A Year In Review | What The Future Holds
2023 is over and it feels like I should talk about it. Children of Morn was released in 2023 after all. So let's take a look back and after that, let's gaze at the horizon and see what will await us in 2024.
But a little disclaimer first. I was deliberating whether I should write this post or not for a long time. The reason being, that I'm going to get a little personal and talk about my struggles in 2023. Struggles that some people might get the wrong way. But ultimately I've always talked about these topics in the past and made many posts about my own shortcomings while I developed MIST too. Although this one will be a bit different. It will get a bit ranty for a while, but I promise I'm going somewhere with this.
The launch of Children of Morn:
On April the 13th, I released version 0.1 of Children of Morn. Over a year of planning and months of intense work all came together to create a new game that I thought would be a huge hit. I had never before put so much care and attention into an update before. New and improved environments, new and improved character models, a custom soundtrack, handcrafted ambiances and sound effects to go with everything, a sleek new UI and just the start of a grand mistery plot. I was sure people would love the game and praise me for this new level of quality that is so very rare in the adult game scene.
The reality was different. Some people liked it, sure. But the overall feedback was terrible. Long term supporters of my game where messaging me how disappointed they felt and how terrible it was how I was letting them down and they wouldn't play my games ever again. I was flabbergasted. I didn't realize what had happened. One-star review after one-star review rained upon the creation that was the peak of my creative ability and even more angry comments followed.
What a massive downgrade after MIST... disappointing...
Read a comment by an enjoyer of MIST on F95. Many more comments echoing the same sentiment. A review made, reads like this:
this game goes in the wrong direction compared to "Mist" the story itself is already a pretty bad idea. you play as an orc looking pathetic zombie and have to be fine with forced sex scenes and female domination which is horrible executed. render quality is on the same level as Mist if not even a bit better, everything else remains rather below my expectations. sadly
It's easy to tell, people didn't enjoy it very much. I even got my very first personal attacks, which I reported and they got removed. Somehow, people didn't like my best work yet? I couldn't believe it. I knew how much time I spent on it, I could clearly tell the differences in quality of all the aspects of the game. How can they say it's worse than MIST when it is clearly an upgrade? Sure, you can argue that you don't like the characters as much, but even then it should be a 4/5 in this ocean of low-effort adult games. Or so my thoughts went.
Stuck in the Feedback-Limbo:
In the past, feedback was everything to me. I started making games with zero skills. A tale of Eden was literally the first piece of software I'd ever made, the first 3D environments and characters I'd ever put together. So I was ready to learn. Ready to improve. I was accepting of any and all criticism and it worked fine. I had made a game that wasn't very good, but it fit. People wanted it to improve and it was reflected in their feedback. The same for MIST. Those who remember the early versions of that game might remember that it had nothing in common with what I released as version 1.0. I kept listening to feedback and I kept improving. And it worked, the feedback made sense to me. Now, with Children of Morn. I was suddenly lost.
I knew this was my best work yet. Yet so much feedback told me how it was actually worse, even much worse. Disappointing and wrong. The MC is disgusting, Enna should be deleted, the story is dumb and boring, the atmosphere is lacking and I'm just forcing my own stupid kinks on everyone and ruining what could be great. The negativity felt all encompassing to me. Not only attacking things I knew needed to be tweaked but also things I thought were incredibly well done. I could only find one answer. I can't use the feedback anymore. It felt too hard to extract the truth from blatant and unnecessary hate, so I couldn't use it anymore. On that day I logged out from my F95 account and didn't come back for months. I couldn't deal with it anymore. I reached a conclusion. It's hate, they are telling me things are bad that I know are good, it's just hate and I can only ignore it.
