706 - Arrival (2/13/23)
We discuss the increasingly bizarre obsession around “objects” being shot down in the sky, as well as the insane circumstance around the toxic event in Ohio (and we will have more on that later this week). Then, our annual review of the Super Bowl broadcast & advertising spectacle. Finally, we answer your Valentine’s day call-in questions!
And, a note from Felix:
Hey, this is Felix and I just wanted to get more eyes on my sister Lucy's incredible writing. she most recently put out this essay on the ephemeral and sad nature of devices in our lives that elucidates concepts that I have been struggling to articulate on the show. Please subscribe! thank you https://open.substack.com/pub/lucydiamondb/p/41-one-november-night-15-years-ago?r=3k2uk&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Comments (120)
That steak talk was like 15min too long imo
I thought it was well-done.
Sister’s friend guy and anyone else with someone from the past or a DM buddy: stop overthinking it, just ask them if they wanna grab a drink. You don’t need confirmation or an elaborate plan. If you haven’t spoken in a while, DM them on some pretense and chat lightly a bit before you ask (it’s fine if this is broken up over a few days). Now the “date” itself might be scarier than it should be if you haven’t gotten your reps in on first dates from online, so start doing that ASAP if not. In most of these cases she is into you or will be if you’re decent to talk to.
Also def need an update from him
Whelp, Matt was right about the balloons
Salvia Girlfriends is a great band name
Wanted to throw out a piece of dating advice to non-sex-getters: if you go on a date, try to spend as much time, if not more, asking your date about their life/interests than talking about your own.
YES. thank you
not me getting parenting advice from the dry boys
Dear Chapo, I recently quit smoking and now feel a constant hum of anxiety that is pushing me towards a January 6th style act at my nation's capital. Given your experience being at the real Jan 6th, what kind of potential romantic partners can I expect to meet at said event? Or, how do I stop feeling like I am going to explode?
Ron desuckdick
Balloons distract from the fact that Ukraine lost the US's proxy war. Just kidding
"look we brought this one into a grudging standing war of attrition but trust me bro ... we can fuck up china whole shit if you just let us, this one is different"
It would be a pretty cool to have first contact at this exact moment in history.
someone probably already said it, but weather balloons change shape when they change altitude because of physics and shit
I think that was Lord Kelvin.
I expected someone to photoshop the cube from the new Zelda trailer over Vancouver or some shit by now. very disappointed
it’d be funnier to photoshop tingle from majora’s mask being obliterated by an f-22
The absolute disrespect to Jason Kelce shows you know nothing about football. Stick to pop politics boys, that’s why people listen to you.
lmao
What is the substack article about Beto O'Rourke that Felix recommended? I couldn't understand what the author's name was.
https://ettingermentum.substack.com/p/the-art-of-losing-a-beto-orourke?utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=auto_share&r=1unpki
I think if the sister’s friend is still frequently talking to her ex-friends brother who is 10 years younger there has to be something there
👁️ wise
I hope the gang talks about Gunthers Millions eventually
Sloane, what if I told you, there’s two mufuckin governments inside the government
Regarding the biting baby, confused why no one mentioned the most obvious solution - simply remove his teeth. The great thing about being a young child is that they'll just grow back in the next few years.
Hell yeah punch that little bastard in the chops
Will is right, cooking a nice dinner and getting a fancy pastry (from an actual bakery) is so the way to go on Valentines Day. Just sear some scallops and make a vegetable. It’s thoughtful, fairly cost effective, and not cheesy.
I don't mind the Jesus gets us commercials. The people who will have the biggest reactions to them are right wing reactionary christians complaining that they maid Jesus woke
Look, here's the deal. Dunkin' Donuts? It's not good folks.
Dunkin' sells the best bad coffee in America. It's a dubious honor, but an honor nonetheless.
Yea the Chinese ballon shit is 100% a psy ops. None who is left should support this crap. I doubt there even was one to begin with. Imagine calling yourself against the “msm”, except on this. This is 100% getting Americans into a race war frenzy fir the Chinese. I even heard one person at my job call them “a nefarious race.” Oh but vote democrat cause they are the not racists.
This episode needs Stav
abysmal dating tips. "just don't want it too much" "adopt a hobby and get really into it" "just shoot your shot by saying to her that there's always been a tension you felt" okay fine. I will simply just have sex with gay men instead. much higher chance of scoring
🤝
The fail-kids are in charge of constructing reality.
i don't know, sometimes i do regret the things i doo doo
I really like the advice here I feel like them as I’ve come out on the other side of not thinking I’d ever be able to have sex.
