730 - The Man Who Would Be King (5/8/23)
We cover some breaking 17th century news and look at the race car driving heir to the House of Habsburg, as well as the coronation of King Charles III, for a little modern-day Hell on Earth. Then, keeping with the theme of gratuitous puff-pieces in the Times, we look at “Liz” Holmes attempt to rebrand herself as a gee-shucks everyday mom and family woman ahead of her sentencing for medical fraud. Finally, we catch up on the ever-mounting corruption in the Supreme Court, and what our elected officials will fail to do about it.
The piece about heart transplants Felix mentions in this: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/18/opinion/heart-transplant-donor.html
New merch, including Hell on Earth designs and re-stocked Zapata Oil hats, available for order through May 24th here: https://represent.com/store/chapo-trap-house
Comments (130)
Of course you're all F1 guys
In hindsight this reminds me of the game of thrones idea that there were good people fighting to rule over everything.
"Typical bravery of a prosecutor" - Felix This is so powerfully true. Prosecutors are cowards who use police who are cowards to cover for them.
"Little William is still alive, I mean, no matter the doctors opinion, they still cooled that baby down" ahahah I'm dying XD
peak Chapo :)
Please Matt, learn spanish and make a youtube channel just to bully the shark mentality idiots that have sprung here lately and are menacing our spanish ways.
Look now, the South has its problems, but we aren't a complete sign off...
"WHAT...YEAH I HEARD YOU WHAT?" How the fuck is Matt already 76 years old? Has he broken the code to skip middle age and go right to former hisotry professor grumpy as fuck lawn protecting old man?
The fry commandments were an absolute treat. They really understand us better than we ever will. For Holmes I feel a lot of the same ambivalence as Tulsi. About the same level of opportunism and malice as the rest of their respective milieus, but at the very least they have a sliver of personal appeal. Both of them also mostly maligned for just barely not making it into the insiders' circle. My wish cast for "Liz" is that she serves as the frontman for the epic liberal Twitter alternative once the bird site finally goes too far. Not that I want such a thing to exist, but there will always be a need for someone to be the avatar of Microchips Will Save Us and God am I sick of that being Elon.
i cant come into work today i girlbossed to close to the sun
can someone explain why chris can't just be 4th mic. Don't give the response you think is funny.
I'll tell you and it's absolutely not funny, in fact it's very serious... because he's gay and retarded.
GOOD fucking episode
Matt went hard this ep, respect.
Until recently I was with them on sweet potato fries. But I tried them at home, soaked some in corn starch water and deep fried they were delicious.
Hard for me to get into the mindset of people taken in by the Holmes persona and similar figures to the tune of millions. I can only assume it's because rich investors think of themselves as something like demigods and believe they can recognize those qualities in others
Because those are table stakes for them and also they are dumb
my buddy’s step-dad is the CFO of “Susan G Komen For the Cure” as well as a big bank in my state. when i first met him i was a sapling leftist and pointed out the issues i saw with charity and distribution of resources. he was clearly challenged but a nice guy for the most part and we got on alright. i also roasted him when i saw these gaudy pink SGK construction elevators downtown, an obvious waste of money. i always hope i’ll get to see him again now that i’m equipped with the knowledge that only 13% of susan g komen’s revenue gets spent on cancer research. THIRTEEN PERCENT!! anyway y’all really should do an episode on the charity/NGO-complex
Moxy Früvous song with specific Canadian references, Chapo Canadian tour confirmed.
Ferdinand’s “leg-pussy!!” 😆
Actual traditional use for "hit dogs holler"; if someone takes offense to something you say, that you, crucially, did not directly name, they are signalling that they are representative of your statement.
I prefer “the lady doth protest too much, methinks”
My PhD thesis - Chapo Pessimism: The Growing Cynicism of the ‘Dirtbag Left’
It's a cynicism rooted in sincerity. They weren't just blustering about their 2020 primary analysis, that it was our last off-ramp from apocalypse highway.
