What's Been on my Mind (MHC)

Generally my mental health last month could've been better. I've been in a slump lately, it's disappointing for sure but that's just how it goes, ya know? I'm happy as I am in the end though. :) Keeping positive when at all possible and limiting everything else.

Thank you very much for these MHC video check-ins. I am one of those people who really appreciated as I have bipolar depression and things are not going well for me at all at all nope not at all. Maybe I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel although I have no idea what it's going to look like out there and nobody had better say that it's going to be better or it's going to be okay because I will b**** slap you to last century. You don't know that all you know is it will be different. This is why I don't like it when people who don't know how to speak to somebody who's in the position I'm in goes ahead and talks to somebody like me when I'm in this position. I've seen that go wrong so very wrong many times. I don't know if you've ever seen platoon but the last shot Charlie Sheen is in the helicopter and he's looking down at the ground while the North Vietnamese soldiers are gunning down Elias. He was set up by Barringer because the two were at the top guys in the platoon but had very different perspectives on how things should be done and it's set up a big rift within the platoon. Charlie Sheen is looking down and he's saying that he feels that he is the child born of those two fathers and they were battling for possession of his soul. That's how I feel about my substance abuse and my bipolar depression. I am the child born of those two fathers and they are fighting for possession of my soul because I don't know where I am in the mix. I Used to Know until I bottomed with my addiction but not anymore. I'm just going to stop now because I'm talking in circles and I can't concentrate. I don't even know if I said anything that made sense but I feel a little bit better and that's is the purpose of all of this. I think you kindly for that Alex. I was re-watching some of the music reactions that you had done and I saw when I first subscribe to your channel back in 2020. I don't remember what video it was but your comment was you love that they had said that art is subjective. You said it reminded you of a quote that Marilyn Manson made saying that art should never be an answer but a question of which I completely agree with but here's a little bit more information on that. Anton Chekov is who originally said that and what he said was the role of the artist is not to answer questions but to ask them. Regardless of who said it or how they said it is dead on and I mentioned that from time to time in my comments to some reactors comments section. I'm babbling thank you so very much Alex

Maybe not struggling, but dealing with stress of the expectations I’ve made myself, especially if I fall short of them. I used to go the lazy route and just do the absolute bare minimum to complete assignments and such in my studies. Which ofc reflected in my grades. This time I wanted to show the teachers but mostly myself that I can do better and be better, and set the goal to complete my current degree in the top of my class. Without realizing it created a huge amount of pressure. The pressure has then started giving me anxiety, which led to mental “paralysis”, meaning that just the thought of starting an assignment or project would already overwhelm me, because the only thing I was thinking of was the final grade and not the knowledge I should get from doing the task. I had made already challenging assignments, even more difficult to complete or start. Eventually to the point that I was so behind in my studies that it gave me even more stress and anxiety. I almost had a burnout in the middle of it all and was put on sick leave, which ofc just made me more behind on my studies. I felt paralyzed and depressed, without any motivation to complete my degree. I finally realized that in a world where we’re so used to getting almost everything we want on demand (entertainment, food, clothing, etc.), our brains have become addicted to those fast deliverable dopamine spikes with little effort. Which long projects/big assignments/grad papers/thesis are not going to bring you. I had to literally train my brain and mind to want to work on something longer without the need of instant gratification and a dopamine rush. I wrote down ALL of my assignments and final papers I had left for my studies (81 assignments/final papers) and estimated the needed time to complete them, the grading system (“pass/no pass” or “1-5 system”, where the latter system indicates that those assignments/final papers will reflect on the overall grade of each course and thus are of more importance) and the deadlines. After which I put them in the order of all “pass/no pass” assignments would come first (don’t demand such a high level of attention) and numeral graded assignments/final papers would come second. Also within those groups I put them into the order of completion times with the shorter ones first. I wrote about all of this to my teachers/professors and they were happy to help me with giving me more flexible deadlines for all the assignments. Which I greatly appreciated. I began to train by brain and mind to get “a reward” after each assignment was completed and in the beginning I would do just one per day and give myself the best reward possible (watching a movie I had wanted to see or got my favorite food, etc.). Slowly doing more and more assignments per day. By the second week I had started to feel more motivated and driven to complete them and was averaging 6h of studying per day. By the end of week 4 I had completed 60 assignments/final papers with working almost 10h each day (also weekends). I’m currently traveling for work which will end a month before my last internship (in the summer) that I have to do for my degree and I will now have 3 months to do the last and most important 21 assignments/final papers. Which is plenty of time and most likely I will have them done way before the new deadlines. So far my grade average is 4.79 out of a maximum of 5. Which is better than I have ever had. I’ve never felt more confident that I can graduate with great grades. When I do graduate, I will give treat myself with a meaningful gift. If someone is feeling like I did in the beginning, I hope this helps them to create a way out of it and succeed in whatever they are trying to accomplish! Sending everyone positive vibes!