That's how I carried on. During this time my engagement on Discord, Patreon and Itch fell off. I was annoyed by everyone and everything. It might be hard to understand for some. But the cruel thing with creative work is that every attack of the work feels personal. And I haven't yet met a single person that was truly able to ignore it. Angry and negative comments sting and sometimes you're able to stomach it and sometimes you aren't. For months on end I couldn't stomach the negative feedback and pushed it away. In doing so, I also pushed away the real, benevolent feedback that was actually aiming to improve the game. I was stuck in my head, hurting like a child and unable to do anything but face forward and keep developing. I was truly stuck and I even knew it, but I didn't know how to escape.
Struck by Lightning:
This went on for months. From spring all the way to autumn. That's when I did something. I went to the theater. A play by Florentina Holzinger and her crew, It's the second time I was going to see them and I already knew it was gonna be good, but I didn't realize yet how good. The play started, was great and ended. Meanwhile I watched, my eyes glued to the stage, feeling... angry. I was really fucking angry. Going back home afterwards I even lashed out at my mother who went with me to the play. I was fuming and I didn't know why. A really fucking angry night and the morning after was the time I needed to sort it all out and then it struck me. I suddenly realized why I was so angry.
What they were doing that night on stage was art. Abstract, strange and impossible to understand, but I could feel it. They had mixed a wild concoction of emotions and I could feel them all. I experienced their art. And compared to what they were doing, my silly little porngame is a joke. It doesn't even compare, I'm years and years of intense failures and learnings away from reaching that level, but here I was, not allowing myself those failures and learnings because I decided everyone that didn't like my game was a hater. But they weren't, at least not all of them. I was just too hurt to be able to admit it.
I had deluded myself to think that I was some grand game-developer with skills for days that could do it all and never missed, while I was in fact, still at the very beginning as prone to mistakes as everyone else. Which, finally, brings us to 2024.
Going Forward with Children of Morn:
I looked at the comments and reviews again. Sure, some of them are just angry and dumb, but most of them aren't. The same for the reviews. They are overwhelmingly more on the positive side of things on Patreon, Itch and F95 and a few of them are unsure but provide valuable feedback. I couldn't see it before, I really couldn't. For almost a year I had developed Children of Morn blind. Without looking at myself or those around me, but I feel like that has ended. Normally I don't like writing about making changes in the future. I like making the changes and then writing about them so I don't make empty promises.
But this time I don't care. I know, that I'm commited to this game and just like I did with MIST, I won't stop improving it until version 1.0 releases. There will be changes coming to Children of Morn, to make it into the best game possible. With my best efforts and all the feedback I got, I will make sure it becomes the best work I've done to date but at the same time, I won't shy away from trying out new things. Children of Morn isn't my magnum opus, my grand, final work. It's just one game of many that I plan to make in my lifetime.
So in 2024 you can expect to see an all new Children of Morn. One that is still the same idea, the same plot, the same game, but tweaked, improved and adjusted to be an engaging, rewarding and fucking hot experience. Which will take time of course. But as I said, I'm not afraid of making these claims, because I know with time and feedback and the skills I've developed and honed I can make an incredible game. I have grown an incredible amount as a developer and have gained so many soft and hard skills over the years, now I just need to put them to practice without an inflated ego.
In the cringey words of a fansub of the anime "diamond no ace" I quote:
You've learned how to fly, now you need to remember how to set one foot in front of the other and walk.
That's what I plan to do in 2024. Nothing but good old dev-work, making enjoyable, dark adult games, with lots of sex and girls to fall in love with. Also, towards the very end of the year, you can expect a little update coming to MIST, but I don't want to say too much yet.
Happy new year everyone!
Comments (19)
Please don't leave us hanging with this story. Because there are a bunch of 12 year olds that post crappy comments don't let that discourage you. You have great artistic talent and I really enjoy what you are doing. Keep up the good work
Don't worry, I don't plan on dropping Children of Morn, that was never my intention : D
Honestly, I think MIST was the first VN I had played that actually had me hooked with the story. I loved the writing, and the relationship development with the girls. Every step of the way, I was waiting for the next plot of story to blindside me. It was the same feeling I had when I saw you had released a new game! I opened it up and was BLOWN AWAY by your world-building. Obviously, it has different themes and different genres accompanying it, but I'm not a huge stickler. For all of the people that say they didn't like the different direction with it, you still have fans that will follow you. When I was younger, I started learning to play electric guitar and my father told me, "Play what you like, because there will ALWAYS be somebody who thinks you don't have what it takes."
