1019 - Come Kill Our Uncles About It (3/16/26)

34:03 "The plane didn't crash because the enemy is great, it crashed because OUR people suck!"

honestly the price of an ounce of mids should be about the price of a barrel of oil, imm

THIS BUCCEES SUCKS! But it's on my commute...

We have to help our weird friend because he’s one of our other distant cousins who hang out at a seperate gas station that was promised to them 3000 years ago. The problem is the school principle, the UN, won’t let them stay there despite giving the kids who were in the gas station original permanent detention.

Sneaky cure song cut chris.

I rarely listen to any podcast more than once but I’m on my 3rd listen and it just gets funnier. This is solid 24k gold from the boys.

great episode but Felix earnestly doing the "mr Xi please my people years for freedomp; pls send Xengdu J-20 Multirole Fighter" was so tight

Quick Trip Parking Lot brawl part II 'The Strait of Mids is closed' [1:00:45-1:08:56]

New Chapo Mindset canon: The war metaphor of the local mids gangs battling it out at the Quik Trip parking lot. 'The Mids must flow!' [25:08-33:28]

Once more unto the Sheetz, dear friends

and this new show with michelle pfeiffer is laughably bad. i knew sheridan sucked at dialogue and writing women, but holyyyy fuck! jfc the future of shows and movies is just gonna be curated ellison-sheridan slop.

yea taylor sheridan and his shows fucking suck fat dick. yellowstone was okay for like a season or two then trash. tulsa king, trash. landman, oil tycoon marlboro man porn - trash. mayor of kingstown i havent watched bc i dont need to to know its trash.

All team national sports are stupid, but the world baseball classic is the dumbest of them all

I don’t know why you keep saying “we.” We ain’t doing this shit, they are, those fucks.

'The Mids must flow!'

Why’s will’s Lindsey graham impression so good

Woe Vicky has replaced fighter jet sims as Felix’s autistic fixation he will ham-fist into any discussion. My guess is the next fixation will be the gnostics.

calling the world baseball classic an “exhibition match” is wild, there’s no other sport where the sport’s fans call international fixtures which are part of a competition “exhibition matches” the American aspect is that American baseball clubs don’t want their players competing because they think playing for private owners is more important than repping one’s nation

Nostro fratello Felix Biederman

Can we just get one clip of Will and Felix talking about “the parking lot”? LOL

Can’t wait to hear Felix’s take on the F35 that got hit today

59:29 Felix goes on a field trip

goated episode

Listening to this ep driving home from Newark airport at 2 am after a week in Paris. Peak vibes

Whats all this about a Kwik Trip brawl? I thought this was a political podcast?

Get a load of these guys, too good to live in a storage locker. Some of us are trying to save some money

Great episode boys

No joke though mids are cheaper than ever in CA, prices down 35% from 5 years ago

You guys gotta cover the Afroman trial - absolutely electric

vance isn’t gay he’s a repper

The boys were on one with this episode 😂

The river of mids must flow freely

Been a while since we had some real uncle magic hours, cheers lads.

I love every episode of chapo, but this was goated I was howling with laughter love you bois

Josef fritzl reference in 2026 we are so back

It was a midair collision. I don't understand why they all fly at the same altitude so close together and don't stagger like airliners are required to . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elkutLRwKug

WBC is not an exhibition. It is a complex humiliation ritual for Aaron judge and a glorification of Venezuela

TIL, Felix is from Naples. Brother!

Can anyone fill me in on the pond fight/bong fight references?

Our group chat of Resident Evil creatures said this is the only chance to take the fight to the parking lot. They said this 87 year old is weaker than he’s ever been.

Disappointed that they don’t know about the Madison River

52:49 every dweeby crypto-bro ancap would be made a sex slave and have their face nailed to a glory-hole wall by a new warlord within 24 hours of getting their ancap "Utopia".

