726 - Cruising feat. Lauren Oyler (4/24/23)
We’re joined by author Lauren Oyler to discuss her new Harper’s article about her experience going on a cruise centered around Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP brand. We discuss performative crying, serial killer branded work-outs, vagina-themed everything, and selling self-actualization. Then, we catch up on an eventful few days in the media, with Musk’s Twitter checkpocalypse, and Tucker & Don Lemon getting the axe at Fox & CNN respectively.
Comments (238)
The new version of “guy who cries” is (usually an Elizabeth Warren supporter) guy who never shuts up about empathy, which is not to say it’s an entirely invalid concept, but it’s become such a buzzword. And honestly if you’re just patting yourself on the back for saying you have it, are you doing anything to help the ppl you have empathy for? If not stfu. Also it assumes you can know how someone else is suffering, just because you say so.
She sounds like Liz Franszac (sp?... Classic Poles) at times
Y’all going to ignore that Will said August 24th at the start?
I've contacted their handlers, theyre looking into it...
Man I was about to mention how I have been strangely pleased about the past couple of episodes in that they were topics I hadn't given much thought to but of course peeping the comments I'm a minority. Half you guys sound like the cumtown listeners who freak out when Nick doesn't hit his slur to Chinese accent quota. Isn't there a DSA reading group you can complain to or something?
After a week of this episode sitting inside my body like a jade vagina egg, this episode has a high replay value.
It's one thing to to be uninterested in an episode's content but to gripe that it isn't sufficiently "leftist" (because remember, listening to a podcast is doing politics) is some of the most embarrassing shit I could imagine. Incredible stuff in the comment section
On the latest episode there’s people whining that they need to interview Marianne and RFK before dunking on them
Some ICKY ass comments in this thread
It's ok to not like a guest, even if it's a woman.
That ruled ... Like Red Scare before they got racist.
An episose about "Goop is bullshit" in 2023- that was a bit of a drag, listen-wise. But it's the flaccid attempts at riffing in the back half that truly marks out a bad guest ep from a good one. Less interviews with people who don't gel with the vibes please. More Libby Watson et al.
I was worried you was sexist thank you for mentioning Libby Watty
After the high of a new Libby ep of course there had to be a crash
I love paying attention to how long it takes for Matt to chime in on an episode… waiting until almost 47 minutes in to call Don Lemon a “messy bitch” was an all-timer!
Hahaha exact same
Lauren is a fun guest, hope you guys find a way to have her back on!
love for Chapo to become Most Expensivist Shit: Socialism edition
This was unbelievably boring. Also apparently the author wrote a bunch of books with Obama/Pod Save dullard Alyssa Mastromonico, which in the earlier, better years of Chapo they would be talking about rather than this bullshit.
Y’all, this wasn’t a bad ep. Ffs
I was completely unbothered by this episode and your distress nourishes me.
common banger
Oops sorry guys, it's actually required to like this one or else you're sexist apparently
Also why is it that every time there’s some women hosting the show people are like “this is the most boring episode ever”
Women are boring, also can you teach me how to have normal sex?
Can Chapo do us all a favor and just have all of their mediocre, hack-writer friends on a single episode like once every quarter so we can get more of Matt's eschatological rants less middle-class hipster banter.
What are these - Youtube comments? STFU with your 'likes' kids.
Hot take, Goop is icky.
I want a seeking derangements vs chapo debate on goop
I worked an event at the goop Hampton store where two waiters got lit on fire cuz someone poured rubbing alcohol into tea candles from personal s’mores kits they were trying to promote and the candles exploded onto the waiters. This is the link to an article about it: https://www.dazeddigital.com/beauty/article/56475/1/gwyneth-paltrow-is-setting-men-on-fire-goop-fire-vagina-candles-ouija-board?amp=1
Lol
I'm having a physical reaction to this episode I'm pissing and shidding and farding
damnit will basically said the same thing a minute later
Ugh this was unlistenable
If Meatball Ron isn't a candidate I wouldn't already be seeing campaign ads for him here in New Hampshire. And they are hilarious.
