Unexpected update
I had been getting antidepressants and other drugs for years before my psychiatric clinic finally dismissed me due to the fact I have lifelong epilepsy, that it shaped my personality and brain functioning, and that I should treat it instead. Whereas antiepileptic drugs might save me from collapsing, it doesn't really change anything else.
Comments (38)
Wait, are they saying that you can't take antidepressants now?
Love you
Hi, I am sorry to hear about your troubles. Have you looked into a strict ketogenic diet that is medically supervised? It was originally developed for children with drug resistant epilepsy and there is a LOT of research behind it. Second, have you also looked at circadian biology? As you know in computers, the clock signal is very important for system stability. The brain is no different. A good first step is to sync your internal brain clock exposing both eyes and as much skin tp: Morning sun (10K lux+), afternoon Sun, and evening sun. I am not saying both will cure you - but both have a lot of research and personal experience (me included) to reduce the two conditions you have listed. The two experiment are free and come with other added side benefits. Get well and all the best.
Hey there, I hope you're well. Thank you for all your hard work. If that's the medication they just recently put you on, I can say that anecdotally, I have a friend who's prescribed that not for seizures, but for mood stabilizing/depression and it helps them a ton. Apparently it's good at doing both. Whatever the case, I hope things are going well for you
Hey, sorry to hear that. Just know that another stranger on internet deeply cares about what good you're doing for others. Also know that the most important thing is your health, please reach out to family, friends, professionals, don't stay alone in this. Take care.
Animooooooo
Please keep your head up! I know how hard it is to navigate chronic illness, as I struggle with my own too. Even though we don’t know each other, I truly hope things start to look up for you. I’ve been through the same fight to get the right treatment with the right mental health professional, so I get how exhausting it can be. A younger psychiatrist might be more familiar with newer approaches, which is how I finally found a treatment that resonated with me and a provider I could trust, both which are extremely important.
I know you cant see us and it might not be the same but we are here and we love you
brother no
Sorry things have been so hard for you my dude, you’ve got a good amount of folks rooting for you.
Hi, it’s been a few hours since you posted this, so you might not even see it, but I’m going to say it anyway—who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky. I related to everything you said; I’ve been treated for depression and epilepsy since 2017—strictly with medication—and I stopped seeing a psychologist not long ago (even though it was helping). I wasted so many good years letting my problems define who I was; I treated the people who reached out to help me terribly and lost them all, and that haunts me every day. I sank into drugs to escape my suffering and wanted them to take me away; I thought it would be better for everyone if the problem just disappeared. It took me a long, long time, but I found my way (though most of the credit goes to the people who helped me). I’m not going to come at you with a canned script or all the answers in this comment, because I don’t know what your life is like, and I personally hated it when people tried that kind of talk with me. I just want to say that even though it sometimes feels like there’s no way out, all we can do is create our own way out—seeking help not just from professionals, but from the people around us, too. Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen overnight; it takes time—time we sometimes think we don’t have, but that’s just our suffering trying to cloud our vision and make us give up on everything just to end the pain. I truly hope that everything you’re going through comes to an end—a happy ending—and that you manage to overcome your pain, see yourself as more than just the ghosts of your past, and find your path. Sorry for the long message, and if there are any grammatical errors, it’s because I’m Brazilian and don’t have a perfect grasp of English yet. Sending you a hug, my friend—here’s to better days ahead.
Hey, I just wanted to tell you that you are hero - there are not so many people around there who are able to understand complex architectures of computers. The fact that you managed to do so much while suffering for years from lack of hope and constant rain of misery only proves how big you are, despite feeling you cannot achieve something that feels so natural by walking down the street or watching TV. If you haven't done it yet, I recommend you to read the book "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Albert Camus. He wrote that during World War II. While it might make you feel ever more pathetic in the beginning, it might help you in longer perspective. I hope that you can limit effects of depression to possible minimum - not because you have feeling of any "duty" about the project you're running, but because you did so much in so mentally unfriendly conditions, that you deserve to get rid of anxiety and chemically damaging thoughts.
