820 - The Neese (4/1/24)

"Ship in a bottle" Matt talks about this in a early Cushvlog. Instead of learning a skill to help build a ship, you learn to build the whole ship, yourself. But it can only exist in a bottle. Basically pure symbolic action that is recooperated by the material conditions.

Amber: "I hate college, it's so stupid! Everyone who goes there is dumb!" *looks inside her friend and working groups* *only college grads* *that's wild*

I think Patrick Bet David is Assyrian

Since Chapo is a huge fan of higher ed and the season of college graduations is coming up, the gang should put together a Commencement Speech. My daughter goes to Wesleyan where both Bill Cosby and Joss Weadon gave commencement speeches in the past. Something along those lines.

goddamn, amber is just the funniest and the smartest and the best and I love how she makes Felix laugh.

Jaguar Wright was a singer who worked closely with Dice Raw & The Roots in the late 90s. She released projects adjacent to The Roots/Common/Mos etc in the early 00s. She also was the vocalist on Jay-Z’s Unplugged who absolutely bodied “Heart of the City”. When The Roots started rising with the Fallon gig, bad blood boiled.. she started peeling back the curtain on the industry writ large. You are gonna get about 60% fact with 40% embellishment. She’s an engaging storyteller for sure. I wish her and Azalea Banks would be known more for their music than their takes. 😮‍💨

Me love amber

We know Seagal in Eastern Europe, from his old movies. That's why he got accepted into Russia, I bet. If it was just some C-list action movie shmuck, they wouldn't have taken him. But millenials and older got to know him through the stuff that came over after USSR collapsed.

Best episode in the last 6 months, laugh so loud I upset my conure and it bit my wife on the hand

Serious question how do u guys know matt wasn’t a victim of a CIA attack? He’s the most popular most well spoken marxist of our time, obviously a target for the capitalist forces

Some All-time riffs in this one, Folks. We love to see it.

“After this shit done u gone be wishing for a muhfuhn W-2”

I thought of that song when amber said that

"Whip smart" is not something ever said about an adult.

Fucking sung tongs! That’s some good shit.

Patrick Bet-David lives in my parent's neighborhood and according to my dad, who is a Republican btw, he's super fucking annoying.

During COVID I was happy that I wasn't in grade school during it. Now I'm so happy I'm out of college during this campus bullshit. I went to an upstate NY liberal arts school... I can only imagine the brain rot going on there rn. Edit: oh shit, Will I'm talking about Skidmore. You probably know what I'm talking about but also all those schools up there are the same.

Next you guys should read "I Married A Jew": Atlantic Magazine, 1939, by Anonymous. It is as astounding and hilarious as it sounds. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1939/01/i-married-a-jew/306262/

Paused the ep for a minute to play with my cats and resumed to hear amber say: “fuck waffle” and my brain thought it was 2017 for like a split second

The new Havana syndrome reporting uses some serious Ancient Aliens style chains of logic

The Neese became an action star accidentally, he wanted to keep working after his wife’s tragic death to avoid “wallowing” and had assumed Taken would go straight to video.

Idea for the akin to energy beam weapon: convergent radio frequency waves that are harmless independently but triangulate and undergo constructive interference to cause brain damage “akin to an energy weapon” like the gamma knife used in medicine. But since trigonometry is hard, most victims are only slightly irritated.

Liam Neeson in Atlanta was fucking hilarious. That dude rules.

this was one of the worst articles i have ever listened to

Banger episode

Amber very good this ep, sounding high (complimentary)

declaring yourself the 2pac of the college campus fake antisemitism article war is certainly a move

cheese fries that look like they're on euphoria

I think I just noticed some Chris genius. Amber had said that she wanted the episode art to be a picture of food with bisexual lighting. But since they talked about Liam Neeson so much, Chris used a photo of Liam Neeson with bisexual lighting.

Chris’s delayed reaction to the W-2 joke, relatable

Amber

Amber

Amber is awesome, really great to have her back

Calling college "... a hamster habitrail for political action" is frigging hilarious. Loved this episode!