I think it confuses cause/effect. The "not caring" happens because someone's life becomes good in other ways, like having a good job, etc. It's the life that causes those feelings (a life where you're living in a major city with a high income, in the case of the Chapos) + the influence that has on a person's behavior (having lower stress and generally being happier) that attracts people, not the lack of caring itself. I stopped caring around 12-13 years ago (37 now) for different reasons, and I absolutely had more luck with women when I was a neurotic mess as a young man, because at least those feelings kept me socializing with new people (I still never dated anyone, but I at least had other people interested in me). Just "living your life" absolutely does *not* work unless you're just incredibly lucky or some sort of public figure. It is necessary that you keep actively trying, even if it risks making you seem "desperate." I found out a while back that people at work had all assumed I was married and had kids - this is what actually happens if you just "stop trying" as someone who's over the age if 25-30.
Really good article by Felix's sister in the description. I remember about 10 years ago, I accidentally deleted the entirety of my computer's main hard drive - all my music, all my photos, gone. I remember feeling so despondent about it, until I realised about 80% of it I never actually looked at. It was like I'd outsourced my memories and emotional attachments to my computer, and deleting everything made it feel like that part of me was gone too. It was a good lesson to learn early on, and I've tried to view the devices in my life as tools rather than extensions of myself. But it is starting to feel like I'm just going against the grain on that one.
Now that I am permanently settled, once a year we go through our photos and print up an album. Highly recommended if you have the means the the curation time. It is the only way you will keep these photos and actually look at them.
Will - Mormons (or members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as they prefer to be called) can and absolutely do drink soda, including coke and Diet Coke. The Word of Wisdom DOES say refrain from intaking stimulants, but for whatever reason they have just whittled that down to coffee and tea. There was a ‘hot beverage’ prohibition in there but they drink the hell out of some cocoa. But dirty sodas were created here in zion.
Don’t they go hard on sweets and weird sweet drinks?
"I'm not gay yet."
Matt nailed the UFO thing out the gate. The Biden admin felt embarrassed that they had to wait a few days to shoot the weather balloon so now they’re blowing up undergraduate research projects.
Actually Will, true love will find you in the end, but only if you ARE looking can it find you.
Please greenlight Chapo Productions “Bank Train” immediately
Rack up like a 1,000 hours in cities skyline or a paradox grand strategy game. Women love that
Chapo, please write and perform Bank Train. Will, this is how you break into Hollywood.
What was that Substack Felix mentioned?
Ettingermentum, it's the same guy as that cityAfreaks account Felix was talking about around the midterms. Articles are all paywalled after a couple paragraphs though.
Matt hitting homers this week
That Deen Squad comment brought back so many awful, awful memories
My friend joined the navy instead of going to college and his first trip out to sea he saw 5 people killed by an osprey accident on his ship. He had to help fish them out of the water. It's a horrible piece of equipment.
Suffer not the alien to live.
Hector Salamanca (Mark Margolis) lives in my apartment building. Very nice guy, always pets my dog.
As a woman I actually love that DT calls everyone that opposes him fat in one way or another
True story--I was a biter, and my parents didn't know what to do, so one day I did it and my mom came out into the yard and bit me. And it worked. I stopped. That was right before college.
Can’t believe felix is on deen like that makes my snake solid
I got my job through Workday and I have no idea what the commercial was for. It’s like a website that you can use? The most cryptic commercial imo.
Sloane before I met you Asia was just my house, but you make Asia my home.
Who’s a guy have to blow to get stav on for the advice episodes? Get me a good email and I’ll take it from there
I NEED THE LYNDON B JOHNSON UNDERWEAR AUDIO CLIP PLEASE THATS WHAT IM PAYING FOR I BEG YOU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR_myjOr0OU
I love how everyone mentions it as “the airborne toxic event” like it’s the Kid’s Choice Awards.
Of course racist bernie bros support renounced afro pessimist jackson mahommes and his WHITE family over the great pan african theorist jalen hurts
But did Hurts's dad pitch for the Twins? No. Therefore Mahomes has a link to a greater sport, so I must root for him.
there's closets full of skeletons and then there's that world war 1 memorial that's like 300 feet long and it's just skeletons that you can see through the windows
Jack? You mind telling me what the hell you're doing on that that that rainbarrel on stilts?
actually the F22's first combat kill was Starscream in 2006, so it wasnt a waste of money after all
“It’s on sight for all balloons” 😂
Wait is that an actual LBJ clip?
Yes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR_myjOr0OU
"a Vietnamese man walking around with both of his eyes" fucking savage, Will
thank you for boosting my rap group our next project “isis - ketamine” drops this april!!