No person is worthless, and there are a lot of people who will greatly value you personally once you learn a bit about one another. We just need to find each another. It may not be easy for certain people (notably those with anxiety), but reach out to people in your area (as simple as a post about your location on here, Reddit, or other) to see about getting some local meet ups/make friends in person, even if you're an introvert. There are a lot more people around than you know, who will be interested in largely the same hobbies and interests. I'm not sure your full situation, but in my opinion, a lot of people simply need direct, in person social interaction with others holding the same interests. People never want to initiate new friendships once they're into adulthood, but it can be one of the most rewarding experiences, even if someone feels like it's too late, when 30, 40, or 90 years old. A lot of us have similar life situations, even medically. We all deal with ups and downs. Having others in person, male or female, can be huge, even if we don't think it. Simple having shared in-person experiences and working through life together can bring happiness. Just know that others feel the same way about life and themselves as you do - we all want companionship, including others near you. This also holds true of romantic partners. No matter your hobbies, lifestyle, or political beliefs - just put a feeler out there, however anonymous you feel like you need to be. We all have a lot of compatible people around us, for any type of relationship. Getting those IN PERSON relationships is key. I'd say start with this: - Roughly where are you located, and what do you "enjoy" doing? - Any specific music bands/genres you gravitate toward? - Have you, or would you, enjoy bringing a computer to someone's home to play some multiplayer games, alongside your new teammate? - How about some group coding challenges? - Any interest in some hobby that you'd be willing to try out with someone else, in person? It could even be a new thing - maybe you're interested in learning to cook, mountain bike, or simply going to a lake with a chair to just sit and listen to nature, with another person or five. - Keep in mind also that we're also in this same journey through life. It doesn't really matter if the people you enjoy doing things with are 20, or 80 years old. I'm just making some loose assumptions, based on this being posted on a Patreon account for PlayStation 3 emulation, and maybe getting away from this for personal interests is better. Nothing about creating new relationships need to be based on gaming or your current time-sinks/hobbies - it could be gardening, or collecting butterflies for all we care - there are people who will have the same interests, not too far from where you live. I'd focus on anything you enjoy doing, leaving out alcohol or drugs - anything that can give you a real connection in interests. You WILL find a lot of similar-minded people around you looking for the EXACT same thing. However difficult it may seem, just know that it doesn't matter if a few meetups don't work out - the longer you put any effort into creating relationships, the bigger and more rewarding that support circle will grow, and over time, any sort of depression can and will sink until that old life feels like it wasn't your own. Get an in-person buddy. Or 20. It doesn't matter - in-person social experiences will, eventually, make you completely forget these thoughts. You are valued, and you would bring exceptional value to others when away from the internet. We would love if you respond with a deeper message about your thoughts and/or feelings. A lot of us would be here to listen, offer friendship, and/or offer guidance or help create meaningful, local, ideally life-long relationships. The internet itself is a hostile place, but there are a lot of good people hiding in its shadows, wanting the same things. How about it? Will you respond here? Please? Share more so we can work through this journey together.
I will start. My name is above, Matt. I am likely nowhere near you, located on the West coast of the United States. I've been through many phases/"seasons" of my life, but I am now in my 40's. I rarely play games anymore due to typical working hours, but also having started a food garden 2 years back and learning about all of its pros and cons - at this time of year, the summer, it starts to become a full time job in the evenings, and I've had a few failures each year. I can never find the time to do it all, and have a lot to learn - I'd love to have someone nearby that could share my garden space, plant their own things, and just chat with about what we're doing right or wrong. I love some roasted tomato on a heavy roll, with a spicy pepper on top - I found this last year. I've always tried to get into programming, but my jobs have always pushed me back toward management or IT/system/dev ops - at this point in life, I feel like I am stuck doing the same job until I can retire. That was always been a drain on me - not doing what I always wanted to do, but my career has progressed well and I feel like I can stick it out for a bit longer. Life has been hard, from growing up poor when I was young and unable to eat, to a split family, loss of my sibling and two other young family members in my 20's. My 20's were a grind. I started to get placated in my 30's. Now in my 40's, my puppy that I got when I was 27 has passed away from cancer - this was months ago. These things have been hard. My two long-term local friends ended up moving away for work last year, so I myself no longer have any true "local" buddies. I have coworkers and ex-coworkers, but it's not the same - they all have kids now. Hobbies I had 15 years ago are things I have little interest in now - especially when most eventually involved my dog. If anything, my hobby has become maintaining this home and garden...it has its positives, but it's not as rewarding as things I previously did with friends. That all said, people I know in person are all supportive of me and what I do. While it never felt like they could help the most recent loss of my dog, I am happy to know that I have good people around me. I myself should start creating new, meaningful relationships by creating more friendships. I have some goals for this year to declutter my home (its own challenge - upgrade things, but never get around to selling off the old things), and try to get that clear home to get me a clear mind again - many things seemed simpler in my 20's. I have more money now, but I would love to simplify other things that have gotten complicated over the years. I don't think it's procrastination, but I expect to start getting out more again, and work on creating new relationships starting at the end of the year. I know that my past in-person experiences with friends of 15+ years brought a different type of "contentment"/happiness than what life gives me today. I don't feel depressed today, but I do often have my moments where I cry for my dog, even though it has been nearly 6-months. I distract my mind to make it stop, and I don't want to forget his true memories, nor turn photos into false-memories, but it is still hard. This loss is the current season of my life, but I look forward to the next phase where there is no longer sadness, but ONLY the memories. Would you care to share more about you, and maybe create that spark that could potentially allow someone near you to find a matching interest, or experience that you can share together? This is all it takes to start conversations. It would be best to find that connection locally, or eventually grow a relationship to be in-person, but there are a lot of us on here that would be willing to also chat online. I would still focus on locals though - just keep putting out feelers until meetups start to happen, however awkward it may feel.