Full blooded xy afab bleeding pussy woman here, and this is the most boring and meaningless episode yet
👺 someone get this woman some pads or something
I thought for sure you would use the Cruisin’ duet Gwyneth did with Huey Lewis for the outro music
same
Hard listen on the later half
Who the fuck is Gwenyth Paltroe?
iron man's gf
Stfu chuds Im sure the Nicholas Alahverdian ep is coming soon...
If you think for one minute that the cruise line hasn't done major research regarding menu options and what not, that would be insane. As a chef in a whatever city ill tell you mediocrity is king and meh food makes mad money. shitty cheeseburger and +5.00 fries go down easy peasy with a few 200% markup poor of mid. doug from milwakee
I get the hate for this one and my main critique was just that she's not a great podcast personality. Too slow, too much pausing, voice dragging on (well those are all different ways of saying the same thing, but you get the point)...but I just listened to another podcast about Bret Easton Ellis and rich young literary people doing drugs in the 80s and I'm here for some bougie topics. Maybe I am just a little elitist sometimes.
It literally cannot be as uncomfortable as the Finklestein episode.
I for one think Oyler is the perfect writer to cover a shallow, narcissistic brand masquerading as sophisticated, luxurious and forward-thinking.
I mean it doesn't have to be politics and doom every ep, I like the pop culture stuff as much as anyone, but this is bourgeois even by like normal podcast standards, much less a leftist one
Yeah, this can't possibly be of interest to most of Chapo's audience. It certainly wasn't for me
Barf.
Good episode, interesting topic
Girl is such a boring speaker
This girl sounds like a girl who makes fun of anyone for liking absolutely anything. And a little out of touch with like, reality.
it's almost like she was projecting her depressed nihilism towards the end
This now holds the title for most boring chapo episode ever.
ur insufferable
Bad
This was a good ass episode
What’s the weird drug that DEVGRU makes
Listening to a feminist complain about cruises and Gwyneth Paltrow was a much better idea than letting the boys dive in to the current news cycle, I mean it's not like there aren't half a dozen major events going on.
They're so misinformed on almost everything lately so I don't see how that's better
Fingering your asshole. Liberals do it all the time. But is it gay? Are you allowed to jerk off when you do it? Most biblical scholars say no. But what if there was a cream you could apply to your asshole so fingering it while jacking off WASN'T gay? We'll tell you more about this "Miracle cream". On Tucker Carlson Tonight.
Why does this woman sound so much like a goop user herself?
Bc ur a sexist
shidding pissing throwing up
Honestly… what? If they wanted to have a Lauren on today they should’ve gotten the one from Teen Vogue who got into a shade-throwing match with Tucker way back when.
That would have been way better.
When the boys mentioned a little while back about how people were paying upwards of 5 figures to be guests on podcasts and wanting to get in on it, I don't think it was it was one of their ironic bits
As a man who just cried to a Fiona Apple song ("Not About Love" from Extraordinary Machine) this morning, I feel personally attacked by Felix and my validation has been ruined.
Felix’s line about Tucker not getting fired for bts stuff unless he was doing Salo in the office is the hardest I’ve laughed in a minute. Also fuck Epic Games Launcher!
not enough cushbomb
Not sure if everyone else in the comments is a misogynist or thought the ep was bad on its merits, but I admit being biased against her after the release of her book as being touted as like, unusually amazing by lots of Twitter active lefty thinkers and it turns out that, like her lit crit, the acclaim was mostly a result of schmoozing the right people and hitting the right metrics, similar to how one gets into Yale
Literally could say this about any number of authors throughout history including one name dropped today (Melville) who was homies with the right people and in the right circles.
Worst guest they've had, even the weird priest screaming over them was more entertaining
Nah, that honor lies with that "Chapo from the Future!" episode they did with the those two guests and it was all future improv bullshit. That episode was unlistenable past the first few minutes. I've made attempts to relisten to it and every time I have to tap out before the 15 minute mark.
Like, I don't find this to be very interesting, right?
It's dog shit, a huge missed opportunity with all of the other developments going on now. What about Feinstein and the my pillow guy and the other Dominion news? We just got a brief ten minute talk about Tucker but that's about it.
Boring as piss, Yalie guest, L
Mindfulness for your hind end, its "hindfullness"
A HIND-D?!