“American refueling plane, go fuck yourself.” Slava Kuwaiti! 🇰🇼

Longtime Malaysian listener and it makes me ridiculously happy every time you guys make fun of Ian Miles Cheong please keep doing it forever

I mean...can you really blame Brandon Putler about telling that guy whose dad you killed that all your stitches from your kidney transplant and appendix removal are barely holding together? After you picked a fight with him? Especially after we spent the last three years mailing Brandon biannual letter bombs and the last one nearly blew off all the fingers in his right hand? Really, it sounds like they're the reasonable ones.

People are saying that Fred Trump had nearly identical concerns about his son as Ali Khamenei allegedly had about Mojtaba. I don’t know if it’s true.— but folks— people are saying it.

If Team USA wanted to go with “joyless sanctimony” they should have just invited Barry Bonds or Roger Clemons. Would have been more relevant.

One thing that’s great about competitions like the WBC is how fluid citizenship can be. People who are basically a full generation removed from the “old country” get to throw on the uniform despite not even speaking the language.

Third video in as many months Felix has not just mentioned woah-vicky, but mentioned her as an object of sexual desire.

Thank you to Venezuela for taking down the great satan.

Japan has been in a station of national mourning over here seeing Shohei lose to Venezuela.

Also Kwik Trip parking lot is so Wisconsin brained. Will couldn't even keep up the jersey Quik Stop metaphor. Hes one of us.

Digging a little deeper into Felix's suicidal ideations is healthy.

some gems in this one, regarding joylessness i enjoyed it.

Does Will practice laughing this hard or is he this dull?

Felix groaning when Will says he's going to talk about sports(ball) How can you not love him

some of us are refueling jets an we pour out too much for the homies and don’t have sufficient fuel for ourselves #empath

The Parking Lot Brawl would make an excellent movie or mini series, but only if its played 100% straight, its basically gotta be a re-skin of of Saving Private Ryan but set in Dayton Ohio

More like Don'tBuy, amirite? #ChongForChange

Gas station lot fight perfect metaphor for this bullshit.

Trump and netanyahu declaring themselves masterminds of deceit and trickery because they pulled the same trick twice (perfidy) and the IRGC could see them hiding in the bushes the entire time, both times

The schism in MAGA is between people who want to bomb Iran and people who want to bomb American cities

A seeing-eye dog killing its owner and not even the intimation of a reference to Suspiria or The Beyond. Along with his Bugonia take, I fear Will is losing his mindset bona fides.

It's kind of like the opening scene in Gladiator when Maximus' number 2 says "people should know when they're conquered", as The Barbarians throw out the messenger's head. But instead of losing, they just overrun Maximus and the movie ends.

I once met a white dude named Hanuman in Colorado and it shook me to my core.

FaceTime escort got me

Gas Station Parking Lot Rumble / Mids Corridor gonna go down in the history books. RIP Matt wish you were here for this one.

Pls make the outro a ringtone

Pastime!

It’s time to make knitting our national pass time instead of baseball.

Abu Ghraib levels of metaphor torturing. All timer folks

Just two friends hanging out

The council of Braedons disavows Braedon putler

l pop

I demand an episode of Sam Tallent’s Wide World at the Met with Chapo and Nick Mullen

Listener since November 2016. I am not a Felix fan. But I must admit I haven't laughed as much or as hard in response to his jokes than in this episode.

The great mids road

I'm sorry but if I take a video of a war that I'm not participating in, share it, and then get in trouble for it...I'm metaphorically blowing something up.

They’re killing the uncles and the cousins that are in there.

khyber passoid. is this anything

Treasury just said they're "allowing" Iran to keep exporting oil to alleviate pressure on prices . Owned

Damn it, Will, it's the "Gay of Homoz". It's right there!

Hegseth’s speeches are all written by chatgpt.

"Comin in low over the rising sun... then about a mile out well put on Snow Patrol"

Chinese mids importer sounds like a Nick Mullen character

P00oooppo

So the alternative universe of mids, uncles and cousins is them just making fun of black people right?

