"Feeling like a ghost"
Hello! About the Comic “Ghost”
When I came back online and to social media, I originally wanted to make a comic about why I’ve been missing - but nothing really felt right. I’ve finally come up with something I’m happy to post, but I have to be honest and say it was really hard to write about this. I think out of all comics I’ve ever made, this is the most vulnerable one to me.
I’ve been in a dark place. Not because of any one particular reason, but because working on the book was quite challenging, and everything else in my life around the book work kept piling up on the pile of undone, ignored piles of shame.
Anyway, I’ve titled this comic “Ghost”. Here are some earlier versions:
Sometimes I start by writing, sometimes I start with sketches. Since this comic focuses heavily on the words I want to get across, I started with text only (and would have sketched in the panels later):
I wasn’t quite happy with that version because it was very specific to the details of what I was going through, and I don’t want to just share what I’m going through and “whine”. I want to share what I’m experiencing in a more processed way so that others can read it and apply it to their own experiences. So I made a new version that’s less specific about my life, but it ended up being a bit too generic for my taste. It’s great that I feel like a ghost and depressed and ashamed and all of that - but I feel like it’s my obligation to share actual facts from my life that usually stay hidden from social media, for example the spoiled food sitting right next to the fridge. It’s still there from when I first wrote this comic.
Still rushing to finish this comic for tonight, so I hope you’re looking forward to seeing the finished version later today! Here a process shot of the final version:
Sorry I'm taking so long to reply to you all by the way! I'm still re-adjusting to being back online :)
Comments (15)
Being reactionary in a world where everyone else has a motive spark is so exhausting. When stress, our only motivator, becomes toxic, it leads to the strangest, cruelst form of burnout. ADHD burnout means anything past a deadline of now becomes impossible to grasp alone. It's like having a sensor light that only works for other people, who keep asking why we think it's always dark. Your struggle for self-actualisation is real. I don't know what the answer is. Maybe ADHD Aliens are supposed to live in packs? I'm just glad you're still here <3
You worded this so accurately! I do believe we are supposed to live in packs, or at least around people who understand and appreciate how we work. We can function well, we can thrive, but too often the problem is that we're confronted with a setting that is just our worst nightmare.
The thought and intention that you've put into this comic is one of the reasons I adore your work so much. There's so little information that captures the *feelings* behind the ADHD experience while also having enough specifics that the gravity and intensity of the symptoms is clear. Feeling like a ghost who is disconnected from reality is something I've hit so many times in so many ways. I'm coming to realise that there's no amount of trying that can stop circumstances from pinging me off into ghost land. Instead I've focussed on building systems that connect me back into the world faster. Sometimes I will even have a day or two of almost *needing* to be a ghost. (I type this while working from home where behind me I have a pile of containers of mouldy food that I pulled out of the fridge to throw out but instead they've been on the counter for three days)
Oh, wow. The later version will probably play well because of the optimism and positive attitude. But holy cow the first version hits HARD, especially when read together with the text of this post. Screaming for help, in a tiny voice which no non-ADHDer would consider screaming - because of all the times we’ve been treated without the necessary care when we asked for help. …. I’ve given up asking for help with my place years ago. Coincidence that this was when I started working? Nope. The isolation is almost unbearable, but letting anyone in to deal with their judgement, or being unable to fend off mirroring the pain they feel for me, it’s just too much. The first version makes me feel incredibly seen. The second version gives me hope. Both are just AMAZING at expressing what we live with. Bravo.
PS - the cover pic makes me tear up. Pushing through your assorted stuff (esp. that food that’s attempting to become sentient, I have some at home, too) … pushing through all that to make your audience feel seen - I appreciate you so much! Thank you.
I feel this so much. I'm in a dark spot myself right now and it's so hard motivate yourself to do anything besides basically existing. But sometimes just existing is good enought.
Oh, I understand this far too well. I can’t manage ADLs without help
🫂💚 this is why it's a disability. Shit's hard. The "work xor life" thing, omg, I am very familiar with that. When I was last working, my spouse was doing all the housework while he was off work, and then once I got too sick to work it flipped and I did what housework I could to make work easier for him.
That's so sweet though, but yeah, "normal" things are just that extra bit hard on us. I can either focus on work or "private life", I have a really hard time trying to juggle both at once
I was thinking of you recently and wondering if you were still making comics. Then today I noticed the Patreon email about this. I relate to it, and I'm so, so glad you're getting support and that you're making art. I'm self-diagnosed AuDHD and part of why is because I related so much to a bunch of your comics. I understand myself better because of your work. So, thank you!
I've recently come back and will focus on posting online again :) Means a lot to me that my comics help you. Helping people understand themselves is why I want to keep going!
Take your time. We're happy you're back and that's enough.
I guess there should be embedded images, yet I don't see any apart from the title picture. Anyway, glad to have you back and looking forward to what sounds to be a very relatable comic!
Ohhh noo, thank you for pointing this out!! Weird, I'll check what happened
I suspect I'm going to relate a lot to this one.