I'd want to see what you can manage to cook up by yourself, rather than what other people want you to cook for them.
For your next game, may I suggest... Lance Badcock. International Man of Mystery! Make it happen!
Haven't looked at it in a few updates but from what I remember it was a good start, just wanted to wait for more content. You do good work, if people want to complain about everything then they can go find another artist that is more to their tastes
As an author I can tell you the biggest trick to making feedback useful instead of hurtful or overly ego-inflating is to keep in mind the feedback often says more about the reviewer than the creator. I saw where one fellow author has a list of "human traits" she looks over before reading comments. Some of them I remember are: - Some people hate "different". They loved your past work (or someone else's) so they hate anything you do that is not the same. - People have preferences. Some like a sexy characters while some think that makes them worthless. Some like a pure hero, others a fallen hero. Some like lots of dialog, some like lots of action. No matter what you do, some will judge you for it. You can't fit everyone's preferences so follow your own vision. - Some people get very caught up in their likes and dislikes of your stories and it becomes love or hate. That's never about you, it's all about their internal struggles. You're telling stories; don't let their extreme language throw you. There were more, like 10 of them, but these three stayed in my mind. IMO the bottom line is to keep in mind that the more extreme stuff you get is people being people and your work was just a trigger. Pay attention to the thoughtful feedback, not the wild stuff.
Dude, you have a unique vision of the game and your writing is really good! I wouldn’t compare the game to MIST just now, because it’s not finished. But I definitely see the improvements already (UI, renders, animation). For the negative feedback - only respectful and constructive one should be considered; all the rest could go to trash. You are doing an art project, there will be always people who would dislike your work - just don’t care about them.
I really respect your vulnerability and willingness to share your personal journey in your artistic process. I've supported your channel on and off for the last couple of years and was a big fan of Mist, but haven't played Children of Morn yet because I just prefer to wait until later releases for games so I don't have to forget all the details for the characters and whatnot. I majorly empathize with your challenge of developing art that is dear to you and benefits so much from feedback but (especially for art) I can see how that feedback could feel so damaging. Other than the fact that I love your work, the main reason I sub is actually because you share all this detail for your process here on patreon! As an aspiring artist myself, I appreciate being able to learn from someone like you. Way to foster the humility to learn from your experiences this last year and best of luck going forward as well :)
Wow didn't know something like this was happening, after mist I decided to wait until further into the development. But since I have the 0.1 build I'll play it and see what all the fuss was about.
Yeah, okay, that's bs cause the intro is great. I love the fact you made a character model for the mc so his D didn't stand out and 'fit' in the scenes unlike in mist. the witch seems like a Bitch but that's fine it's all about that character development, I don't know why anyone would complain so far, I'd be excited and hopeful.
This is a great energy and mindset to start the year . I have played mist, but not com yet . But seeing the love and care put in to mist is enough to see your dedication in these games . Your doing great , and I know criticism is good for creation , but it’s only a piece . Art is personal , your drive is what matters . You tell your story . And who ever likes it will flock to it . Many blessing for this year hope it all gets better for you .