Sweet Potato Fries suck ass.
if you want to be really cynical you could say that the reporting on justice Thomas is a kind of brand activation for the corruption itself. You don't really have to believe that Thomas himself was influenced one way or another, but it might pay to let the next generation of legal scholars know which side pays
My mom just told me a few weeks back that my uncle, her brother in law, is going to outlive his heart transplant in the next few years. He was born with a birth defect that flipped the ventricles in his heart and about 15 years ago the Cleveland Clinic did a transplant where they managed to reconfigure the heart in a way that it fit with how the rest off the set up of his chest was set up because of that defect. He’s the most active person I’ve ever known, having gone through two pacemakers on his new heart already, the thought that he’s just going to outlive yet another heart is a testament to his spirit, but that does little to comfort my aunt or cousins. Thanks for bringing up the fact that this happens though, I know I was completely in the dark until I found out.
I think you're uncle and I might have been born with the same defect. From what I know, those who had the same kind of surgery to fix it are starting to have problems. I'm 39 and I'm extremely lucky I haven't had any serious problems so far, but I know the day is coming where it'll start falling apart.
Wait why are we going soft on the blood fraud psycho? And did Will say, “great job Amy Cheznick”???
Vroom vroom, party schtarter!
The dog you hit is the one to which the insult applied. If the dog isn't racist, he doesn't holler when you call him racist because he wasn't hit. He just looks at you confused by your comment.
Moxy Früvous!!
A hit dog will holler is a great saying. You get to call them a dog, you’re pointing out that you hit them, and now you’re belittling their response. Southern chapo fans will have to form a splinter group, I reckon.
Love when our boys totally whiff on a metaphor.
bringing about the Egg Age with your sister/brother incest Acid Saoshyant
so the heir to the hapsburgs is an adult man who lives with his adult sister? sus
I wanna shout at the screen that the funniest/most fucked up part of the Martha Stewart saga is that James Comey is the guy who lead the witch hunt against her. That's what I originally knew him for. He was a grand standing piece of shit back then too.
Martha went up for the cover-up, not the crime.
did not expect a moxy fruvous needle-drop
There is a 0% chance a mountain lion carried away an entire husky from their front porch. She probably killed the dog because everyone liked him more. This is why she is going to jail. She's annoying and she made the important people look stupid.
It’s obvious from the Theranos book that she has the moral sense of Patrick Bateman and would absolutely go full Buttigieg on a defenseless dog.
I can't help but respect Ferdinand Habsburg, as he is doing a good job, and does not become a cell of a secular society. Great guy!
We need a buddy dramedy with him and Hunter Biden.
why are they letting a habsburg live with his sister
wait... he lives in an apartment with WHO??!
Really fumbled by not titling this ep "Le Mans Who Would Be King"
🙌 *would 👑
About ten years ago, a friend's step father fell down in the kitchen and landed on the corner of the table. He severed an artery in his neck and was paralyzed from the neck down. My friends family sold their farm house that they had owned for over a decade, just to pay the medical bills that piled up. They moved in with their parents several states away, and my friends dad died in massive debt. My friends mom had hep c and died three years after her husband. She gave what little of her money she had left to alternative health grifters bc regular health care was too expensive. Her son is in prison now. Fuck this country.
“On the evening of May 16, Ian Gibbons ingested a combination of wine and acetaminophen. The following morning, Rochelle Gibbons discovered him on their bathroom floor, unconscious and barely breathing. He died, aged 67, of liver failure in a hospital on May 23, 2013. When Rochelle Gibbons called Holmes' office to report his death, Holmes did not return her call. Gibbons' wife, however, received an email from a Theranos lawyer requesting she immediately return Gibbons' company laptop and any confidential information he might have had in his possession.Holmes sent an internal company email to several colleagues informing them of Gibbons' death and that a memorial service would be held; no memorial service, however, was organized by Holmes or her company. After Gibbons's death, lawyers for Theranos threatened his widow — and Elizabeth Holmes and her partner Sunny Balwani texted about filing a lawsuit against her." Holmes is as bad as any fucking hospital and pharma CEO and she deserves prison time.
