EARLY COMIC: Buff Jesus
We both grew up in a Christian culture. Jonathan, for his part, was baptized and confirmed, as if those additional forms of divine certification would give you extra grace or metaphysical safety like applying extra layers of varnish to a leaky boat. And we both endured these lengthy sermons – highly abstract and preoccupied with everything we didn’t care about (like sin or sacrificial lambs) and nothing we were interested in (comic books, gravity-defying BMX tricks, the eerie beauty of soft-serve ice cream).
And yet we loved the church halls. Specifically, their atmosphere. The cold stone walls that seemed to breath a sort of ancient indifference, as if they’d seen so much human drama they couldn’t be bothered to care anymore. Walls that witnessed thousands of weddings, funerals and the collective longing of countless kids (we were some of them) who secretly hoped the singing would stop so they could finally get to the Christmas presents.
Prayers and Punchlines
We always wanted to believe. How extraordinary it must be to walk through life (and death, even!) with the feeling that you're never alone. Someone or something – call it God or Yahweh or whatever name you prefer – that loves you unconditionally and is waiting for you at the ultimate finish line, like some kind of cosmic parent holding a towel and a juice box.
The irony is that we make our living writing jokes. You might think that means that we wallow in irony or that we’re emotionally immune to the whole Jesus story. Well, we're not and every now and then, the memories from our church visits creep back into our brains and we go through the whole thing. Imagine being a peasant in medieval times, your leg is rotting away because disinfectants and antibiotics have not been invented yet, and your coffin is already being prepared by a carpenter friend. In a pre-Netflix era, church must have been mind-blowing, a multi-media package with its hymns, its scent, the rituals and colorful windows. In that world, In this world, going to church must have been a revelation and the promise that you will eventually meet a forgiving God more than a consolation.
And sometimes our brains – because they’re weird, and because humor has a way of metabolizing even the heaviest stuff – make these strange twists and turns that end up with absurd punchlines.
Let's Talk
We know that we can expect dozens of comments on social media asking us to make jokes about other religions. People telling us that they will unfollow us and DMs from concerned theologians.
What we are more interested in is your opinion. Are you Christians and have you ever wondered why Jesus is so damn sexy?
Comments (23)
This is very relatable. I’m an atheist who really wanted to believe but at the end of the day I knew I was just talking to myself and playing pretend. I wanted belief both for the idea of forgiveness but also because of a fear of death. I lost my mom young, and she was sick for a long time before that so that existential peril felt very real.
Well, a few years ago I mused at the idea of using a full-sized cross as an exercise tool, labeling this theoretical fitness regime Crucifit… Seems like it is working for your Jesus ;^)
in the eye of the beholder. bee holder? be older! 🤣😂😁
Not a Christian so often lack context for these, but they still seem pretty amusing. Take pot shots at the rest of us too, as long as you have the context to do so (don't make the cheap joke. )
as the daughter of a preacher man who also did missionary work (i had crossed the atlantic 5 times before the age of 17 so clearly my parents were not on the same page with that whole deal) i can relate to the whole idea of church being super lame. once i left home at the tender age of 18, i figured my own shit out (albeit slowly, sadly) and eventually hit on science as the only real thing to believe in. sky santa with his absurd rules and uncaring about kids being abused (first hand knowledge on that so no surprise i told religion to fuck off out of my life 😄) just seemed so stupid. i am hard pressed to understand how anyone can still believe in any of it. all that said tho, these days i tend to feel that if any of them have it wired, buddhism works, if for no other reason than their middle way, no extremism logic appeals to all i have experienced. so... mock all organized religion. mock them unrelentingly, with malice of forethought.
Thank you so much for sharing! And yes, we'll keep it going ✊✊
As a former Catholic, I say go ahead and poke fun. Humor is a vital part of life, and any G/God that can't accept that isn't going to be my G/god. Btw, have you seen the movie musical Hamlet 2? There's a great song in it called "Rock Me Sexy Jesus." It's pretty much the theme song for this comic.
Really need to hear that song!
I can't say I'm Christian anymore but like you have appreciation for certain aspects of it. What I will say is that even as a child, after a few years of taking it all much too seriously, I came to the realization that for god to be cool, having a sense of humor was a prerequisite. Who wants to follow a cranky humorless god? If God was indeed humorless, then can you imagine what a drag heaven would be, filled with pedantic citizens obsessed with rules and canon? It would be like being stuck in eternity with the worst elements of Star Trek and Star Wars fans (I love both franchises but, come on, you know the kinds of fans I mean). So, long story short, once we came to this realization Easter became "Zombie Jesus Day" for me and my sisters and to this day, our mother furrows her brows in stern disapproval at this. My younger sister pointing out when there is a "Hot Jesus" is met with no less a disapproving scowl.
we think alike 😄
Yes and yes. I assumed it was all the hard work he was doing though.
Great description! I'm an atheist and I see religion as a kind of intellectual cowardice. Basically hiding from the scary randomness of the universe by making up stories about the big sky fairy. I get why people want to believe though. There is a comfort to it.
100%
That towel 😂
Are you kidding? Our friends got us "Kinky Jesus" BDSM dress-up magnets for our refrigerator. Proudly displayed. (Well, maybe not when my parents come over, on those rare occasions.) http://jesusdressup.com/bdsm.html
🤣😂😁
No and no. 🤷♂️
As the child of a Baptist preacher, I am all in on mocking Christianity and its absurdities. For fueling colonialism, manifest destiny, residential schools, patriarchy, child abuse, demands of conversion or consequences for non-believers, Project 2025, and historical theft of property, it deserves it. I know many lovely Christians, but I’ve met enough power-abusing folks of the cloth who strive to dominate all of us, using the bible as their weapon of choice. Religion and spirituality don’t necessarily overlap in the hearts of a lot of Christians. Mock them. Mock them good!!
my sister-in-christ, we are on the same page 😄
Jesus would be even more sexy if he skated
Skating IS the sexiest way to go
There’s a buff Jesus statue in Singapore and we’re all for it
Jesus made me bisexual