Ugly Guy, Hardcore Fighter-Chapter 78: The Strongest Newspaper
-Thank you DCRangeRange, Dean Dexter and Cannedbread
Follow me on Patreon via Linktree https://linktr.ee/Mnotia-
(Author Note:
Long time no see. This is Hiromatsu.
Thank you very much for waiting so long.
Using the previously published “Fake Hero Guild” as a foundation, I have completely rebuilt the story and setting, and am resuming serialization as Chapter 4: “The Country of Gratitude and the King of Compassion.”
The setting this time is Selenoa, a mysterious country where “thank you” supports daily life.
With a single newspaper as the trigger, Shigeru and the others head toward a new adventure.
I would be happy if both those who read the previous version and those reading for the first time can enjoy it as a new story.
Thank you very much.)
What awaited us on the morning after saving the world was neither applause and cheers nor mountains of gold and silver treasure.
It was dust.
In Visbridge’s reception room, the floor, desk, and windows were all equally white with the accumulation from our long absence.
When the morning light streamed in, even the fine dust drifting in the room looked magnificent. At this point, wasn’t it practically art?
I closed the curtains.
If you can’t see it, it’s the same as not being dirty.
Humanity has developed this way.
“Shigeru-san. How is the cleaning going?”
Seika-san’s voice came from the hallway.
“Almost finished.”
“Didn’t you just close the curtains?”
“Preventing sunburn.”
Even if you save the world, dust accumulates.
And Seika-san, despite being bad at lying, is strict about pursuing other people’s lies.
Starting today, we are reopening Visbridge for business.
A lot happened. Too much. It wasn’t that Seiji-san, Seika-san, or Rizu had left everything behind.
Even so, we came back.
We said we’d do our best again starting tomorrow.
That tomorrow was just a little dusty.
From behind the building, I heard puppies whining.
At times like this, it’s best to prioritize anything other than cleaning.
When I opened the back door, three puppies were huddled together by the wall. Beyond them, the mother dog was baring her fangs at me.
“Grrrr...”
“Relax. I’m not going to snatch and eat you.”
“Woof!”
“Besides, I’m closer to a pig anyway. I think conversation should be possible.”
It was impossible.
The puppies were using a mud-covered newspaper as bedding. The paper was torn by fangs, and the edges were soggy with drool.
“That’s not food.”
Watching the mother dog, I crouched and hooked my finger on the edge of the paper sticking out from under the puppies.
In that instant.
“Gwooooooooooooh!”
A sharp pain ran through me as if molten iron had been poured into my entire body.
At the edge of my vision, my HP decreased.
Exactly one-tenth.
Whether I reinforced it or not, one-tenth.
The remaining ninety percent. It wouldn’t kill me, but pain was pain.
“Shigeru-san!”
Seika-san’s voice came from closer than before.
I bit back the pain and let go of the newspaper.
“I-I’m fine. It was just some crazy static electricity.”
“It’s newspaper, you know?”
“Newspapers often do it in winter.”
“It’s early summer now.”
There are times when it’s better not to make excuses.
This Special Notes damage only occurs when I touch a woman.
Is this newspaper a woman?
Seika-san didn’t know any of that. She spotted the puppies before the newspaper, and her eyes instantly lit up.
“So cute...”
She took out a bag labeled 〈Doggy Food〉 from another space.
Why do you keep that on hand?
The puppies latched onto the dried meat. The mother dog’s wariness eased a little. Seika-san gently pulled out the newspaper and opened the torn page.
“This is pitiful, isn’t it?”
“The newspaper?”
“Yes. It’s hurt so badly.”
Seika-san held out both hands.
A faint light traced over the paper, and the torn parts connected. The mud vanished, the creases smoothed out, and eventually a newspaper that looked freshly printed remained in her hands.
There was no change at all in Seika-san’s arms.
As expected, it only affects me.
In other words, its contents are female, and it’s the type that’s strict with me.
The newspaper said nothing.
On the page, the rubbed masthead and date column remained. There were thin ruled lines and frames dividing articles. There were even traces as if old ink had disappeared.
However, in the crucial article columns, there was not a single character of headline or body text.
It looked like a newspaper no matter how you looked at it, yet only its contents had cleanly fallen out.
Seika-san carefully wrapped the newspaper with its blank article columns in cloth.
When she carried it to the reception room, Seiji-san looked up from the account book.
“It’s Newspaper-san.”
“Newspaper-san?”
The honorific was already attached.
Rizu didn’t touch the newspaper, but stared intently at its pages.
“Can you tell anything?”
“It has the shape of a newspaper.”
“You can tell by looking.”
“As for its contents, please allow me to remain silent.”
Rizu said nothing more.
Emotion had vanished from that face.
The clock pointed to 6:15.
At that moment, a black dot appeared in the center of the page.
The dot became a line.
The line formed characters.
The type ran across the page like a school of fish, and rapidly changed into a headline and article.
『Visbridge Reopens for Business Today』
The article accurately summarized our services, such as searching for lost people, transporting luggage, and repairing furniture.
It was not a big advertisement for a company that saved the world. So that even first-time customers could make requests, it even listed precautions and approximate fees.
“This is well made.”
Seiji-san’s voice brightened.
“We can put this at the reception desk as is. It saves us the trouble of making an informational notice.”
“You look happier about that than about saving the world.”
Seika-san looked alternately at her own hands and the newspaper.
“Could it be that my Magic repaired even its function as a newspaper?”
“That is possible. However, it’s strange that it knows about today’s reopening.”