Commenting on the Havana syndrome thing: being “diagnosed with a TBI” does not really mean anything. A mild TBI/concussion is a purely clinical diagnosis, meaning that it’s not based on imaging or any objective test. The guy likely went in to the hospital and said “I feel like I got hit in the head with something akin to an energy beam and now I feel bad,” and then was diagnosed with mild TBI after his head imaging was normal

My favorite Segall clip (haven't seen the actual movie) has always been the Japanese trailer for this wanna-be yakuza movie he made. You get to hear him try to talk in yakuza slang, "baka yarou! kuru na to itta yarou!" (which basically translates to "you fucking idiot! I told you not to come!") and the trailer itself is nuts enough in its aesthetic that you don't even need to know the language. THere's an even better version that I saw a long time ago in a Japanese movie theater, but unfortunately I can't find it. This trailer was shorter, featured a lot of the same clips of Segall speaking Japanese, and was accompanied by the narrator shouting "INTO THE SUN!" over and over again with the emphasis on the wrong syllables. ("inTO the SUN!") https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9doSBQHzbZE

That’s the reason Steven Crowder just had one car, to get better odds on being blown up by a car bomb.

Without my glasses I keep thinking the thumbnail is Michael Myers in the 2018 mask 😵‍💫

This is the most painful reading series article in Chapo history.

good vibes on this one 🙏

‘I don’t want to know’ sounded so hard as a kid

Dying @ "pangrea" Love these people so much it's unreal 🥲🥲

loving the evolution of Segal's AAVE

“New report links Havana syndrome with gru assassin squad” The report: “this guy said he had a traumatic brain injury and then said he recognized a Russian guy”

In person makes such a difference. The first episode Matt is back on NEEDS to be in person

amber <333

Jaguar wright is NOT a journalist. Christ, you white people get “urban” shit so WRONG. 😉

A russian diplomat commented on one of my videos, and on his page were; yup pictures of him with Steven Segal

oh no i’m spying on a foreign country and they gave me a tummy ache! this is so mean

Love to hear Animal Collective in Chapo. Thanks Chris!

I don't care if I'm 80 when the Revolution happens. I'm joining a Red Guard unit and doing the first chapter of Three Body Problem to these nerds

I Don't Wanna Know was my favorite song in 3rd grade lmao

more amber!

Felix’s angry outbursts during the Atlantic article are very cathartic.

Lost it over Will’s image of Seagal using Chinese calligraphy to order some Percocet. Laughed like a hyena

look if you ask some west coast engineering students their political views you're gonna see some shit. the majority of those guys (and I do mean GUYS) are one business downturn away from joining Islamic State in the Khorosan Province

Veet from Watchman Also Amber is good and should be on more often

I haven't thought about it in neigh on two decades, but the greatest member of my graduating class was whoever it was that slapped the university president on the ass a month and change before we all graduated

U of A shoutout!

Yes, Stanford has never had any interest in geopolitics before. This is very historically informed and correct.

permafrost

Amber rocks!

Amber fucking killed this ep.

Me in the EVA resisting the 'depression' and 'gay mind virus' and 'sissy hypno' NATO Globalist particle cannons every single day.

Finna divide you like campus

I love Amber consistently being the most problematic of the dry boys

Watermelon Seller could be erdogans new name in a new context if he attacks "israel" which would make him a world champion as well as domestic hero.

There is so much more joking and comedy when Amber comes on. Real Chapo season 1 vibes, love it.

Chris - his name is Morton "Morty" Schapiro and he's a real shithead. Can't stand that fucker

Havana Syndrome effects everyone except Ashkenazi Jews and Han Chinese

PBD is apparently Assyrian as well as Armenian

yea amber! ❤️

AnCo outro made me lose my shit (in a good way)

“You gotta get a Basque to do that.”

Great ep, nice work, log off early and enjoy the sunshine

could listen to felix talk about things he’s seen on tiktok forever

As an LA native, Diddy 100% hired someone to kill Tupac

Funny part about that Diddy song clip is Meek Mill has sampled that instrumental before too

820 is better than 420. This is a hill I'm willing to die on.

there is literally a restaurant here that is advertised on the radio all the time with the slogan "Eat Like You Give a Damn" and i hate it

Kids like Theo Baker would unite the IDF and Hamas in hatred.

Amber - I would be a great Dumb Slut co-host.

Where are you guys, Riff City? Also appreciate the animal collective outro

Mason Storm maid porn video

One of the worst articles ever read on Chapo, and thats saying something

Diddy is bad at music. The GRU has weaponized the brown sound, no more recycled college zionist articles PLEASE

I never cared about campus life while in college. I was cool and went to parties. If you think about college after you graduate beyond “damn, it was cool living on my own while barely working and hanging out with my friends all the time” then someone should send you to the countryside to farm and raise cattle Cultural Revolution style.

The Havana Syndrome cases are starting to resemble alien abductions even more closely.