Felix brought up of my favorite versions of YouTube music comments “I’m 13 they don’t music like this anymore!”
I personally prefer the boomer version of that
Guests bad, podcast gay
Thtas right
Imagine being wealthy enough to still enjoy mocking Gwenyth for being a ditz
Whos that anf how can I smell her pussg
*speaking into my phone in earshot of a pretty lady at the library* I think the reason why the Chapo bros in the comments are mad at the guest is because they couldn't talk over her can you be quiet please no you be quiet shh shh fuc k you shh yourself I'm not making a scene shut up you shut up it's a free library I can do whatever I
girls are always obsessed with that david guy who killed himself, so annoying
Pretty sure I had clocked 5 references to him by the first 25 minutes
Make her a chapo 4th chair!
Hope she sees this bro
Disney Cruises are a beast onto themselves because they attract not just the infirm and conservative, but also Millennial Disney Adults w/o children. It helps bring down the mean age, but also encourages more cruise travel.
Counterpoint to all these negative comments: As one straight guy in a sea of straight guys, I really enjoyed this episode. I laughed and relaxed. I can get doom politics from other more well researched sources (the Chapo boys are smart and witty but they admit they don't do any real prep other than Will finding articles). They are best at talking shit about stupid people and things. That's what this episode brought. Plus, regardless of topic, it's good to hear more female comrades on the show.
As a pretentious gay dude, while I still like current events riffing the best, I didn’t hate this.
Great episode
Lauren was good, should have her back on for more celebrity grifts
i kept zoning out during laurens insanely long boring monologues jfc
Cruising for goop has a whole new meaning now
Felix nba reference counter: 2. He’s entering playoff mode
I live in a town with a big "wellness" scene. They talked a lot in this episode about the bougie health people but there is another side that is horrible for a different set of reasons. A lot of people struggling with real mental health and addiction problems get railroaded into the self actualization and spirituality scene. It's usually not helpful and traps some of the most hopeless and miserable people in a series of therapy groups and mindfulness junk that sap their time and energy without addressing what's really harming them.
It's a minefield for people with schizophrenia
*two weeks late energy* Hey enough about Finnish Long Drink you should be Finna shlong drink heyyy batta batta
Why don't you guys just stop paying for things you don't like
They ARE paying for the thing they like: a platform to voice their vague (definitely not bigoted) criticisms and anxieties. These dorks will be right back to being alt right virgins by the end of the year.
Disappointed that the Goop cruise didn’t goop all the way out. I want goop for meals. I want a goop pit. Goop beds. I want people to become goop. Now that’s a cruise worth writing about
When my dad was dying of cancer I had a breakdown in the middle of the Whole Foods and none the weird looks I got from people indicated to me anyone thought I was doing a therapy lol
We are witnessing the decline of Chapo.
it's 2023 dude
We are currently living in possibly the worst economic and social upheaval in all of American history, eclipsed only by the threat of nuclear war ten times greater and prolonged as the October Crisis, and all we get as of late are weird media interviews and four hours of Tulsa King.
And I for one love it
Yoga is fun and I feel good after a sesh. Thank you that is all.
Weird that her voice sounds exactly like Paltrow
Damn some of you dudes need therapy
Why
If red scare pod hadn’t discovered racism and Catholicism
Wasn't a great episode, but good lord this is better than those fucking gimmick episodes they've had in the last few months.
Yoga is mentioned on Escape (Piña Colada) by Rupert Holmes from 1979 so I believe yoga has been trendy and healthy in perpetuity.
I give the dudes in these comments two months before they start posting “how the left left me.” Or when the the cute barista turns them down yet again, whichever.
Even r/atheists found your response exhausting.
Heated prostate massagers already exist. Idk if they’re good for wellness but they make you shoot ropes
Hell yeah.
love an episode with a woman on it to be reminded of what the chapo subscriber base is really like
So, you're going with the lady Ghostbusters defense. Gotcha
I had no clue most chapo fans were only tuning in for The God Damned News. We’re between elections, they can’t talk about stupid intrigue stuff every once in a while?
They can go watch the daily show.
nope
Lauren was great!
This episode was good and the guest was funny. The vibe of a lot of the comments here are low key kinda sexist ngl
Try to get laid on your own time pal.