I love that we come out now with the "He's gay" shit when the Ayatollah was on the record saying he didn't want his son to get the job cause they rebelled against a monarchy. It can't be a principled reason, gotta be homophobia. Can't be that I don't want my son to rule for ideological reasons it's gotta be because he's a f****t

Loved Will’s point about how lame team USA is compared to every other country. Go Venezuela!!! 🇻🇪🇻🇪🇻🇪

At 58 minutes, Felix refers to John Bel Edwards and I think he means John Bell Hood

Our Keir won't go down the petrol station cos he's scared he'll chat shit and get banged m8

J.D. Bi-writers

This November 10 be sure to wish Paul Skenes a happy Almost Veterans Day

Felix should just ask Woah Vicky out at this point

Returning to the intrepid museum as an adult is disappointing just a heads up

Someone clip that bit about the last samurai so I don't have to

This episode reminded me of the sick brawl with the Chinese in Romper Stomper

Dominican Republic Mentioned

Kum & Go mentioned. RIP Kum & Go...

Can't win by decapitating the enemy because they're devout religious fanatics and don't value self-interest. Can't win by bombing them into submission because the country is huge and has 90 million people. Can't win by bombing their military because it's all underground. Can't win by starving them out because our two superpower rivals are their allies. Can't win with a ground invasion because the entire coastline is mountains. Can't win with a siege because they can shut off our world economy. Can't win by buying them out because we've sanctioned them out of any stake in our economy. I cannot fucking believe these morons spent nearly fifty years talking themselves into a war that can't be won.

US sports as the deeds of warriors, acts of war.

so Iran is Colonel Stinkmeaner?

I love to riff with my friends

Cousin fight ww3. Chef’s kiss.

Already know this is gonna be a banger from description alone

A wise man once said "You either die a nephew or live long enough to be an uncle."

Gay of Hormuz—it was right there!

Went to NY for the first time last year with my wife, had a great time boring her with nerdy facts about armor while we were at the Met. Highly recommend.

kid flashing a laser pointer in the sky on track to become an ace

Iran is nuking the global economy and all we got is YEAH WELL YOU’RE GAY!?

MOAB = Mother of All Bottoms

WHO TAUGHT FELIX THE WORD "PASSOID"?!;! HE'S LIKE A TODDLER IT'S GONNA BE WEEKS BEFORE HE STOPS BRINGING IT UP AT RANDOM!!

The bad behavior isn’t just Dubai: Oman is huge for adult industry. And trust that people are getting raped and shit on in penthouses in NYC and mansions in Hollywood hills: it is just a matter of “quiet,” vs “loud,” as John Dolan always reminds us. Amerikkkans are just as permissive and perverse When I was a pro dominatrix in Berlin & SF was often solicited for these purposes ; as well as to go to Lebanon. Many African and Slavic refugee women from Europe would make the trip. American women were less likely to go but we did have one in SF who went annually. It is a product of the extreme wealth and repressive cultures which foment extreme desires to transgress taboos. It also is a product of the intentional dehumanization of women as an “out group,” to maintain men’s loyalty to one another. I had a client who disclosed to me his love of the social culture of Saudi Arabia because he could really enjoy the “brotherhood,” with men and keep women separate so they could “relax.” He also happened to employ who is now an American oligarch’s “girl boss,” wife who were named as being present on Epstein’s island by a 14 year old. Are we having a reckoning? Or just a surfacing and acceptance? I worry that the joking desensitizes us further to the abuse. As correct as you all are…

Will and Felix singing "Let's Duet" in "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story."

Team USA has been embarrassing. Their best pitcher was an emotional wreck who left early to protect his contract value, manager is a bumbling fool, when other teams try to dap up our players we have gone out of the way to spurn them. It’s just not fun to watch. Really wish DR could have blown the doors off and made baseball fun again

I love when Felix says something insane and Will just kinda politely chuckles

If they have evidence he's gay why not release it publicly?? Iran finding out their new ayotallah is gay is probably more damaging than getting nuked

Fuck man, this was the year I finally was gonna buy my f5500.