Im 34 and have deep depression due to the fact im on disability with crippling back and spine issues. It's limited what I can do and accomplish which has led me to some dark times and with extra life stresses along the way I've had those intrusive thoughts beforehand myself. Things might seem bleak but the community here has your back and there are ways to deal with it. I find emulation and my computing to be therapeutic so mabey what brings you joy could be a path forward. Never give up you are not alone.
A lot of supportive comments right here, a great sign of the good you are pushing to the world that you might not realize. Men don't usually open up about things, for fear of being punished or viewed as weak. I salute the effort. I always have been an introvert : parents divorced, mom went full alcoholic. Girls weren't interested, distracted myself with videogames all day and night. I thought I could never get out of it. It is not until I had something to show for myself, when I reached out for help to buy my tiny flat. A place where I thought I would be spending all day and nights playing video games with no one to bother me. I knew nothing about construction, but I had internet and a drill. I then rebuilt it entirely myself for 9 long years. Friends and family did not believe in me, and many times, when I was sleeping on my old mattress with no sheets on the ground I told myself they were probably right. I found this way more fulfilling than my IT day job which helped pay the bills. During my long nights, I also learnt a bit of investing, economics, and men/women dynamics. Most tools men need to get confident and have a lot more control on the environment they are in. You don't need much to get ahead of the curve. Girls will get attracted to the competence you have so focus on this. All this to say, as a man, please do not let go of your power you can have on the world. It's all we have, really. Don't leave it to fate or good fortune. You are in control. You are the man of your life. Some days are going to be sad days, it is normal. Cheers mate, thank you for all the tremendous work you have done. I can relieve fun memories I had with many games thanks to you.
Dude I feel the same as never find love and my faults and stupid stuff I did sorry for starting off talking bout me I have adhd lol but anyways all you can do now is be a better person than before there no time traveling im kind of hypocrite by saying that because sometimes I still think like that but sometimes I feel inspired to just be better. Also maybe trying therapy see if u like it and psychiatrist specialized for ur conditions I trying to switch to adhd psychiatrist maybe later. Also now I just go to female psychiatrists because male psychiatrists appointments are just a phone call asking how are you refill meds and hang up the phone and get passive aggressive when you ask something else. Female psychiatrists and doctors actually video call you and use the entire 30 minute appointment to evaluate you and stuff. Not trying to be biased but basically is how its been for me. Don't worry about trying and pushing to the max just keep going at pace and just prioritize priorities or something. My previous female psychiatrist actually dismissed me because she wanted me to come in person for appointments and actually told me to find a psychiatrist near me for in person appointments which is like them wanting what's best for me. I also take lamotrigine btw. Also can you fix the silent hill downpour bug? Jk lol haha trying to annoy u. Anyways whatever. Dude just dont give up on most importantly yourself please. Like don't give up but like especially don't give up on yourself. Its kind of crazy how a pioneer of ps3 emulation actually is a normal person and have their own struggles. Its kind of crazy to think about. Let's play some games, add me on discord. Lol as if a goat would with random dude. Uhh maybe try talking with someone close. Or talk to someone in crisis hotline anonymously through text chat if you don't want to call. Maybe help maybe not. Can try it. Dude i love you
Help is available if you need someone to talk to: https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp
Hey, I'm just a stranger, but keep your head up, okay? Things can get better. Sending love. 💜
My guy, I have no idea where you're from, but I have some minor encouragement for you. There's definitely a way. I have narcolepsy and with sleep deprivation comes free depression due to chem imbalance due to being in a constant state of being a week behind on sleep. I was never able to turn to alcohol because I'm allergic, but I had zero purpose. The only advice I can truly offer is that if you feel incomplete, you have 2 options decent options I can speak on, maybe they intersect: you can start going to church to find purpose (and with what you do, I imagine you're a pretty logical guy) I'd say check out E.O..Christians, and secondly you can probably find love the same way my antisocial abrasive ass did - through my family I was introduced to my wife who worked the nursing field, a lot of nurses have a bad personality, but if you can find one that really gives a shit about the people they're trying to take care of and is emotional they're probably your polar opposite and PERFECT. This might be complete throwaway, but I've been tossing a dollar your way for the better part of a decade and I hope I was able to offer something back here. Don't be afraid to reach out to others.