I am now 30 min in. Somebody slip this woman some penis envy chocolate bars and a heavy blanket
I really like her
would love to hear ian svenonius talk anti-literacy on the show
This bitch is unsufferable. Chapo fell off
When do they start talking about Tucker? I can’t listen to this woman.
Wtf is this stupid shit
do they not do politics anymore?
gotta siphon off that revolutionary potential at the most critical time
If I had a dollar for every time this girl completely whiffed on an attempt at humor and then awkwardly trailed off I could afford twitter blue
These guys are as mean as middle schoolers and about as mature
I am not 10 minutes in and she is serving completely unlikable elitist vibes lmao
She went to Yale
listen i’m all for beating my cock but when this bitch said masturbating helps you “form a connection to the divine” i immediately stopped listening
orgasms are all that's left for her
Holy moly this is a full on 😴 episode.
Just limp.
This was boring as hell. Sounded like a couple guys drooling over her presence.
are you a cartoon wolf by chance?
This might be the worst Chapo episode I’ve ever pushed through. In a week rich with current events, I had to listen to 40 minutes about a cruise and the Goop brand which hasn’t been relevant for years. What the hell fellas
Yeah pretty disappointed with this one
my money is on tucker carslon being trump or desantis' vp
Man I hope her interview is better then her newest novel.
Why are the comments on chapo posts always such a fuckin bummer
A lot of “former” alt right energy. “Not a misogynist or whatever bro, just wish Chapo would Retvrn to politics. Everyone gets so offended for everything.”
And like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like and like,
Yup. That got, like, old.
if you ignore the guest, this wasnt that bad an episode. i think of goop as comic relief, and im grateful for gwyneth paltrow's eccentricity so long as it's kept far away from all the women in my life.
not all women
I'm going to need Matt to start coming in with about 3 minutes at the end of each interview and slotting these cultural phenomena in dialectically. You can always feel him digesting the interview content and kneading it into the big picture and I wish he would run with it more
yea, a lot of the comments critiquing the ep here are pretty grossly missing the point on what made this interview feel like a bit of a snoozy miss- it was just missing that bigger picture element to tie together what felt like a bunch of surface level observations
"This is one of the smallest groups of men" .... lol
Same voice: according to the Republicans
This women is so pretentious. Health and wellness is a good thing. The left needs to stop thinking it’s subversive to not take care of yourself.
If you think that's what's happening here I've got a jade egg to sell you
Too bougie for me
Idk seems like the emptiness of leisure class priorities is an evergreen concern for leftists
Any NYC Chapo fans need tickets to Thursday's Movie Mindset? Drop me a line, I got covid and can't go :(
So fuckn boring
Working class families of 8
lol wtf matt lying in wait thru the entire episode to ambush us with a bill cosby impression
it fucking got me tho
matt coming in hot at 47:00
Last two eps have been boring people talking about funny/interesting topics, this time it's the opposite. All the women in my life are right, you can't actually have it all
Goop
Gwyneth shall now forever be known as the Soulja Boy for white women
I could do without the guest. Would rather it just be a whole “riffing about current events” episode.
Will said “August 24th” he’s so checked out. I thought I might have blacked out for the summer but no
awful, pretentious guest, almost as bad as the pipeline stuff
Jump-scare Matt appearance 47 minutes in
This is what I tune in for, someone who sounds like the intro of Baby Got Back complaining about having to write an article about going on vacation
omg i can't unhear the resemblance now
I'm going to blame felix now when cruise liners start paying mailmen to ram pedestrians with their trucks to keep customer retention up Public sobbing was invented by born-agains if I remember right, or at least the modern version of it Personally I think GOOP employees need to be provocative and be organized Jesus christ demanding someone bite someone's penis like that is right up there with eulogizing Leonard Cohen by paraphrasing his songs while you watch missiles fly
"A man with a cold ass is like a dog with a dry nose" beautiful line.
I'm suffering
What was her reference to “girl bosses” and “your little friends”? I kind of feel like she was making a dig but I’m also used to girls joking about me…
Dude, over thinking it
This dovetails real nice with the last episode, drink water, release toxins piss and shit. Water is the best beverage.
a lot of chapo episodes have me feeling like a Garfield strip I saw when i was a kid. so Garfield is on the couch with the remote in hand channel surfing and he goes "trash. garbage. trash. garbage. trash. garbage. Ah-ha! Junk!"
