909 - A Real Hero feat. Pendejo Time (2/17/25)
Jake and Thomas return to look at the latest news of Elon’s bizarrely begotten offspring. Plus the jewish guy who shot two Israeli guys because he thought they were Palestinians, Millei’s rug pull, and Bari Weiss’ Free Press asks what exactly makes an American hero (and why does it take place in dive bar bathrooms).
Subscribe to Pendejo Time: https://www.patreon.com/pendejotime
Comments (185)
I’m a woman saver. Ocular Assessments on point dawg!!🇮🇱🇮🇱🚬🚬😷🦔🦔🏄♀️👄💨👄💨
Luv when Thomas speaks up
Girls also think about being attacked constantly 🤔 #littlegirlythings
Fucking banger ep. Had me rolling start to finish
I also spent 14 months listening to chapo from McMurdo station last year, probably even met Rebecca B! I'm convinced the podcast kept me sane
Is Felix is thinking of Eadweard Muybridge as the guy who did the picture of a horse galloping ?
Came to vote up the horse whisperer.
Love those guys. Now I want a sound bite of Felix going “.. ooohh oh ohhhh okay…”
Love the poems Matt 🤘🤘
So one of Elon’s kids with Grimes is a girl and I think the sex of one or two of his more recent kids hasn’t been revealed. Also, it’s worth noting that gender selection is illegal in Canada, which is probably relevant in the case of his first wife
Will called Odysseus Ulysses like 3 times
Ulysses is Latin for Odysseus
those seal recordings sounded like veteran-era JPEGMAFIA
Everyone knows that when ODing while pooping your supposed to climb into the poopy abyss...
Strong episode start at least. I would have liked to hear Thomas more.
We've been trying to reach you about your robot dick's extended warranty
"Every picture i see of a manatee just looks like an old friend" LMAOOOOO
that was fucking fire when felix went off
The “IM SORRY!!!!” had that Matt energy
Literally the only difference between the Trump and Milei crypto stuff is that Trump did his right before inauguration, so he wasn't the "sitting president"
I don't know about the overall fanbase, but there appears to be only 3 personas in the comments here: the normal just happy to be alive guy who heard something he liked, the creepo who wants to fuck, kill and eat you (not necessarily in that order), and the crotch-maven sycophant who would have your children and not go public
Im Fuck>kill>eat, just in case any ladies read this
Is that a picture of the infamous scary bathroom that Thomas used
That article you read about personality archetypes was painful. "World is too complex for local moron, needs to boil it down to 6 types of people, max"
The autist wanted to procreate and the dumb whore wanted money. It's not that complicated.
the stroke of genius is one of the most beautiful things i've heard all year. thank you matt!!
God that misuse of erving goffman is atrocious
I wasn't a fan of the Pendejo Time boys when they initially turned up, but this episode was gold. Jake is a little too keen to talk, but he can be funny, and everything Thomas says is magic..
So the conclusion of the reading piece was that D&D crossbred with neoliberal atomism and imperialism and reduced the number of Jungian archetypes we can choose from the collective unconscious? Or did I miss it completely?
Local idiot can only imagine 5 personalities, maximum.
Anyone know where the rolex clip came from?
Elon does have an auto aim torso. It’s great that Felix is able to put words to things that I simply can’t.
it has been a really long time since i heard "detachable penis"
Can someone pls post a link to the guy freaking out about loosing everything and having to sell his Rolex?
I could only find the very graphic video of him shooting himself in the head, which is still up on instagram, if it's the same guy. Mistafuccuuu or something like that.
Good to hear Virgil started doing poetry!
I rebuke the Grimes slander in this eppy, she made visions so she's absolved culturally from all deadbeat mom allegations
Most of the podcasts I listen to can be described as "penis podcasts". I'm a woman. Fuck.
Stroke of genius 😂
I hate a Glock. Worst fuckin gat in the whole goddamn world. The safety is in the trigger. You have to touch the trigger to take the safety off and on. NONSENSE!
Obligatory “this is my safety right here!” (Insert image of index finger)
autistics catching a lot of strays for this Elon Musk asshole
It's ok, they're right about us sometimes
"Rebecca B" is Amber R, the "seals" are Matt
14:30 hey this is that "birthing fetish" thing I keep hearing about hey? like his kink is to make someone have an entire child. This is like Hitler level of anti-human.