Very sorry to hear about your condition, I too am suffering from schizophrenia and epilepsy. But I am very lucky that my conditions are mostly managed by medicine. In my eyes you are a hero <3.
Please talk to someone about this. Friends, family, a doctor, help hotlines; maybe all of these options. Some of them will help, or at least listen, and it'll enable you to organise your thoughts, target the right problems, and most importantly, remember you're not alone. Take the time you need; your wellbeing is more important than RPCS3, and it always will be. Talk to someone now.
I’m 50 and in recovery and suffer from deep depression. My heart goes out to you but do know that what you do touches and has a positive affect on people. I was a daily drinker living on a couch trying to drink myself to death 7 years ago and I am here to tell you it does get better but you 💯 can’t do it alone. People love you. Ask for help.
As someone who has suffered lifelong depression and anxiety, please understand that you are not alone. I have been a supporter of this Patreon for many years, and every update has been something that I have been proud to support. I have been experiencing my own hardships in recent years, and your work has been one of the bright lights in a dark timeline. Please understand that you are appreciated. There are so many people who understand the kinds of things you're going through. 988 lifeline can help.
Friend who I do not know personally: as someone who has suffered lifelong depression and anxiety, please understand that you are not alone. I have been a supporter of this Patreon for many years, and every update has been something that I have been proud to support. I have been experiencing my own hardships in recent years, and your work has been one of the bright lights in a dark timeline. Please understand that you are appreciated. There are so many people who understand the kinds of things you're going through. Please reach out to them 988 lifeline
Hey bro , I came to tell you that I feel the same experience the same as you and I work the same as you , those pills aren't good for our health , I try to smoke marijuana to ease off my depression and lonliness , but walking helps me a lot , and even staying with my cats help me , stay strong brother , I came just to post this and support you.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Can you try another clinic or doctor? My relative had the same psychiatrist for 25 years. She was forced to get a new one when he retired. Now, she is doing much, much better with different medications, therapy and more support.
Yes its surprising how much more better help is out there
Friend who I do not know personally: as someone who has suffered lifelong depression and anxiety, please understand that you are not alone. I have been a supporter of this Patreon for many years, and every update has been something that I have been proud to support. I have been experiencing my own hardships in recent years, and your work has been one of the bright lights in a dark timeline. Please understand that you are appreciated. There are so many people who understand the kinds of things you're going through. Please reach out to them 988lifeline org
I can only hope you're doing all right
Friend who I do not know personally: as someone who has suffered lifelong depression and anxiety, please understand that you are not alone. I have been a supporter of this Patreon for many years, and every update has been something that I have been proud to support. I have been experiencing my own hardships in recent years, and your work has been one of the bright lights in a dark timeline. Please understand that you are appreciated. Please seek out professional help. There are so many people who understand the kinds of things you're going through. Please reach out to them 988lifeline.org
I don’t think your a failure at all. If there’s anyone you trust a friend, family member, or someone who cares about you please reach out to them. People care about what happens to you. Please let us know you’re safe.
Always cheers me up, if it helps: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo
Friend who I do not know personally: as someone who has suffered lifelong depression and anxiety, please understand that you are not alone. I have been a supporter of this Patreon for many years, and every update has been something that I have been proud to support. I have been experiencing my own hardships in recent years, and your work has been one of the bright lights in a dark timeline. Please understand that you are appreciated. Please seek out professional help. There are so many people who understand the kinds of things you're going through. Please reach out: https://988lifeline.org/
Take a breath, try and clear your thoughts and reach out to someone close to you.
Rooting for you my friend
Friend who I do not know personally: as someone who has suffered lifelong depression and anxiety, please understand that you are not alone. I have been a supporter of this Patreon for many years, and every update has been something that I have been proud to support. I have been experiencing my own hardships in recent years, and your work has been one of the bright lights in a dark timeline. Please understand that you are appreciated. Please seek out professional help. There are so many people who understand the kinds of things you're going through. Please reach out: https://988lifeline.org/
Can't have greatness without horrible trauma or crippling depression. I was able to turn mine around by putting my focus inward and improving myself. I helped me fight all those negative feelings and thoughts about myself. But it takes work. It's not easy. I might believe in you, but you need to believe in yourself first.