After seven soul crushing months unemployed, I am back at work wit a fantastic job doing what I love, social work. I have a new car to boot. Life should be peachy, but it is throwing into sharp relief what is missing. My best friend is busy with her new job and her newish girlfriend, so I haven't seen her in a while. And after an awesome day at work, I come home and it's just me and my cat. That used to be enough for me, but as I get older, I don't think it is anymore.

I'm part of a Star Trek Podcast called The 7th Rule. I'm part of the group who comes on in the third segment and gives their thoughts about the episode up for discussion. Taking a page from a different ST podcast I use part of my turn to recite a Limerick that I've written that was inspired by the episode. It is a lot of fun and I enjoy it, but I still feel super anxious that I'm rambling too much, taking too long, that my poem sucks, etc. As long as I can afford to participate at that level on Patreon I don't entend to stop. I doubt I'll ever not be insecure about how I come across, but I'm having too much fun.

i see why i like you, you just like me fr 😌😄

Alex - keep doing what you're doing. I'm not ashamed to say that I'm an addict in recovery. I have over three years clean and I discovered you when I was still living in a halfway house, unemployed. You brought my life some light during a dark time. You're the type of person that seems to innately know things that I've had to learn through some very hard lessons. Talk about mental health, talk about the things that bother you - it's important. You're doing your part in life to bring some happiness to people. Don't underestimate that. I think you're hilarious and adorable and super fun to watch. Keep doing what you're doing!

Thanks for doing these mental health videos. I suffered from a serious brain injury 4 years ago and spent 8 months in hospital recovering. Had to move to a new place and in a recovery home with support living in now living in community. I stumbled across the channel by accident and it helps with loneliness as it’s like watching films with family and love the humour. So a big thanks to you Alex as it does help a lot and now full partition as mentioned helps a lot as do suffer from depression and watching these reactions does brings me out of them better than tablets sorry for long post but wanted to share my thoughts and thankfulness.

this is my first MHC ive seen (im new to patreon here) tho ive been watching the channel for about 4.5 years now, I really appreciate it and i love the watch along content, because i have autism and was diagnosed back in 2007 when i was 4, its always been hard to make long term friends and these videos give me a way to watch movies and shows with ''a friend" without feeling like im always annoying people asking to do stuff and hanging out, even tho i fully know they arent annoyed, i still have this feeling of what if they are and just playing it up for me. so thanks alex for just being a real dude.

I really appreciate that you do these MHC videos. I personally am in a good place mentally right now but I have several friends who are not and I value what you are doing here for other people. On the friends versus acquaintances topic my friends say I’m brutal. I cull my social media accounts regularly. If they aren’t a true friend buh-bye. 👋🏻 Quite honestly I don’t need a whole bunch of random people in my life but I do need my good friends and I know who they are. So I totally get your attitude towards acquaintances. Also what you said about not feeling like answering the phone when family call, I think this is totally normal. Sometimes we are caught up in what we’re doing and it can feel like a chore but when I do make the time I am glad I did. I’m trying to be more conscious about calling my dad and brother more often. I just find I blink and it’s been weeks since I spoke with them and I want to do better. Thanks again Alex. I appreciate the community you’re trying to build. ✌🏻

I really, truly appreciate these videos 😊 it’s not easy sometimes to label what’s going on in my head, but listening to you and others helps me distract from my own issues (which are plentiful). My own mental health hasn’t been so hot lately and it really does help to know I’m not alone in that. Regarding your comments about friends, take it from someone with a few years on you…it is a helluva lot easier to keep old friends/acquaintances than it is to make new ones as an adult. My husband and I relocated from one part of the country to another more than five years ago and still don’t know anyone other than coworkers and immediate neighbors. I know about the annoyance factor when they interrupt your flow, but don’t ignore them forever cause they’re kinda hard to replace. Thanks for all you do and for keeping us entertained!!

So I never have permanent home and always have to find live in jobs and struggle to settle down and figure where to go and where I belong. I never can find a home. Thank you

Thanks so much for the positive message. We very much appreciate this type of content!

Changing seizure medications sucks so much, I don't wanna deal with these fucking side effects anymore. I really hope this new medication isn't as bad. I was doing pretty well just a few weeks ago until I had to up the dose. Shit fucking sucks, felt so good to actually feel better now I'm back down being tired and all that.