Patric Bet-David speaks Assyrian apparently

https://youtu.be/X1i-FYdrKUA?si=PLVV7xbIktZjEnrg

if we ever want to make the US government acknowledge that havana syndrome is made up, we need to organize postal workers to start claiming they have it. a couple of CIA employees lying to get out of work early won't move the needle, but if the mailman starts claiming he's been attacked by a Russian energy weapon and can't deliver everyone's temu and amazon bullshit there'll be millions of geriatric online shopping addicts calling for a congressional hearing.

'Love you abusing'

Get chefreacts on the show

I took a job at the Insidah so I could focus on da Written Woyd

I seem to recall the CIA advertising two or three super bowls ago that people with anxiety disorders were welcomed in their ranks. Havana syndrome is a fantastic example of why people with anxiety disorders are not the best candidates for sustained high pressure morally dubious paranoid gigs.

In 2013 I organized a launch party for Peter Baker's book about Bush and Cheney (I was an events manager, it was my job). Theo was there, a bow tied Little Lord Fauntleroy. He was the most insufferable entitled little shit I've ever had the misfortune to be in the same room with. I wanted to strangle the bratty fucker so bad. Given that Rummy and David Frum were at the event, being the most hateful human in the room was quite an achievement and I'm not surprised he's turned out to be such a fuck knuckle.

Glad to see Amber back.

Very funny episode. Amber is a great addition.

I'm just gonna put this out there: Eddie Murphy, Boogie in Your Butt.

oh my god nuke stanford not even for its complicity in the war industry just for this article

not sure if it’s cause today is my birthday and nobody can be mad at me for drinking cocktails at 8 am and not lifting a finger but the vibes on this one are immaculate

If Movie Mindset did just Seagal movies, I'd listen to them.

“As a friend e-mailed me not long ago” bro youre like 19 and talking to your friends via *e-mail*? I’m 33 and barely have any of my friends’ e-mail addresses, and the ones I do have were for like using Drive to send pirated movies to each other

i would like to co-host dumb sluts.

Amber?? Amber!!!

Steve probably picked up the clipboard with the patient's info on it, swept his hand over it like he was dusting it off, nodded and put it down on the patient's chest before sitting down

LONG COVID FOR SPOOKS

This is mt favorite kind of ep

Patrick Bet-David is Iranian, not Armenian. This is erasure.

love that Amber went out into the wilderness, finished an ambitious project, and is now back just slicing it up 🙏

One of the funniest eps

Stanford burned down its ROTC building in the 1970s. lol @ the idea there was no political disagreement there prior to the Gaza genocide

Amber taking no prisoners 🔥🔥🔥

Amber and Felix switched into active mode! Only thing better would be bringing in our big boy back

The return of Amber is the comeback story of 2024

Trying to push Havana syndrome in 2024 is so embarrassing on so many levels

"Hit by something akin to an energy beam" reminds me that my girlfriend claims she was knocked down by a ghost.

Proposal for a Club Random podcast: What’s that Stain? where guests try and identify the origin of stains on Bill Maher’s couch using only a black light

Puffy's college internship at Uptown is most notable for the concert he organized at which NINE PEOPLE (some teenagers) were killed in a stampede. The first time Combs' name was in the NYT was in connection with this stampede.

Can't believe nobody mentioned Felix calling Ozymandias "Veet". He can't keep getting away with this

Lol @ Willy w/ the "Coin Tell Pro" pronunciation CoIntelPro, this Marge Simpson "run like the wind" ass, I love him.

I'm in turkey. ATM. Giant posters of their dear leader everywhere

Gimme a A! Gimme a M! Gimme a B! Gimme a E! Gimme a R!

“Which one it finna be?” Lmfao

If any of you are in need high quality industrial grade glycine I can't recommend Donghua Jinlong enough

kinda blown away by the fact that Amber knows who Johnnie To is

New Amber ep maybe I wont kms

Amber, shout out from Kentucky! Oh yeah, Will and Felix too...

Oh oh oh! Ok listen up… Amber 1st

Also, gotta continue my campaign for Hasanabi to be on the show!! noticed he was mentioned quite a bit in the Ross conversation about Aiden Ross. Get my parasocial boy back as soon as possible and verbally spank fake leftists like Mr bartenelli the way he need Also amber is a prerequisite in my opinion, loved her essays

Always love when the comedic sharp shooters of Chapo are on an episode together.

Heard the IC can’t fully agree on whether Havana Syndrome is a foreign bio weapon. State dept. said definitely no but I think they’re just sticking to the safer optics. Since Rocket man has VX, wouldn’t be surprised if Fidel had the boys in the lab cook up something dastardly.

Bad Boyz move in silence and violence

Amber

Get in my nesse

Pure and Free