Yeah it’s absolutely a breeding fetish, makes them feel powerful in some perverse way
Most authoritarians, that is people who are into to authoritarian ideals, don’t want to be in charge or right, they want to be *normal*
I'm in the abandoned foodcourt where zombies huff Freon and I'm going Mousie Cheese mode
Remember to take pictures so you can level up. We'll need you to clear the atrium.
The ole mail and bail
Ladies, I’ll guarantee you I could’ve kicked that door in with one good front thrust kick.
This motherfucker is still engaged
Ahem the scams are not in Salt Lake City. They’re in the suburbs/Utah County around Provo.
Ashley st. Clair now makes the pilgrimage to Dosh Khaleen
Eeeyyy Bad Bunny mentioned Wepa!
I'm pretty sure "Jewish Liar" is a class you can play as in MYFAROG
A french guy smoking cigs and yapping about shit he doesn't really know about is so what I aspire to he 😭
il est tout comme moi pour vrai
This is the first Stroke of Genius that honestly sounded entirely coherent
Just when you think that you might unsubscribe...
What's the roid freaks name who plans to hunt down the meme coin freaks who made him pawn his Rolex?
I love Matt so much he is such a treasure of a person
big fan of the barman in this story who while 10 guys were busy giving themselves injuries ramming his door was just T-posing with an amber ! above his head
I like when Thomas says stuff
If the Dems were serious they would send child protection to save those kids
Pendejo Time eps are like the opposite of Seeking Derangement eps. They speak the Cis het audience of the show.
Also these are coherent, fun. Seeking Derangement eps are like riding shotgun in a slow car with squawking birds
Should probably post a chapo survey to see the strangest listener jobs. I run a home daycare with my wife and that's normal if not uncommon in the chapo way of things.
I write regulations for employment based immigration programs. Shit is getting weird.
I do think of shopping all day. Chapo educating the masses as always 😘
My take on Elon with kids is two things: 1) He wants to create a person who will like him 2) this one annoys the hell out of Trump.
It's crazy it took 13 kids before one liked him.
I think there is a genuine Nazi impulse with Elon genetically modifying his kids, with XE A-12-whatever having suspiciously blonde hair and blue eyes. I doubt his intentions with modifying them end there, for all we know it's just as much about wanting to artificially produce offspring that he thinks won't have his autism and small dick. Problem being I also think CRISPR, like all innovation from the last 20 years, is basically fake and it's all still random chance. I think Elon is doing some Boys from Brazil shit to try to produce a perfect little Aryan heir, but in 5 years the wheels are gonna fall off the CRISPR babies and they're all going to turn into like Akira kaijus.
XE or whatever the fuck his name is will become the monster at the end of the Substance and Americans will immediately elect it president.
the chapo boys started saying retarded exactly two weeks ago, felix's comment on this is retarded
What was Felix's comment?
I don’t believe that crypto influencer actually lost any money, I think his whole freak out was an act. The crypto influencers are equivalent to the people who promoted the gold rush.
Yeah it didn't ring genuine to me either. Surprised people are taking it seriously. It is pretty peak Internet though
‘whirlwind romance’ = he has an inspector gadget dick, confirmed
If Elon's dick is broken, this means he is stimulating his prostate to send his jizz to these ladies. Picture Elon doing this, or more likely having someone do this to him. Thank you
"Oh yes. It's coming now. Here it comes."
love when pendejo’s on. also the seal audio absolutely rocked. where else can you get this kind of content? thank you chapo!
Really love the transition music about losing your penis
Dame
Mystical Shit is an amazing album if you haven't listened to King Missile in a while.
pendejo rime of the ancient mariner but it's all seal sounds
Is the thumbnail a picture of the bathroom at Mars Bar?