Due to the pandemic and progressive illnesses, I've been home the majority of the last 4 years. My life is better than it ever was because of the ability to connect to everyone and everything online. My sister, who lives 2000 miles away, and I would watch movies "together" during the pandemic. I'd watch at my place and she'd watch at hers and we'd text each other. It was one of my favorite things to do. Life has gone back to normal for her so we don't do that much anymore and I've missed it. Then I found your "watch with me" videos and I found that joy again in watching a movie "together" with someone. So thanks for that. When you mentioned thinking about losing this whole YouTube thing, I realized just how much I'd miss watching movies with you if that happened. I won't spend a lot of time thinking about a possible loss, but will instead enjoy what's right in front of me. My life motto (yes, I actually have one) is "Live your best life every day because today is the #BestDayEver". Any day that I'm watching a movie "together" with you or my sister definitely is the #BestDayEver. Thanks for reminding me how good life is.

Hi Alex! I'm a new patreon member but I've been watching for maybe a year now? I really appreciate this way of connecting with your supporters! A couple years back I had this really romantized friendship with a really amazing woman, we lost contact for a while but when she got back in touch with me this last NYE, she was single, and I never got over my love for this woman, anyways after a couple months I realised this is the woman I wanted to marry, this is the woman I wanted to be the one to make her a mother, so I decided it was time to shoot my shot, I was in way better physical and mental health, I'm even an MMA fighter now, I knew I'd do right by her and make her happy but she said no, she just didn't want me and thats OK, thats just how people work, but it sure does suck. I'm handling ok, just focusing on training for my fight, but just because I'm strong enough to handle it well and keep going like nothings bothering me don't mean my heart aint broke. I know she isn't perfect, she has her flaws, as do I but I convinced myself she was a perfect fit for me, obviously that can't be true because a perfect fit for me would actually choose me but its difficult to keep that in mind. But yeah ill be ok! Just going through this lovely and miserable life just like the rest of us

Hey, Alex! Fun fact, chapstick is made to actually make your lips more dry so the more you use it, the more you need it. I've found that a lot of creators have social anxiety, which seems opposite of what you'd think, but in a way, it's like the perfect storm. You can be social from afar and on your own terms. I can definitely relate. If I don't have to go out in the world, I don't lol. I'm almost 39 with 2 teenage boys and I'm happy to live vicariously through them and stay in my happy bubble. Maybe not the healthiest, but as I've gotten older, I've realized that doing the things that make me happy are okay to embrace. Learning to let go of the judgements of other people is a tough one, but they don't have to live my life, I do. It's been a ride. I'm glad I'm learning to give myself more grace and space to just be me.

Alex- I really appreciate you giving us the platform to share some of our issues but I don’t think any of us want to hear about someone else’s problems It definitely is important to have our feelings heard and validated from time to time and it’s good to hear that even you have periods of time when things aren’t going well I can’t speak for anyone else- but the reason I enjoy movies and your reactions is the escape I like how you’re trying to be a person who is flesh and blood as opposed to keeping it all about the number of patrons but honestly- I just don’t want to hear about anyone else’s crap Not because I don’t care or I don’t have a heart It’s because my situation is bad and there’s nothing anyone can do about it So the more someone tries to help- the more pathetic I feel Putting yourself out there only invites feedback from others trying to share their stories Before you know it- it’s outta control! Let’s just keep it simple and focus on why we like your content- your unique reactions Keep up the great work Alex and don’t stop putting out these MHC videos- it’s good to check on us And you’re right- it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks If your MHC videos help just one person- then it’s worth it I just think we have other ways for us to share our experiences and problems (counseling) But I could definitely be in the minority here Please let me know if you guys agree or disagree I’ll shut up now

As someone with autism im always in the place of not having friends and cant communicate to make new friends so that always drags me down and in stupid lonely

thank you for this Alex!!!

Thank you for this video

what you said about friends and how those phone calls won't come at some point left me wondering because I'm in a situation where I'm the one, who tries to find time for friends but everyone is isolated and I don't see them much anymore. So the idea of my comment was that you should think about how you feel about your friends when you don't see them anymore. it might seem like "they'll be fine", but friends are a really important part of life. I know its a simple thing im tryna say but dont forget these little things people. Sorry for the long message. Glad if you read it. Much love!!

Hey Alex, I’m a new Patreon member but a long time viewer. I’ve been going through a breakup and it’s taking a huge toll on me at the moment. Ive been trying methods to help my mental health but it only seems to be partly working. This is my first MHC video and it’s something that i really needed. Thanks for the positive words and making me smile even when i don’t feel like smiling at all.