The Tim Ferriss Show, the host and his guest Jocko Willink, a former Navy SEAL, discuss the quote and how it relates to their philosophy of leadership and discipline. - In the blog post Why It’s Better To Be a Warrior in a Garden Than To Be a Gardener in a War by Niels Bohrmann, the author shares his personal story of how he turned to martial arts after being bullied as a kid, and how the quote inspired him to be ready for any challenge¹. Source: Conversation with Bing, 9/6/2023 (1) Why It’s Better To Be a Warrior in a Garden Than To Be a Gardener in a War. https://nielsbohrmann.com/its-better-to-be-a-warrior-in-a-garden-than-to-be-a-gardener-in-a-war/. (2) It’s Better to Be a Warrior in a Garden - discomfortclub.com. https://www.discomfortclub.com/its-better-to-be-a-warrior-in-a-garden/. (3) It’S Better to Be a Warrior in a Garden Meaning. https://foliargarden.com/its-better-to-be-a-warrior-in-a-garden-meaning/. (4) “To be a warrior in a garden is better than to be a gardener in a war .... https://annies-gardens.com/to-be-a-warrior-in-the-garden-is-better-than-to-be-a-gardener-in-a-war/.

One time I was on a plane where an old man a few rows ahead of me shat his pants and decided to just chill in it and not say anything. The flight attendants handed out bags of coffee grounds to help neutralize the smell, and I must say it surprisingly did help slightly but definitely not enough

I don't think we're making enough of the fact that the Ultimate Beach Lifestyle Guy died of fucking skin cancer.

It didn't sound like Jimmy Buffet was having fun in Margaritaville? I think whoever that was mixed him up with the "it's 5:00 somewhere guy," i.e. mainstream country music, propaganda wherein playing hard is the Janis face of working hard. True praxis is knitting in a meadow cottagecore style, neither working nor playing.

Mmm, this is that pure uncut Chapo slop that I love. A handful of readings stirred vigorously over Christman capitalist critique, and seasoned with celebrity death.

"Matt Schlapp" is the sound it makes when you drop 2 pork chops on a linoleum floor

falcon guy erasure on the ebola outbreak

The holy schlop 🐖

Damn can’t believe Felix died

Can’t believe fuckin Jimmy Buffet got a Chapo eulogy before Cormac McCarthy

Wow, Matt shilling for the small business tugboat tyrants of the Gulf smh

If there's an American Orthodox Church, Rod Dreher can rejoin.

The fucking jimmy buffet eulogy in the style of marxist analysis is why crispman is mvp

Sweet sweet slop

I put slop in my mouth in the airport restaurant, then on the plane I put slop (the podcast I like) into my brain using my AirPods while slop comes out of my asshole. It’s a circular slop-system. Is it funny to talk about slop yet?

Matt needs to chill on the $3 mic. Take my $5 Patreon and buy a new one

Sleep sleep sleep on the beach beach beach and dude you can say I’m lame but I f’ing loved going to Buffett shows in the late 90s/early 00s and Buffett has some GREAT albums from 74-80. Check Ringling, Ringling and The Wino and I Know…

Could you imagine a James Cameron/ Menacker interview ep? That’s gotta happen one day, maybe after avatar 5.

Stop it cop, it’s just some slop.

that's the dinner bell, slop time. oink oink

Don’t lie. You’re not special. We’ve all had terrifying diarrhea on an airplane.

The Schlappening

<3 to schlappppppp

Gay Obungler so back

Schlecond

Firsttt