If devs in this niche have to understand one thing, it's that F95 is a cesspool of insanely fragile egos and very questionable tastes. If you want to see what I mean, just go and sort games by popularity, click on the first 3 and look at the reviews. Games and devs beloved by so many, receiving 1 star reviews that can only be described as malicious or delusional. It would not in the least surprise me if >50% of the negative reviews were people hurt by the fact a girl "dOmInATeD ThEm". It's the same people that go apeshit if not every LI is a virgin and only have eyes for the MC, or even weirder, scream NTR!!1!!! at the top of their lungs if they see a single render of MCs parents in bed having sex under the covers (yes, this happened). Children of Morn isn't perfect, of course it isn't, but at this early stage, it *can't* be perfect because so far we know very little about the story or characters. When you finished MIST, I honestly expected more than a year of waiting for CoM to come out precisely because you're doing everything from scratch, not just putting the next barely morphed Gen8 Aurore into Haven Park and calling it a day. Your writing is good, your renders are great, your characters lovable and the story, even though it barely started, seems unique and interesting. Keep it up and don't let sad basement dwellers ruin what you love doing, because in the end, those people are on that site for a reason, they don't want to pay, continue stealing the hard work of people and then have the audacity to complain about how they hated it.
Lol I think it's wise to recognize that. I got into this huge fight with a guy on the platform last week and the mods removed that guy's comments (I think because he was completely out of line) but it still massively bothered me since it was a senior member of the site. I think you're totally right though that when you concentrate a bunch of the people who aren't willing to pay to support the artists there can also be a concentration of bad attitudes
HNY to you too I think you are doing really great as a game developer , I enjoyed Mist but from what i have seen so far from Morn i think its way more advanced in many ways and blessings to those that can't see that ;) You always get haters and most ppl do not like change and their though patterns to be challenged or changed so don't take that personal. I personally like the story and am looking forward to the next episode. And thanks for sharing your thoughts, that was very sad but also enlightening. keep up your great work and maybe they will see
Sounds like you've had quite a time of it! I wish you all the best and good luck with the changes you're planning. I'm new to your work having recently bought (but not played yet) MIST after hearing great things about it. Would you recommend I hold off playing MIST til the update you mention? I'm not in any rush as i have a massive backlog. Thanks a lot and all the best.
Difficult to say. The update will not change the content itself but provide some additional polish and fanservice. I think the game is enjoyable as it is, but if you don't mind waiting a year for it to come out you'll get the best version of MIST.
Tbh, I was only a mere lurker to CoM up until fairly recently PRECISELY bc it was so early in development. Now, I LOVE MIST! I loved the style, somewhat mysterious and macabre aesthetic, and themes of love, lust and companionship. I loved the care in the character design and environments and the game loop that was there that got us from the beginning to the end. My favorite minents were when EVERYBIDY pooled their talents together even when it bombed. Shit was great! I totally expected all of that n more in CoM! Now, I admit that playing as a guy who's kinda blue threw me off, on top of Enna being less friebdly than Robin but.... none of it was enough to induce hate comments. Plus, it was v0.1 of your 2nd major release. Expecting you to churn out gold or think8ng it would be gold on your end, sad to say, isn't very realistic on either end. Nah, I expect the end of the journey to deliver, which is why I'm supporting. Sure it's rough n eatly, but you're at a point where it's FINALLY taking shaoe. And look, if you released it in April of this yr, then your good to go as far as I'm concerned. Sure it's different than MIST, but what I lived in MIST, that style you've developed, is there and us much more pronounced and polished. Granted, MIST is a finished product while this is... not. Ppl comparing it and calling it worse just from a v0.1 build is irresponsibly stupid of anyone seriously interested in your work. Ppl don't kniw how to temper theur expectations so early in the process. As for me? I like what I'm seeing. As long I get what I loved in MIST: plenty of sex and bonding options with the girls, the kinda dark n mysterious fantasy vibe that I've come to love, great characters and character designs, solid game loop and story you wanat to finish bc it's legit intriguing, a few really awesome group moments of badassery then I'll be happy. Okay, yeah that sounds like a LOT and it is, but MIST had all of that and I'm seeing the seeds of that here in CoM, only with much more detail. Doid, you got this. It's inspiring! Games like MIST and devs like you are why I'm trying, albeit slowly, to wanna make a game of my own. An TPG actually, but whatever. Pount is, hang in there and keep on cooking! It's fine to get bummed but just know you got fans my dood! Fans who can't wait to see what you got coming next!
I believe you, a small failure doesn't mean anything. Good works take time to polish slowly