Let’s get the Gothic Dark Lord King Cobra as the Chapo wizard. Even though he’s a dark wizard he uses his black magic for good. Circle of Protection upon the Chapos so mote it be in the witches circle 🔮
"Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from Michigan will join others from around the Great Lakes. And you will be launching the largest aerial balloon poping in the history of Mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today."
Re: Women wanting to fuck Meatball Ron - He does looks a bit like Todd Rivers from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.
I love Darkplace, but how dare you besmirch Matt Berry like that
Your Baby Is Retarded And You Should Drop Him Off At The Fire Department. A Chapo Guide to Parenting This is our generation's Dr. Spock
I mentioned this on the last episode where Seagal’s Osaka dojo was mentioned but I’ll say again, I am also a Grey Wolf in Osaka so let’s hang out
Did Matt purposefully reference Rick and Morty by referring to Jesus's "cum gutters"?
I know The Hat Man, and he told me he was asexual.
Oh no more Alley-ins
JFK was busted. that’s right, I’m saying it
Yea he was an inbred mick
Very pleased to hear Saskatchewan named for the first time in Chapo history. May Baháʼu'lláh bless Felix, even if he said it wrong.
Win not wan: as in "Sas-kat-che-wIn was the first province/state to have an elected socialist government in north America"
Pat Tillman was tackled by his own line, is one way to put it.
Find the other biters and start a play group. Or hitters or kickers, whatever completely developmentally normal way your kid interacts with other kids. Even if they don’t stop biting, you’ll be around understanding parents, lol. And for Christ’s sake, tell the daycare to try a little harder to redirect and distract the kid. They of all people should know they’ll outgrow it. You’ll need the energy once they can cogently argue back, lol.
I fucking hate the notion of a daycare dropping a kid over biting. Get your shit together. There are always biters. The other kids deal with it. The parents deal with it. If you think you can just drop a child because of this you are unfit to offer care to children.
Along with the military ads, the wokest ads were the JesUS ads, which taken together basically mimics the PR approach of the second Bush administration.
Just got off cta from downtown Chicago. Noticed a 40% rise in non human possible alien lifeforms. Be safe boys. The simulation is real
Ya’ll dont know ball
Thank you for being brave enough to say what we’re all thinking.
The Arrival with Charlie Sheen is underrated lmo lol
They should have had a Behr weatherproofing wood stain ad featuring Inspectah Deck
They could play "Rain on Snow"
Fallout 4 is a game that shows post-apocalyptic, almost Terminator 2 like destruction but asks the question “what if it was fucking Boston kid?”
bethesda had to let a white boy cook
I really hope that some weirdo political sect like those "Patriotic Communism" Larouche guys or Avakian's RCP scraped together enough money to buy a spot and put together the most low-budget Superbowl ad of all time. It would probably be one of the most fascinating things ever aired on American television
A-lee-uns
Someone spell Bob Kerry(?) for me so I can google myself onto another watchlist thanks.
Kerrey. As one of the earliest SEALS he commanded the massacre ofabout 20 kids in Vietnam, like hunting them down and dragging them into a central hut to be slaughtered, got a bronze star for that action, later a medal of honor for getting his leg blown off, then became a senator.
John Lennon - Matt Paul - Will George - Felix Ringo - obviously Chris
Chris is more of a George Martin type
go birds baby
Felix saying that the CCP has “market socialists” in its young guard is very funny. No they don’t, the CCP is capitalist to its core and essentially it always has been, even before Deng. Pure cope lol
plz give sources i mean.... it's a globalized world. there's elite educated people from all countries. if you're going to make an argument like "all chinese communists think like this" i'd like a source. it's a hell of an assertion for an episode 20 minutes old you've listened to three minutes of. There's beijingers who think of themselves as new yorkers who are also candidates for party positions down the line, you're being silly if you think china or capitalism are mutually exclusive.
what's going on with these UFO's is that, I suspect, a lot of people are trying very hard to make sure we talk anything except Seymour Hersh's latest reporting, b/c jesus christ if its true, and it probably is, the implications could be disastrous (though I don't think in the immediate term, as I don' think Germany could do anything about it at the moment)
Nobody cares anyway, same with the train derailment. They don't need to manufacture a distraction, no one cares - and even if they did they wouldn't do anything about it anyway.
Ole 1 Balloon Biden
May you live in interesting times
I for one, welcome our new insect overlords.
Fuck that, I'm joining the mobile infantry and killing every last bug I see
I hope the aliens put all of us out of our misery
You, me, and Posadas makes three
I’m gay
Me too let's fuck and talk about socialism and fuck some more. I LOVE DICK