Probably would've been a good idea to include the suicide of Theranos engineer Ian Gibbons in this podcast, let alone the shitty NYT article. "Liz's" abhorrent behavior of invalidating Gibbon's pleas to her that the technology was bullshit and that she was lying lead him to kill himself before his deposition.
she really girlbossed gaslit gatekept too hard
My favorite folksy colloquialism that is nonsense goes like this, "It takes a mighty big dog to weigh a ton." Da fuq does that mean?
Dude, the biggest St. Bernards are like 240 lbs. Imagine a dog almost 10 times that size. That's a big dog.
Democrat Chigurgh be like "what's the most you've ever lost on an election"
The fact that the Chapo boys are Moxy Früvous heads makes me smile.
I hope they aren't fans of Jian Ghomeshi's later work.
The worst line in that article is "She doesn't really care if we believe her." On the contrary, she doesn't really care if what she says is true. Her entire business was founded on convincing people to believe her.
Media writers are ass, just primally untalented
They 'did' something about Mountain Lions in the south bay.... https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/feb/05/california-woodside-mountain-lions-development
genuinely such an evil healthcare system. I finally got insurance from my job so I can get the otherwise $15,000 surgery that is basically the only treatment for a condition that 10% of women have. One that you usually have to get multiple times throughout your life. Folks, we love it here don't we
I have a heart condition where I have to get a couple of expensive tests every other year or so. While my insurance covers most of it, I usually hit my out of pocket minimum on those years which is a few thousand bucks. I sure do love paying a huge fee to make sure I don't suddenly die due to something I was born with!
She isn’t from the Bay Area, her father was an Enron executive and she grew up in Texas
Close enough
Seppuku via twice baked Fry Sword is the final Fry principle
Steak n Shake has shoestring fries and they are awesome
i love it when i discover a new song that i enjoy from a band i have never heard of, and "King of Spain" rules, thank you daddies
Hit the nail on the head about Stanford being a demon factory.
Bigger or smaller than U of Chicago?
The other thing that Harlan Crow buys is the ability to auction off access to a Supreme Court justice. If every other massively rich guy with business before the court knows that an invite to the lakehouse equals unfettered opportunity to bend Thomas' ear in private, I reckon they'd be willing to pay quite a bit or exchange some serious favors for it.
Regarding Matt & Chris' royalist bashing, I will satisfy my honor by reminding them, "Honi soit qui mal y pense!"
being caught with my pants down dripping with piss, cum and fard and going like "if you think that's fucked up that's on you bro"
This was the right take on Holmes. I've been so curious to hear what she's been up to. And if the NY Times needs to keep a golden retriever on its payroll with a history of horrible takes in order to get it. I'm all for it.
I'm glad I have some reading material from the based Habsburgs to celebrate Victory Day shit shit I'm sorry it's Europe Day, I'm sorry it's Europe Day NOT Victory Day
Ferdinand is such a Chad: he's a Habsburg who won in France.
Ah yes the "ordinary" citizen who gets to drive a million dollar race car.
Oh, the irony: Eduard is a poster, the profession created by Martin Luther.
while prison sentences don't actually fix any wrong, i do find the holmes case to be a parallel to the shkrelli case, who also got a lengthy prison term specifically for defrauding rich people while (rightfully) vilified in the media for the harm done to the less fortunate victims of their schemes. i'm not going to shed a tear for either of these people, despite the fact that there are other people who are smart enough to stay out of the public eye that deserve worse and will likely never get their comeuppance. they are a combination of psychopathy and greed that left unchecked, just resurfaces over and over with some other insane idea for screwing people over. they deserve to eat shit too.
Yeah, the people given false positive/negative diabetes results or the pregnant women who were told they'd miscarried should be enough to justify prison.
"I sleep in a big bed with my sister" 🏎️🏎️🏎️
Some Hapsburg traditions never die
The focus on “innovation “ solving our problems when the actual answers are so easy and basic is probably the best irony in today’s age
Christ, that is very very well put.
Everybody gotta read this New Yorker piece about the guy who fraudulently posed as a Habsburg-Lothringen. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2011/05/02/the-mark
Folks, Hapsburg fever is sweeping the nation! The FBI wants them, grotesques of vague European extraction want to be them.