We love our Matty, folks!

This is the "They Live" fight of podcasts

I’ve never seen a metaphor so brutally tortured and murdered. RIP

Going to open up my own chain of Kum & Go tribute gas stations called “Ejaculate & Evacuate”

Anyone else know what the hell any of this episode was about?? Something about Parking lots, cousins and uncles!

The star pitcher should have joined the Air Force. Sure he gives up millions of dollars just to serve his country, but how else you wanna go out in a blaze of friendly fire like Pat Tillman?

The world is a Wawa

One of my favorite quotes from World War II was when Emperor Hirohito, after being nuked twice in one week, announced in an address to his subjects that “The war situation has not necessarily developed in Japan’s favor” before surrendering to the US. I think about it a lot in relation to Operation Epstein’s Fury

Got some real bad news. Kum and Go got bought by some Jesus fucks Mavrik and they even took down the K&G signs from the ones they closed down

Who’s their source on these Khamenei claims, Lari Sinklari?

Regarding the air fueling tanker crash, it seems obvious that Gaia has finally turned her face away from our empire’s beautiful boys in their war machines and sent a hundred pelicans to throw themselves in front of that plane’s engines while falcons punched through the cockpit windows

Convincing the right oil is woke might be the solution to climate change.

So, if the Post somehow has good enough intelligence about Khamenei’s location that it can report about him hitting on males nurses or whatever, Israel is going to assassinate like, yesterday, right? Right?

I appreciate chapo putting geopolitics in terms I, a 17 year-old pot dealer, can understand.

Felix we need to know, are you playing Marathon?

Felix begins speaking at 1 minute and 2 seconds

Explaining the Iran war by making it a parking lot drug hawking story is genius. I know it's cringe but this episode should get awards.

Incredible episode

s/o Kum & Go gas station, sold to mormons

Our CHUD ass baseball team probably gonna win it tomorrow Just the fucked vibes are too powerful!

Khamenei is only gay because medication fucked with his head, like Vito on the Sopranos? Maybe he could get a note from his doctor.

as someone with a degenerative eye disease felix talking about figuring out how to kill himself if he becomes blind felt a little too real........

34:22 RIP to a poor smol-spoon plane He flew to close to the sun. 😢

Didn’t know about the Robert O’Neill locker room thing. Jesus Christ, LFG team Venezuela

JD is trying to create an alibi, because it is abundantly clear that no one is going to want to be associated with Operation Epic Failure.

couldnt agree more will on the baseball stuff. once upon a time american baseball was full of weirdos. $500 bats got rid of that

Felix mentions suicide at around 2:45.

I listened to at least 20 mins of this episode smoking mids in a QT parking lot

Strategic gay guy gap widening

Prepare for Cuba's future leader to be a They'dy according to every source

Best episode in a while

the new ayatollah and vito were taking the same blood pressure medication

Am I the only asshole who can barely see/read what the episode artwork is? The email and Patreon app is designed for ants.

I am listening to the Cuba series from Blowback. No idea why. Leaking that the new Supreme leader is gay smacks of CIA crackpot brainstorming. You know, the same brilliant thinking that produced such gems as the Cuban people are mesmerized by Castro's beard. If he did not have a beard, the revolution could be stopped. Or, Castro's power lies in his stable gait. If the CIA shows that he tripped once, the Cuban Revolution is donsies. History is a fucking spinning tea cup to these people.

Wait, Vance watched a Zach Braff movie and changed his name to JD because he identified as the chick in a helmet? What a scrub

26th

I can't be listening to first but about blindness guys it's Braillebration tomorrow

My tradesman cousin just posted literally the exact same picture as the thumbnail on insta

JD Vance hog reveal at $200 a barrel for crude

Funkle time

Twelth suckas

Uncs are so back

What the buck is up everypony??

First

Dang

Morrissey — Kill Uncle

Jesse Ventura guest episode when

Boom

Damn, the algo must be letting me think I'm first on the scene!

Viva la Cüba !