Well, Matt uses his vlog to work out his shit, it’s hard to tell if Felix is interested in anything, and politics, the only thing that seems to animate them anymore, is pretty boring right now. They’re kind of starved for content and there’s no spark as long as they’re doing it over zoom. I guess I’m saying I understand why it’s this way
A review of a cruise... this and the pipeline ep were unlistenable
Will's joke hit rate is getting far too low recently
It adds an air of levity to the conversation- keeping a batting average on it kind of misses the point
Her book Fake Accounts was awful. C-grade Sally Rooney, and I don't even like her books either. Very weak as a literary critic too; you can predict her opinion with every piece based on title alone.
This looks like another case of patron on patron violence to me
Funny how on his last show Tucker was defending the black socialists lmfao
Exactly. Only 2 people talking about it lol
Joe dirt I got the goop on me
Whoa, Lauren is bracingly nihilistic there towards the end...
She lives in Berlin apparently
So when Paltrow makes a candle that smells like her vagina she is lauded as a "wellness guru", but when I make candles that look like my knob I am asked to leave the craft fair? It's one rule for the rich and one for the poor smh
You gotta make them smell like your cock, like I do. Your cock smells nice btw, but hard to replicate without armadillo pee.
I like Lauren. Good guest, she had a fun vibe that fit well.
Are you kidding me this Yale-educated writer and editor and New York Times Bestseller book reviewer was hired to help write and edit a book about WHAT now?! Oh man
Oprah and "The Secret" made all the ephemeral psychic hippie shit mainstream way before Gwyneth
The earliest mention of yoga I can think of off the dome is in The Long Goodbye where Philip Marlowe's topless hippie girl neighbors are practicing it and the detectives remark on it being a new fad, which obviously far predates GP
Great show, I love a good cynic and Lauren shines. Scoffers unite!
As far as Tucker goes, I'm curious to see if Murdoch tries to clawback money from him over these litigation costs. In the case of Ailes and O'Reilly the settlement costs seemed like more of a cost of doing business for Murdoch (e.g. something that ate into profits, without eliminating profits). In the case of Carlson, there are multiple ongoing cases that seem like they could end up effectively wiping out any profits that he ever made for the Murdochs. Before these settlements, what was Carlson's net replacement value over any other schmuck in the primetime weeknight time slot for Fox? $50 million to $80 million a year, perhaps?
I wish Katherine was on this episode
Yes!
There’s women among us that are stuffing eggs made of jade into their pussies. What a neat time to be alive.
After every hookup that I get by pretending to be gay then locking the door and threatening to kill myself if she doesn't let me touch her boobs I offer a conciliatory jade egg, which I think is going to be a big factor in my ability to plead out
Don't look now but someone just gooped on your grinch
Damn I wanted to make that joke
This episode is something fun for the girls to get ready to
Proud of Will making a stand against Big Vomit
Felix, ask Lauren to dinner. My treat.
Matt being the True Ally by not interrupting the guest
Doing the Hulk listening face the whole time
Who’s gonna tell Will it isn’t August?
Sticking my snout deep in the goop rn. Wish me luck, hogfriends
no way i was reading this today and now have a migraine and was like “i wish i could listen to it in poscast version” and felt stupid for that and now here it is
Ask and Chapo will giveth.
Aw yeah, hangin wit da Goop Troop
goopentruppen
More Chapo + David Foster Wallace collabs please
Some excellent bored, spiteful writer voice from Lauren, I may fall in love
jesus fucking christ i can’t believe that don lemon quote is real
Same
Tucker Carlson Hell on Earth appendix 7
PLEASE LET TUCKER REPLACE VIRGIL TEXAS!
please let virgil replace tucker!
This is a pretty small group of men, maybe even the smallest group of men you can find
Thank god now It’s time to get high
Wolves in seven 🐺
A video on Sudan is needed NOW!
Tucker 4th mic szn
im insanely hype for Movie Mindset
first ig
Swe-e-e-et Caroline buh buh buh you know you're fuckin' gay