Hell on Earth got me playing Empire: Total War again and, no cap, I kicked those Austrian papists off the continent and eradicated them at Gibraltar. Prussia FTW!
an orangery is so they could grow citrus indoors during the winter
Tenth grade I worked at a gay bar called the trailer park grill that had sweet potato fries with cinnamon and sugar. God tier
His mom remembered me?
Hapsburg is kinda dope because he chose to be an endurance racer. Must respect it
on the one hand FIA Enduro is textbook F1 washout but otoh taking a win in LMP2 is pretty legit
It's pronounced "Habsburg-Lordoftherings".
Someone got Moxy Früous in my Chapo
Ooh a Hot-psburg guy! Guess I’m going gay for that race car drivin’ prince! Wish me luck. Vroom vroom
I’m glad He’ll on Earth has bled into the regular episodes.
love it when the boys talk about apes
I was not expecting the Moxy Früvous reference. I'm continually astounded by Chapo's knowledge of Canadiana.
"Liz" Holmes is a grifter. I read about what she did and the things she was pitching. She never had any clear idea of how the technology she claimed as hers could ever possibly work. I'm always amazed how rich people remain rich no matter what they do, and nearly never pay for the damage they inflict on others. And then facing indictment, she gets married to a trust fund fail-son and and punches out babies so she can play the Mommy card and stay out of prison. The NYT article is not the only part of a recent Holmes media campaign. Will it work? Probably. It makes me sick.
At lest the Hapsburg is doing cool shit like racing instead of being some low T socialite
Henry Kissinger put $3 million into Theranos. The Waltons, DeVoses, and others put $370 million (per Ben Burgis's article in Jacobin in 2021). Rather than arguing that she's a good person who's misunderstood, a better defense would be to really lean into the charges, and put more focus on some of her less sympathetic "victims". Of course, there is no way The NY Times would run this type of PR defense.
Yeah I hope the Charlie javice chick leans into the “better in my pocket than Jamie Pedoiphile Isle Dimon’s” angle
If you grow up in central Europe and you and your family are even slightly interested in history, you just know what an Orangerie is. Every other castle or palace has one.
Yup, back when citrus was so expensive and hard to get that it was an incredible flex to be able to afford an entire building dedicated to growing those trees indoors.
Schönbrunn zoo is one of the best zoos I've ever been to
Sounds like Felix wants to do Altered Carbon for dogs.
Matt. Culver's has waffle cut sweet potato fries on occasion. Keep your eyes peeled so you don't miss this opportunity should it reoccur.
I’m One minute in here guys - in my best will smith voice I proclaim - keep my wife’s name - aka sweet potato French fries out ya damn mouth
Sweet potato fries are great with Chipotle mayo.
Yo we need a Hapsburg Interview on Chapo; he seems down
As a microbiology nerd and certified phlebotomist (literally for no reason), the reason most of the Theranos tests would be impossible to perform with a drop of blood from a finger prick is not a limitation of technology, but a limitation of capillary blood versus venous blood. Any poor sap working in a serology lab could have told her that.
Hour and a half, we eatin!
Coyote vests makes protective spiked vests for dogs
I think they were actually on shark tank as well!
Lady Di had a racing car courtesy of MI5
She got Dale Earnharted
Appreciated the De Niro in Copland reference. Underrated movie.
The Schönbrunn is like the Austrian Versailles. It’s pretty cool.
lol von Thyssen? Is that the Nazi Thyssens?
Sorry Sweet Potato fries rule suck my ass
Prince of Liechtenstein’s catholic
Does that even count?
Chapotraphouse.
I AM A SURGEON
Why doesn't Chapo have regular recognizable merch? No one has heard of Zapata but some people have at least heard of Chapo trap house
You don't want to let random people know that you listen to a podcast. Only real heads will recognize the Zapata Oil hat.
Fuck the lakers
Celtics Lakers it’s 87 all over again! My second grade summer is reborn
Dibs
There is no compulsion in french fries
AYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOO
i’m gay and i also have cancer