“My boyfriend got his penis stuck in the men’s room glory hole again. Can anyone help us”
What about the small town community man? Who tries to cheat the meat raffle at the Eagles club, or joins a city council sub-committee to prevent a duplex from being built near his house, or has 18 broken cars in his yard. Those are the men we need not the Greek dive bar hero or whatever the “liberal man” is
someone tell me what to search for that “im gonna sell my rolex” clip? i cannot fucking find it
https://www.instagram.com/crypto_profitz/reel/DGHWKpntS4J/
"Doing No Russian a soon as I wake up"
Musk is so lacking in creativity he named one of his kids after his most recent temporary password
The King Missile bumper got me. "Martin Scorsese" came up recently and I instantly thought of Movie Mindset. https://youtu.be/BVeGmfcHkS4?si=PGop8Opk5URrREgw
SAME! sent me down an overdue KM rabbithole. The Commercial is one of the most fucked up, and imo amusing songs ever. People who don't know King Missile should take a beat and check em out. https://youtu.be/DreCUhu7kbs?si=KZJbsbRwJa76O4nH
The world needs fat men, we save other fat men from the door
Check out Chris Watson - outside the circle of fire for similar recordings of weird animal sounds lol
I can confirm this is true about Miami. I have the sweating disease permanently and have disproved zionism myself biologically
In other seal news https://www.newhavenindependent.org/article/sigh_seal_delivered
Alternate KM transition: Up My Ass, "An Egg, A Vibrating Egg, Up My Ass"
The guy in children of men was a crass memer. Literally a political cartoonish who made fart jokes.
Played by Michael Caine one of the most legendary twitters/a meme in himself.
That's why he hates his trans daughter, he's not transphobic, he just thinks it's gay to have a daughter
Isn't it?
Alex nichols is too peak
I met a white Tyrone when I was in the psych ward and he was like 70 years old and said he was gonna break out like it was a prison and he was gonna kill his brother when he was on the outside and he made me help him figure out how to call his girlfriend during phone time
anyone got a link to the rug pull rolex freak out guy? thanks in advance
https://x.com/asslatam/status/1890906633569554785?s=46&t=qk2tc1SFGjrrfw4Yic130g
Resident of SLC here. Just fell to my knees at the thought of utah metastasizing
Felix begins speaking at 45 seconds
How exactly would the robodick work, can u charge it? Does it have batteries? Can u change the batteries? Does it vibrate? So many questions
I love Felix’s animal knowledge❤️
Living in a world that would require constant acts of heroism would suck fucking shit even if we were all getting more pussy and free rounds at the bar in that world somehow.
That's basically what being a trans sex worker is like, and it fucking sucks. That Abel Ferrara shit is only fun in movies, not when you might actually die. Frankly, I think most right-wing male angst might be that the people who actually have adventures these days are like poor women and Palestinians and asylum seekers and shit and not middle class assholes from Colorado Springs. It's like the bizarre right-wing version of 2010s Tumblr teens whining they "don't feel queer enough" because they've never been hate crimed.
Every Israeli I've worked with lives in Florida. It speaks to the Israeli soul in profound ways
okay this was funny
He sent her a sperm packet like an invertebrate 🤢
I mean, he IS spineless 🤷♂️
I'm catching up on the last like 6 episodes. So nice to hear Matt every now and then
thank you for the seal noises <3
The Erving Goffman of comedy….
I've been enjoying your program for many years
The story about people shooting Israelis for looking Arab is exactly where Israel will end up without Gaza or West Bank. We've seen it. Ideology based on purity will destroy itself because that's all it can do. It can't make anything better, it can only cast out the impure. Liberals tried to co-op this realization in opposition to concrete practical ideology like medicare for all. Israelis themselves are too delusional and stupid to see it, like our own death cult.
Would love to see a review of Ross Douthat's fantasy novel, The Falcoln's Children. It's free on substack.
Chris Arnade is a former investment banker who uses photography to justify his dive bar alcoholism.
I'm with Will that Arnade's bit of walking a straight line across wherever the fuck is a good one, but the synthesis of your art can't be one more meth safari article for Bari fucking Weiss. Go watch Patrick Keiller's movies and try again Chris.
"broadens the mind but does not deepen it" 👌🍆
There is no point in a man’s life when he is not thinking about conflict tactics
Was considering this concept earlier this week, so the cold open really got me
surprised that Movie Mindset Will didn’t reference THE DEAD ZONE
I thought he did
Please clip the opening of this so I can send it to my female friends and family to help them understand my psyche.
Lmao Felix watches joe scott confirmed
Wait..... Is Elon Musk the bad guy from Orgasmo? (l haven't watched that movie in 2 decades but supervillain because of a tech-induced dick malfunction sounds about right)
Saint-Claire was given a special herbal drink (w/ Tannis root) every day during her pregnancy.
Jay Gould is actually a great analogy. The original crypto scammer
Looking forward to when Elon croaks and we have an actual Battle of the Bastards but in probate court.