Seiji-san asked the newspaper.
“Can you understand our words?”
The article did not change.
“If you need help, please tell us in writing.”
The newspaper answered nothing.
“Right. If they’re both paper, maybe they can communicate?”
I headed to the bookshelf in the reception room.
Only the bottom shelf had not a single book.
Instead, there was a small rug, a screen, and a cloth curtain that could be opened and closed.
It was a residence made by Seika-san exclusively for the Letter.
“Hey, Letter. You’re up.”
The curtain opened just a little.
Characters appeared on the page of the Letter behind it.
『Please knock first』
“Even bookshelves need knocking?”
『This is my home』
“Yeah, yeah. Sorry.”
I opened the curtain and picked up a single letter.
It was a reincarnator who had once come to Visbridge seeking help.
He was so bad at talking while looking at people’s faces that, just as written in his Special Notes, he had turned into an actual letter.
Now, while making characters appear on his own page, he works here with us.
I placed the Letter next to the newspaper.
『Just because we’re both paper doesn’t mean we can necessarily talk』
“Humans can talk with other humans, right?”
『Even among humans, you can’t talk with just anyone』
“Don’t suddenly say something profound.”
『Newspaper-san. Nice to meet you. I’m Letter』
The newspaper was silent.
『Would you please tell me your name?』
There was no reply.
『...Is it shy with strangers?』
“I feel like I’d get along with you, though.”
For a while, three dots appeared on the Letter’s surface.
『But I wonder why. I don’t feel like we’re meeting for the first time』
“Paper faces all look pretty much the same.”
That day, a second article appeared in the newspaper.
『Old Woman on East Third Street Heads to Visbridge to Request Search for Missing Grey Cat』
“...She’s coming to us?”
I looked at the reception desk.
No one was there yet.
“It seems she is currently heading here.”
“Before the client arrives, only the request details arrived.”
The newspaper answered nothing.
Half an hour later, the reception bell rang.
“Excuse me. I would like you to find my grey cat...”
The person who entered was an old woman living on East Third Street.
We all looked at the newspaper at the same time.
“She really came.”
“Can it write the cat’s location too?”
The characters moved.
『Behind the fishmonger, inside an empty barrel』
When we went there, it really was there.
The cat returned safely to the old woman, and we resolved the first request since reopening.
In the afternoon, it read, 『Localized rain clouds over West Hill. Expected to reach East Third District after three o’clock』
The sky was clear, but when we believed the article and brought in the laundry, rain began falling at 3:07.
The newspaper doesn’t speak.
It doesn’t write its name either.
But it accurately gathers the information we need from somewhere.
“Isn’t this the strongest newspaper?”
“It’s still only two cases and a weather forecast.”
“If we master it perfectly, we won’t need a receptionist or investigator anymore.”
“Please don’t make a staffing agency not need human resources.”
Seiji-san said that, but he also kept the newspaper close at hand and showed no sign of letting it go.
After everyone scattered for the next request, Rizu gave my sleeve a small tug.
“About this newspaper, I will tell only you, Shigeru-san.”
The voice was so small it could reach only me.
“This newspaper has Special Notes.”
“You could read it?”
“Yes. 『It turns truths it has seen, heard, and verified into articles faster than anyone else』”
Faster than anyone else, it turns truth into articles.
What the heck. It’s the strongest newspaper in both name and reality.
In the evening, a new feature was put together.
『A Country Where You Can Live Without Money: Selenoa』
Meals. Treatment. Lodging. Employment.
In Selenoa, gratitude is said to keep daily life circulating.
“If we go to this country, can we eat for free?”
“It seems you need to be thanked.”
“I’ve been thanked quite a lot up to now, you know.”
“Y-yes, that’s true...”
Seiji-san, don’t look at me like that. I’m joking.
The newspaper’s page flipped with a rustle.
There, another article appeared.
『Wandering Hero Ardeen Saves Selenoa’s Orphanage』
Time stopped in the reception room.
Seiji-san read the article three times and checked the reception room window, the clock, and his own hands in order.
“Seiji-san, when did you go to Selenoa?”
“Shigeru-san. I have no connection to Ardeen.”
“Yeah. Well, let’s leave it at that.”
Seika-san nodded earnestly.
“That’s right. Seiji-san was here all day today as well.”
“Seika-san. That makes it sound like you’re creating an alibi for Seiji-san.”
Only Rizu was facing outside the window. Her shoulders were trembling slightly.
Are you maybe laughing?
The Ardeen in the article calls himself the Indomitable Hero and defeats magical beasts with his bright red fists.
Even the quoted lines were exactly like the Ardeen we knew.
But from Seiji-san’s expression, his composure suddenly vanished.
His face paled slightly, and the fingers holding the newspaper trembled.
“...This is not me.”
“Yes!”
Seika-san answered immediately.
No, let’s set aside Seika-san’s immediate answer for now.
Or rather, seriously?
Besides Seiji-san, there was someone else this hot-and-stuffy—or rather, this serious about playing hero?
If so, who is the Ardeen in this article?
As if suppressing his trembling, Seiji-san placed the newspaper on the desk.
“We should confirm why this person calls himself Ardeen, and why this newspaper even knows about us.”
“Right. While we’re at it, we can also test whether just saying thank you can get us a meal.”
“That’s the real goal, isn’t it?”
Three days later.
We set out for Selenoa, the country of gratitude.
-Thank you DCRangeRange, Dean Dexter and Cannedbread
Follow me on Patreon via Linktree https://linktr.ee/Mnotia-