Feedback Thread | Covenant of Morn [v0.3.2]

Don't like the way the MC looks

I only just got my hands on the latest build now, somehow, and only tried out the revised prologue so far. And, wow, just the new intro alone shows a world of difference with Enna, and... it's good. she doesn't lose her mystery and aloofness, but is definitely more approachable. Pretty impressive when you consider it just took a tiny bit of shifting in about five minutes worth of scene. She just feels... warmer, I guess. Another big thing I liked but have mixed feelings on until I see more, is the internal monologues. You definitely got a better sense of the MC's feelings as the whole prologue was happening but his personality was muted enough to keep from letting me be the main character in the way that I'd like that's so important in RPGs. A fine line to walk and why I'm mixed since it 'is' a fine line. Well, I'll add to this after I get playing some more of it. Initial impressions? You actually added both more mystery to the story in the prologue while both keeping the game feeling not too different, but just warm enough to feel refreshing yet not overly unnatural with Enna. It still feels like her, basically. I don't mind the title change, but the reasons for it just to placate steam does irritate me as a matter of principle, but not like I don't get why either so it's more a nitpick and another reason to tell steam to piss off. I will agree, however, that for the purpose of this story and context consistency, Covenant was the better choice over children. Not for any misleading reasons but simply bc the story's context feels more fitting named this way. I mean, nobody gets it twisted with shit like 'Children of Mana' or any other more serious work titled 'Children of... whatever' But, meh, damned steam. Sorry, shit like that just genuinely irritates me when these platforms arbitrary bullshit forces creators to make changes like this...

I didn't play any of the early builds and I haven't gotten that far in this version but I've got some pretty immediate feedback. The beginning of this story is extremely confusing. I'm not really an expert or anything, but I've learned a lot about storytelling the last couple years. So please take this as the sort of amateur feedback it is - I am going to try to focus on telling you what I felt instead of proposing changes, though I do have a suggestion at the end. First, the primary feeling I got from the beginning is confusion. Why do you open the game from the perspective of the goddess who literally tells us nothing? The first few minutes of the game are pretty important in establishing an inciting incident. But I don't know what that incident is. I guess ... his death? But we don't really see that. Instead we swap perspectives several times in a very short period. Then the pc gets resurrected, okay - but she's immediately trying to have sex with him - but then she doesn't. I'm not sure why she's on his dick so much. Then she teleports him to the execution. This entire sequence is extremely confusing. So why did she bring him here? To provide a distraction so that she can save an unnamed someone. So we're not very far into the game, and we're already straining credulity. She has brought back a revanent from beyond the grave to ... provide a distraction? This would be like Marty showing up to Doc's experiment in Back to the Future and discovering he stole plutonium not to build a time machine, but to, I don't know, WASH the Delorean. My guy - there are easier ways to accomplish that goal. Like, you need to provide a distraction so you can cast a spell, and her first thought is - I know, I should resurrect a undying champion from beyond the grave! This problem persists later. So we're here now, anyway, and so the first thing he tries to do is disguise himself as a torchbearer. Again, very short period of time, and a lot of confusion here. To what end? Why is he trying to get on stage? The POINT of a distraction is to pull attention AWAY from where your ally is going to be. Where is his ally going? To the stage! So where does he want to pull attention - literally anywhere else! So we're here now, on stage, and and he sees a woman about to be executed - is this the person who the Witch is trying to save? I suspect it's not, because I assume that the Witch saved the mysterious "third person" on the stage while the second one was being executed. But again, massively confusing as to what's going on. We meet the bad guy, the bad guy stabs the protagonist, he dies a little, and then the Witch casts a spell. Could she not do that before? It couldn't be a teleport spell because last time he had to hug her for her to do that. And then suddenly we are ... I have no idea. I still don't really know where we went after the execution. Did the witch succeed in her part of the plan? The worst part is - this then flows into the first sex scene. Whaaat? I mean, yes, I'm here for the sex, but ... whaaat? I was so distracted I didn't even find the scene that sexy, because I'm just sitting there going "What is going on?" I am not the type of person you have to explain stories to. I understood Momento, and I did not find Inception that hard to follow. But this is bonkers - this just isn't how you tell a story. In the shoes of the PC, I would be asking so many goddamn questions. And then suddenly - now it's time to run a shop! hahaha WHAT. I played through all of MIST and enjoyed it so much that I signed up to your patreon. And after seeing your posts about restructuring things, I was pretty eager to check this out. I don't want to sound like a jackass here but like, this aint it chief hahahaha. I do have a couple suggestions here. First would be that in storytelling, perspective is important. I would consider limiting the perspective a little bit more in the beginning of the game. If you ARE going to change perspective, do so very very carefully. For instance, in the beginning if you did want to open on the goddess so that you can showcase the PCs death and resurrection, just stick with the goddess the whole time until he comes back to life. But honestly, if this guy is the PC and is killed then resurrected, maybe don't even start with the goddess since he doesn't "remember" that anyway. Start with him getting killed, then resurrected, and him going "What is going on" There's no point in having some mystery about "oh how did he die" that literally lasts only one scene. Just show him getting killed by the Executioner, and then when he comes back he's probably like - I was just stabbed by a blind woman, why did a blind woman just bring me back? So here's an example of some tweaks you could make that would keep the overall structure similar, but make it a lot less confusing, in my opinion. He's running, he's killed, he's resurrected. The Witch brings him back with her kiss and presents a false choice - either you agree to this contract to kill the woman who killed you, or I leave your soul in the Morn. And it's like, alright, lets do it. (You could still do the bad end if you want as an example.) And then she teleports to the execution. He's here for one reason: to kill the bitch on the stage! The plan is simple - get a quick disguise, wait for her back to be turned after she executes the next person, and then stab her in the back. Easy peasy. He goes and gets a disguise and gets to the stage - but then he sees that she's about to kill that woman and he suddenly realizes he doesn't want to sacrifice this stranger. He saves her. So, he loses. The Executioner stabs him, again, and he gets unceremoniously dumped off stage. The Witch rescues his not-quite-dead-yet corpse, and you could have a short montage of her secreting the corpse back to her house. THEN you introduce the Goddess who explains, you can't die my guy. The Witch is about to bring you back to life right now. She brings him back with another kiss, and yeah maybe you can toss in your sex scene here to establish the tattoo. But if you make the transition between execution stage and bed more coherent, it'll be less jarring. You could have a slow wake up, she's kissing, he they talk about something, he relaxes a little, more kissing, yadda yadda. But yeah, now the Witch can be like - okay I maybe rushed this plan a little. We're not defeated, we'll need to build up our forces, and it'll be awhile before the Executioner is in public again. A sequence like that is FAR less confusing, because it's more obvious what the character motivations are. Mystery is fine, and important, but you need to have layers. If someone has a mysterious motivation, there needs to be an "obvious" motivation layered on top of it. For instance, in this case, she wants to kill the Executioner, and that's why she resurrected him. And you can layer a mystery motivation under that - why a resurrected Champion? Why not a normal assassin? And that can get revealed in time. But to START with, there needs to be an obvious, up front, motivation that she explains to him in such a way that a reasonable person would have no further questions haha. "I wanna kill that bitch, and I brought you back to do it" - okay that works. "I brought you back from the great beyond to ... make some noise in that corner over there" ... Yeah, that doesn't work. I'm gonna keep playing, and I love harem stuff, so I do have hopes for this haha. I hope my feedback is seen as constructive, I'm certainly not hating this.

Didn't replay the older stuff so it probably has a slightly different context than it should since I didn't see any earlier changes. I like she is opening up, but felt like it was a very sharp change. Think it was handled pretty well though.