"Oh No, What's It Gonna Be!?!"

Hey Worsties!

Been on a streak of musical interstitials lately, hopefully doing the good Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S. proud. Anyway, here's what I thought it would sound like in the Adventures in Odyssey writers' room circa 1998 or so. I hope you enjoy it!

Fun fact: I had no idea what Paul McCusker or Marshal Younger looked like before making the poster for this (for those curious: from left to right it's Lollar, McCusker, Younger) and what a joy to discover that I am, in many ways, Marshal Younger in Paul McCusker's body. So, remember friends, if anybody ever tells you that you'll never learn anything from making a podcast, you tell them that there's a chance you'll realize that you're the unholy homunculus of two writers of an evangelical Christian radio drama. Nightmares DO come true!!!

-TWOAPA.J.'s

"Oh No, What's It Gonna Be!?!"
Music by Mike Nawrocki
Lyrics by A.J. Ditty
Featuring Josh Boerman as "Phil", Brian Alford as "Paul",
A.J. Ditty as "Marshal" and Eleanor Philps as "Narrator"

Narrator:
Veggietales had worked its way
Into the hearts and minds of Christian children
Who weren’t allowed to know other media existed.
And this was VERY good news for Veggietales.
But very BAD news for the writers of Adventures in Odyssey.
It meant that they, too
Had to pivot to being silly
And irreverent
And acknowledge that other media existed.

This made the writers very unhappy
And so Paul McCusker
Phil Lollar
And Marshal Younger
Immediately started thinking about ways 
To get rid of Veggietales.

(The Three Odyssians begin plotting while walking in the tiniest circle imaginable.)

The Three Odyssians:
OH NO, WHAT’S IT GONNA BE?
THE KIDS LIKE VEGGIES MORE THAN ODYSSEY
OH NO, WHAT’S IT GONNA BE?
WE GOTTA MAKE ‘EM DISAPPEAR!

Younger and Lollar:
WE COULD STICK THEM WITH JAMES DOBSON
WE COULD LET THEM BURN IN HELL
WE COULD CHOKE THEM TILL THE JOB’S DONE
WE COULD THROW THEM IN A WELL

McCusker:
WE COULD STAB ‘EM WITH A JAVELIN
AND AS THEY LAY THERE DYIN’
THEY’LL KNOW THEY HAD TO GO
AT THE PLEASURE OF WILL RYAN

WE COULD FILL ‘EM UP CHOCOLATE SODA
DOUSE 'EM WITH SOME MYRRH
THEY’LL GO DOWN FAST AND BREATH THEIR LAST 
WITH OLD PAUL HERLINGER

WE COULD THROW 'EM IN THE TUNNEL
WITH THE RUKU-COVERED WALLS
HAVE KATIE LEIGH TAKE THEM TO SEA
AND KNEE THEM IN THE BALLS

WE COULD LOCK THEM IN BIBLE ROOM
AND WITNESS ALL THE SHIT OCCUR
THEN TIE 'EM UP AND BEAT 'EM UP
AND FEED 'EM TO JOHN WHITTAKER!

McCusker:
OR we could-

(Whispers)

Lollar:
Paul, we’re NOT converting him to Catholicism.

McCusker:
But WHY NOT.

Lollar:
Because we’re not Catholic! You’re not Catholic!

McCusker:
Not yet…

Younger:
The Odyssey Post Office was founded in 1801!

McCusker and Lollar:
NOBODY CARES MARSHAL.

Marshall:
Okay!

Lollar:
Look, how about we just double down
On kids being property of their parents
And psychologically damage
An entire generation of evangelical children
In the process?

Younger:
I like it!

McCusker:
It’s sneaky.

Lollar:
And it just-

McCusker:
Might-

All:
WORK!

All:
WE COULD LOCK THEM IN BIBLE ROOM
AND WITNESS ALL THE SHIT OCCUR
THEN TIE 'EM UP AND BEAT 'EM UP
AND FEED 'EM TO JOHN WHITTAKER.

Younger:
Also, while I have you both
Did you know that Whit’s great-uncle
Worked for the Pinkertons?

Lollar:
I swear to god, shut the fuck UP, Marshal-

McCusker:
You guys ever think about transubstantiation?

Younger and Lollar:
NO!!!

(end.)