What if Musk's empire is cannibalized by a bunch of the stupidest illegitimate heirs born since late imperial rome
Tyrone Slothrop's last map marker oomph
When did we start calling the nazi salute "the romans"? That's some bullshit
the nazis called it that because they’d invented the idea that it was something romans did
if you’re interested in some more quality seal noises, find the “crybaby learns how to swim” video on youtube and enjoy a seal pup saying “egg” over and over
Anyone got the clip of that crypto guy freaking out talking about selling his Rolex?
Thought I'd throw some fuel on the elon robo dick fire.. there's an extremely invasive and horrifying looking implant that is offered for erectile dysfunction as well as used in being used in penises for trans men called the Coloplast Titan. If you haven't had the pleasure of seeing how it works i suggest looking up to promo video
I’m not looking it up. I prefer to assume it works like one of those curled up party favors but it flicks semen off the end when it unfurls
At least one mycologist also listens to the show, awaiting the unlikely opportunity to provide ample fungus-related content.
Elon is even more normal than Rod Dreher.
lol Ashley St Clair thought Elon was black because he’s South African.
King Missile rules
Children of Musk.... Christ.
ATLien, here, and GODDAMN don't I love my Hennessy and Pancakes every morning. Starts the day off right!
Zionists slowly taking each other out via friendly fire as they mistake one another for Palestinians is the best praxis western leftists have gotten in decades
Elon's preferred method of making babies dovetails very well with "Triumph over Violence"'s depiction of marriage under nazi rule- an extremely medical, bureaucratic affair with almost no celebratory affect, which I figure is something apartheid mutants must have loved for the last 80 years
"Your choices for world government leaders now is either TobleroneTriangular or Moot"
"educated kids who like to discuss Homer and Virgil" yeah, homer Simpson and virgil Texas
"Oh. Hey. You remember on The Simpsons, that, uh, episode where Homer gains a bunch of weight and he pets the dog real hard? Uh. What is the point of that scene?"
Musk’s vision is to make “men are from Mars women are from Venus” a reality, and all reproduction is done via cum rockets between worlds
But it’s air burst rockets that rain semen on a crowd with buckets
Techno Mechanicus is a real Mad Max-ass name
Sounds like he was getting naming advice from those pro-natalist thralls of his
Can the unfunny Pendejo Time guy please resist the need to riff on every second line Will reads out? And can the funny Pendejo Time guy please say lots more? Thanks
I noticed that the hero in the story wanted to help the drug addict on the toilet, rather than starve, imprison, or enslave him. Maybe that's relevant?
Yeah a real conservative hero would have gone the Daniel Penny route.
I used to work in IVF. Sex selection is not hard. You basically break down a cell of an embryo to look at the chromosomes. It's called preimplementation genetic diagnosis. It's mostly used to look for major genetic abnormalities.
Gattica has been real for a while now for the wealthy 💯
The Horse in Motion a.k.a Sallie Gardener at a Gallop was by Eadward Muybridge 🤓
MAGAY
First 3 minutes and we are on fire. A lot of truth and as per usual a lot revealed about Felix based on what he perceives as normal.
He revealed that he is just like me, a fellow normal person
I need a post-apocalyptic sci-fi anime about an entire generation of thousands of Elon children, only there's the one good one who's struggling with it and traveling around the world ronin-style. Or maybe something like Scanners where they've grown up with psychic powers and are trying to destroy the world out of resentment.
Maximum kudos for the King Missile drop 🙏
Would it be sexual harassment to non-consensually mail your cum to a woman? Asking for a friend.
If you're one of these women who has mothered one of Elon's sons you are obligated to raise him to assassinate Elon
They are all just as disgusting as he is. Cis het women are mostly psychopathic that’s why we are where we are in America.
I have a white friend named Tyrone
We might know the same guy. Last name Shoelaces?
1st
The boiiiiizzz are back (and gay)
I like how this still fits the meter of the Thin Lizzy song
Prediction for every minute after 55: “Uh, uh, we’re running a little late, but—“
Just as I'm climbing into my Matt/Leto II themed god-worm sleeping bag w No Pasarán, you do this shit to me. Dammit!
Why tf yall gotta drop this right as I'm falling asleep Pure evil
Fuck girls all I need is sum lube Felix body pillow and some chapo 😈😈
Feature length slop!
The boys are cooking!